Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Relaxation after a big day

July 16, 2018

I’m lying down relaxing after a big bowl of fish curry and rice. I had a really tough workout at the gym this afternoon. I wish I had milk in the fridge, I’d be drinking hot chocolate right now. Ah well, shit happens. So I had a nice shower and now I’m on the couch while I write my blog. Nope, after all these years, I haven’t deleted it yet! So I won’t be giving up on it for a long time. I’m doing banking tomorrow morning. I may have to walk to and from Coles just to bring milk home, before going back to buy morning tea. But the weather will be freezing and I don’t want to burn out before the day starts. So yeah, I don’t know really. I want coffee as soon as I wake up in the morning, so I may just cheat and walk to Coles and just have a coffee there, then simply buy milk later. I’m too tired to go out tonight. I just have to keep a tight budget for like eight weeks until I’ve paid all the bills. To think that as a kid, it would be fun to be a grownup! Yeah right. It’s bullshit when you have to prioritise groceries and bills over entertainment.

I have nothing planned for the rest of the week. So if I can afford it – highly unlikely but I’ll try anyway, I want to go to the RSL Club on Saturday. I love the buffet menu! Their food is delightful. Other than that I’m staying at home, reading and listening to music and eating snack food. I’ll be reading myself to sleep in a few minutes. So while I’m winding down, I’ll have a bit of a rant. No names, just venting. So I talk to friends about lots of subjects, and moving out is one of my pet peevs! Not that I hate such discussions altogether, I just hate how some people whinge about not wanting to pack up and move away from the family, all while saying their relatives should do the same. Well, to be frank it’s up to the individual whether he or she wants to move out or not. And maybe said person should look at their own life and examine themselves before examining other people. The way other people choose to live isn’t always about said person. Sometimes people need to take a step back a little and accept that they aren’t always going to be the centre of attention either. Jealousy isn’t always a good thing, and I don’t have to agree with everything either. I feel like I have to go along with some people and I’m afraid that’s just not me! Don’t get offended at me just because I don’t agree with me because you don’t own my life, is what my point is. Anyway, my phone is about to die so I’ll write more tomorrow.


16 July, 2018 10:17

July 16, 2018

I’ve got time to write today. Not that I did much over the weekend besides laze around and read. Well today I’m not reading, I’m actually sitting downstairs waiting for the Centacare bus. For the last time, I must add. The respite program has served it’s purpose for me, now I’m going to move on. I’ve got my NDIS plan sorted, so I have a well-tailored program ready for me. I really like socialising but I hate all of the sitting around. And we do the same activities every week. I also need to get a lot more hours with mobility lessons because at the moment I get one lesson or less per week! And since I get lessons fortnightly rather than weekly, that makes the situation even worse!!!!! So I’m glad I’m getting all of that sorted.

This afternoon I’m debating on whether or not I should stop off at the shops or just come straight home and then walk to the shops. I guess either way it doesn’t matter. It’s winter time now, so it’s not as though a little bit of exercise is going to hurt me. I just have to work out whether I’ll be back on time for sports or not. Sports starts at 4 o’clock. I’m in a dilema actually, because I also have to go to the shops tomorrow morning to get morning tea for me and a friend. But I need to get milk today as well. What do I do? Hmmm….. anyway… I’ll make my decision later I think. I’ll be having coffee at the centre so it’s not as if I need milk until this afternoon. For now I’ll just relax and have a good time today. I have BPay set up so I can pay my bills whenever I feel like it. If only I knew about this last year! Oh well… I guess ya can’t know everything straight away. I wonder what I’ll do now that I won’t be going to Centacare twice a week any more? I’m hoping with in a couple of months, my days will be filled with mobility lessons and other excursions. As for now, I think my life is going to be rather boring. At least I’ll have more time to read my Braille books and also get them to the post office. As soon as I finish reading all my books from Vision Australia, I’m going to start reading my iBooks again. I’ve got literally hundreds of books to get through! As soon as I’ve paid off this fucking bill, I’m going to save up to buy a Braille display! Since I will have my NDIS funding by then, my bank account will basically be turning to dust and accumulating a lot of riches yeeeehaaa! Sure right! My money is going to be eaten up before I even get started. I need to get a new iPhone, a new iPad, and that is only the start of my technology spending. Eventually need a new laptop, a home Internet service, and a new Braille display, let alone everything else I need to get after that. Such as a new fridge, etc etc etc. never mind bloody medical treatment! That will be an expense of its own! I also have to keep putting money aside for when I get a new guide dog, I think that is the most important thing at the moment to be quite honest. You can replace a broken computer at any time, you can’t replace broken dog can you? Animals are similar to us, they need to be kept comfortable, well fed and given good medical care. And once they’re dead, they won’t be coming back. So yeah, I want all of these other things but animals and people come first. Life over technology I say! I know I’m on the right track forgetting what I want so that’s what counts.

I can’t wait until tomorrow! I’m going to visit my friend who has just moved into a new place. I seriously am so excited! I’m going to buy morning tea and a simple lunch. She really deserves it since she’s a good person for one, and she has gone through a few difficult circumstances the past six or seven months. So whether she realises this or not, she does deserve a helping hand and a good feed. I know she has to go through life like the rest of us, but my point is, she’s gone through a lot of shit and it be nice to do something for her. She won’t be going anywhere tomorrow because she’s waiting for a phone technician to come out, so I don’t have any issue with giving her food and drink. She works hard so she deserves everything good that comes our way. She doesn’t have a job, but she does everything she can to live a good life. Those people deserve all the sympathy in the world! With all that said, it looks like I’m living on a more even keel now too. I reckon I’ve gotten back to normal the way I would feel as a normal person. Oh yes, a doctor of all people has to fucking verify this! But oh well, I know how I feel and that’s the main thing. On Wednesday I’ve got O and M, hopefully I’ll be okay with getting myself to the hairdresser after the lesson is over. It’s nice being able to walk around rather than always catching cabs. It will be good to get used to the public transport system again, the less I have to pay taxi drivers, the better it is for my wallet. I also succeeded in getting rid of my pesky neighbour out of my life. So now I’m free to do anything I feel like at any time I want. And I can finally hang around my friends without being harassed by the stupid bastard. He’s a fucking pretender and doesn’t help anybody despite his intentions and constant carrying on flattering people. He’s a bloody twat. I can’t wait till he’s taken away from these units, he doesn’t even bloody belong here. His stepdad is taking it all hard, but he’s in on it too. The stepdad should know that it’s hard to let one’s wife/neighbour’s mother down when she is no longer alive. Yes this whole fiasco is upsetting, but everybody needs to move on and accept that this dickhead neighbour doesn’t belong here. The situation is over the top really. It’s okay to grieve for a dead relative, but the way this bloke is acting is seriously shit. The bloke needs to spare his unit for someone else who actually needs to live here. I’ve made a lot of complaints about this guy now, so hopefully something is going to be sorted out because I’m not going to tolerate any shit from people here. I’m not living in one of these units to pick up after other people‘s crap. They can either get along with me or fuck off. And if they don’t actually belong here, they can definitely piss off.

A free afternoon

July 13, 2018

I’m at the library at the shopping centre. A lot has happened over the past few weeks. I made a complaint last week about one of my neighbours because he has been pestering me over the past three weeks. Last Friday I got really pissed off and that was that, I wrote a letter to the complex manager. Then yesterday, well it was one of those mornings I never want repeated. I got very angry and abused the neighbour. I know he has mental problems and a bad intellectual disability, but I seriously had to put it all aside and I revved the bloke. Finally! I revved him. I really got into him about everything and made it clear to him that he will be getting relocated to a care facility because the units aren’t a suitable environment for him. All this anger and shouting has led to an investigation. I’m in a little bit of trouble, but not in a serious way. I don’t agree with screaming at other people. Well not usually. Yesterday I lost it, and yes the bloke deserved everything he got. But now one of the Board of Directors members is going to make sure I don’t get worse with my arguing with the neighbour, until we have a meeting with this board member. The fact is, I’ve had it with being nagged, demanded at, etc. And I’m sick of suffering because this bloke ‘just doesn’t cmean what he does’ to hurt me. Maybe he doesn’t mean any of it deliberately. But I’m still pissed off about it and I can only tolerate so much. I’m trying to get better with my health, but this bullshit might be wrecking it. The chemist people are doing their best to make me comfortable so I’m even more angry that this neighbour doesn’t bloody care. Not that he would even realise. But still, the damage is done, and I need to stop being his friend for a while.

A few weeks ago I bought a few things from the chemist. I successfully got rid of nose congestion after two weeks with baby balm in a tissue inside a pillowcase. Also, I’ve been taking multi-vitamin gummies a few times a week, and another magnesium tablet that dissolves in water, but not very often. And I have a mineral sports drink twice a week before gym workouts, and Milo, whenever I want a refreshing drink, hot or cold. And water of course! But yeah, all these health things have helped me keep bugs and general ill-health away, so I don’t want to get crook from dealing with any bullshit at home. So I really stuck up for myself yesterday. I want to avoid dramas, and now I’m pretty certain the complex manager will realise soon enough, that I really mean business now, even though he already knows this from discussions I’ve had with him in the past. Anyway, I’m trying to keep away from the shit, and now it finally looks like I can do so. I’m happy the pesky bastard isn’t at my tail all the time now. I can finally do what I want to do without being fucken tailgated and nagged at for attention and company. Which means I can actually do more things for myself without feeling like I’ve got a fly buzzing around me, or feeling that I can’t do what I want because I’m always going along with someone else’s ideas all the time. The list goes on. So now I’m relaxing, typing away, enjoying my own space for once.

Last night I took Stacey out to have fish and chips. It was a welcome time away from the house. This fish and chips place is lovely! The food is always fresh. This afternoon Stacey went home so I’m amusing myself for the afternoon. I’m so glad I can get myself to the library whenever I feel like it. I can’t concentrate very well when I’m at home because I get too distracted by something related to home living. When I’m in a library, I can just write or surf the Net without worrying about anything else until I get home. Next week I’m going out and I can’t wait! And the week after that is a Guide Dogs airport tour! Wow everything is happening. Eventually the NDIS will be taking over and I’ll get a lot more help and support so I’ll be going out all the time. I hope this dickhead bloke is removed from his unit soon. Everyone will be peaceful then. Anyone who isn’t peaceful can move out, it’s not compulsory to live in these units. And I’m pretty heartless too, I can just force life to happen how I want it to, so yeah, if my life is made difficult, I’ll be difficult right back. I usually want a happy life, but when the trouble comes to me, I want a fight to get rid of the trouble. I’m not going down quietly. I’m also not accountable to anyone either. I know I appear to be untouchable, but there’s no law saying I have to do what anyone says. It’s not against the law to refuse medical care or treat myself however I wish. Oh well… My life is going well at the moment. Io I have a lot of good things to look forward to. And when I eventually get a good doctor, I’ll let him know what I stand for and I will tell them to piss off if they think they can control me. Hopefully it won’t get to that point. That’s when people find out what I’m truly like..

4 June, 2018 08:40

June 4, 2018

I couldn’t get a barbecue set up on Saturday. The uselessness of the neighbours here is shocking. We’re a good community, my foot!!!! Everyone just keeps to themselves which isn’t a big problem, except that people bung on the I-help-everyone bullshit and I’ve had it up to the ear. So now I have a full freezer and don’t know what to do with all the meat. I know I won’t go hungry, but what the fuck am I gonna do when the support worker turns up tomorrow and we struggle to concoct a good feed that won’t even fit in the freezer? Plus I have to tell Centrecare that I’ll be getting meals from another company from time to time – they’re home-cooked, frozen meals. I don’t know what sort of kitchen set-up it is, but I’ll assume it’s a factory of sorts based in Brisbane or Gold Coast, I think??? Anyway, you have to fill out a dietary requirements form and you get a certain number of frozen meal trays every so often at your choosing, and elderly people and people with disabilities can be elligible for them. I’m going to check it out.

I’ll be changing doctors somewhere in the near future. And a new dentist too. My friends are helping me sort them out because they’re jumping up and down at how well they’re cared for and treated. The dentist and hopefully the better doctor, might rave on stupid, if they’re smart enough to figure out that my health will fall to bits if something isn’t done about me. If they’re nice people I’ll probably get spoilt and then given bad reports in the sweetest polite manner and cups of water and coffee and whatever else, just to make me feel pampered so I don’t freak out a lot. That’ll be fine with me!. Medical care that just feels like a yarn and a drink is lovely. And if they’re respectful, medication reactions will be taken seriously and different medicines will be tested until something works well, along with a lot of spoilage lol. Now that’s more like it! My mates are all on to me, coaxing me to eat and drink properly, joking and laughing and having a great time etc. At least I’m holding my own at this stage. I can’t throw my medical papers and X-rays in the bin though otherwise a lot of tests will be repeated. So we’ll see what happens and I’ll let you guys know how I go. I think it’s crap that I need antacid drugs just to take painkillers, but at least I can take lots of painkiller medicines now, except for the morphine-related ones. Suffering from pain isn’t bravery, it’s because morphine, codeine, and those types, makes me sicker than the problems they’re meant to fix. Metaclopromide (maxalon) makes me tired and sick too, my stomach gets all squeamish and I feel restless. I’d rather get crook than take medicine that will make me crook. But nope, if the new docs hear this, out will come the fucken benzos and shit tests, till another type of medication agrees with bloody me. At least I’ve found something that makes non-steroidal medication work for me. So I’m getting somewhere.

30 May, 2018 19:34

May 30, 2018

I had a good day. Back to eating normally again. I’ve been going to the shops nearly every day and on the weekend I’m hoping to put a barbecue on if I can get a person to cook for me. Still haven’t got any more medical checks and no follow-up on my mouth or my teeth. No more medical treatments for me, I’m back at Square 1 without any doctors. I’ll only go to them to fill out paperwork but will refuse any medical testing/procedures/treatments, unless I get extremely crook and am forced by the hospital to get medical care from a GP. Won’t be long-lasting though, I go off the radar eventually. I’m very very bad but this is how much I hate doctors more than you’ll ever know. Other than that, nothing much to write about at the moment.

25 May, 2018 12:56

May 25, 2018

I was able to eat toast and eggs and drink hot chocolate today. Just sitting around and talking to neighbours sometimes. One of my friends who I just finished talking to over the phone, insisted that I find another doctor at another medical centre. I said I’m too frightened of the entire medical community now so the only way to get help now is by sheer force. I can’t stand doctors, don’t care for them to save my life. I’d die rather than get medical attention. Now she’s freaking out because she doesn’t want to hear of me going back to the hospital or worse. She’s mad that the doctors who I won’t go to any more, don’t do medical testing on people who’re sick, either they’re sent home to get taken away by ambulance later, or the ambulance takes them straight from the doctor’s surgery. The doctors don’t care for patient safety. Now I want to let nature take its course. I don’t agree with the medical profession, there’s no care or concern from them at all unless your put on IV fl
uids and a list of medicines that make you forget everything so you can’t even find out your medicine history later. What a horrible medical system, Australia is getting so much like the US. I’d rather go hungry than speak to a medical person. So I’m just gonna live how I please and let my health go by the wayside.

24 May, 2018 15:30

May 24, 2018

Absolute crap today. I fired all my doctors as of yesterday. Medical care is so low standard that I’m better off without it. I’m languishing now. I’m not answering phone calls either. I don’t want to hear any more of doctors and nurses. I’ll be unconscious for my next appointment so I’ll have no idea about it! Also, the codeine low-dose trial didn’t end up working out as I’d hoped. Anti-inflamatories with Zantac works quite well, but this means I’m still restricted for pain relief in future, unless another type of stronger painkiller proves successful. I can’t have any morphine-based medicine. The doctors can do more medication trials while I’m comatose. I won’t go near a doctor while I’m awake. I won’t even answer the phone to speak to medical people. The way me and a doctor (not my regular one) argues yesterday is my last straw.

21 May, 2018 18:23

May 21, 2018

A bit better this arvo. By 4:30 I was eating soup and taking Panadol. A whole heap of junk food/snacks that I can chew easily, will be coming home tomorrow with some stronger medicines, so my stomach won’t play up too much. I don’t have a lot of energy but I am doing ok. Hopefully I’ll sleep tonight and tomorrow I’ll have a three-hour discussion with the doctor. At least I can eat again, have been drinking water over the day. I’ll get some more water soon, but I’m out of the woods now. My mouth and face is still bloody sore but that will be sorted tomorrow.

21 May, 2018 09:38

May 21, 2018

Well guys. Last week I had my four wisdom teeth pulled. I was doing reasonably well until today. I’m still in heaps of pain and have only taken Panadol because it’s the only pain reliever that I can tolerate well. But it’s no longer helping me and my health is now declining. I see my doctor tomorrow and there’s a big chance I’ll be locked away. If she finds out that I’m going crook and that my mouth is going bad, someone is getting into a lot of trouble. It’s nobody’s fault that painkillers don’t agree with me, but the medical people involved in my dental treatment are not concerned about my welfare at all and I wouldn’t be surprised if anyone got fired for leaving me high and dry. If they knew they couldn’t manage my pain, they shouldn’t have done this procedure. They’ve basically told me in polite terms that they aren’t responsible for my medical care and that complications from surgery aren’t part of their care. So basically whatever happens, I won’t receive more medical c
are because nobody wants to keep me in hospital until I can eat properly without pain. So fuck the medical proffession. I’m nearly dead and not bothered about this myself. I wished I’d not gone through surgery. I was better off sick and dying of rotten teeth. I’m refusing medical care from now on guys. I hate doctors and I can’t wait to crash and burn for good this time.

Doing well

May 5, 2018

I figure I’d write a blog while I’m sitting around today. I haven’t written for a while either. I went to the doctors yesterday. I got a metal implant put in my arm and I’m still doing fine. I didn’t go horrible and crook like I expected. I went straight to Jamaica Blue to have a cofffee, and made a chicken sandwich when I got home. I talked to my friend for a while, talked to someone on Whatsapp and read for a bit. I had a little sleep too and then I was right. I slept well last night and woke up feeling good. My throat is getting to me so I had to get cough soothers. The ones I like aren’t sold at the supermarkets any more which really sucks! Fancy needing to discuss buying a stinking soother with a pharmacist! I know they can kill your guts but I don’t eat enough of them to bloody poison me. I just want my annoying cough to settle a bit. There’s no medical treatment for it so I’m not going to just frigging suffer. The doctor doesn’t want me to drop dead either.

I’m going to the RSL Club tonight. I’m going to have a massive feed too, I love the buffet meals. Oh, I’ve also decided to refuse a flu shot too. I’m here for a fun time, not for a long time. I don’t care if I’m hospitalised either. You know, the way I see it is, you’re gonna die of something and you can only do so much to avoid getting sick. You can totally prevent certain illnesses, but you can’t hide from everything. You could get really crook anywhere, anytime, and the same goes with bloody dying. So I’m not going to waste my friggen time getting a flu needle when it’s not always the flu that will kill you. You also get your health sorted out in the hospital, so I couldn’t give a shit to be honest. I’ll just take whatever medical treatment to save my life, as for everything else I don’t need help or pain relief bullshit rubbish. The body doesn’t recover any easier with pain medicine than without it. I told my doctor I’d rather stay asleep as long as possible when I’m suffering too long, there’s no benefit to me whatsoever to keep me awake. My throat is giving me shits so I’ve taken another soother. There’s no medical cure or anything, so I’m all about being comfortable till this cold goes away. I won’t cancel my hospital appointment either, I get sick when I’m healthy so what difference will it make when I’ve got a cold? I already do have anesthetic complications so I won’t be better off healthy or sick before surgery. That’s probably why the GP doesn’t care when I’ve got a cold, she knows I can’t avoid problems no matter how healthy I am, so who gives a crap, just treat the reactions and goodbye till next time. The doctor wants me to stay in the hospital until I don’t need painkillers because all the crap I want them to give to me that won’t give me a very crook stomach will be too strong for me to have at home. Go figure! Thank God my throat is settling down now. I’ll have to wait a good four hours before I have another lollie, but at least they work enough and my stomach doesn’t go really horrible, just a mild kind of a funny feeling. I’ve also decided to refuse tablets whenever possible while I’m in the hospital. I don’t need tablets, I need sleep and then I can just come home and relax for a week. I won’t be rinsing my mouth with salt water, it doesn’t fix anything. You need medicine to kill germs. I don’t want to ‘recover as quickly as possible’. That’s just glorified rushing, axd I don’t rush myself for anyone, unless of course I don’t feel horrible for very long and I just happen to be ok to start ith. A quick recovery is certainly possible in that context! But if I’m crook, just let me take my time to get better. Other than that, I’m fine.

Going out

April 29, 2018

I’m going to a fish and chips shop soon. So I thought I’d write while I have some spare time. I’m gonna secretly eavesdrop on a horrible neighbour who is spreading rumours about people who live here. We’re secretly following her in a taxi. Me and my friend are getting snacks and drinks and when this bitchface shows up, me and my friend will quietly listen and then laugh about it on the way home! It’ll be a fun night. I’m just having a drink with chips and gravy, and my friend will choose whatever she wants. I’m gonna have a bloody ball on Thursday too! I’ll meet another friend somewhere and we’re going to the Guide Dogs tour together. We’re all having dinner for two hours and then the tour will start at 7:30 pm. It’s gonna be fucking awesome aye! I seriously can’t wait! I really like these Guide Dogs travel excursions. You get to have a great time but you also get some white cane revision and all that as well! Yeeeehaaaa! I lov meeting New people too. Anyway I have to ring the taxi now, so will be back to rite soon.

I never got to hear V, the bitchface neighbour. She kept her voice down quite obviously not wanting me to hear her rubbish stories. So the friend and I had a bit of food and a drink and came home. The cabbie suspected what I already know, Miss Bitchface can see something. I said I have no idea what she was up to and that I don’t see, so Mr. Lovely Taxi Driver said he knows, in the tone that spelled out understanding and the obvious fact about my blindness. Maybe V can’t see. But she certainly doesn’t flaming act like it! I was trying to say something nasty about V in a nice time, but the cab driver quickly stopped me and joked about her being able to see a little while I mused about her deserving her lonely life. The guy said he could tell that I like saying nasty things so I jumped in with a remark about me being polite most of the time. So we just turned it into a joke and moved on. But then I said that I know someone who isn’t very kind around here, after the bloke said something about me being kind, or close enough to such a statement. I was too busy thinking about how good my night was to pay attention properly. Anyway, I couldn’t say anything too cruel about V, so we just kept the conversation lighthearted and I paid the fare and we got out. Someone helped my friend and me, to find our way to the units and we were off. We said goodnight and went our separate ways and now I’m lying down writing this blog. I’ll resume reading soon and will eventually go to sleep. Bitchface goes away tomorrow so no bullying and taunting for a couple of weeks now. At least I know what blind people are like. I know who’s blind and who isn’t. I also know that I won’t be told what to do by anybody. If V thinks she can control my life, then she can think again. At least I got to speak with the people I get along with. If V doesn’t like that, tough luck. Nobody is going to stop me from having a good time.

Anzac Day

April 25, 2018

I got up early today. I went in the taxi to the RSL Club and had a massive breakfast. It was beautiful! I’m still here and will get a milk shake soon. After that I’ll go home and won’t have to worry about eating lunch. I rarely go to restaurants, so when I find out about a cheap deal I go for it. Fifteen bucks isn’t bad really. I’m doing good with one-finger typing too. I’m making a lot less mistakes and I can shorten longer words and use the text prediction to finish the words, or simply type away and let auto-correct do the work. It’s Zlyden much easier than the stupid Braille keyboard. I hate speech dictation, it makes too many mistakes and I detest repeating myself over and over againh. It drives me mad and I find using the QWERTY keyboard eliminates a lot of hassles. Anyway, I have to wrap up now, I have to get myself a drink and get home. I’ll write again later.

19 April, 2018 08:53

April 19, 2018

I’m feeling heaps better today. Mouth is sore, oh well! I’m not crook in general though. I had three wheatbix, not too full, but not hungry either. I’m currently drinking a coffee. My bloody throat is at me but I’m sure when my mouth gets better, my throat will come good. Usually people would get their teeth removed and go home the same day. But not me, my mouth is horrible. Not that I’m concerned, we’ve all gotta die of something. If it’s not ageing that kills you, it’s something else. So hurray when my time comes, one day.

For now while I’m surviving well, I’ll keep up with the reading materials. I love my books! Oh, my heart isn’t racing out of my chest today! Is that a good sign? I think I’m getting older and wiser, I know I’ll get sick from medical treatment, but will get even sicker without it. And I like to sleep well every night because I don’t want to feel like shit during the day. I feel terrible for the people who don’t have a choice and can’t sleep. How sad! I’m still happy to live in Brisbane. Despite some crap with my life, I don’t want to leave. Oh and I can’t wait for my Guide Dogs tour night on the 3rd of May. I hope my mouth isn’t too sore by then. If it is, I’ll have to get my GP to get me in earlier for this stupid procedure, which will upset both her and me. What I will do is tell her that I’m not fixing pain, the only pain relief is heart failure otherwise too bad. The only effective pain reliever for me is cardiac arrest. Pain pills cause sickness and other problems, cardiac arrest won’t hurt at all. And it’s permanent so I will be pain-free for a very long time. I’m going to ask my GP about this option of pain relief because my body doesn’t process pain medicine properly and my immune system doesn’t recognise it as medicine. So a stopped heart is another pain relief option. We’ll see what happens when I see the doctor in a few weeks.

Braille Screen Input isn’t working properly, so I’ve resorted to typing on the Qwerty keyboard with one finger. It’s time for me to buy myself a new phone. I hate Braille Screen Input actually. Hang on, I’m gonna quickly turn on the keyboard text prediction settings. There we go. I hope this keyboard works better for me. Ok. I think I’ve got it all sorted now. I shall continue to write in my blog. I also need to be able to communicate when I get into hospital. If I can’t speak temporarily, I need to be as quick as I can with this phone. Oops, I keep forgetting to press the spacebar twice to insert a full-stop. I prefer one-finger typing over Braille Screen Input. I can’t wait to get myself an iPad too, and a Braille display. It will come everywhere with me. For now, I’m stuck with the stupid phone. I’m gonna try cooking barley in the slow cooker. I’ve never done that before and I hope it’s a success. I’ll have it with chicken and salad. Yum! If I like the barley, I may consider eating the lot of it. Before I go into hospital, I’m gonna have a great big feed. I’m gonna eat Hungry Jacks and anything else I can fit in. And since I’m addicted to my phone, I’m gonna try to post a blog. Should be interesting. Anyway, that’s it from me for now. I’ll write again later.


April 18, 2018

The oral surgeon looked at my mouth today. He said the back teeth have to go. I got really miserable after that. I bought some new clothes today, I was happy for a little while. On the 16th May I’m getting my wisdom teeth pulled. After that, I think I’ll shut down… I won’t be given painkillers because of complications from them. So downhill it is I’m afraid. I’m so angry about the whole thing. I’d rather starve than deal with mouth problems. At least I’ve got my books and my phone to keep me happy, and most support workers are lovely…

Home sweet home

April 16, 2018

I got home nearly an hour ago. I’m glad I turned the air-conditioner on this morning, it was boiling outside when I got home! I had a pretty good day, socialising and playing games. What’s getting me very offended though, is how much I have to explain blindness to the staff. I mean, I’ve been going to this centre every week now since December. Yet some people are asking me if I can’t see anything at all. I can understand that people don’t understand what it’s like to be unable to see. But I find it both insulting and offensive that this one particular worker is persisting in her attitude that I amount to nothing, and even thouth she doesn’t show openly, I feel I may as well be dead. It’s one think for people to not understand blindness. It’s another thing to deliberately, for whatever reason, undermine me and bully me in subtle ways. The only way I’ve been able to get around this – and believe me it’s working, is to be very loud whenever we discuss my situation. For example,
the staff worker may say something like, ‘(insert event) is too dangerous for you6′ or (insert whatever situation) you need vision to do that6’ I will loudly exclaim, ‘Oh ok then!!!!! Well, I do like to give everything a try and if I can’t manage, then fine!!!!!6’ I don’t say it nasty or anything, I just use an exciteable tone so everyone can hear, and the management person must come to where me and the staff person is, to discuss my situation properly. So we’re basically putting pressure on this lady in a sweet manner, in a way that makes her back off, without being horrible about it. I’ve also been pressuring the management people into supporting me a lot more, by appealing to their consciences. It works. I’m not openly rude. I just tell the care workers that since I’m doing well because of medical treatment, it doesn’t make sense for me to be resting all the time. And it wouldn’t be fare to sit around with very little physical activity when I feel fine and would love to g
o out and explore the world a bit more! And since I like walking and swimming and there’s nothing stopping me from doing these things, why do I have to miss out? Hmmmmm, I’ve got a lot of people thinking, and I’m getting a lot more support where it’s needed now. Appeal to the conscience and basic human needs when asking for help guys! You’ll go many places if you adopt this style of lobbying for your rights and welfare. People honestly don’t know until you show them. We really haven’t changed since the Middle Ages. We just have modernisation to contend with as well as our old-fashioned beliefs and ideas.

Cooler weather and feeling awesome

April 16, 2018

I feel heaps better today! My throat is getting to me because of the persistent cough, but my cold is almost gone. I have heaps of energy, and the cold air is wonderful. It will get very hot today but I’ll turn the aircon on at nine o’clock so when I get home from Centacare I can go into a cool unit. I taught my neighbour how to do push-ups. Her physio is encouraging her to learn comfortable and -easy-to-do exercises so she won’t develop back problems and bone issues will be reduced. So I instructed her on how to do a push-up and got her to do a few. She’s very happy! I said I’d teach her the difficult version but only after she can do the easy ones properly first. Now that the neighbour realises that I won’t allow her to injure herself or push her beyond her limits, she’s willing to learn new exercises. The good news about that is, I don’t agree with any form of forceful discomfort during exersion and I like to keep sporting activities push-ups, swimming walking/running etc, fun and enjoyable. If exercise has to hurt an awful lot, then something is wrong! Unless a medical person can work you through painful exercises, I won’t allow for severe pain during exercise. I told the neighbour to slowly get used to doing these push-ups until she feels really good before I show her the difficult version, which is to lift the whole body up and leave your feet on the ground. Exercise does hurt a little, but it shouldn’t hurt a real lot, unless of course you’re recovering in a medical setting and the physios there can keep people’s safety during uncomfortable exercises, in mind. I told the lady not to listen to people who expect too much of her. Some people think that exercise should make you exhausted, which frankly isn’t always bloody true.

I’m hoping to receive parcels this week. One from America and the other from somewhere in Australia. I’ll put the dog bags away so when I eventually get my new dog, I won’t have to freak out when I run out of poop bags that are sent home with me. I’m also going to find out what food the dog is on, so I’ll get some ordered in before I go for training. I want my unit set up properly before I get the dog. When I get home from the Guide Dogs training centre, I’ll rest/sleep for a few hours, then I’ll go about my normal routine with a lot more time on my hands to take the dog outside and show it around, without stressing out over what I need to do for the unit. I want this dog to feel as relaxed and comfortable as possible. I’m going to start the application process next year. I think I’m fit enough to handle a dog and look after its welfare.

I love my slow cooker!

April 14, 2018

Well, my spaghetti was a success. I fed me and my friend, and three others are getting a container of spaghetti tomorrow for their evening meal. It didn’t have much of a tomato flavour because one of the guys can’t have much tomato so I could only put one tin of tomatoes in it. Oh well. It’s still extremely nice for a ninety-eight percent tomato-free spag! Lolololololol! Some people simple cannot eat too much tomatoes in one meal for a number of reasons. On Tuesday, I’ll be making a great big pot of stew with a lot of fresh tomato in it. And as tonight’s dinner had heaps of garlic from the spaghetti sauce, I didn’t put fresh garlic in it. On Tuesday, I’m putting lots of fresh garlic in my stew. I’m putting a bit of this and that in it, and some beef. Yep, everything goes in my stews and curries! The next time I make spag, the long spaghetti is going in, and chillies and different sauces and such as well. It is gonna be a bloody doozer of a feed! I can make enough slow cooked meals to feed two armies let alone one army. I’m super full so I can’t wait to use my SC again. This time, I’ll be eating breakfast first, so I don’t feel half starved by ten o’clock in the morning.

One of my neighbours is concerned about my health. So I told her I should be fine, will see the doctors at the hospital next week anyway, so I hope my cold doesn’t turn into something else. I’m doing ok so far so we’re optimistic although she’s worried about me. I think it’s just a chest cold so I’m not too concerned personally. But it’s better to be cautious… As for the world’s miseries, America is giving Syria a hard time at the moment. I wonder what will happen next? I hope Australia doesn’t get involved in this war. I don’t believe we should meddle in every other country’s business. It’s not wrong to help other countries and I’m not denying that. What I am pissed off over is that we may possibly get involved in a war that isn’t ours. Now I think it’s stupid going to war with another country when they haven’t even bothered us. I think helping other countries is fine, just don’t fight someone else’s fight.


April 14, 2018

I came down with some sort of crappy cough/cold thing last night and woke up with it. It’s horrible! My throat and chest are really irritated! I keep having coughing attacks and I hate it. It’s a pity that doctors can’t prevent me from catching germs. Let’s just hope I can get rid of this quickly and I hope my body stays strong enough to keep up with all the germs so they don’t overtake me. I’m rather hot and sweaty right now. I won’t take Panadol because it’s not effective enough. I’d rather drink all day and rest. I have plenty of food in the fridge so I should be right.

I’ll get my online shopping delivery this arvo. Tomorrow morning I’ve decided I’ll be setting up slow cooked spaghetti and I’m putting lots of vegies in it. Anything to make me want to enjoy eating, is what it comes down to. And when my teeth are fixed I’ll be sipping on soup and nibbling on Jatz and Ritz biscuits with dip. I love crackers and dip! And I love chocolate custard too. And if I can manage it, I’ll try to eat slow cooked meals as well. They’re sooooooooo hard to resis! I keep all sorts of refrigerated snacks too, that way if I need to eat something immediately, I can eat without too much preparation time. I’ll be mashing up a lot of fruit and eggs so I can’t go hungry when I get home from the hospital after surgery. I’m sure the doctors are gonna try to stop me from getting a feeding tube. I know it’ll take longer for me to recover with a feeding tube, but I don’t want to eat while I’m in pain or hurt myself from overdosing Panadol. The docs will have to work something out there. I could go without pain relief, but in today’s society it’s considered cruelty, but in all honesty I couldn’t give a shit. I just want to be left in peace when I’m not well. I’m looking forward to a Guide Dogs tour in a few weeks though! After that I’ll have all year to fix my teeth and my face and I’ll have all the time in the world to get back to fitness and good times again. I’m happy with how Centacare is setting me up for success after I had a frightful discussion the other day and started crying before our picnic outing. So now everyone knows how difficult I am, we’re gonna make sure I don’t get too bothered. I’ve had to explain to some of the care workers why I can’t sedate myself every time I panic either. There is good reason for it, but we can’t risk me developing drug dependence before my upcoming surgery because doctors want the medicines I’m not allergic to so far, to work properly for the duration of my stay in the hospital.

I’m hanging around home for the rest of the day. Sitting outside is helping me a lot, so I will be staying out here. Chitchatting to the neighbour is the way to go. A big cup of hot chocolate will be on the cards in a minute.

It’s now 11:44 am on Saturday and I still haven’t sent this blog off. Lol at least I’m not on a deadline like a news reporter! Even so, it’s high time I hurry up and get moving with this post. I listened to some YouTube videos yesterday, talked with my neighbour and read for most of the day. Today I’m a bit better than yesterday. I’m still coughing a lot but it has improved a bit. I’m sitting up a lot more. I’m still eating and drinking and haven’t gotten any worse. I’ll call it a good sign that this is just a bad cold which will go in a few days. I’m a lot better at fighting germs than I used to be! Relief. I’ve just finished drinking a large cup of hot chocolate. I had a small cup of water earlier. I can smell my slow cooker spag and it’s delicious! All I did was chop up a few vegies, fry some diced up bacon and mince for fifteen minutes, tipped it in the pot, then mixed that with beef stock and some sauces all together, then turned the slow cooker on. Of course I leave the lid on so it cooks properly. I love my slow cooker so much because I can do some cooking preparation with not too much difficulty. I made a bit of a boring spaghetti today. Next time I’m making it to suit my own taste. I’m putting chilly and all sorts of stuff in it! All I have to do later is boil the pasta and drain it before throwing it into the pot. I’ll leave it for fifteen mutes, add a small tub of thick cream and a cup of cheese, then stir it in and leave it for fifteen minutes. Then a really good serving, with or without salad! Yum I can’t wait to try it. My slow cooker is my best cooking friend, although when it comes to the oven, I’ll be getting a support worker to help me with it. At least I know I’m prepared for a shitty year because of my stupid teeth, and also for a lot of swimming and walking.

Well I don’t know if I’ve told you yet, but I’ve decided to work towards getting another guide dog. I ordered in a package of biodegradable bags which I’ll put away when the package arrives. When it gets closer for me to go to the Guide Dogs centre for training, I’ll get some toys and stash them. Then I’ll keep raking money aside so when I bring the new dog home, I can immediately buy some bags of dog food and any other things the dog will need. This will give me a couple of months to staca up some more money for vet costs. After I’m all sorted, I’ll be racing around the joint like a bloody mad woman’s breakfast! Wow, what fun times. And if I’m still going to and from the doctors for different reasons, the dog will come along with me. I’m sure all the medical people will love the dog as much as anyone, and any way of treating my intermittent mental insanity is a bonus for all of us. I’ll be difficult for me to give up on life when I’ve got the dog with me.

Dire news

April 12, 2018

I’ve been listening to the BBC for the past two hours. It has been going all night, I fell asleep and woke up to it. We’re slowly approaching World War III, and I don’t know how long it’ll take to get started. America and Russia, Brittain and Syria, as well as China and Iran, to some degree, are at each other’s throats. When will America strike Syria or Russia? When will Russia attack America or Brittain, and when will they retaliate to any other country’s attacks? Israel is threatened as well. Israel is threatening warning strikes on whoever attacks it, and all-out war on anyone who tries to destroy it. I guess this is just the war rumours and a few random wars popping up here and there all over the world at the moment. But I’m worried that actual world war will break out soon. I’ve read a few Internet articles but opinions are mixed. I don’t know how Australia will fare with the third world war.,

A good day ahead

April 11, 2018

I slept really well last night! I woke up overnight to check emails but I still woke up good this morning. I’ll be going on an outing with Centacare soon. I have a mild cold but not crook enough to stay home. I don’t think I get “sick enough” for any reason anymore lol. I’m doing heaps better with my health this year. Everyone worries about my throat getting irritated all the time but it’s medically incurable so I just don’t worry abouj it. My attitude to medical care makes me appear heartless and bitchy, but seriously people can’t fix everything and it’s a waste of time and energy to freak out over things you can’t fix. I’m also concerned about living a comfortable life, not a long one. Good luck if I do live till I’m a hundred. That’s fantastic! But I’m all about quality over quantity. I’m not here to be miserable. I’ll heckle the doctors endlessly for a month till they see reason then maybe they’ll leave me alone. I hate medical treatment, and joking about me getting crook after surgery really makes me wish I could just get sick and die. That’s how angry I get when I go to the doctors. What scares medical people most is that drugs don’t change how I feel about my current situation. So now I need to be locked in a hospital so I can be kept from going mentally insane till I get better. It’s bullshit but me and medical problems don’t agree. Luckily it’s just my teeth right now. Oh well, if we’re saving myself from future septic infections in the mouth, then fine. If I go crook after my teeth are fixed, it’ll be the lesser of the two evils. I’ll be drugged out for a while so I won’t care.

I hope I find my taxi card in the mail later. If I do, I’m going straight to the shopping centre. I have to get some chicken for the slow cooker and will do a slow cooked meal first thing in the morning, ready for tomorrow night. I’ll cook some rice and mix it in. That will be going into the freezer. And on Sunday I’m making slow cooked spaghetti bolognaisse! I’m sharing that around. Then next week I’m making beef stew.

I couldn’t finish writing because I got on the Centacare bus. I had a lovely day out. We had morning tea and then went for a barbecue picnic at a park. I got on a monorail bicycle and loved it! Two staff members supervised me but I had a great time. I got home at three o’clock and got my new taxi card out of my mailbox and talked to my neighbour for over an hour. I have to stay home for two days even though I really wanted to go out tomorrow! I’m waiting for a parcel to arrive. After that I can’t get parcels for six weeks because I have to save money for a new TV and a cabinete for it. Then if I can manage it, I’ll be getting a new iPhone. After that, a new Braille dinamo labeller, some square bump dots (the ones I have now are all rounded) and a brailled Ludo. A shopping pause for two weeks, then a Snakes and Ladders and new Scrabble set. That will be it for a while. I may have to delay some of these brilliant shopping plans, but we’ll see what happens. I’ll save up for a new iPad, which I desperately need, then a Braille display is next in my list. By then I’ll be doing a whole lot of other things with my life and my mouth should be getting along after my next stint in the hospital possibly within a month. I’ll rest as much as I can while I’m there so by the time I get back home, I can sleep for two days and get back on my feet straight away. And depending on how I go with neighbour dramas here, I’ll see what my future holds with staying in my unit. I hope I’ll want to live here for ever, but for now I don’t know. It’s another wait-and-see situation.

At least my blog is still active. I’ve had so many thoughts racing through my mind about whether or not to keep this blog or not. But I’m glad I didn’t get rid of it. It has been a valuable diary for me for so many years that I’d kick myself if I get rid of it now. When I get my new Braille display I’ll edit my blog properly because I can work better with Braille. Voice-over reads well so I listen to it all day. But editing is better with Braille and really, I’m sick of listening for ever when I’d rather read quietly without any noise. So yeah, it’s all happening!


April 10, 2018

Well, for the past hour and a half, I’ve been catching up on blogs that I haven’t read for years. I’m going to take my laptop to the library next week and use the Wi-fi network there to clean up my blog site a bit. I have a bit of a hunch that I’ll find it difficult to fix it using the phone. I need to delete some inactive blogs and I need to read through all the other ones. The other thing I need to do – and it’s been on my mind all day, is to trial a Braille Edge display. I had a huge argument with the post office bloke, then had a discussion with the local librarian so I can coordinate postage and handling properly. So now I’m just left with ringing up one of the companies who sells the Braille Edge, and asking if I can try before I buy. I’ll have to let the company staff know that I’ve hopefully sorted out some crap with the post office so I shouldn’t have too many problems with sending the trial product back to company. Life isn’t meant to be so fucking difficult! People can’t just drop their life commitments to help me whenever it suits the occasion, and Centacare has to arrange any carer support a week ahead. These idiots who think that disability workers are private chaffeurs really makes me wonder. Explaining this doesn’t work, I’ve been there and done that. I ended up shouting at the guy over the phone today. What does he damn well expect when he chooses to talk rudely to me and then won’t listen to me when I’m trying to explain something? He’s lucky I didn’t go irate at him. When I get NDIS funding, the support workers are gonna find out how I feel about this postal worker when they hear me giving him a piece of my mind.

I’m going to the hospital next week for my dental consult. I’m going to have as much fun as I can until then. The next few weeks won’t be very nice for me. I’ll be putting packets of soup in the pantry so I can survive on mashed food and soup for three weeks. I also won’t be taking pain pills after my surgery so I’ll be lying in bed for two weeks so I can relax as much as I can and deal with a sore mouth the old-fashioned way. Painkillers don’t make a single bit of difference for me. They create problems and increase my pain level. I guess if that means not getting gum infections in the future, then I guess ok. The doctors can take my bloody wisdom teeth out. My jaw is too narrow to contain all my teeth anyway. I feel lucky I’m not dead yet. I’m surprised that I’ve survived so long with a poor body structure. Oh well, now these medical people can use their opportunity to fix my face somehow. Personally I think my body is too difficult to fix but if the doctors want to be so smart, they can look after me. I’ve also decided that the dentist is a waste of time and money too. I don’t need my teeth to be polished and scoured clean. Brushing them every day is plenty. And bugger the floss too. It just hurts my teeth and is so disgusting and a messy job. If the dentist wants to be so fussy, she can bloody clean my teeth! The only thing I’ll concede to is having my wisdom teeth removed. They might eventually cause a bad infection which will turn septic. So that’s as far as I’ll take mouth care. Once I get home I won’t be seeing the dentist, Ö’ll just brush my teeth every day. I can’t stand medical treatment so I can’t even handle medical instructions of the doctors let alone the dentist. I made a billion complaints to the pharamacist and the GP about dental health care, so I’m guessing the hospital will put up with my fussy personality better. If they tell me not to brush my teeth for twenty-four hours after surgery, I’ll seriously spew. I won’t eat till I’m ready either. I’m not a speedy-recovery person either, so I won’t rush myself for anybody. If it takes me a week to eat, that’s just how it is. I’m not eating so I can go home the next day. I’ll eat when I’m ready to eat, and I’ll go home when I’m well enough. I don’t do time frames and time limits. It may take two days or two months to leave the hospital, which really doesn’t concern me. What concerns me is getting home safely. I briefly told Centacare management that I’ll need to be looked after for a while when I get home. Comfort is my main priority.

I haven’t done much lately, besides sit around and read. I’m in limbo at the moment. My phone is going flat so will have to wrap this up. Since I’ve updated my phone, the battery has gotten worse. When I use my phone for reading and writing, my battery in two hours, and the phone gets really hot too. I’m going to buy a new phone soon. I’ll back up iCloud as soon as I receive the new phone and chuck the old phone away. I wouldn’t even sell it for twenty bucks! I’m saving a tonne of money now so in a couple of months that’s what’s happening. Anyway, this is all for now.

organising my life

March 22, 2018

So folks! It’s all happening. Received a phone call a half hour ago, with a definite consultation appointment with the dental surgeon. I’ll get a letter in the mail next week which I much take to Centacare immediately. I told the reception lady I’m horribly nervous and feel yucky about this whole thing, other than that, fine. She told me not to worry too much, so I hummed and sighed in response, full of trepidation. So we briefly changed the subject to guide dogs, when I let the lady know of my blindness situation and needing mobility lessons with the white cane before I eventually train with a new dog. I gave her a range of two to four years, which made her really happy! She can’t wait to eventually see the dog! Yep, another incentive to tolerate some enjoyable medical procedures. Now let’s see if I enjoy myself just as much when I actually go through with fixing my teeth in the hospital, since I have great difficulty with sore teth and gums at the dentist, even though I take a Valium to make me stay calm and relatively pleasant at the dental clinic. I have the worst time with choking on my tongue and spitting and spluttering afterward! At least my stomach doesn’t hurt a lot. It certainly plays up when my teeth are pulled though. Yuck! Even Valium doesn’t help with blood-induced gut ache much. It does keep me from getting too upset though. Next time when I lose some blood after my wisdom teeth are taken out, I’ll be drugged out a lot more so I should be heaps better I think. The doctor will have to injeceat something into my jaw though because I can’t take any kind of anti-inflamatory or codeine/morphine product. Ha, it’ll be a lot easier for me to stay awake all night while I read. If they really much give me any morphine product stupid reason, they’d better be prepared to knock me out for a few days so I don’t notice. Just sayin…’ With the way the discussion went today, these medical treatments and procedures may just work out ok. Maybe. A big, fat, maybe. My left eye is starting to hurt a bit more too. Let’s see how it goes too. They may look at me while I’m asleep and decide to bring the ophthalmologist in to fix that eye as well. Beter to kill two birds with one stone I reckon.

I read for most of the day and did banking this afternoon. So my day is in order now. Nothing else to do but continue to write for a while, then get back to my iBooks. They’re very interesting indeed! I can’t wait to buy my own Braille display, I’ll quickly get through the Vission Australia library books, then reYoung get into my books on my phone. The Braille displays have a 20-hour battery life so if I get into difficulty while in hospital and I need a distraction, I can spend an entire day and a night reading and playing games. I’ll make an attempt to party as much as possible. It’s a pity I won’t have a Braille display by the time I get into the hospital for my surgery. I love using my braille display with my rhone (this one’s a trial so I’ll get my own device soon), so I’ll be distracted all day and not super bored or very crook and insane. My fucking medical care just needs to be easy and I want my teeth to bloody fix up properly. I don’t have any trust for doctors and I’m nearly certain that they know this.

Mixed emotions

March 22, 2018

Well, bad news. I haven’t received that letter from the hospital. So I rang them a few minutes ago and left a message. I’m waiting for a call from them while almost crying over it. I found out from the support worker today that its most likely that I’ll have to keep myself in hospital for as long as it takes until I feel personally strong enough and confident enough to manage myself at home again. So the waiting game it is, and definitely a lot of shit for me to deal with. I guess that’s what private hospitals are for. Not that I want any difficulties, but that’s what I’m in for. I didn’t think the doctors would find it important enough to chase after me for my lousy teeth. I don’t know what’s so serious, but I’m not happy about it and I’m not in a good mood at the moment. I can’t even ring Centacare till I receive a letter. I’m very angry, and even more so because going to the dentist a few times and making complaints about different issues has got me involved in a bloody doctors investigation over some stupid teeth, and now I don’t know what else these people will discover. I could go in there for my teeth and come out with a lot more than tooth care to put up with. This is really shit.

With all that said, I’m fine. I’m about to eat lunch. I’m getting my washing done so I won’t have anything to do tomorrow, besides read and hopefully take the Braille display to the post office. I’m still waiting for the postal address to be sent, so I won’t send it away till I’ve got the address. The Brailliant works pretty good, so when I finally do send it back, I can decide which model of Braille display I want when I save the right amount of money for one. A TV is on the cards as well. When I’ve sorted these two items out, I’ll be getting a new phone and iPad eventually. And then some more Braille accessories. Then a holiday to Cairns. After that, I don’t know! Actually, I nearly forgot that I need to get a water purifer for my kitchen sink approved. Then a few other things. Hopefully I’ll get the right funding for NDIS and I should be set to go for saving money as well. Walking and swimming will do me good too. I can’t wait to get my taxi card. As soon as I get it, I’m heading straight for the frigging pool. I need to go swimming. I can’t stand hanging around home all the time. At least I can get to the shops. I’ll be learning the travel route there soon enough. Then I’ll be walking every fucking day. I’ll stay sane if I can walk every day. I’ve had enough of sitting around with pesimistic crap thoughts and doom and gloom bloody feelings. lovely way to live! Yeah. The sooner I can cut the unhealthy I’m-blind-and-poor shit, the better. I’m a little bit ripped off that I’m like this not by choice. I can fix decisions, but not the stupid fucking circumstances. I’ll be making sure I have a lot of books to read during my medical treatments, I’m gonna buy the Braille display before I buy an iPhone too, that way I can decide if electronic or paper Braille will suit me best, depending on the situations I’m in. Apart from my female stuff making me feel a bit under the weather, I’m not crippled and horribly sick and half dead. So I’ll give myself a few points for that and see how I go between now and the next doctor’s appointment. The worst thing that can happen is starting back at the drawing board and putting myself in the hospital sooner than later. I’m not a believer in keeping all the body parts; if you’re healthy that’s fine. But when you’re prone to health isues, take anything from the body which causes illness and/or poor health, and hope for the best. But for now, no thank you. I’ll be right for now.

A really bumpy road ahead

March 21, 2018

I’m at home after a lovely day out. I’m gonna have a shit of a time for the next few months. I got a call from the Marter Hospital this afternoon. They’re going after me like a pack of dogs. I have to ring Centacare tomorrow morning to ask them when they can drive me to and from my first appointment. I’m very pissed off about that, but if a doctor is urgent to let me know what to expect with my teeth because he insists they need fixing, then I just need to slog ahead begrudgingly to see what he has to say. After that I’ll decide whether I want to go through with oral surgery or not. I already know I don’t want to go through with an operation, but I’ll wait for the consultation appointment to let the doctor know this. I have to get the support worker to check a letter for me when she comes in the morning, ring Centacare and make appointment arrangements, then ring the hospital back and confirm the arrangement. Then I have to check with Centacare to make sure they’ve got the same date and time written up, then I’ll be set to go. I’m curious to know what benefit I’ll have from wisdom tooth surgery considering I can’t have painkillers (complications from reactions to stronger painkillers except for Panadol)? The surgery will do more harm than good, and if the doctor comes up with the brilliant idea of keeping my mouth numb for an extended time, I won’t be able to eat or take any tablets so I’ll be stuck in that hospital for a week for the sake of drug complications because unlike everyone else who can just go home relatively complication-free, this isn’t the way with me, as I finally discovered from a few doctor consults because of all my bullshit health issues last year. Funnily enough, the needle the doctor gave me in February has magically fixed my system, Christ only knows how, and besides the normal nausea feelings I get from time to time because of typical life stresses and the odd germ going around, I feel totally fine and healthy, not a single bloody thing wrong with me! So in May I’m getting a metal rod thing inserted into my arm. It has slow-release medicine in it so I’ll be symptom-and-illness-free for the entire three years it’ll be staying in my arm. Obviously it won’t stop typical illnesses but it fixes ninety-nine percent of my problems and horrible bullshit weird and strange crap, so this medical procedure is the least of my worries. At least I’ll be out of bed and ready to go within a week. Not bad considering my teeth will keep me in bed for a damn fortnight or longer! I won’t even take pain relievers for this procedure in May. What makes you think I’ll take painkillers after oral surgery? The pain will be horrific, you might say. Well, the side effects and allergic reactions are no different to the original problems they’re supposed to fix. Painkiller complications makes my recovery no better, if not worse, than if I didn’t take them. I’ll be telling the doctor that, and I can only assume that he’ll decide to keep me in hospital rather than let me have my way and decline the surgery.

Besides all the medical rubbish, I’m doing fine. The weather is boiling hot even though it’s autumn, so I’ve been staying cool in the air-conditioning. I have to take this Braille display to the post office on Friday. I’ve decided to stay home tomorrow and read as much as I can. I love my iBooks but prefer to read them in Braille. I tend to lose concentration when I listen to voice-over reading the books. Plus I find the speech isn’t always right with pronouncing some words. I get a lot more out of reading a book if it’s in Braille. So I’ll read as much as I can. I’ll wait for the bloke to give me the right postal address just to be sure before sending the parcel back. I don’t want to get to the post office and have nowhere to send it to. The last resort option would be for the bloke to send someone out to pick it up from me. If it ends up happening like that, fine. But I’m hoping I can just post it back. This device is working well, by the way. Last week it locked up and no amount of trying to re-boot it would fix it. So I let it run flat and when the charger arrived by post, I finally got the device working again. So when I send this Brailliant BI back to its owner, I’ll save up the money to buy it. I’m sure with my medical appointments running through all of this year, it will thatake for ever to fund myself for the things I really want. But I guess at the end of the day, if it stops me from having health issues and the odd call-out for the ambulance or house-call doctors, then somehow it’ll be worth it. Not that I wanted to come to Brisbane to fill my life with doctors and nurses and medical attention to start with, but oh well. I’m hoping my life will be back to normal entirely, where I left off when I was young and super fit quite a few years ago. But like everything broken that needs fixing, one’s body usually ends up in better condition than before the illness or other issues occured.

What I like about knowing that I’m in for a rough time because of my mouth, is that at least I’m putting my life in order now so I won’t have to worry about much when the time comes to deal with all the hospital shit. I may not have a Braille display by then, but I’ll have a lot of Braille books from VA to read, so reading all day and all night in the hospital won’t bother me. I know the nurses will nag at me to sleep, but my own interest comes first, sorry. When I’m sick for any reason, hail rain or sunshine, I think of Number One first. When I’m not well, a good book is more important than anything in the world. Sleep will come whenever I’m ready to sleep even if it takes more than two days to fall asleep. I’ll be taking my phone recharger with me so I’ll be playing with my phone or reading for the entire time I’m in hospital. I’ll even use my phone to communicate if I need to. Hopefully I won’t lose my ability to speak unless I have a breathing tube in, in which case I’d insist on keeping my phone with me all day and all night so I can write in the Notes app so people can see what I have to say. Then they can just speak back to me, or write back if they’re not with me. I find it fucking amazing that some health issues are caused by teeth problems! I just don’t believe it. I don’t actually agree with having my wisdom teeth removed but the medical people are after me like you wouldn’t believe. So I’ll presume that they’re going to try to talk me into oral surgery and keep me in because they know I’d rather deny any operations than cope with them. Well, yeah, that’s right! So they’ve got me. I think they’re fixing my mouth while I’m healthy because most doctors think fixing a person after they’ve gotten sick will be more difficult and all the rest. Ok that’s fine, but then I still have to go through surgery and get treatment for getting sick for weeks afterwards. So however they work it out, I don’t have the faintest idea. I’d rather have surgery for any reason if it’s to save my life, but the doctors won’t agree with me or approve of me holding off operations because saving a healthy life is easier. Well I wouldn’t care so much about pain and other problems if I was already half dead. But as it is, I’m alive and kicking and feeling very good! So I do care. I’m still shocked that I came to Brisbane in 2016 to have a great time and I’m now facing years of medical treatments. Some treatments are great. A few days of feeling like crap then you’re good to go for ever. Other treatments… Well. No. Just fuck it. It’s like the doctors are saying good we’ve finally got a blind person who nearly died when they were born in Cairns, ok quick, let’s fix her now while she’s living in Brisbane – we couldn’t get her years ago so let’s get her now!!!!!!!!!! Yep. This really really pisses me off. Cairns Hospital doesn’t care, they know the places here will put up with people worse than me. The difficult people who live in Cairns come down here for months or years for their treatments and then go back home when they’re well enough. I happen to be one of the “difficult cases”, and I just happen to be living here. But hey, when I’m over the shit in six months’ time, I can go to Cairns for a holiday as a not-so-sick person. Not that I’m sick at the moment. I actually feel fine. But my teeth issues would class me as being “sick”. I don’t accept that, but this is how medical people see it.

Trial Braille Display

March 14, 2018

I thinkI received the Brailliant this afternoon. I’ll be sending it back next week. The Bluetooth software in my phone is shit but the Braille display is perfect! I can write really well, the main problem is Bluetooth always cutting out. Apart from that, I love the Brailliant! I actually think it’s better than the Braille Note. Now I regret ever buying the Braille Note. The 32-35ll display is better for reading as well as for writingeab especially the reading. I think the Perkins style keyboard lets me write in contracted Braille properly too. The Qwerty keyboard just didn’t cooperate with me as well as I’d expected. There’s a few minor issues with the Perkins keyboard and some Braille symbols, and I have to type a little slow, but at least I can type properly. It’s very portable too. I’ll definitely be buying a Braille display!

I woke up with a funny throat today. I hope it won’t take long to get rid of whatever it is. It’s frigging annoying! Everyone has been either vomiting or having respiratory problems. Not that I like either situation, but I’d rather have a bad throat than vomiting. One of the ladies suddenly vomited violently this arvo and the ambulance came for her as our respite bus left. We were all playing board games and card games and having a great time, until one of the women complained of dizziness as she was about to walk to the bus. Then she starting throwing up severely. I felt really horrible for her. Hopefully she’s ok. Me and a couple of others tried to lighten the situation with a bit of joking around, but I stopped laughing and joking when the poor lass was getting worse instead of better. So I went from pretending to feel almost sick, to truly feeling sick and upset. My stomach settled after a few minutes and I didn’t get worse luckily. Tonight my throat is really crappy though. Some people are concerned about me too, but honestly, the doctor can’t treat colds and flu germs. They can fix vomiting and breathing problems, but the bugs still have to wear off on their own.

10 March, 2018 19:46

March 10, 2018

I went to a saloon that’s closer to me this morning. I got my hair washed and cut, and styled! Due to my head being really disgusting and the hairdresser at a different place buggering my hair up, my new hairdresser has created a new hair program for me under a special deal! I’m sooooooooo happy with her already, so I’ll be going back every twelve weeks. I complained about my teeth being horrible, but one of the ladies said they looked all right. I thought that was nice of them to say that, but I still hate my teeth. After my hair was cut and washed, a really nice leave-in conditioner was put in. My scalp is a bit sore actually a bit sore, but I found out today that chronic dandruff causes pain and itching and takes months to get rid of4 I’ll have to try out a few shampoos until I find one that works for me, then I’ll use a few different scented shampoos with similar ingredients, as well as other leave-in products. So now I have to wash and brush my hair all the time, plus rub leave-in conditioner in the ends of my hair. My scalp is so shitty really. So by the looks of it, any shampoo I use will cause some pain until the dandruff goes away. I was told some products have tee-tree oil in them, so I said to leave out the oil. I hate the crap.

I should receive a trial Braille display next week. I can’t wait to test it out. My stupid phone won’t let me use Braille Screen Input properly, the fucking thing! I find it super slow to type with one finger, but writing in Braille is a bloody pain too. Hopefully the Braille display will let me type faster without having to delete mistakes all the time. My books from VA haven’t turned up yet so I hope they come in the next few days. I’m buying a new Rummy game as well. I’ll do an online order on Tuesday. I hope it arrives while I’m at home because I don’t want to cart myself off to the post office just for a stinkin’ parcel! Apart from that I’ll be having a boring week. Two outings with Centacare and that’s it. If my books and the Braille display turn up, I should be fine and not too bored.

9 March, 2018 13:34

March 9, 2018

A mobility instructor from Guide Dogs came around this morning. A good start to the mobility lessons and I can’t wait to get out and about again. It’ll take time for me to get used to high intensity exercise again, but I’m getting better and stronger. I rang Vision Australia today as well. I complained about someone who is not a client of Vision Australia, trying to weasle their way into outings with Vision Australia clients. I told a person from VA that I heard the person talking to a VA client, and that it’s possible they may have gone with the client and their support worker. I couldn’t be certain, I couldn’t hear the non-client at all after half seven this morning. Hopefully non-client won’t try their luck and do stupid things because VA client wants their own way all the time. They’re going out tonight, so hopefully the non-client won’t go with the Vision Australia client. If the non-client did not go out this morning, then they may have waited downstairs for quite a while for another company to pick them up on a bus. I was concerned that people were allowing some people to go out with Vision Australia, so I got in first. Better to be safe than sorry, plus I’d rather let people know about my concerns so they can prevent problems from happening in the future. I don’t go on VA outings anymore, but I still use their shop and library and I report any concerns to Vision Australia just to make sure people don’t create shit for other people.

I asked the person from VA about some games too. I want to get a new pack of Uno cards and a Monopoly board. I then went online and found a Rummy tile game set, so I’m buying that next week! I’ll also be trialling a Braille display and if I really like it I’m setting up a payment plan to buy one. I’ll be making a new Maxi-Aides account as well, at some point. I’ll also be making an account with the Braille Super Store too. Then there’s gonna be some Braille accessories coming to the front door over the next few months. I’ll be paying for a gym membership later, the doctors have their medical crap policies on diet and exercises, but I’m going for it just to enjoy myself and socialise and get out into the community. I’ll be etting health checks once in a while too, I don’t want to be the fitness buff ho drops dead from undetected heart issues. Exercise and diet isn’t failproof. Life is looking up for me. I’ll trample underfoot anyone who tries to get in my way.

Australia Day

January 26, 2018

Happy Australia Day to those living in Australia! I have had a very lazy day. Lying around and eating is all I have been doing. A little walk around the complex just for some sunshine and that was it really. Then I decided to check e-mails. I found a letter from yesterday stating that my VA grant from Disability Services Queensland has been revoked. That’s good, I wanted to get away from VA as quickly as I could. I want nothing to do with them any more. Now I just have to go to the doctors next week, fill out the paperwork for GDQ, let the doctor know I’ll be fine and that I’m refusing medical care at my own risk except for life-threatening circumstances, and I’ll be on my way. I won’t be so blunt with the doctor, I’ll just imply what I’ve just said. Well, of course I’ll be clear with them, but not blunt. I’m sure I’ll be fine. Doctors are all about saving life and limb, good on them. I’m all about quality of life, and medical care does not improve my quality of life. I don’t need a doctor, I just need paper to say I’m fit enough to do O and More training. My general health apart from this criteria is none of my concern. I was very outright with Centacare staff too, no medicine when I get ill please! My wishes are respected. I prefer to stay sick until I get better and am no longer sick. I don’t like masking symptoms and I don’t like getting ill from tablets just so I can say my original prom isn’t so bad. It just doesn’t make any sense. I can’t see the point of intensionally getting sick when you’re already sick!!!!!!! Like, ok, I have a sore knee, sore stomach, or whatever ailment you’d like to insert. So, I’d like to take a pain reliever that makes me vomit and get high blood pressure, because I like that???!!! No, thank you. No, I do not like that. I’d prefer to just have a sore stomach, or sore knee, or whatever ailment, without making myself ill deliberately, thank you. I can live with injuries and still recover just fine while I suffer because I want to be that way. It’s easier for me to suffer through recovery than it is to take medicine and suffer from medicine issues. And yes, if I lose my appetite and can’t drink anything, I do want a needle in my hand, for as long as it takes to get well. And no, I don’t want to recover quickly. I want to get better at my own pace. With all that said, I feel ok today. Talking of wanting my wishes respected, I’m going to get the doctor to help me fill out a health directive and a DNR form. I don’t believe in prolonging life at all, and these mavericks who carry on about how people are living longer and longer need a good kick up the bum. How cruel can one get! I don’t want to live longer. I just want to live a happy life. I’ll be talking to Centacare about this too. I’m fine because I’m fairly happy now and I’m sure I’ll improve. Not arguing about that. But because I can’t take almost all medicines for pain and anesthesia is difficult for me, it’s not good that I live a happy life only to realise that during occasional medical treatments I have to suffer more than is necessary. Of course if I broke my arm tomorrow I’d just bear it. But surgery is a different story. And while it’s good on the surface of things to just accept all that with a pinch of salt as it were, I don’t want to live for a long time if I can’t be happy. That’s my point. Due to bing born prematurely and all these problems with complications during medical treatment, I just want nature to take its course. If I have a very high chance of recovery, then save me. But if my recovery will be frought with difficulty and it’s best to just let me die, then please just leave me alone. A doctor would then have to determine my risks over benefits to recovery every time something bad happens, but it’s worth the hassle of filling out a health directive. I could live till I’m a hundred or only till I’m fifty. Who cares, so long as I’m not too miserable and people can say I had a good time, is what I expect for myself at the end of the day.

Now for some happier news! The yoghurt and orange juice are helping me get rid of this bloody flu virus thing! Now that’s the good part. Even better, when I get Guide Dogs set up properly in my life, I’ll finally be able to continue where I left off when I was in Cairns. I’ll get through my doctor appointment and the bullshit will be over for good. I won’t even worry about my teeth, they arenT an emergency thing so who cares what the dentist thinks about me refusing surgery to get rid of my wisdom teeth. She’s angry at me enough as it is, but she’s not a priority in my life. Medical people are last in line for me. I know I won’t be the one calling for help if I crash and burn next time. I’ll turn my phone off too, I so desperately want to be sure I can’t call for help in an emergency situation. I’m bloody serious about that. I swear to God the next time I need an ambulance I’ll not know about it believe me. Not mucking around! In any case, after next Tuesday I’ll be sailing along with not a fucking care in the world. I’ll stay happy for as long as I can and live the high life for as long as possible and that’s IT! I’m not concerned about medical shit I just want to live life how it suits me to live, make sure I meet the right criteria for paperwork and the rest is history and no skin off my nose. Life is too short to worry about crap. I’m better off freaking out over how I’ll handle a new guide dog, whether any of my new friends at Centacare will still be around next week because who knows, old age can take them at any time now, etc etc!!!!!! I know when I eventually get a guide dog it’ll be too difficult for me to give up on life because the poor dog will be wondering where I am, why I won’t be coming home any more… Etc. I’ll see how I am by the time I get my new dog. Dogs are great company but they can’t stop the uncertainty of life. Counselling doesn’t fix my life either. So yeah. But oh well, I haven’t gotten bored of life yet. I’m wondering how my lovely retired guide dog is? Maybe I’ll never find ou… I’m still soooooooo upset that I had to get rid of him, for no good reason. Moving out isn’t a good enough excuse to abandon a dog, even if you know the new family will look after it. I know kids and dogs are different species of creature altogether, but that doesn’t take away how wrong it is to get rid of a dog that used to help me every day. Poor dog! I hate almost all the neighbours at this complex too. They can go to hell.

I have nothing planned for next week. I had to spend a fortune on shopping just to fill the pantry because then I’ll be able to save a tonne of money in case I do bring a new guide dog home, or some other emergency situation comes up. The guide dog would be much nicer than an emergency, so hopefully nothing terrible happens! I dumped a couple of horrible people out of my life and the rest of them are good so to hell with the shit-stirers who I hate so much. I won’t be helping them any time soon. I’m making friends outside this complex anyway. Most people are a lot nicer. There’s a couple of people I can associate with here. But everyone else can bloody drop. Whatsapp is working properly again, so the people I speak to on there are nice to me. So long as I’ve got a few friends I can rely on I should be right. I think I’ll definitely stick with yoghurt and OJ on top of my regular diet, it’s doing wonders for me. I didn’t think I was going to get rid of my cold, but yeah, amazing what the adition of a drink and yoghurt can do eh! Ah well, I’m getting better so that’s the main thing. The rest of my day will be very boring for me I think. I’ll be checking Whatsapp again and possibly reading books after I edit my blog for a while.

24 January, 2018 22:05

January 24, 2018

I cancelled my Vision Australia services this morning. I’m very happy, now to set up what I need from Centacare (I just have to fill out that paperwork at the doctors and GDQ will be set to go), and then I should be right. When I’ve got my individual support and Guide Dogs set up, I just have to put it into my NDIS plan and I’ll be resuming where I left off in 2016 when I retired my beautiful guide dog. I have chosen to hold a grudge about having to let Troy go. Guide and like I have to step on eggshells with a lot of people, right or wrong that’s the impression I get here but not from everybody of course—just that I’m sick of having to work out who I can be friendly with and who I can’t be friendly to, and I’m super pissed off about that!!!!!!!! So I’m just going to hide from now on. I’ll hang out with people who don’t live here, who I can associate with a lot better and I’ll only be here to eat and sleep as far as I’m concerned. I don’t intend to stay home much any more except for the few occasions I can speak to the odd one or two lovely people here. I’m very fussy about whom I associate with now. The Centacare staff are doing a fine job with keeping me from getting isolated from the community and keeping me comfortable at home so all good!

I’ve just returned from having a shower. I accidentally splattered toothpaste all over my clothes (don’t know how the fuck that could have happened), but anyway that’s what I did lol! So I put my clothes into the washing machine which I was gonna do tomorrow but oh well, I have a clothes dryer in here so not to matter. I can do the towels and sheets in the morning so on Thursday I won’t have washing to put away because it’ll be done by tomorrow afternoon. No yoga for two weeks so this Thursday and next Thursday will be free for me. Eventually I won’t be participating in any social activities at the units here, but I’m leaving that story for future reference too. I’ll put everything in order here for a few years so by the time I move out I won’t be stranded. Let’s just say that I’m glad I let Vision Australia go. Enough said, they aren’t worth my time. More to come about that later on. I’ve got full control of my life now. And as for Jui-jitsu, I’ll find an alternative route to taxi travel because it’s just a whole waste of money getting taxis twice a week. So I’ll sort it out with Guide Dogs. Now Jui-jitsu and Judo are different but similar martial arts, so I’ll be looking for a Judo club which is the closest to me. Judo or Jui-tsu, whichever one. Then I’ll work out a good travel route. I need some type of activity in my life, and anything that is hands-on and gets me out into the community is the way to go! I’ll renew my PCYC membership at the end of the year because I cut my card to pieces due to severe frustration at how difficult some of the techniques are, but I’ll give myself another chance at the end of the year. Knowing my stupid life, something may get in the way of me succeeding but let’s hope for good luck this time. If Jui-jitsu doesn’t work out, then fine. But I want to at least give myself a few good chances before giving up! Martial arts is good for killing time and keeping active and social so I really want to keep working at whichever martial art I can successfully fit into.

I’m going to presume that by the thickness of the envelope I found in my mailbox today, that I’ve got my GDQ paperwork!!!!!!! I’m going to make a doctor’s appointment when I get up tomorrow. Since there’s no rush just yet, I’ll just get it worked out for next week and post the paperwork off so by the time the instructor turns up it’ll be processed. I’ll assume that I’ll be right for getting a guide dog, but after my checkup next week this may or may not change, I wouldn’t have a clue yet. I just have to remember that if anything goes wrong with me, there won’t be any pain relief except Panadol even if I break my leg. Yeah, not even any IV pain relief. But that’s the risk I take if I want to participate in sports and get out and about all the time. My stomach just doesn’t process painkillers in any shape or form. I’d have to be in seriously bad shape and in intensive care, and then with a big cocktail of medicines I’ll be able to handle pain relievers properly. Yeah. Just the fucking life I want and really like! Sure! Ah well. I’ve survived this long, and trained with a guide dog in the past. I’ll just remember not to get pain scripts filled and if future medicines don’t work I’ll be telling the doctor and chucking the said meds down the toilet. I won’t take meds that disagree with me unless the risk to my life is greater than the side effects for example, a queasy stomach preferable to cardiac issues, some other problem preferable to being unable to walk, or breathe properly, or some seriously dramatic thing like that. If I can deal with a problem and it’s not immediately life-threatening, no medicine thank you! I’ve got medicine worked out for the dentist appointments so that’s lucky. If I weren’t to tolerate this medication, you can bet my arse I’d be refusing dental care outright too. So I’m very extremely lucky that this particular type of medicine agrees with me and the side effects are only annoying but not intolerable. So that’s the good news! As for everything else, grin and bear it I say. I’ve heard people say that you can pass out from pain. Well I say that’s good because I’d rather pass out than have a sore gut or vomiting problems. The worst part about my teeth now that I say that, is that I spew up a bit if I forceably push myself to tolerate it when they’re being cleaned for God’s sake. The only way around that is a numbed mouth due to terrible pain, which is rather annoying but preferable to me than vomiting or queasiness due to taking pain relievers. Oh wait, I feel like spewing when the dentist is cleaning my teth and debris and water starts dribbling down my throat! Yep. can’t win can I? Oh well, whatever works for me at the time and hopefully no emergency situations please! I reckon I’ll be fine with how I live my life, I’m here to have a good time so I’m not interested in the bad shit that may, or may never, happen. I’m not prepared to put my life on hold just to prevent presumed drama. And so what if I get into difficulty? At least I won’t have any regrets.

23 January, 2018 15:39

January 23, 2018

Well, onwards and upwards like a little sparrow! I spent the day alone today, I didn’t want anybody to hang around me at all. I spoke to somebody from GDQ, they’re talking to Centacare for me because I’m letting Vision Australia go and keeping Centacare and Guide Dogs on board. So hopefully we can sort my plan out ASAP now and I’ll be getting the disability support I need without any bullshit! I’m not expecting everything to be rosy for a while, but so long as I’m not being buggerised around and trampled underfoot I should be fine. I feel sorry for the people I speak to when I have to voice my concerns about my need to let VA go but I can’t say why yet I know the problems I’ve had with VA are very serious. Without too much said, a lot of bullying and no respect or proper organisation or professional conduct etc etc etc. Complaints are either swept under the rug or people are thrown away without a fair trial. There’s no difference between actual criminal suspects and people who’re just out of control, and the people who’re fighting back because they don’t like the situations they’ve been put in to. Behave as the bullies TELL you to, or GOODBYE! So long as there’s nothing more to the investigations of people’s behaviour, just get rid of us if we’re substandard but don’t look at both sides of the story and don’t look for any reasons for the behavioural problems. That’s fine with me, I don’t have to give any reasons for dropping VA then, do I? As far as I’m concerned Centacare have supported me properly and I’m getting GDQ to help me again and this time I’m not letting them go!

22 January, 2018 13:36

January 22, 2018

I’ve just contacted GDQ. I’ll be organising the paperwork ASAP and will be set up within two weeks! O and M training will start in earnest now. I can’t see myself getting another guide dog, but Guide Dogs is convincing me gradually to accept the offer of a new dog, so we’ll see what happens. I will be seeing the doctor in a few days and will be taking control of my medical situation before anything happens. My dentist is only interested in money so I won’t tolerate any crap. I don’t have a problem with being uncomfortable so long as it’s not too intolerable and I don’t make myself worse by taking most medicines. I so far can only take Panadol that cent of the time. I don’t want to fix my life. I like it how it is. Medication makes me sick, doesn’t help me recover at all, and I’d rather not get better than have medical treatment and deterioate anyway. I won’t recover with or without medical care, so just leave me alone. I’ll get the doctor to pass me for O and M training and I want her to leave me alone and accept that I don’t want to fix my health, I’m satisfied with my health as it is and I don’t need it to change. I want nature to take its course.

18 January, 2018 10:58

January 18, 2018

A quick blog. I rang Guide Dogs today. I’ll try them again later. I want to keep away from most neighbours as well. I need time to myself and I also need to set myself up for some kind of life away from here. I need happy people in my life. I need to be walking around as well, not just sitting around all the time.


January 17, 2018

Well, back to Guide Dogs it is! Centacare is concerned to high heaven about me, so they got a case from me with some reasonable proof that I won’t go off the beaten track. I bring trouble to those who bring trouble to me, so Centacare is making sure I change my program schedule to make myself comfortable quick smart. They’re not concerned about how I change my life for everyone else, the management just wants a good outcome for me, and if push comes to shove, they’ll take over the case. In a few years as it appears now, I’ll be packing up and moving if my life doesn’t improve here. I can’t improve if I’m not comfortable so the environment and the people around me needs rearrangements too. Things like orientation lessons, excursions and travel training with GDQ, better friends and general happiness, for a start! If it doesn’t work out here, I’ll be relocating and will make my life work. Nobody else will do it for me. I’ll be putting Centacare and GDQ on my NDIS plan and that will be it. No more of this high school shit and missing out on outings because of disorganised management at VA somebody oi won’t name calls them Vision Aufalia! Good one. I know mistakes happen, but some mistakes aren’t excuseable, so take this how you will. I should never have left GDQ in the first place, but what happened, happened. As for not drinking enough water and getting sick with other problems, it’s a whole crock of shit and never to ever, fucking be repeated!!!!!!! Not. Frigging. Tolerated! I don’t care about the circumstances, hot or God damned bloody cold!!!!!! Just, don’t get sick from heat stroke and dehydration. And try to avoid other bacterial infections at any cost. GDQ is a lot more professional and any complaints are taken seriously and resolved within two days or less if they’re minor, and if it’s a very serious complaint, it’s sorted within a month. I’ve never had major difficulties with GDQ, personal grievances yes, but not actual serious complaints about the company itself. VA is good in many ways too. There’s just a lot lacking as well and I must say they’ve lost points and the way complaints are handled within a group environment is shocking! I think it’s my fault how I’ve made my life, should never have left GDQ no matter how much I hated arguing with people on rare occasions! At least the fucking disagreements were resolved with a fair hearing! I should really get a kick up the booty for this shit! Humanity is no excuse either. We wouldn’t forgive humans for killing each other. So why forgive this bullshit? Human error is not good enough and it NEEDS TO CHANGE!!!!!!!! I don’t believe in mistakes. I didn’t make a mistake. I did what I thought was best at the time.

16 January, 2018 12:13

January 16, 2018

I’m all right today. I didn’t do a whole lot, just some washing and deciding what to do with my life. I will visit Cairns again at some point and then after two weeks I’ll decide if I come back here or stay there. I’ll think about my decision when I actually go there.

13 January, 2018 14:34

January 13, 2018

I’ve been reading for the past couple of hours. I’m happy in the unit, the two ugly bastards, J and V are permanently out of my life now. The dirty rotten leaches will be kicked out of the complex one of these days. I have Centre Care and Vision Australia on my side now so I’m fine. The cops told me to keep retreating from the aggressive mother-fucking cow V if she tries her shit again, instead of fighting back immediately unless of course she’s hurting me and I can’t get away from her except by fighting back. now that does make sense! She’s a cunt and V has committed an unforgiveable sin as far as I’m concerned. Call me stupid but it’s how I see it. The piece of shit pig is as aggressive as a damned frigging chimp so if I hear her accuse anyone of being aggressive, I’ll tell that person to say that she can’t talk because she’s so fucken aggressiive and that she also makes herself look bad by making untrue accusations without finding out the facts first, and also by accusing
people of the same behaviour she is acting out herself. Anyway, a friend is here so I’ll write more later.

4 January, 2018 14:00

January 4, 2018

I”m having an awesome day! Yesterday wasn’t too bad either. Me and my support worker talked a lot for two hours, not a very productive afternoon I must say. Then I went to the shops, got some groceries and came home. I’m a little concerned that my support worker is becoming overbearing, I will need to sort this out before the issue gets worse. She’s starting to mind in to my business and lifestyle and it’s not part of her job description. She’s not allowed to let me get hurt, but she is also not allowed to overstep her boundaries. Talking to her isn’t working, so I’ll need to put in a complaint, something I dislike strongly, but I won’t accept busybody or pryingstcontrolling behaviour. Tell me what you think and what you’d suggest, but excuse me, bossy and possessive attitudes are not on! I understand the support worker isn’t well and she does do a great job with helping people. But that’s no excuse to carry on.

Besides my ongoing problems with my support worker, I’m ok. I think my physical health is good, but my mental health is bad. I don’t hold it against anyone, except of course V’s horrible treatment towards me which thankfully I can ignore now and she no longer bothers me because I can step back from what she’s doing knowing I’m not responsible for her, and I’m not obligated to help her or respond if she tries to speak to me. But anyway, besides that my mental state isn’t the best, and restricting my lifestyle and shopping trips isn’t helping with the situation. And I’ve seen it again: lack of understanding from disability workers, of how hard is is for people with any disability let alone vision impairment, to struggle with life every day. Blindness is a sensory disability. But for someone to make such harsh remarks about how blindness is only sight loss, not other physical disabilities, makes me realise how uncaring many people are. That doesn’t mean babying blind people. Not at all. What this does mean is don’t downplay visually impaired people’s feelings or psychiatric state. Frankly I think a lot of people are in the disability sector for the pay packet, which is disgusting! And many of these people aren’t client-focused either. Another mark crossed off.

I know in myself I’m a human being of value, so don’t get me wrong. But remarks from lots of people, makes me feel like because I can’t see, my emotions and physical health don’t matter; so long as I appear happy and fine, don’t really worry about what isn’t said. Obviously there’s gray areas to all of this, people can’t know everything. But if all I say is “I’m fine thank you”, or “I’m ok thanks! How are you?”, on the one hand I know that people can’t be aware of what I don’t tell them. But then, I figure that maybe what I don’t say would not be of any concern, so if I did say I’m a bit under the weather, of course most people hope I’m all right. But when it comes to struggling with problems on top of being blind, all of a sudden this is a different story and my feelings and emotions don’t matter, I’m happy and healthy on the outside, so feeling really shitty isn’t of any concern whatsoever because blindness and problems are just that, problems. Never mind the fucking crap that goes with such issues. Hmmmmm…….. Oh well…. That’s most people for you. So I suffer in silence because I can just keep looking “fine”, a hundred percent of the time, knowing that in reality it’s not the case. I feel sooooooooooooooo disallusioned with this world. Right or wrong, I’m responding to the world like I am based on the impressions I get from people. Ok, so I can’t be certain about everything either. But unless I know differently, or I can be proven differently about my given impression of situations or people, I won’t change my behaviour or my opinions.

I’m going to the Link Vision gym this arvo. A good escape away from reality for an hour. Then back upstairs to my air-conditioned unit. Tonight after dinner I’ll be reading all evening, and most likely all day tomorrow. I also need to edit my blog. I deleted my Audioboom account months ago so I need to remove all the posts with dead links in them. Now that will keep the boredom away for ages! I’ll be making a big feed tonight of sausages and vegies. I need to use up some of what’s in the fridge and in a few days I’ll do a bit more shopping and next Monday I’ll be making seafood marinara in the afternoon when a Centre Care worker comes around. I have to sort out my NDIS stuff at some stage so I can get more hours with a support worker. If I find out that NDIS funding won’t guarantee a change in disability services quality, well I don’t know what I’ll do. I just can’t see any logical sense with the way the world governments are working things out. I think, whether I’m right or wrong and I don’t care—that governments around the world are designing policies in such a fashion that the agents who work for them have to control the people they’re paid to help. I know that sounds bloody crazy, but this is my honest opinion right now. It’s not the Government’s fault that I have problems; everybody has problems. But I certainly blame the Government for the unhappiness of many people. I strongly believe that my hopeless and despairing state is because I’m a grown woman with too many busybodies in my life and I need to say, goodbye and no more nonsense, to them. I’m not against everyone in the world, just some people, and most medical professionals. But besides all that, life in this unit is fine, I have lots of snack foods and different beverages and cold water, so generally speaking I’m pretty well perfect. Just a few areas of my life which are thoroughly pissing me off to no end but I’ll sort it out so hopefully all good.

2 January, 2018 20:33

January 2, 2018

I was gonna write an entry last night but decided to wait till today because I was tired. I had a boring day today and yesterday. I went to the shops in the afternoon and got a whole heap of stuff because the pantry was so neglected for most of the year! All sorted now, only a few odds and ends to get now and 2018 should be off to a good start for me. I dumped another useless friendship so I’m all good as far as I’m concerned. The weather is hot most of the time now, against what some people go on about drinking too much water/other fluids, I drink it anyway. It doesn’t hurt to get a doctor’s check if I think I’m going strange so I drink as much as I wish every day, don’t feel too strange or weird, so I’m not too bad and I’m assuming that there’s no limit to how many beverages and water I can drink so long as I give myself time to process it all. Exercises at the Link Vision gym starts up on Thursday this week so I’m excited already. Vision Australia outings start next Friday so I seriously can’t wait!!!!!!! V will be attending the outings too so I’ll simply not speak to her. After the way she has treated me with so little remorse or guilt, she can go to hell and fuck herself. What V won’t know is, I’ll be secretly mentioning her suicidal shit at some stage because I won’t be helping her. I hope she’s kept alive so she can be bloody miserable until she’s ninety because she damn well deserves it. She’s a bloody horrible bitch! Her and J both need to stop being so fricken pathetic! The sooner both of them leave these units, the better. Nobody around here wants to go near J and V so why do they continue to live here? They do nothing but create drama and cause trouble.

I have my support worker picking me up tomorrow afternoon. A good break away from home. I want to go to the Sushi Train, then after that I have to go to the Queensland Blind Association to sort out my membership paperwork. Then I’ll be bringing home fish and chips for tea, possibly. I may change my mind. On second thoughts I’m better off ditching the take-out food altogether for a while. I have a tonne of vegies in the fridge so sausages may end up on the menu tomorrow night. I need to set some meals aside for the freezer anyway. Hmmmmm… Will have to set up some dinner plans tomorrow. I was going to have pizza for dinner tonight but I had a big meal earlier so maybe I’ll just hide away in my unit and just tell the neighbour that I needed to go to bed, when I wake up in the morning. I hate take-away food anyway. I like fish and chips and Chinese food but that’s about it. I’d much rather home-cooked food.

It’s now 8 o’clock tonight. I interrupted my blog this afternoon so I could organise an outing with a friend. I wanted to get us fish and chips but the cab driver found out that the shop was closed and reopens on Thursday. So I got us some cold meat and salad instead, came home and made sandwiches. Then I called up another mate, found out he’s off to a dinner outing so I’ll ring him again tomorrow night. So overall today went fine. Very hot but I stayed in the cool airconditioning at my unit and also the neighbour’s unit. I ate quite a lot of food today and drank gallons of water and orange juice because the weather makes me excessively thirsty, like sticky and dry mouth and eything. I drank a big lot of water this morning so when I got thirsty again by a bit after ten, I drank two big cups of orange juice. Tonight I piled on the water again so i’m all right now. I was going to go for a walk to the shops this afternoon but that never happened beecaus storm ethreatened to swoop but never came. So now I’m lying in bed ready to go to sleep. I’ll read for a while first of course.

31 December, 2017 13:15

December 31, 2017

Ok. I’m in a text message window to write my blog. I have figured out that if I press Spacebar with dots 4-5-6 on my BN, the cursor focus goes to the Return key and I can type a new line without having to use the Word Press app. When I’m in the app I can just press the two right-hand thumb keys to make a new line, but in a text message window, pressing these thumb keys together causes the message to send. I just find post text messages way easier to compose and post. I’m still keeping my blog app on the phone so I can read posts a lot better, easier than going into Safari to do so—but when it comes to writing a post, texting is magic. Then if I want to send it, I can press the two right-hand thumb keys and it will atomatically send the message as a blog post. Now withthe boring stuff out of the way, let’s delve in to today’s entry!

This morning I had a cup of coffee and some toast with melted cheese. Then I went to V’s place, which is only three mitres away if you take a shortcut. Trying to explain this to doctss who don’t live here let alone know what this place looks like is a different story. Suffice to say, I hope the events of October never repeat. Dehydration and Gingervitis and other little problems can certainly create hell for you. Anyway, I went to her place, had a very frank discussion about my friendship with her and J. Names are kept as initials for anonymity. she didn’t like what I had to say. I told her how she’s not a true friend to anybody because she uses people for what they can get, especially where money is concerned. Then I told V that I know that it’s true that her and J only like me to my face, but really they hate me. V couldn’t believe that I could bluntly say that both of them dislike me behind my back! I used the word “dislike”, in order not to sound so harsh by the way. Then I wanted to know what J was on about when he rang me last night and said in a very grumpy tone that he was organising a party outside V’s place tonight. V said she had no idea he had called, then admitted that he wouldn’t allow her to call me any more so she did what he instructed. I said well, since J doesn’t want V to be my friend any more, I’d go since that’s how he wants it. I said goodbye, so V said ok if I want to be like that—to which I quickly interrupted and said sternly that no, I didn’t want to be her friend because of not wanting to be her friend, it is because J doesn’t want me to be her friend. The fact that V admitted that J doesn’t want her to speak to me because he decided that I simply didn’t want to be their friends any more and she believed him, so severely offended me that I will no longer forgive her, or J for that matter. He deliberately lied to her to show disrespect towards me for keeping to myself for two days. When I told V that J makes up her life and decides what she will and won’t do, she called me a cow as I stormed out. V can get fucked and so can J because I thought I was helping them out, and all they ever did was disrespect and abuse me, and use my friendship with them. They obviously never meant to be my friends really. Next time J speaks to me, I won’t acknowledge him or give in when he puts on the crocodile tears and fake apologies. As for being booted out of here, V and J are none of my concern so where they end up in whatever state of mind is no skin off my nose. I have so much wrath against them now that any carry-on shit they create won’t even move me to any type of emotion or tears or anything. I find it peculiar how V asked me if I only like nice people in a terribly smug tone. Hmmmmm, no wonder only her mother and father tolerated her while everyone else avoided her like the frigging plague. Sorry to burst her bubble, but I won’t tolerate her either. I can’t see a fucking black sky let alone a star, yet I still understand how fucked up V is. I don’t have an issue with the fact that she struggles a lot, I struggle too—not that she could give a damn shit about that! It’s her fucken stupid self-entitled demanding bitch attitude that gets me. V complains about her sorry arse while conveniently dismissing her dirty rotten behaviour and attitude. She is just so bloody rude and disrespectful. I can’t stand the fucking bitch. She hates people for being stingy and this that and the other, but she’s no different. Typical fucking hypocrisy at it’s finest!

Wow! I’ve just figured out how to use the Rotor to edit my blog properly. It took a while, but I’ve finally worked out how to use the editing settings in the Rotor so I can keep track of where the cursor is on my BN without always having to use Voice-over. when it comes to finding extra spaces and blank lines, VO helps a lot. But other than that, I can edit documents very easily now. Anyway, back to where I left off: I left V’s place an hour or so ago, so God knows if I’ll ever have anything to do with J or V again. I really detest both of them and when they get kicked out I’ll be chucking a great big party! I’d prefer to keep to myself, and I don’t want to share food to the two feral bitches again. I know for a fact that the only reason V and J were my friends in the first place, is just so they could get something. They really didn’t give a shit about me. And because I took power away from them by keeping to myself for two days, V and J decided presumptiously that I’m not their friends. Well stuff them!!!!! so… what they mean is, I’m only a true friend if I hang around them so long as they don’t have to respect my space or my wishes. Well, I guess that pair aren’t my real friends, so today I have dumped them and will make new friends. This is my blog post for now, more later.

30 December, 2017 20:39

December 30, 2017

Well here I am today, quite a few months after writing my last post. many times of late, I considered that I may never write in here again. But every time such thoughts crossed my mind, I immediately interrupt myself abruptly, knowing that I didn’t create this blog back in 2009 for nothing! So here I am in my room using my Braille Note to write. My anneaiversary of moving here was a few days ago, December 15. I left on the train from Cairns on December 14th, 2016, and arrived to my new unit the next day, December 15. Although since then I’ve had a few problems and health scares, I won’t look back and I must say I’m very glad I’ve moved to thi’s complex. I dislike most of the people in this place, but it’s not new for me to hate the neighbours. I’ve made a few changes with my Centre Care g’roup excursion program, but other than thaeat, all is pretty muceah the same.

I’ve just downloaded the Word Press app onto my phone after accidentally sending the post too early, so let’s see how I go now. So life is pretty much the same as it was, but I feel a lot healthier today than I did three months ago. I had a few dentist appointments after suffering from dehydration back in October, had a few dramas with the dentist apts too. Even on valium I can’t handle the vibration of tools and the build-up of fluid in my mouth so I start spewing after a while. The good news is I’m getting better at handling the dentist each time, something I’d never achieve without valium. The dentist reckons that my mouth is very small so it’s hard for her to fix my teeth properly, and although I choke sometimes, spewing up is more than likely caused by my mouth already irritated by gum disease. That makes sense to me. I hardly spewed last week so that’s a plus. I thought the nerve-block that was injected into my mouth was a great help too, sometimes pain can trigger vomiting as well. So with almost all the pain taken away, I got my teeth cleaned and polished without too much of a problem. A slight gag here and there but that was nothing compared to my other two appointments!!!!!! I will keep taking the valium for each appointment. I have to get rid of all my wisdom teeth next year so when they’re out, there may be more room in my mouth to fix the rest of my teeth. I can’t have most pain medications so when I wake up from surgery I won’t know whether I’ll be sedated for a while, or if they can give me a few medications and then some anti-inflamatories, or whatever the case. Maybe I can get away with having a nerve blocker injected every day. I don’t know. There will be no pain relief at home though, unless you can count Panadol which stops fever and makes me a little tired and that’s it. I hope I don’t leave the hospital until I’m comfortable enough to eat properly. This can take between two days to a week or longer, but what counts is comfort at home. I can’t see any dramas happening, I’ll ask for sedatives if I do encounter difficulties because if I can stay carefree and happy while I feel sick, I cope a lot better even if reality is horrible.

I’ve got my health under control heaps better and my disgusting other health i’ssues have been resolved, and my mouth is a lot better too. I’ve been reading a hell of a lot lately so I’ve been keeping out of trouble lol! I’ve been getting very depressed the past three days because I haeave no idea how my mouth surgery will work out; basically I may be reasonably happy and cope well enough, or maybe it will 1ba horrible eexperience for me. Not knowing either way is the worst part, I’m just so glad I’ve got a massive book collection in my phone! iBooks is like the best book reading app ever! I can’t stop reading for the whole day once I start. I’ve taken a break so I can write my blog because it’d be a massive downer to neglect such an awesome blog after working on it for so long. Now my Braille Note has died so I’m typing on the phone. I just think translating print into Braille is so convenient! I guess I’ll have to plug my Braille Note in and read the display through a plastic bag over my hand so I don’t feel the pins jiggling with the electric current when I read. There we go! The plastic bag trick works. When I’ve finished writing my entry, I shall go back to iBooks for another two hours and sleep veeary well after that. For some reason, the pins are attracted to my fineagers but not the plastic. But when the BN isn’t plugged into electricity, I don’t have a problem with the pins jiggling when I brush my hands across them. At least I can still write normally. Besides all the bullshit that has happened this year, I’m still ok, and the year’s end could have been a lot worse.

A few dramas but doing mostly all right…

September 13, 2017

I finally have some spare time to write out a nice long blog. I nearly put off writing but I know I’d have never gotten around to it for sure, as usual. Yesterday and today went ok, today was a much better day than yesterday. Neighbour dramas, and pressing charges against someone I know, is all I can say about that. I’ve really had enough of the human race, save for the few good people who contribute to this world and society, so I’ve decided to put my foot down, dig my heels in, and say that’s it, enough is enough! People will no longer get away with walking all over me. I know I wrote such shit years ago; honestly though it’s gotten to the point where I’ve had to pull the finger out, and start fighting back for a change. No more ‘oh, well, bugger it. Someone else can deal with this. I hate fighting so let someone else pick up the pieces6’ No, not anymore. This is my life, I’m not letting anyone else ruin me. Yes I will protest, hide if I must, because I’m not interested in dramas. But I will fight back and say to hell with the troublemakers. The good news is I’ll be going back on Vision Australia outings now that I’m putting some things right. A bloody frigging shit-fight to boot, but I’m not prepared to tolerate any rubbish when I get involved with their excursions and other activities again. I’m sure the Centre Care people will be glad as well. What I can’t tolerate about some people is telling them to back off and trying to deal with the situation civilly, but said people seem to think I don’t mean what I’m saying, make up some excuse or lie to cover up their wrongdoing, and then act like nothing is wrong, all while sneakily creating trouble and hardship for me. What fucking low-life scum! You’d think that nicely saying, ‘hey that’s enough! Stop it6’ or some such thing would get the message across, but no you’ve kinda gotta threaten people and all sorts of dramatic crap to make said person wake up to reality. For God’s sake just be respectful and maybe you won’t get into hot water in the first place! Hello? How dumb can some people get? I’ve really had it really. I’m going to have as good a time as possible this week because next week is going to be a bumpy one. Having to relive some shit that I’ve avoided for the past five weeks because I’m hiding from someone, is really freaking me out. I’d much rather run away and forget about horrible people. But when I’m questioned by other people, at first I’m like no, just forget it, I’m avoiding situations where the people I don’t like are in, so I can avoid them so stuff it and move on. But… Nope, I was made to remember all the bullshit, and yeah it’s not nice when I have to say ‘yep I’m hiding because yeah, reality fucking sucks.’ I like to hide from reality so I don’t have to deal with it. This feels so much like a God-forsaken nightmare that I can’t wake up from. The moment when you wish that what happened is just a dream, only to realise that it’s not a dream, and hiding and pretending that everything is fine doesn’t last forever. You can tell someone, yeah I’m fine, just forget it, but then reality slap as you decide you’re better off ratting out your nemesis before your issues get worse, or before they hurt someone else. I can tell people how much I couldn’t care less and just move on, but that idea doesn’t work for long either. I really hate drama and I really hate low-life people who live a life of causing as much damage as they can without getting caught. I just can’t believe people like that exist. I am full of disbelief right now. But it doesn’t change reality and it doesn’t delete all the shit so yeah, sometimes life sucks.

So besides yesterday being dramatic, and today having to revisit some other issues which I now have to bring to light so that someone can’t make life miserable for anyone else as well, I’m not too bad. I had a coffee and some vanilla slice, talked to my support worker and walked through a shopping centre. I read for a while, had a good feed for lunch, and booked myself in for a Vision Australia meeting next Thursday. QLD Police will be giving a talk, so if there’s time to do so, I will be addressing some very very serious safety issues where blindness is concerned. I truthfully believe locking myself away is reasonable. The world isn’t safe, and to hell with anyone who carries on about letting people win by staying in hiding. They obviously have no idea what it’s like to be in danger. I have every right to defend myself, and if I want to keep away from the outside world, that’s my choice. I don’t think it’s wrong to hide. I think it’s fine and good to avoid every possible bad situation, but as for going on with the attitude that people are winning if they can control how you live? That’s a God damned cop out. Survival is more important than trying to act better-than and bigger-than. Self-defense is all about preserving yourself any way you can, and physically fighting back when all else fails. To me, life is all about winning against the odds and waking up each morning to hopefully another good day. On that note, I’ll be putting my feet up and calling it a day. Tomorrow is a new day, the Link Vision fashion show sounds exciting so I can’t wait to go! I’ll just forget about next week’s fucking dramas until next Monday. I’ll then write down a million notes and everything so I can turf the fricken dickhead who caused a lot of dramas this year.

9 September, 2017 19:51

September 9, 2017

Wow…… Just… Wow!!!!!!! I haven’t written in here for soooooooo long! I don’t know how much I can write in an entry tonight, but here goes: So a whole lot of stuff has happened. I decided to revisit my YouTube channel, and have got video uploading working to a T. So that problem is off my list. Secondly, I’ve been going out with Centre Care every week, besides issues with some people, the excursions and driving tours are just. So. Awesome! I absolutely love the trips. I’ll be continuing on with this program. As for going on excursions with Vision Australia, I won’t go with them anymore. Too many unresolved issues with some people, one of whom is a God damned creep and I have no idea why he can’t be booted out of Vision Australia altogether, but there you go. Until VA improves their system for dealing with creeps, I won’t go on their outings. At least Centre Care takes complaints very seriously. Besides that all is well there.

I’m still going well here. I’m growing to hate most of the neighbours, but I guess that’s just how it is. My support worker from VA has similar problems as me and is hoping I won’t try to take legal action at least at this stage. I will be talking to Centre Care on Monday though, There are some safety issues as a result of a person’s behaviour and it seriously needs to be addressed before someone gets hurt or whatever the case. I think Centre Care is lovely, and for someone to taint the company’s quality of care is attrocious. The support workers are so nice and one of the clients (people who’re elderly and/or have disabilities) is putting a lot of pressure on these particular support workers, who’re being forced to make once-in-a-while mistakes. It’s fucked up and I don’t want to hear of care workers getting into strife over a beligerent/disrespectful and unruly person. Bossing carers around to the point of taking over their tasks especially where driving is concerned, is not on and I will cut it short ASAP and swiftly. Said person also attempts to force me to do what they want me to do as well, and although their bossy ways aren’t physicaly harmful for me, the point is, X is very controlling and beligerent and I can’t stand them. A safety issue regarding our bus occured today due to X’s behaviour so I’m sorting this shit out before X does cause harm in some way. I know care workers legally have to keep clients happy and comfortable even if what people choose to do isn’t always agreeable, but when carers are put under so much pressure that X can get away with almost anything with lack of regard and respect for other people, and safety is eventually disregarded as well, ah, nope, cut it out. I told the support workers how I felt so they said they’d keep X under better control as well. Very good as far as I’m concerned!

I’ve just put some chicken strips in the oven. I’ll be eating while I read. The heater is on so I’m nice and warm. I’m amazed that it’s spring and yet the weather is still very wintery especially overnight! I hope I won’t have a massive power bill this month. Oh crap before I forget! Said person as discussed above, also medals in other people’s discussions, especially if it happens to be an argument, when X isn’t even involved in the situation! X compared me and my horrible neighbour who lives in this block of units with one another, when X doesn’t even know the circumstances! The II (intelectually impaired) bloke who lives nearby, he has no concept of the gravity of the circumstances, to him it’s just a fight. He lives independently when he should be living in a higher care facility, but that’s a different story. So, not only is this person getting the boot, II fellow will be getting put away if he doesn’t tow the line too. As for said Centre Care client, there’s going to be serious shit going down soon. But oh well, the chicken strips are baking away as I write, and I had to turn the heater off and open doors and windows to let the smoke out. so now all is well. When I turn the oven off, the heater will go back on. I don’t want my unit to get freezing cold and I also didn’t want the smoke alarm to go off. So far, so good at the moment, and the chicken strips are smelling delightful! I don’t know if eating chicken strips while using my Braille Note to read will be the brightest idea, but will see how it goes. Oops, phone battery is about to die so will stop writing for now and put my phone on charge. I will write another entry very soon.

29 July, 2017 14:26

July 29, 2017

Bacon and eggs #TenPoints!

3 July, 2017 21:25

July 3, 2017

Gym Part 2


July 3, 2017

Going down to the gym

Frustration with my blog

July 3, 2017

I haven’t written in here since February!!!!! Wow where has the time gone? I know a lot has happened since then, namely some health issues which thank God aren’t permanent and I’ve fully recovered from them! I’m ecstatic about that!!!!!! I still cough a lot but haven’t developed breathing problems and I haven’t gotten worse so all good there too. I’m trying to find out how to put voice memos from my iPhone into my blog but apparently that won’t work, which really sucks. I like writing but sometimes I like to do audio recordings for the world to hear as well. I also don’t wanna pay hundreds of dollars a year just to keep a blog, and having to move my site to a domain would waste my time too because I still can’t put voice memos into my posts. So either way, I’m stuffed!

I’ve been reviewing my disability services so I can get my private cleaning agencies off my back. I’ve had the worst time of my life with finances this year! So I’ve cancelled the cleaners a few days ago and will have them spring-clean the place once a year. I’m hoping I can get disability agencies on board ASAP so I can save a tomne of money. I also have to stop going out with friends all the time, it’s perfectly okay for them to expect me to hang out with them but they forget or don’t care, that sometimes this is to my expense. If my friends care about me so much they’d actually help me a bit more by not expecting me to have to go out with them all the time! They are really quick to say ‘hey let’s go out for tea!’ While forgetting that I might not actually be able to afford to go out for tea tonight. And if I say, ‘no thanks, I might just stay home if that’s alright?, the two people I always hang out with, get all sad because they miss my company. Well sometimes they need to respect the fact that I don’t always want to go out whenever they want to go out, and if these people seriously want me to hang out with them, maybe they should just pay for my outing sometimes since I can’t always pay my way and if I could do so, I would. The fellow with intellectual issues, he doesn’t understand that he can’t always pay for me when I go out, but protests anyway if I choose to stay home. His totally blind girlfriend loves my company too. Sometimes I just like to stay home and at other times I just can’t afford to go out. This week I’ll be going to a strawberry farm with Vision Australia and also a really nice Mexican restaurant. Other than that I can only afford to buy groceries. The night outings with Vision Australia are once a month and Friday outings are each week during the day and sometimes at night. They’re awesome! And when another disability agency takes me on, I’ll be doing more of their group outings and hopefully I should get back to normal with how I live my life.

Test Recording

July 3, 2017

6 February, 2017 14:03

February 6, 2017

I had a boring day today. It was a good break after yesterday. Two friends stayed over on Friday night and all of yesterday. They left in the afternoon and I cleaned up the house and relaxed. I spoke to another friend, then me and Tori spoke on the phone for ages. I started to fall asleep, so I hung up the phone and slept for the night. I woke up this morning, laid around for an hour, got out of bed, and enjoyed a good feed of Special K Advantage and a cuppa coffee, while doing an Audioboom recording. I did a few recordings, and tried to do a recording of me cooking dinner tonight when Tori rang me. So she’s doing a blog, now I’ve decided to do a post because I haven’t done one for a few days.

Tonight’s dinner was perfect! Sausages with vegetables in cheese sauce, with pasta shells. I really loved it – had two servings. Yummmmmmmm!!!!!!!! Who says you don’t get excitable when eating a feed! Eating can actually be a fun thing to do. I put a container of it in the freezer and another container in the fridge for tomorrow. I have almost a dozen other meals in my freezer that I can divide into smaller portions and have boiled vegies with those. Wow I’ll survive every day for sure! Then I can prepare a shopping trolley for Woolworths Online next Tuesday. I love the online store. I won’t shop with Coles again until they clean up their act.

It’s now 1:30 in the afternoon. I couldn’t finish my blog post last night. I can’t talk and write at the same time. I woke up, had breaky and drank nearly two gallons of water and now I’m sitting on a comfortable couch which my friend brought in this morning. I really love it! It’s a three-seater. I’ve put it where it is and now it’s staying put for now. I did two Audioboom posts today. When I recharge my phone next week, I’ll upload the posts in the app and then I’ll upload my Voice Memo app posts whenever I can get to a Wi-fi zone. I checked the mail today, I got one piece of paper but it wasn’t in an envelope so I’ll read it soon. It’ll take half an hour for me to read the mail I’ve got there. Next week I have to go to the shops and take money out and come home for the cleaners. I love the cleaning service I’ve got currently. When the NDIS rolls out, I’ll be putting them on my funding care plan. I think it’s a load of shit that the TSS card for taxis is going out of circulation, it’s fucked actually. When the NDIS comes around, people will be forced to get funding rather than be given a choice. We’re becoming more Americanised every year and I hate that with a passion. Whatever funding is left over each year isn’t given to us. In other words we’ll be paying for our services with Government funding but we’ll be using our pension money to pay for everything else. In some ways I can see why the Government won’t let us use any of the funding for any other purpose, but in other ways I think they’re ripping us off. The other thing I’m struggling with is, how much do I over-estimate my funding? Like I could ask for too much funding and then I’ll take the next two years trying to decide just how much funding I’ll need. So if I’m given let’s say, $20000 for twelve months, but I only use $10000 of that funding, at the end of 12 months, I’ll have to pay the Government $10000 and change my care plan. My personal opinion is that they should allow people with disabilities to keep left-over funding for themselves every three years, so long as it’s proven that they won’t spend that money on drugs and alcohol and cigarrettes, and that they’re not just stealing it. Or if people can prove that they need the left over funding for a legit reason, then every twelve months, they should have to prove why they need to keep that funding and if they can’t provide a good enough excuse, then fair enough pay it back as required. That’s my view on it. I’ve heard that the NDIS isn’t working in other parts of Australia, so I don’t know what’s with that. Either people aren’t applying for it or maybe people are asking for not enough, or too much funding. Who knows? But when the NDIS rolls out next year, I hope it’s worth all the hassle.

#nsfk vent, and other musings #TodayIsAGoodDay!

January 28, 2017

28 January, 2017 12:16

January 28, 2017

I’m sitting outside with a cup of coffee. I had coco pops for breakfast, then I finished my online shopping order. I have to pay for it on Tuesday morning because Woolworths is different from Coles in that you have to pay for your shopping straight away, then Paypal refunds you if you don’t receive all your order. I think that’s awesome. When I used to pay by credit card, I had to ring Wooleys to get the refund. Now Paypal does that for me. Ând I get a clear notifications from them that I will be getting a refund of whatever price, or that I haven’t got enough money to pay Wooleys. Yeah, I wish I’d set myself up with Paypal years ago! At least I don’t get ripped of now yea! So long as I get my shopping by Wednesday afternoon it won’t matter. I’m quite happy with Woolworths online at the moment. I’ve worked out the layout of their site and I actually find it way better than the Coles site. I don’t know what the Wooleys site is like on the laptop, I’ll check it out when I’ve got a new Internet connection. But for now I’m using the phone for everything and not doing too badly. I think it’s cheaper to get Coles deliveries, but Coles has really shit stuff at the moment. Woolworths is where the market is now so I’m going with them. It’s good too because now I can take care of my own needs and I can help other people in need too. I’m not gonna leave my friends stranded just because I’m doing fine and they’re struggling. I think it’s the most selfish way in the world to live. If I’m not struggling so much, why the fuck can’t I help people sometimes? It’s not as if I’m going without, and if I was struggling, I’d just tell the person that I’m sorry I don’t have said items at the moment and all that. So now that I know I have struggling neighbours, I’ll just continue as I do, but will get more stuff to suit my own needs first, but I’ll always be able to help my neighbours. I’m sure they feel mean for asking for help, but I’d be really upset if they didn’t ask and they went hungry or suffered in some other way. I don’t have a problem with admitting that I can’t help someone, but if I know I can help them but choose not too,, I’d feel like absolute shit. I can’t not help someone when they ask. I don’t care what anyone says, if the person asking for help is in a bad situation, well I’m not going to watch them collapse for my own gain. Get stuffed, I don’t treat people like that. It’s like, my friend is having a really shit time at the moment and can barely survive yet she feels bad about borrowing stuff from me because I’m running out of stuff yet I’ll be getting more groceries next Wednesday yet my friend may need assistance next week again. It’s very sad but it’s how it is. I’m not overloading my friend with things that she doesn’t need, or giving her way too much of what she does need, and all that stupid shit.

I read last night’s blog and it seriously didn’t make a whole lot of sense near the end of it. I was so tired when I wrote it. Basically, I was talking about how impatient I was about getting my dinner ready the other night when I burnt the saucepan lid. And I was also referring to how people use the stovetop to cook food without saucepan lids on and all that. It’s how people are. I can’t stand turning the hotplate all the way up and letting steam go all the way to the ceiling and fucking up my nice clean unit. And I’m fussy about my and boiled vegies. I’d rather turn the hotplate down and let the vegies simmer slowly with the lid on than stand in the kitchen at the stove for 20-30 minutes, saucepan with lid off bubbling away, and sending steam and soot all through my kitchen. Saucepans come with lids, use the bastards. Anyway, there’s always something I don’t like about all of my friends. I still like my friends and I still help them like they help me. As for steaming vegies without a lid on, yeah right! That’s just a waste of electricity and all the heat will go through my place, and the vegies won’t cook the way I like them. And rice: I’m so damn fussy that I’ll only eat rice steamed in a rice cooker. I won’t boil it. Someone else can do that for me. I love making a big batch of rice, then filling up little containers with it, and freezing it. No wastage at all and I can cook rice any time I like as well, knowing that I’ll hardly ever run out of rice and I’ll never throw any of it away. And I can take the rice with me whenever I go out and microwave it for two minutes. Anything to save money lol. And if my friends go hungry they can borrow food and I’ll never go without. I may live how I want and do shopping to suit my lifestyle, but I won’t watch people starve to death. I just had a quick loo break and got another cup of water. That’s the beauty about putting two lime wedges in the big cup, I can refill the cup heaps of times and really enjoy the flavour of the water. It definitely works for me! I’m getting four limes with my next shopping order, and I’ll be buying lemons next time. That way I dont think of the water intake, I’m just thinking of how refreshing it is to swallow a lime flavoured drink all the time. It’s better than suffering from dehydration because I hate plain water. So long as it works that’s all that matters. Like the saying goes: if it ain’t broken, don’t fix it! I’m doing all right in myself, so I won’t complain.

27 January, 2017 22:13

January 27, 2017

I’m in my room. I’m writing as I speak to Tori on hangouts. I have to admit that as much as I hate moving and it’s a struggle and all that, it had to be done. It has been eight weeks since I moved and I still don’t have rent assistance. The office staff are too frigging lazy to help me, they won’t print the form off for me, that’s Centrelink’s job apparently. Lazy fucken bastards!!!!! Anyway, it’s working out slowly. Brisbane has bloody slow workers and everything drags along here. It’s bloody shockin’! Hopefully next week I get the frigging thing. Centrelink online is useless, you can do everything as far as reading and receiving information goes, but unless you have a printer, you’re stuffed. You may as well get rid of the Centrelink account and just ring the mongrels. An online account does have its place, but it doesn’t prevent any of the hassles with Centrelink. Anyone that reckons that having a Centrelink online account makes life easier is delusional. At least I can ring Centrelink and let them know what’s going on and ask them for help. Why does it have to take for fucking ever just to receive a God damn form? I should have been receiving rent assistance money weeks ago. Hopefully I can sort this crap out next week. I can at least relax over the weekend. I won’t do anything on Monday, then Tuesday is all systems go. I have to go to the shops, come home, wait for some cleaners to clean my unit, then if I don’t have the rent form, I’ll be cabbing it to Centrelink. Then on Wednesday the form will be getting filled out at the Link Vision office. I’m hoping the form can be faxed through. I want the bloody flaming money sooner than later. So let’s hope my plans actually work out for heaven’s sake. I have to ring iPrimus as well, to pay that fucker of a cancelation fee. I want to get rid of them. Then I’m saving up to get a new Internet connection. I really want Wi-fi!

This weekend is going to be boring. I may run to the survo for a packet of chips, I have no idea yet. Other than that I’ll be hanging around home and sitting downstairs in the communal area. I’ll be setting up my talking scanner too. I want to read the mail and i hope to God there’s nothing from L J Hooker. I’ve had enough of the shit from Cairns, not living there anymore so I don’t want to hear any of it. I don’t give a crap about the bond money. I don’t want it, I don’t need it. I’m not planning on renting in Cairns again any time soon. So bugger them. Besides that I’m planning on having a great weekend. There’s always people to talk to, and sometimes I go out, but not often. I can’t wait to get a lot more O and M training. I also need to find a good support worker. Hopefully by the end of the year I should have some semblence of an organised set-up for my life. I want to go to Cairns at the end of the year but I have to save money and everything. I’m wondering if maybe I could go to Cairns for a week during the year and see people there, and visit Troy. Then I can just come back to Brisbane knowing that I had a good little holiday. I’ll see what happens. I miss Troy to death! I feel like it has been forever since I said goodbye to my cute puppy dog, and saying hi to a guy and his guide dog the other day made me feel a gazillion times worse about missing Troy. Of course with grief comes accidents… As I nearly wrecked my unit when I left a saucepan lid on the stove while I was cooking dinner and didn’t realise that that particular hotplate was on, so I burnt the plastic bit of the lid and it exploded causing a cloud of smoke to engulf me. I ran outside and nearly passed out while I screamed at the neighbours because I thought the unit was about to burn down. I was scared shitless. Luckily ash and soot didn’t rise from the stove. And my large frying pan was on the low setting so the food didn’t stuff up or burn. So by the time I was ready to collapse and die for the night, I got to eat a really nice spag bog with my friend. I didn’t like having to wait around from 4:30 to 6:00 pm just to sort out a stupid bloody fucken feed, but when you’re getting assistance from friends, you’ve got to accept their schedule and make compromises with people. Oh well, you get idiots and crazies wherever you live I suppose.

musing, pondering, and a boring week ahead

January 27, 2017

a kitchen catastrophe

January 27, 2017

sausages and boiled vegies 2

January 23, 2017

Sausages and boiled vegies 1

January 23, 2017

Lunchtime vent

January 23, 2017

Arriving at the shopping centre, find out what happens

January 22, 2017

Complaining about Coles Online, rambling about other stuff, and making a good feed

January 22, 2017

finishing breakfast

January 17, 2017

enjoying my feed!

January 17, 2017

discussion part 2

January 17, 2017

discussion while waking up

January 17, 2017


January 17, 2017

a bit of housework then eating

January 1, 2017

rsponse to @pat.z about Christmas presents and ignorant wheelchair/push chair users on buses

January 1, 2017

chitchat and going to a friend’s birthday dinner #IHadTheTimeOfMyLife!

December 30, 2016

nice homecoming with a twist #helarious #checkitout!

December 30, 2016

a great outing!

December 30, 2016

28 December, 2016 14:38

December 28, 2016

At this time tomorrow I’ll be on the train. I really can’t wait till then, I’m so extremely excited and impatient today! I hate living here, Cairns is fantastic but I hardly ever see the family and my controlling grandparents aren’t pleasant to hang around. They’ve done a lot of good things for the family, but the other side of the coin is, they’ve also been very hurtful and manipulative. Stupid bloody bastards! So yeah, they’re not part of my life anymore. If they harrass me over the phone I’m gonna tell them to quit it and hang up. They expect favours from the whole world after they treat everyone like shit. So tomorrow I’m out and severing ties. And once a year or two I’ll come back to Cairns to visit my other family members.

Another boring day for me today. I’ve done not one healthy activity for the past three weeks. Neglect and abuse right there. The only difference is that some people take their victims into the forest and allow them to die slowly. My grandparents are feeding me enough to survive, but every other aspect of my life is neglected. They don’t care about my welfare, it wouldn’t bother them if I never moved. Their concern about me is that I’m blind and my death will just be a simple thing. Everybody dies. So dying early is just the disabled thing to do, because blind people fit into the disability basket, according to them. But I won’t die early. And my neglect is only short-term. Sitting around like a statue for three weeks isn’t quite so bad, and eating little morsels with the occasional big feed won’t technically harm me badly. But living like the way I have been, for a really long time, is cruelty. I’ll get back to normal pretty fast, I haven’t lived here long enough to cause a lot of damage. I won’t need permission to stay alive, eat drink breathe be a grown woman etc. When thea grandparents see me off, I’m not returning any favours or owing them anything. They certainly haven’t done me any special favours. Moving isn’t a favour. Everybody moves out at some point. If they’re not helping me, they’re controlling and bullying. They can never be happy or appreciative of the fact that I’m moving to a better part of town and they’re not happy people full-stop. So I won’t help them in return for their fucking bullshit ungrateful attitude. I only respect people who respect me.

In Brisbane I’m gonna set up my unit as quick as I can, then I’ll write up a list of Christmas goodies to make next week. I’ll be organising a gathering of friends and making a feast for them. Then I’ll be enrolling myself into some blind sports elubs. I’ll make my choices when I get there, I know I want to play Swish, it’s the modified version of table tennis. I’ll do some demos on Audioboom. As for other games, I have no idea what I’ll go after yet.

I’m back at this blog. I had coffee and chocolate cake, then listened to my tyrant of a grandfather talking absolute shit for an hour. Typical anti-semitic who needs poisoning as far as I’m concerned. But anyway… That’s him. I don’t care if I never see the stinkin’ douchbag again. I’m basically keeping a low profile as much as I can. Obviously I need to sit at the dinner table sometimes, but geeze! Living with two communist wannabes isn’t my thing I must say. I guess I’m too friggen democratic for my own good lol. I don’t agree with just doing as you want in a horrible selfish manner. You can’t go from one extreme to the other. But when it comes to living, well Jesus! You can’t live like a robot can you? Anyway, I’ll be outa dodge tomorra! I’ll let my grandparents know that I’ve got my stuff posted to me. After that they’re bust as far as I’m concerned. That’s it about them. I’m planning on having a great time, anything bad can happen anywhere so I’ll just keep my wits about me but hopefully all will be well. What I will do tomorrow is, eat the train out of house and home. I’ll eat some of my biscuits and all of my malteesers, then I’ll go after all the food in the deli car. It’s highly likely that the staff might try to convince me not to over-buy the food in case of wastage, but I’ll try to get menu choices which I know I’ll eat a tonne of without a problem. Anyway we’ll see how it goes, I’m gonna turn my trip into a minature holiday and a bloody feast. Anyone would think that I’m going to the moon or something! But oh well, good times ahead for me.

It’s a bit over a week now since I moved. I left Cairns on the 14th of December and got into Brisbane on the 15th. Then the old bloke who greeted me, he was so trashy, totally changed from the trustworthy person he used to be. After he left for the evening after helping me take my luggage to my unit, I decided to cut him out of my life. His shameful behaviour made me feel that he doesn’t deserve my time let alone a breath of fresh air. So fucking sad really! Oh well, I’ve made other friends since moving in here. Tomorrow I have to ring Coles Customer Care so they can fix my shopping delivery address, that’s my only issue here. Besides that, I feel great about moving here. The other units that Chass and Hailey live in are nice too, they’re just not as done up as these ones. As much as Public Housing allows pet ownership, I’d personally rather live in a very well-kept unit with only a service animal and no pets. I do love animals but I also love a good home. And the rent is subsidised here, so it’s a lot cheaper than Public Housing units yet the units here are better quality! I have to finish writing now, the phone is really hot.

talking about my unit and how I feel about people trying to run my life

December 24, 2016

Christmas gift

December 22, 2016

buying a good feed!

December 22, 2016

checking out a few things #AwesomeStuff

December 22, 2016

going to a furniture shop

December 22, 2016

waking up and making breakfast

December 22, 2016

me and my mates walking to town

December 22, 2016

Getting used to the layout of the unit grounds

December 21, 2016

I’m in my new unit!!!!!!!!

December 21, 2016

More of my train journey #FunTimes!

December 21, 2016

Getting used to the layout of the unit grounds

December 20, 2016

the train journey begins

December 19, 2016

arriving and getting on the train

December 19, 2016

going to the train station

December 18, 2016

rain over breakfast #boredshitlesshere

December 13, 2016

relaxing outside

December 13, 2016

a crappy lunch

December 11, 2016

helping Nan make rumballs #ItCanNeverBeTheOtherWayAround #ApparentlyImmature #IncapableLikeABaby #TreatedLikeACrippleAndInvalid #IFeelSoUnappreciated #ThisIsNeverHappeningAgain #NeverSpeakingToTheGrandparentsAgainEver

December 11, 2016

A really lovely time with my aunt and uncle and cousins #HeavenlyParadise #INeverWantToLeave

December 11, 2016

this is what my grandparents act like when they can’t get me to conform to their way of life or values #BlockThemOut #ThisIsNeverHappeningAgain #LearnFromHistorySoItDoesn’tRepeat

December 11, 2016

#anothercontrolledbreakfast #veryfachiesthousehold

December 11, 2016

another #boredTikeOutside

December 11, 2016

relaxing outside #boredok

December 11, 2016

me and Nan setting up Christmas decorations

December 10, 2016

life is very boring at the moment

December 9, 2016

Eating breaky while my grandparents carry on about absolute shit #There’sAGrainOfTruthInEveryStory

December 9, 2016

Another boring time at the dinner table and #SixMoreSleeps #LetThePartyBegin!

December 9, 2016

My grandmother rearranging my suitcase #NotTheWayIWantItPacked #That’sForSure

December 9, 2016

Me and my grandfather packing up my things in postage boxes

December 9, 2016

Going out

December 9, 2016

Slowly making our way home

December 9, 2016

Same shit, different day

December 9, 2016

Dinner and dishes

December 5, 2016

Me and Nan cooking in the kitchen

December 5, 2016

Having a coffee with my grandfather #IWishHeWasEasierToTalkTo

December 5, 2016

5 December, 2016 13:42

December 5, 2016

I’m sitting outside after eating lunch and I’m feeling not too bad. Naproxin and Panadol are taking care of the period, so besides eating until almost busting an feelimg the typical menstrual crap and the medication kicking in to make it all better, I’m all right. I’m starting to feel my stomach settle nicely now. So that’s good, I must be doing something right! I hate pain, and menstruation is no exception. But once that shit is taken care of, I can consider my problems done and dusted. Now I just have to think of Brisbane, how the train trip will be, what I’ll do when I get there, all the shit I’ll have to organise on the 15th of December when I first arrive in Brisbane, etc. I’m gonna have a loooooooong two days I can tell you! But at least this is the least of my worries. My biggest worry is being able to keep a low profile while I’m at Nan and Pop’s until I leave. I’m gonna pass out asleep when I get on that train lol! I’m emotionally exhausted. I want to leave already, but I don’t want to spend all my money on accomodation because I need it in Brisbane. A removal van would have gone to the unit by now had Nan and Pop not helped me. But he doesn’t consider that. He’s a fucking one-sided pig is what he is. But anyway, there’s no skin off my nose. He has his problems too. Mum’s a douch bag too. She has the hide to abuse me but she so-called never abuses anyone. What a piece of crap! She makes me friggen sick. But forget about her, she’s not here and she’s not moving out with me.

The weather is fine today. A bit hot but not too bad. It’s nice and breezy. I guess I haven’t got a single thing to worry about. I’m comfortable, full of good food, pain is taken care of really good now, and I can think abou what I need to do for the rest of this week. Not much I’d imagine, nothing ever happens around here. They’re too busy telling me wha and how to think to do anything else. When I’m not here, they sit around doing nothing. Oh well, I’m going to change that when I get to Brissy. A new start in my life! And as much as I love to do audio recordings, I like to write as well. Time just isn’t going quick enough. I want to hurry up and leave. Mum on the one hand, wants to help me, on the other hand she creates a lot of dramas. I’m sick of it. So long as I don’t have to speak to her, it’ll be sweet. She drives me mad. Nan is trying to get her on side as though I’m wrong for moving. Well up all of their noses. I don’t care. I’m not interested in what makes everyone else happy. I want to make my own life happy. I have to learn what it’s like moving, I have to learn what it’s like to sort out a new unit and everything. If I don’t like the experience, then fine!!!! Ok then, let’s see how it goes. But what if I love the moving experience? What if I cope just fine? Anyway, let them work out their own shit and I’ll do what I want to do. Mum and my grandparents can think what they bloody well like. Anyway, I’m all right. Life isn’t too bad.

Me and Nan sorting out a postage box for some of my things that won’t fit in the large suitcase

December 5, 2016

Saying goodbye to the visitors

December 4, 2016

Part 2

December 4, 2016

Socialising Part 1

December 4, 2016

Grandparents’ friends come over

December 4, 2016

Lunch and a typical lecture

December 4, 2016

Another day in the life moment

December 4, 2016

test post with Recorder HQ

December 4, 2016

a 1-sided conversation with my grandparents

December 4, 2016

a typical breakfast routine

December 4, 2016

boredom at Nan’s place

December 4, 2016

can’t wait to get to Brisbane!

December 3, 2016

Making coffee for me and Nan

December 3, 2016

Mealtime at grandparents’ place

December 3, 2016

Cleaning up in my old unit, organising my large suitcase

December 3, 2016

By myself at grandparents’ place yea! And sorting out my eye bathing water

December 3, 2016

Grandparents find out that I’m moving: and the adventure begins #FamilyInvolvementDramas

December 3, 2016

Brother’s Leagues Club part 1

December 3, 2016

Part 2

December 3, 2016

Grandparents find out that I’m moving: and the adventure begins #FamilyInvolvementDramas

December 3, 2016

Organising my new little suitcase and a few other things

December 3, 2016

Chatting over coffee

December 3, 2016

Sorting out my new suitcase and getting rid of a lot of rubbish, then eating

December 3, 2016

No title

December 3, 2016

Eating some chicken while talking about moving and the negativity from my mother

December 3, 2016

testing Audioboom update

December 3, 2016

Ready to get out of dodge

December 3, 2016

I’m at my grandparents’ place. Have been here for nearly three weeks. When I leave here on the 14th of December, I will have been here for five weeks. Five weeks too long! I hate it here. Very grateful for their assistance and accomodation, but their lifestyle of my-way-or-nothing-at-all, really bothers me. I can’t wait to leave! As for my poor little gorgeous canary, I won’t write about Whisky. Far too sad. Alive on Friday three weeks ago, dead the next day! That is all. I have to tell the pet shop lady next week, just to be fair. Then counting down to the departure date, although I started my countdown a few days ago when I booked the ticket. I was gonna leave writing blogs till I got to Brisbane, but you know what? I figure that it’s going to be a while before I leave this place so I may as well write to pass the time. I read for nearly forty minutes before coming outside.

I had a garage sale today but not a huge amount of stuff was sold and I made a quarter of the money I expected to make. Oh well… I sorted the stuff out for the unit a few days ago so I’m not too worried about the money at the moment. It’s just one of those things. I’ll have enough money for the first two weeks in Brisbane so all good as far as I’m concerned. Nan and Pop are concerned but when are they not concerned? So the quicker the time flies, the better. It is boring, motonous, and very stupid living here. Fanastic assistance, but a hotel would be better for me if only I’d had the money to stay in one. I don’t really care what anybody says about what I think and feel. This is why I hate involving some people in my life, they’re too busy throwing accusations at me because they can. Anyway, next time which I hope will be a longer stretch than five years let alone two, will be different. I’m living my life and that’s it. How I organise it is my choice. Too bad so sad for the family.

Nearly ready to vacate

November 26, 2016

I’m having a relaxing day today. Chicken and sallad on toast for breakfast, a cup of coffee, water, and soft drink to boot! I re-homed my canary yesterday. He is with my support worker. He is happy. Troy is doing fantastic with his new owners. He’s having the time of his life. And since it’ll be nearly a month before I move to Brisbane, I figured I’d write today. I can text blog posts, so I may as well do so now, it’s easier than going to the website and publishing posts that way. I’ve got my stuff ready to go. It’s not all tightly packed away yet because I still need to function till I get out of here. But instead of taking three days to pack up, it’ll only take me two or three hours to secure everything and take it away from this property. What I can’t take with me, is being sold or binned. All I have to do is post my paperwork and I’ll be set to go. This week I’ll be focused on gathering all my possessions together so it won’t be difficult to ditch/sell them at a moment’s
notice. Then I just have to take my swag and nick off. It’s that simple. The hard part will be hanging around until the real estate says I’m free to go. The day I leave this place will be the day I can think of how to rebuild my life how I want when I’m dowm south. I’ll write more soon.

My mouth-watering beef carbonara #FinallySuccessWithPastaDishes!

November 25, 2016

Going to Dulcie’s friend’s place

November 25, 2016

Having the best time of my life

November 25, 2016

Doing a bit of organising while venting

November 25, 2016

Taxi to shops and back home

November 25, 2016

Eating my chips and some delicious chicken while I talk

November 25, 2016

Making sandwiches and finishing my chitchat after being interrupted by the phone

November 25, 2016

Fixing my cane

November 25, 2016

doing a bit of cleaning up and offloading a whole heap of garbage

November 25, 2016

Serving my dinner

November 25, 2016

Eating, then hanging the washing, while ranting about my move

November 25, 2016

Getting ready for a late breakfast and handing my dog bed over to the lady who took Troy in

November 25, 2016

Preparing a late dinner #Day1WithoutTroy

November 25, 2016

Preparing a late dinner #Day1WithoutTroy

November 20, 2016

Goodbye Troy, hello to my eventual move to Brisbane

November 20, 2016

Eating and contemplating the logistics of my move

November 20, 2016

Last hours with Troy

November 20, 2016


November 20, 2016

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