Uncertainty…

I’m sitting outside for some fresh air. I spent the day with J and V because for some reason, they can’t live without me. We went to a shopping centre for lunch, then tonight we went to buy a beautiful chicken meal. I had half a hot chicken with roasted vegies and as of now I’m still very full! I had a large soup mug of orange juice; I had a few large mugs of drink today. I had a pie and coffee for lunch, a big serving of cherries for breakfat with a big mug of coffee. So today was quite good for me, except when I went to Coles and got mistreated by Coles staff. They’re complete bitches in there and the atmosphere wasn’t very happy. But away from Coles, everyone was a lot happier. Not many people go to that Coles store now. Now here’s where my good news ends… And after I rave on, I’ll talk about some of my enjoyable new endeavours for 2019.

So My period pains have gone away for the most part. I sometimes feel a dull feeling in the lower stomach though. I let off a lot of gas too, so I’m insisting on a checkup when I get called into the guinicology clinic. It could be anything, but I want to find out exactly what’s fucking going on. All this freaking suspense and leaving myself in the dark is really getting on my nerves now. All I want is a comfortable life and no crappy medication that doesn’t even work, and no more painkillers. I don’t want to perpetually treat problems that can be cured properly. I’ll be forcing my hand on a few things next year. When I find out what direction I will take, I’ll let you know. I know as a matter of fact that I’ll be taking legal action but hopefully I won’t be pushed aside by doctors and I won’t have to sack/sue anyone. Other than that, I don’t know what’s going to happen. I may even decide to withdraw from any medical treatment plan and piss everyone off myself, no questions asked. But we’ll see and I hope something good comes of all this.

I’m hoping to get my new phone in a couple of months. I’ve got Woolworths online worked out so I’m getting a few New Year’s Day treats on Monday, and after that I won’t buy anything for weeks. I have plenty of food in the freezer, I don’t really need anything from the shops for bloody ever now. I think J and V are very possessive of my life in different ways; I told V tonight that sometimes I won’t be around next year so I told her not to go around making up shit about me. Hopefully something will be set up for them so they can both get their psychiatric issues sorted out. I’ll be going to and from Guide Dogs, I’ll be going to and from doctors and hospital appointments. Hopefully I can go contraception-free and pain-free soon. Contraception isn’t making any difference for me any more so I’m going to refuse it and threaten to neglect medical care if these doctors don’t help me properly. It’s how it goes. Taking medicine doesn’t cure most problems. I don’t want help to deal with problems that can be fixed/cured. Oh well, hopefully I can also get myself onto the waiting list for a new guide dog. I’m also trying to get new support workers who can help me without manipulating my life to suit them. People need to take control of themselves and let everyone else mind their own business. I’ll be making sure Guide Dogs takes over as much as possible. I need a lot more O and M training andI really need to keep away from these units as much as I can. I’m told that if I’m demanding enough, the doctors will supposedly help me. Hopefully my health is sorted. I’ll eventually quit eating and drinking if I get frustrated and angry enough. And there’s nothing anybody can do about it. I’m getting Guide Dogs involved in a lot of dramas because I don’t put band-aids on things. I like to be as enjoyable with life as possible. I’m built for comfort, not fucking religious bullshit. I live in the real world and if disability workers won’t accept this, they’re in the wrong job. I’ll be getting my eye implant fixed too. If anybody tries to manipulate my decisions about my eyes, I’m sacaing them. And if I get a lot of flack, I’m ringing up some other companies to get them to take over. I’ve got my own defensive skills and I’m not about to let people tell me how to live. Come at me and see if I don’t tell you all to smoke your pipe. I run my life, thank you.

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