27 August, 2018 13:31

I boiled three potatoes to have with a lamb chop. This time I didn’t do anything wrong. The spuds were perfect and I microwaved the chop for thirty seconds which warmed it up well. So I’m fairly full now. I’ve put the other spuds in the fridge for later. I don’t know what I’ll have for tea tonight. I thought of having scrambled eggs again, but I don’t think so. Maybe I will change my mind later. I’m trying to keep eating normally, but in a way that helps me lose weight because I’m putting it on far too quickly. I’ve got it a bit more controlled now but I hope I don’t make myself sick. I just eat a lot more vegies with small amounts of meat and not too many biscuits and cakes.

I had a fight with Guide Dogs this morning. I found out that my O and M program had to be re-opened because of the staff shortage and a long client list. I’m sure every client wants lessons to start up this week, but they couldn’t get everyone in at the same time. So I had to repeat myself a few times to explain that I don’t have more than one travel route ticked off and this is a big concern for me. My O and M instructor got back to me immediately and we’ve set up an appointment for next Wednesday. My next fight was over the NDIS shit that needs sorting out. Guide Dogs are taking over now because the fucking Government ain’t taking me seriously. They’ve intentionally underestimated the amount of funding for my O and M program despite me giving a detailed explanation to the NDIS team. It’s like if you’re working for a company, the Government loves you. If you’re a disabled person, the Government is like, get stuffed, I’ll just take what I want from the discussion so long as you’re seen but not heard. I was quite angry actually. I told the instructor it’s not her fault and I wasn’t swearing at her. It’s the NDIS people who I’m swearing at, at which point the instructor got upset as well and said that it’s fine, she’ll sort it out. We would have preferred that I sort it out, but I haven’t gotten anywhere with NDIS so Guide Dogs is going to have a go at them now. It’s sad when you need a company advocate to call the Government out when it does something wrong. Very fucking crappy. We all use email, how difficult is it to send a bloody letter via email? These other portals are shit and I don’t want life to be so complex when it doesn’t need to be. Just send a stinking email for God’s sake! It’s like the doctors saying they can’t say I’m totally blind because they don’t know my eye history. Guide Dogs isn’t asking for a history. I can’t fucking see so there’s nothing else to be said! Do the doctors think I’ll suddenly wake up with vision tomorrow? Medicine isn’t any better than it was sixty years ago and the doctors wonder why people distrust them. We go to the doctors to get help, not to pretend we’re sick to look for drugs! Why would I vomit everywhere and then say, hey I enjoyed that. I’m just looking for drugs! If I was that sick in the head I’d happily vomit at home, wouldn’t I? And, if I didn’t want to look for drugs at the doctors, hey, I’d just stay home sick and I’d happily, or miserably, depending on your idea of thinking, refuse treatment. I don’t need to be crook to look for drugs. I can just ask for medicine without having to put on an act. But I don’t do that. I just get whatever medicine I need and if I don’t want it I don’t take it. But if I’m crook and the doctor doesn’t recognise that I need help, either they’re a con-artist registered as a doctor or if they’re a real doctor, they’re heartless and are only in it for the money. I still consider those doctors to be fake as well, because they only went to medical school so they could get access to vulnerable people because they’re easy to abuse and victimise.

I can’t wait till tomorrow! I’m going to get the food processor, bring it home and take the rest of my books back to the post office. I won’t get any more books after that. I have plenty of books to read in my phone. I hate Vision Australia, the sooner I get rid of them, the better. I can get better quality products from overseas. Everything I’ve bought from VA has suddenly stopped working. They sell crappy stuff at really exhorbitant prices. I didn’t put Transit Care in my NDIS plan either. They have a stupid system where you’re the only one allowed in their car. So if someone wants to go to the same place as you, you still have to go separately in another car. So I didn’t even comment about Transit Care. I know Centacare is similar, but at least with them, you already know before you register with them, that they won’t pick up other people along with you unless you make a special arrangement with the head office. With all this shit discussed with Guide Dogs staff, we’re now going to resume my O and M program and Centacare will keep helping me according to my weekly needs. I just use taxis when I need to go out at a moment’s notice and I use Centacare for everything else. I think I’ve got a good set-up going with them now so I just have to keep reminding the head office to keep my program as it is with the same support worker.

I’m going to read blogs for the rest of the afternoon. I also want to think of more writing topics because I’ve witten so much lately that I’m starting to develop writer’s block. I don’t want to repeat myself every day and make my site appear boring. I don’t mind writing about my routine so long as I can write about a different subject along with my usual routine stuff. Actually, now I’ve just thought of it, I’d better jot my thoughts down before I forget. I wanted to talk about how blindness changes people. My view, of course.

Over the years, I’ve been told things like, ‘maybe you’re anxious because you can’t see.’ ‘You’re blind, that’s why you can’t cope with life sometimes.’ ‘You wouldn’t be the same person if you could see.’ The ideas just keep coming. Well, let me tell you, blindness has nothing to do with personality. I’m sure blindness does have an effect on people. But I don’t believe that we’d be completely if we could see. For example, I’m a fussy person. I make sure all the dust is cleared off the bench before I consider it to be clean. If I could see, I’d most likely be the same, because vision and cleanliness have nothing to do with each other. I do worry that blindness affects how well I clean my bench space, but I still expect it to be clean regardless of my blindness.

I struggle to cope with life sometimes, and although blindness causes me to struggle at times, generally speaking, I struggle to cope for more reasons than just being blind. If blindness was my sole reason for coping, I’d never breathe let alone get out of bed. If blindness was the only reason for the way I am, I probably wouldn’t even be here. There’s lots of TB people who smoke and drink. I do neither. Some TB people have kids. Not for me thank you. Some TB people have no care in the world and nothing phases them. Not me. I want everything fixed and I’m not a patient person. I believe people tie blindness to the way people are because they won’t accept that blindness is a disability, not the person. Disabilities do create limitations, but they don’t change people entirely. Hey, I could smoke if I really wanted to, but eeeeeuuuuuuu! I hate the idea of smoking and even with some people getting me to smoke indirectly by holding their cigarrette at me, I still fucking hate it! Obviously not everyone meant to hold their smoke at me, but anyone who did mean it quickly discovered their mistake. The only things I can’t physically do because of blindness directly, is read print and do visual inspections of the environment. If I can’t use my hands to explore my surroundings, that’s when I feel completely stuck. And I need someone to read labels on products and boxes, instructions etc. But apart from that, I can do almost anything.


2 Responses to “27 August, 2018 13:31”

  1. manyofus1980 Says:

    Hi! I hope you had a good day! It sounds like O and M is gonna go ahead thanks to guide dogs! That’s great. I am happy you get to continue. Your right about blindness, we can still do things, in fact most things we can do! why do people think we cant? its so stupid. xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    • Michelle Says:

      Yes well, over the years I’ve had lots of people assume wrongly about blind people some people think to go as far as to physically protect me as if they are protecting my life. What offends me the most is people who disregard me completely, no matter what I say or what I do. It’s as though I somehow don’t exist, like some people choose to put me out of their minds so they can deny the reality of my existence. Luckily this situation does not occur every day, but it does occur once in awhile.


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