Reading more blogs has taught me a lot

I didn’t write yesterday as I was in bed reading blogs and writing comments on posts all day. I was feeling quite run-down and a tongue ulcer was giving me the shits too. So I just took it easy which is rare for me. Yesterday afternoon I snacked on chocolate, cheese and bread. I didn’t want a big fancy meal. I slept well last night, from around 11:30 to 6 am. The alarm woke me up, but I heard rain so I wemt back to sleep till eight. I got out of bed feeling much better and so I had a coffee with jam on toast. I made another cuppa half an hour ago and spent fifteen minutes on the phone to my grandparents. I sat outside for a while to catch up on blogs and I spent all of last night and this morning reading through a couple of blogs because some of these people have a heck of a lot of stories to tell and events in their lives to recount, in great detail! I also gained a lot of perspective when I read one of these blogs for hours and hours. I still have a lot to get through with this blog.

A few entries back, I had it in mind to have a big discussion with my grandparents to remind them that I’m living my life and I don’t need their interference or their harrassment if they can’t get me to agree. They’ve always been opinionated people and they’ve always been prone to outbursts at other people for not supporting them, or if they didn’t want to support other people with situations or decisions my grandparents didn’t agree with. They were the typical my way or the highway people. If anything conflicted with the interests of my grandparents, they had to do their best to make, or force, people to change or agree. You had to just accept the status quo with them, it could NEVER be the other way around. My grandparents especially my grandfather, could never be wrong, they always knew best with every situation and they always had the best life experience, age was always on their side in this regard, for them, everyone around them doesn’t know what they were talking about, etc, etc, etc. They have been this way all of their lives. Our family – all of us, has always had conflict with them. They will even hunt any of us down until they find us if we didn’t return calls. They are still like this. Some of the family has aggressively told my grandparents to knock it off, in which case my grandparents will never speak to these family members again, but anyone they are still in contact with, gets the same treatment.

I know my grandparents aren’t the people in these blogs. I know my grandparents can’t be compared to other people, they will never be like other people. My grandmother and grandfather will never change who they are, they are always going to be unique in different ways, even if most of our family has a love-hate relationship with them. My grandparents are never, ever going to understand differently from their own experiences, they will never think outside the box and think oh, everybody is doing what they want to do and we can’t all think and act the same. No, they will always analyse everyone else and compare people to themselves as right or wrong, agreeable or disagreeable. With that said, one of these blogs has really taught me a few things. This post is going to drag out, by the way. So please read at your own pace, and if there’s anything you can’t handle to read, please skip, or read at your own risk. To everyone else, and I hope this is all of you, please relax and enjoy! So let’s have it: This <a href=“dadsdementiadiary.wordpress.com”>blog</a> really got me thinking about how I relate to other people, especially my grandparents. I know I can’t control everything in my relationships with friends and family, but based on my unique situation with them, I can do things to change the outcomes of my daily interactions with people. This does not mean bowing down to peer pressure or doing what suits other people, or changing my personality to make other people approve me more than they do currently, and I’m not going to change how I live, or move out of my apartment because someone else said so. What I will do, and it’ll be difficult because it means facing a lot of harrassment – is just be myself as usual, and should I face a situation where I must agree to anyone’s demands, or whatever the case, I’ll let some things slide and I’ll be firm at other times.

I’m having a difficult time reasoning with my grandparents at the moment. With the rest of the family I can just tell them I’m fine and we all move on. With my grandparents, saying I’m well thank you, means a lot of things depending on what day it is and what mood they’re in. Everything – well almost everything, has to be a three-hour conversation or a debate and eventually, a cause for creating conflict, such as arguing and bully tactics. Once again every situation is different, circumstances aren’t the same, and so I’m not out to compare myself with other bloggers and loved ones, let alone other people in general. What I am saying is, I can do a lot to change the course of a situation with my overly demanding grandparents. I can’t change them, I don’t have to completely change myself, but I can create distractions and stand my ground and take a breath all at the same time, if I prepare myself before beginning any interactions with my family, especially my grandparents. My mother is a different story, I’d prefer not to speak to her than try to see reason with her because I’m faced with tolerating her or just saying, Mum loo, I need to go now, I’ll ring you next week when we can discuss something happier and we can speak nicer to each other. I can’t stand the vicious cycle of our bad relationship, so I’ve decided to simply stop contact. One day we may speak again, but for now I’m not on speaking terms with her.

Anyway, what I’m doing from now on is not allowing people to force me into discussions I’m not comfortable with. I’m 33 now so I don’t need people telling me what to do with my life, how I’ll live, etc. Legally, nobody has the right to take over my life unless they can get evidence that I can’t look after myself or make my own decisions. I’d be very surprised if any friends or family were to try to force me to change location or interfere in some drastic way, with my life. I’ve got more evidence for my ability to live at home than they have, so they won’t win. My grandparents have hunted me down through the property management when they’ve not been able to contact me. So I’ll not put it past them to cause great difficulty in my life if they get it into their heads to do so. Unbelievable, but this is what they’re like. They’re nasty and are capable of anything. If my grandparents wanted to, they could ring the office management and specifically request that I be moved out of here. I hope it doesn’t come to this, but if it does, I’m bringing Guide Dogs and Centacare into it because I don’t have a legal guardian and without my written consent, people can’t legally make me move out for their own gain. Besides, my family probably won’t take drastic methods to force me to do anything, and if my grandparents do try to cause trouble for me, I’ll be telling every person I know so they’ll intervene on my behalf so I won’t get into a big argument. I will still have my say, but my supporters will basically keep me from being harrassed too much. The next time I speak to my grandparens, I’ll talk as normal, and will straight out tell them that I’d prefer to talk about something else, if they try to get me into an uncomfortable discussion. If they start the fight, I’ll finish it with, excuse me Nan/Pop, I’ve gotta go now, I’ll ring you next week. If they decide to get other family members involved, I’ll just say look, I’ve already spoken to Nan/Pop, they know my position on the matter, and will leave it at that. People can think what they will, and if for some bizzare reason the property manager gets involved, I’ll just say, I like living here and I don’t have any reason to move out. After all that is said and done, I’m simply going to tell the family either to respect that I’m living my life to suit me, or have nothing to do with me. After that I’ll just not have contact with my grandparents should they make a lot of trouble for me. They’ve done it in the past, they’ll do it again. I’ll be continuously telling the landlord that my family knows I’m not living with them and my discussions with them aren’t helping with the situation. If all else fails, I’ll sign up to move into a different unit complex. I don’t like that plan, but I’m not a puppet on a string, and my family has no right to baby me like they do. Showing concern is one thing, but interfering and bullying me is not allowed.

I’m going to send a text to them later. I’m setting boundaries and I’m going to give my grandparents consequences. If they cut me out of their life, so be it. They have no respect for other people even though they deny this flatly. But their behaviour shows it and we all know it. Everything my grandparents does wrong, they deny. So if they deny bossing me around, I won’t be surprised. And so I’ve just sent the following text:

Hi Nan and Pop, I’m glad you had a good day at the markets. Our little chitchat was good too. I appreciate that you get concerned about me, I’m still living my life the way it suits me. I’m capable of making my own decisions thank you. XX

I know they won’t accept what I’ve said, but if they should take legal action against me, I can quickly get Guide Dogs and Centacare to set the record straight. I’m trying to get in touch with one of my brothers so he can talk with the other brother and they can also put a stop to the grandparents’ nonsense. They’ve always been very demanding on everybody but now they’re elderly, they’ve taken this drama to another whole other level. I’m nipping this shit in the bud. I never have needed a legal guardian, and I will not ever need one until I get very much older, or very crook. Let’s hope not the latter.

I’ll be speaking to the property manager this week. He needs to know that family interference is not acceptable, and using exaggerated behaviour just to get in contact with me is off the cards. If the office management hasn’t heard that something has gone wrong with me, then I’d appreciate that they don’t frighten me by ringing me just to say my grandparents want to talk to me. If they were so concerned for my welfare, they’d call the police. What they’re doing is lying, and I don’t like people who lie. Pop doesn’t need to make up stories just to contact me. It’s a very childish way to be. My grandparents are very unreasonable and now they’re losing touch with reality so I’m getting as much attention to the situation as possible. As for me, I’m writing all of these events in my blog so I can get it off my chest and read back over it thinking, what a load of shit this is, all because I’m blind and some family members think I’m not taking care of myself! I can’t believe my grandparents are in their eighties and they’re still at it, trying to control their relatives in any way possible. And they abuse the family, causing people to cut them off, and they never consider that they’ve acted like five-year-olds and created all this mess. Why can’t people just get along? Why do people have to chuck tantrums and boss other people around and abuse them? My family has had it hard at different times because of the way my grandparents treat people. My mother has a lot of issues and so I’ve moved on, and now the family is trying to drag me back into the dramas. No, I moved away. Deal with the dramas yourselves. I’ll speak to some of my family members, but not to those who suck me into their problems. Life is too short to be miserable.

I’M going to the shops tomorrow. I’m sick of sitting at home. I’m taking K with me, whether J comes along is a different story. K Is very upset at the moment. She needs to get out of the house a bit more, and she’s had it with the neighbours. So we’ll be spending an hour at the bakery. I won’t be doing much else until Tuesday. I’m more poora than I was when I first moved to Brisbane. The reason I won’t move back to Cairns is because it’s so boring to live there after a while. And the weather is always hot there.

I can’t wait to get my food processor on Tuesday. I’m going to set it aside so when the OT turns up in September, she can show me how to use it and how to clean it safely. I heard that food processor blades are very sharp. I’m also gonna ask if parts can be replaced. I want to keep that food processor for as long as possible. I don’t want it to wear out after just a few years. When I finally learn how to use it, I’m going to grind up some vegetables to put in the spaghetti. I’ll be making it on the same day the OT comes around. We have to work on cooking chicken schnitzel in the frying pan and chicken breasts in the oven, but I’m hoping I’ve got time to learn how to assemble and disassemble a food processor. Wow, I’ll be cooking every night soon! Once I’ve got myself sorted and I’m confident enough to cook properly without any assistance, I’m going to take an entire afternoon to cook as much food as I can within four hours, then I’ll be packing it up in the freezer to save me from having to cook a meal every night. That way if I still want to cook other lunchtime and breakfast foods, I can do so at any time without feeling rushed. Here I am living the high life and some relatives are presuming that I have no capacity for living independently! I think learning to do my own thing is great, that way I can focus more on developing good relationships with other people and they can help me out of gratitude, not out of necessity. I love assistance from people, I just don’t want them thinking they must help me because I can’t manage my own life. I want help and support to make my life easier, not so other people can say I can’t live my life. Oh well, I’m pretty much sorted. I’ve just got to learn a few extra things and then I’ll be sailing.

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