After having a fairly busy day, I can write for the rest of the evening. Geeze, I’m sure this blog should be well on its way to becoming a book by now! Some of my entries have been a quarter of a novel size. But since I’ve got all evening to write, and I’ve just eaten chicken stirfry, I have plenty of time to create another mini book lol. Get ready to sit down to drinks and snacks as you’ll be readimg for a reeeeeeeeeally loooooooooong time!

I woke up this morning and started out with jam on toast and a coffee. After that, the long slog began. I rang NDIA and was on the phone for thirty minutes. I had to wait for them to answer, and when they finally answered, it took like ten minutes, I’m sure it was nearly fifteen minutes actually – to sort out my information to make sure it was correct. After I hung up the phone, I rang Centacare and organised a support worker for next week. I’ll make sure she is locked in when I speak to my coordinator tomorrow. I’ll be sorting out who will take the NDIS funding on my behalf too. I checked out a list of support coordinators and there’s a great lot of them. I sent an email to both Centacare and my OT this afternoon. I forwarded an email to Centacare with my NDIS info so the coordinator can help me, and I sent my OT a very long letter with a great big list of things I need help with until I can manage myself properly in this unit, without getting pissed off all the time. Then I wrote a fairly detailed paragraph about how living here frustrates the fuck out of me. The OT will do another review of my situation next year and with the way things are going, it looks like my OT program will stay open. I like it when people help me, but I also want to be able to run my own life.

At three o’clock I wandered downstairs for a while and chatted with the maintainance guy who works here twice a week. I went upstairs and socialised with K over a cup of hot tea for her and hot chocolate for me. We talked for an hour and a half. I really like our conversations. It’s a pity the lady can’t enroll in a different program, there’s quite a few people she can’t tolerate, where she goes. I’m glad I’ve left Vision Australia, K doesn’t have a choice but to stay with them. I think VA sucks and when I left I never looked back. So much for they’ll work out better! K always whinges about them and the way some of the clients behave. I think she’s miserable some of the time and I have no idea how to help her. Let’s not get onto the I can’t help her business, I’m not fucking stupid and I already know that. But I have feelings like everyone else and I do feel helpless when K complains. Anyway, after she left a while ago, I got a meal from the freezer and ate. I’m right now till the morning. I’ll have to wake up by 6:30 which really sucks. I have to get to the shops by eight, the OT will be around by twelve. I hate early mornings. When I get a new dog I’m sure he/she will wake me up at the crack of fucking dawn every bloody day! I have to get a few things so I can make a yummy potato bake. I can’t wait to try it! I’ve fucked it up a few times, I hope it works out this time. I love potato bake when it’s cooked properly. I don’t like half-cooked potato bake swimming in sauce. Yuck! I need it to be nice and soft to eat, but firm to the touch. When I get the hang of using the oven properly, I’ll be cooking every day. All I have to do now is organise more O and M lessons. Life is pretty much sorted now. I just have to spend three hundred bucks on new clothes because I have to get rid of a lot of tacky clothes, and I should be right. I’ll also be continuing my trips to the library twice a week. I can read or listen to videos for three hours without being distracted. And i can stay out of the house sometimes.

And now I’m outside with a thick jacket on. I actually want to reduce the time I leave a heater on. I hate wasting electricity when I’ve got nice warm clothes and I don’t have to be stuck in the house morever. I hate not being able to go out all the time, but due to a huge case-load, Guide Dogs can’t come around all the time. I’m also very shitted off that I’ve had to ring the management office to get them to contact a plumber for me because the people I’m trying to contact won’t pick up. Damn! I’d better have my water purifier installed by next week. I don’t buy things to waste money. I seriously can’t wait to get my food processor, I’ll be making a lot of meals with it and making smoothies and everything! I won’t know myself. I love smoothies. I love pumpkin soup too, I’ll try making it again and I’ll blend it up and see how I go. I haven’t made pumpkin soup for years. The last time I tried making pumpkin soup, I buggered it. Oh well, maybe I’ll get it right this time. I’ll be making spaghetti bolognaise too. I love grated vegies in spaghetti bog! And when I’ve got my ice machine up and running, I’ll seriously be eating ice all fucking day. Iced water and crushed ice in smoothies. What a life! I’ll be doing audio recordings of my latest adventures too. Talking of food, I’m going to buy a hot chook and salad tomorrow. Actually forget the salad. Chicken and potato bake will be just fine. Next week I’m doing vegies and chops, and another potato bake with crumbed steak. If anything gets in the road of these plans, I’ll just wait till another time to make it. But I like the idea of cooking every day. It gives me something to do. After my OT leaves, I’ll just make a chicken sandwich, go to the library, then I’ll eat potato bake and chicken for tea. Fun times ahead guys! Crap, now I think of it, I hope Centacare doesn’t buzz me when I’m at the shops. Damn it I hope I can get the shopping out of the road before twelve o’clock, I want a stress-free day tomorrow. I don’t do stress. I also don’t do being bossed around by the family. The grandparents are the worst. They think they can just tell me what I want and how I feel. I’ve even told them to stop treating me like a baby and stop bossing me around, and nothing I’ve done has made them leave me alone. Sometimes I consider changing my phone number, but I’ve had this number for years. And I don’t want to change location. I just want my grandparents to either stop bullying or fuck off. Nothing I do makes them frigging stop! I’ve had it up to the ears with their shit. I’m not being tested, I’m being bullied and I’ve fucking had enough! Bf I wanted to be tested, I’d go to school. Being bullied is not an exam to see how good or bad I am. I don’t like it and I want it to stop. Why will my grandparents not take no. No means no and that’s it! They’re not here so why do they continue to harrass me? I’m going to be like my cousin and tell them to fuck off so they can accuse me of being a bad granddaughter, because they treat me and my cousin the same way. I agree with my cousin now. I’m gonna be mean to my grandparents next time because when I communicate nicely with them, I get abused and bullied. My brother tells me they’re just worried. Yeah true, but I don’t need any shit from other people. I just want to have a good time and a peaceful life. But I guess peace doesn’t come with some family situations. I could speak to Mum, but we’ve had a horrible relationship in the past, and the past always predicts the future as they say, so I feel a bit panicky thinking about ringing Mum. All we do is argue, even if I don’t want to have an argument. Yeah, I don’t think so.

My family is fine which is all that matters. I’m fine here so I don’t want my life to change. I don’t want any dramas. I don’t plan to be the one to take the bait. As soon as anyone tries it on me, I’m out. I’ve decided to dig my toes in. I’ll only do what I want to do now. People can tell me to do this and do that. But I’ll only do what suits me. I don’t listen to peer pressure. I won’t bow to pressure. I’ll see how everyone is and see ya later it is. I don’t need any fuss. I love my family but I don’t want to be smothered. I bet Mum would no doubt carry on and I’d just say goodbye, I have better things to do sorry. I need people in my life who add value, not take value away. It’d be lovely if me and Mum would have a decent conversation. Why all the abuse and dribbling on and talking about past problems? I live in the past sometimes too, but I don’t keep talking about it. Actually, I do what it takes to get away from the past. It’s never change, so why whinge about it? You’re better off trying to change your future while you have the opportunity to do so. At least I can whinge about the future and fix what I don’t like. Hey, at least I know how I want to live my life. If anyone wants me to change, they can lump it. I’m too old for crap. I just want to have good conversations with people. What I really want is for my family to leave me alone and stop pressuring me. I guess if I do eventually ring Mum, I’ll probably just tell her I won’t discuss some things, then I will tell her to think what she wants about me. She needs to stop turning everything into a drama and relax. Personally I don’t want to speak to my Mum but eventually I will ring her. I’m sure of it. I used to be scared of our difficult relationship, but not any more. I’m too old to hide from everything. I can just hang up and say I’ll talk next time. The only thing to be scared of is hanging around her and fighting. I know I’d get into a fist-fight. So I just don’t hang around her. I’ll just ring her when I’m ready. My brothers will get so angry at me, but oh well! I don’t have to do anything. Once again I do things for someone else, not me. Not happening. I’m living for myself now. Well this blog is seriously becoming a ramble. So I guess I have to end it here and write tomorrow. The weather is really cold now so I’m putting the heater on when I go inside.


2 Responses to “”

  1. manyofus1980 Says:

    potato bake sounds yummy! I’d eat that! I am having pasta for dinner. Just pasta with a stir in sauce. I love pasta! Im hoping your OT apt goes well today. xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Michelle Says:

      It’s 10:24 PM on Monday here at the moment but yes I can’t wait until tomorrow I’m so excited! The OT very good! She can turn a hopeless situation around 180° in two hours! She is worth her weight in gold.


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