At Nan and Pop’s, and now at home

I’m at Nan’s place. I got picked up at 11:30 and we picked up a fish and chips order. But the chips were substituted for potato scallops. I rarely eat potato scallops, these ones were nice. Yesterday I made a sallad to go along with it. It was pretty good! After lunch I spoke to Mum for an hour and had a cuppa. We had a Danish pastry for desert which was really yum! Then I helped Nan and Pop move their caravan but had to abort the job when my strength gave out. I was buggered after that.

I stopped writing and am now back, lying in my room feeling so forlorn at the moment. As much as relatives are being very caring and helpful with their suggestions for me to re-home Troy, I really don’t think people realise as much as they try to, just how much it kills me to have to consider it. For one, who says I’ll definitely volunteer at animal shelters or at any other place very soon? Not that this won’t be the case, but my idea of doing voluntary work although promising, isn’t a definite. So I don’t want to re-home Troy unless my decisions make it impossible to continue to care for him. Serious illness would warrant it, and being told I’ll be matched with a new dog within a few months would also mean I’d have to re-home Troy. Well, at the moment I’m not on any waiting list, so right now a dog isn’t on the cards. And, giving up a service dog isn’t as simple as it’s sad but tomorrow I have a new dog. Maybe if I could visit the dog all the time I could be ok with it to a degree. But even then, for someone to adopt Troy, they’d have to be approved by GDQ before ownership can be transferred. I had to fill out adoption papers to take Troy on as my dog, so I could be fucked if I’m gonna let him go just like that. I do appreciate help and everything, but letting Troy go isn’t something I’m open to. Not at this point in time. I can see a really big battle coming on, because as much as I love assistance from people, I’m not prepared to give up on Troy. My life is about me at the end of the day. If an opportunity to re-home Troy goes by, I won’t be concerned because I know if I find myself in a situation where I have to get rid of Troy, GDQ will just take over and I won’t have to deal with the re-homing of Troy except to say goodbye to him. It’s not as if I’m concerned that certain people want Troy today but next month they’ve decided not to take him on or they just can’t do so anymore. In fact I couldn’t give a shit, I don’t care. My life and my decisions about Troy aren’t about other people. It’s actually about me and my life. And since Troy lives with me and I legally own him, I couldn’t give a fuck about what everyone else wants. I’m glad people want a dog for company. What about me? I have to miss out for possibly 18-24 months while someone has fun taking Troy for a walk twice a day? I don’t. Think. So!!!!!!!!!!!!!šŸ˜ šŸ˜” I’m a selfish person at times, and giving up animals when I don’t have to is one of my horribly selfish points. And jealousy isn’t very nice, but to think of someone adopting Troy and they give him all the attention when he didn’t do any service for them in the past, causes me to go so livid! I’ll probably get shot down in flames if I wait till I get another dog before re-homing Troy, but too bad so sad! There’s plenty of retired service dogs for people to pick from. They can find someone who wants to re-home their dog instead of bothering me.

I’ve got Troy on the floor next to my bed. Hopefully no burglars try to break in, but if they’re gonna try to kill or harm my dog in the process, they’d have to get me as well. Bloody heartless morons who think it’s fun to feed a dog so they can steal stuff! I’ll protect my dog as much as he protects me. We’re essentially a pack and I’ll rip anyone to shreds if they consider taking my dog away from me. I’ve got a talking GPS now I don’t have excuses not to walk around a bit more. I wouldn’t try to cross very busy streets or walk where there’s no footpath. But I’d still try to walk all the time with Troy and my GPS. Troy will be fine with me. If someone wants to be fucken stupid enough to get bitten apart because they wants to hurt me and Troy, that’s their flaming problem. I don’t ask people to cause problems. If I’m too selfish for not getting rid of my dog, well too blunt. I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to unless I’m hurting myself or the dog on purpose. Troy is happy now, he had a good walk. So now that I can use my GPS fairly well even though I’ll be getting more training in the near future, I know I can walk Troy twice a day in cool parts of the day without excuses except if I’m sick or it’s raining. I don’t feel sick anymore. I had a good feed and am lying here comfortably. Savoury mince and sallad are a go-to meal when you feel bad! So simple but so delicious and filling. Even better is that there’s rice mixed into it!šŸ˜šŸ˜‹šŸ˜‹šŸ˜‹ I’ve always loved savoury mince! I did feel so sorry for Nan and Pop though. On the way home when I said I’d be going for a good walk with Troy because of my GPS, they went silent and Pop got very worried and told me a few times to be careful not to get lost. So when I got home and switched on my GPS, well the reality sunk in and they both wished me luck and told me to stay safe again, and again. I said I’d be right, made sure they knew I could hear the GPS clearly and I basically know how to use it. I went for my walk and came home safely yea! I’m a bit concerned about the battery not charging up all the way though. It only charges halfway. I must find out why. But at least I got some exercise. Next week I’ll talk to an instructor from Vision Australia to see what they can do, or maybe what can’t be done lol.šŸ˜ž It’d be nice to be getting out and about so I have somewhere to walk the dog all the time. The good part about geting a SEDA dog is that five years after receiving a service dog, you can adopt it. I think SEDA still has to do the retirement process, but you can legally own a SEDA dog after five years if they think you’re capable of taking care of a dog. That doesn’t mean I’ll get a dog in a few months or even next year. It’s gonna take for fucking ever. They have to make sure I can exercise the dog for forty minutes or longer every day, and they have to make sure I either don’t have another dog, or that I can afford to keep a new dog along with Troy. We’ll see what happens when I get to that bridge. I just don’t want to dump Troy immediately.

I can’t wait to activate my credit card on Monday! As soon as I do that I’m ringing the vets and sorting Troy out. Hopefully his health check runs clear! I won’t have to worry for another six months. I can’t decide whether I should take Troy to the park tomorrow or after his vaccines. Troy hasn’t been brushed for weeks. So tomorrow being a Sunday, I think breaky, a long walk, a good brushing at the park with a bit of a chill out period on the grass with a drink, then a good bath when I get home, will do Troy good! He’ll be worn out for a few hours, then another good walk in the afternoon will settle him for the night. Than if I do have to re-home Troy before he dies, I’ll know I’ve given him the best life possible.šŸ˜ŒšŸ˜ŒšŸ˜ŒšŸ˜ŒšŸ˜¢šŸ˜¢šŸ˜¢šŸ˜¢šŸ˜¢šŸ˜¢šŸ˜¢šŸ˜¢ Nan and Pop don’t want to accept that Troy could be put to sleep at any time from now on. I don’t want to accept it either. But they seem to think that a sighted person can somehow magically extend Troy’s life. Well, sadly, nobody can. He has arthritis which can flare up at any time and may or may not get worse. The vet said his prescription food won’t cure him, just slow it down. I can see why Nan laughed and said Troy will be fine even in a few years, but totally denying reality and not believing me won’t fix anything. I’m so fucken sad after this afternoon’s discussion! Just imagine how I’d be now if I didn’t walk for half an hour!!!!!!!!!! Wow, I’d be seriously crazy. I’m very happy I’ve got the GPS, I love walking and knowing where I am at all times. I love bringing the dog along with me. As much as I’m sad and very pissed off, I’m sort of relaxed because I know I can go for a long walk tomorrow and I went for a good walk today. I just can’t believe anyone would put someone else’s need for a companion dog over me, as if I won’t be lonely without a dog!!!!!!!!!!šŸ˜’šŸ˜‘šŸ˜•šŸ™„šŸ™„ā˜¹ļøšŸ˜¤šŸ‘ŽšŸ˜¬šŸ˜”šŸ˜”šŸ˜”šŸ˜”šŸ˜”šŸ˜”šŸ˜”šŸ˜ž Poor me! Maybe I should apply to adopt someone else’s retired guide dog… Oh wait, pet owners in rentals don’t get much respect – that’s right! Oh well. I’m an ungrateful old bag now aren’t I? So I bloody should be. I love assistance and support, I just hate being bossed around. I won’t ever be grateful for that.!

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