I can’t think of what to call this blog

I need to update you on a Caringbridge blogger. Mara is having a really hard time at the moment!</a> Please pray or send hopeful vibes/thoughts/whatever you call it or them, to her. She was starting to get well, very very gradually. But she has taken two steps backwards practically overnight – she needs to start on the uphill trend again! Everyone else in the caringbridge community seems to be doing ok, but I can’t be certain other than I haven’t found any urgent headlines lately. Except for this journal of course. Why the hell did Mara have to get sick again? When average healthy people get sick, they’re down for a few days, maybe a week. But usually it’s a day or two with severe symptoms and then they start getting better. When this little girl gets sick, she stays that way for more than two weeks at a time more often than not, sometimes ending up in hospital. That’s very upsetting. I’ll update you on her progress in a couple of days, or earlier if there’s any major news. Here we go again, taking each minute at a time in the blogging world! Please don’t get me started, last time I made updates of this nature and gave you lot the breaking news each day or two, things turned out badly. So I’m hoping with me repeating the process the same way I always do, that this time things will work out positively! Even if Mara goes home feeling horrible but is medically better than when she first went downhill, that’s reason enough to celebrate because of course she’d start to feel better as time goes by! So here’s hoping for gradual but better and better news. I say gradual because we’d love to hear that things are getting better within days, but with this person, it doesn’t work like that. So gradual progress is better than no progress at all.

I decided at the spur of the moment to make a stew. I haven’t made a crockpot recipe for months. I fucked the last stew up by putting too much water in it, that was last year when this happened. This time I used a piece of pumpkin, two potatoes, frozen peas, corn and carrot, and 600G of diced stewing beef. I also chucked in a packet of that paste stew base and one coffee mug of water. The measure is a bit more than a cooking measure, but not too much either. So I didn’t have to do any mucking around. I waited for about an hour and then mixed the stuff a bit, making sure onions and other vegies and meat were mixed. Then I put the lid on and have forgotten about it till I check it in a few hours. I read a few recipes which calls for layering the food, e.g meat, then the onions, then layers of whichever vegies that you want in the stew. Well, I don’t think about that, I just chuck the meat in first and throw in vegies in no particular order, then combine ingredients later! It’s not as if the flavour will change much. I figure if you chuck everything in the pot, wait for the heat to go through the stuff, then quickly give it a stir to combine everything, then turn the pot on low and leave it, the stew will be edible enough. The only difference in my method for making stew and someone else’s method, is that I throw all ingredients in willy-nilly, whereas someone else will be fancy and neatly layer everything and carefully sprinkle the packet mix over the top of it. Well, in my opinion, the stew ain’t gonna look much different when it’s cooked! What’s the point in layering everything really neat when it’s gonna mix up during the cooking process anyway? I can understand some recipes need to be a bit fancy, but come on! Stew doesn’t have to have an exact order, it just needs to cook and the flavours need to be mixed by the time you’re ready to eat! I can smell it now, it’s delightful. And the good thing about using packet bases is that you don’t have to add a dozen extra ingredients to it unless you really want to.

I was gonna go out today, but the rain is really hanging around. I’m rather annoyed! But it’s ok, I’ve got plenty of milk and enough coffee to keep me going for a few days. As for the tinned soup, I’ll use a saucepan to heat it because the microwave does the most shitty job of it! The soup splatters everywhere, doesn’t heat evenly enough, etc. My only other option would be to make my own fresh soups so if I do microwave them, it’ll still stay nice even if some spots are overheated. I’ll see what happens with that, because I’ll need a few containers to freeze some of it, and I’d need to have a fair bit of space in the freezer as well. I so can’t wait to get the deep freezer set up eventually, I’ll be putting dozens of meals in there. I remember Mum used to make heaps of Asian soups, so I’ll be starting on a similar trend soon enough. I love those packets of diced beef, they don’t cost a fortune if you buy one or two packs occasionally, and it means you don’t have to dice the meat yourself. I found out from the Bluecare cleaner today, that if you simmer stewing meat for long enough, it’ll taste just as good as any bit of beef! That’s handy to know. I like good quality meat when I’m eating steak sandwiches or meat and vegetables. But if I want beef mixed into dishes, stewing meat is delicious. I also have bacon and mince in the fridge, I’ll have to make spaghetti tomorrow. On Friday I’m getting more disposable containers and will try to shove as many of them as I can into the crappy little freezer. It works well, it’s just too small. I love my Aunty Jill’s suggestion of making your own frozen dinners – they’re so convenient for when you don’t want to cook some nights or when you’re low on food!

It’d be fucking helpful to know when this lawn mower guy can turn up so I can put money aside and still have enough for my own shit! I want to know why I can’t get through to him. I guess I can sort this fucking letter out on Friday when the support worker turns up – the grass is getting long now. It’d be lovely if the guy would just send me a text saying he’s sorry for not getting back to me sooner because of being busy or something, I hate being left in the dark. It really pisses me off to no end. I have to get Troy vaccinated next week, I can’t afford to run short on money or I’ll frigging lose the plot. I hate letting family members mow the lawn, every time I involve them, they start demanding money from me as though I have a million dollars, so they can mow the lawn when they see fit. Well for fuck’s sake they don’t live at my place! So I make the decision of when my lawn is mown, not anyone else. So if family wants money for the mowing, they can either let me decide how often it’s done and be grateful for the money I give them, or they can get stuffed and they won’t help me with the lawn mowing at all. I hate people who say they’ll help me, and then put conditions on me in return. Just fucken say you can or can’t help out! I don’t need all the other bullshit.

I’m going to read for the rest of the afternoon. I spend almost all day yesterday and today, in front of the computer. So I need to step away from technology for a while and read my books. I’m reading a novel now which I find really interesting! I love writers who make you feel like you’re part of the story. Those sorts of books make me zone out for hours and hours. I’ll take Troy outside, make sure the stew is cooking nicely without sticking to the pot, then I’ll lie back for a good three hours with my book. I’ve been letting stress get to me lately, so I figure that relaxing instead of getting restless and fidgety, would be a much nicer idea. Letting my mind wander to dark places is really getting to me. I don’t let my anxiety affect me when I’m around others, I can hide my feelings really good. But when I’m alone where nobody can see me, all my emotional toil comes out in different ways and I have a few habits as well, which nobody notices. In the public square, I’m happy and I’m perfectly ok, but as soon as I know other people won’t see, I let everything get me down. I live what you’d call a double life. So hopefully with relaxing and reading, I should halt some of my little secret problems for a while. I know life is really good. I know that generally, I’m fine. But I still let negative things get to me, things like what happened in the hospital last year, the way me and Mum hate each other, etc. But when I distract myself, I’m ok. I just have to keep myself from dwelling on all the bad stuff.

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