Venting… And on and on

I just want to write now to let all my feelings out. I’ve been working on a document for two hours. I’m done for tonight, but I have another big heap of editing to do tomorrow. All I’m hoping for is that my dispute is settled without getting taken too far up the line. I totally hate fighting for my rights to be like everyone else. I know my life is good, it’s just that since I was born, my Mum, and now myself, has been fighting with different Government sectors, for me to get somewhere in life without having to prove who I am twice as much as anybody else! I am sooooo fed up with the shit now. I want to just be able to say that I want a job here or there, then get the workplace modification sorted, then it should be simple enough to start working. I left Darwin just as I landed a job, but that was because of me and Mum fighting like cats and dogs. However, I got the frigging job, and fucking missed out on it. Damn it! Now I’ve joined an agency which although they see evidence in front of them that I am healthy enough to work, they still want proof of that? Eh? What the hell is with that! Oh well, I’m gonna continue my Mum’s legacy of making the Government see that disabled people don’t need more loops to jump through to get the same as anyone else. If there’s a lot of things I disagree with my Mum about, battling Government agencies to be given exactly the same rights as the next person, is definitely something I agree with! Hey it’ll work out. I can understand someone losing out if they’re defrauding the system. I’m not one of ’em.

I’m nice and cool in the air-con. It has been sooooo hot lately! Today was the worst, but I’ve been at Vision Australia all morning, and the shops all arvo, so I really only noticed it when I was waiting for buses and walking home. So yeah, I don’t have to worry again till tomorrow do I! All I have to worry about now is, how the frig will things go when I take a Centrelink letter to the job agency? At least I don’t have to concern myself with my good health. I do need to start making sure I have enough food every single week though, so I don’t keep on living on bread and tinned food for three days every two weeks. That is such an unhealthy way to live. In fact, that’s fucked!!!!! Hey, I didn’t know that living in a God damn unit was going to be soooooooo expensive hahahahaha! So there you go. Besides that, and the dog needing health care more than the average dog in order for him to stay fit, I can’t say I’m doing too bad really. I’m eating most of the time, and maintaining this unit. It could be worse lol. I’m still blogging five years later, so I can’t complain about anything. Well – I can, but my problems are miniscule compared to other people, who may not even be able to read or write. But hey, each person finds life hard in their own way… I must say though, that I’m glad to still be around to tell my tales, because I’m still able to gradually make more new friends and entertain myself with my phone and Braille books. I’ve had a few near-misses, but they’re out of the way so who cares. I’m doing much better today than I was last year, so that’s the main thing.

I think I want to gas-bag on for ages about how I am compared to last year. June was my most recent eye procedure, so if I think of where I am today, I’m fucken amazed! I never bloody thought I’d ever get back to normal health. I remember I used to always tell doctors to expect my health to always stay bad. I then expected nightmare situations, like eye surgery complications, always having to see a doctor every month, all sorts of bullshit. Last June I got my prosthetic eye. I knew I’d get better. I just didn’t know to what extent, and I had no frigging idea whether I’d totally be pain-free. The doctor did tell me to be really cautious for a while because even he was concerned about something buggering up. I took everything to heart and told him I’d expect trouble, because he should know what my eyes are like, after dealing with my right eye for a couple of days, and hearing a brief history of all the crap I went through before I went to Townsville! I didn’t even think I’d be able to make it to Townsville, let alone the fact that I thought the doctor there wouldn’t be able to complete this eye procedure because of how I am. But… He was a smart arse and sorted me out anyway!😄 Man I’m so happy it all worked out! That doctor will be so happy he hasn’t had any complaints from me. I’m sure my other ophthalmologists will be really glad to sleep every night knowing I haven’t made one complaint yet. Thank fucking God for that! Last October I thought I’d get a super negative report from the eye doctor, but was majorly surprised when he gave me good news. My eye wasn’t painful after June’s appointment, just really annoying on and off. It got better, but still annoyed me occasionally. Since October’s appointment, I haven’t even noticed that I’ve got a fake eye. I still like to treat it like a real eye and just act like nothing has happened though. Before my eye was sorted for good, I always had little reminders of all the dramas, had flashbacks and everything! Now I get the occasional flashback, but they’re nothing like they used to be! Instead of freaking out for ages, it takes like thirty seconds to get out of the flashbacks. They don’t come as often either, which I’m happy about.

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