I need to preoccupy myself

I had to take nurofen and Panamax a little while ago. Period pains. They’re not as bad, but there’s this constant nervous discomfort I get when it’s happening, even though the aching pain isn’t so bad, that other nervous feeling is still there. No matter what I try to do to relieve this shit of a sensation, it just does not stop. It feels almost like someone is jabbing me with an electric wire or something. It feels horrible. Hopefully it’s just a bi-product of the pain. It has been like this for years with my periods. So I have to keep thinking of other things so I don’t try any vain attempt at relieving that annoying discomfort feeling. I can’t stand it. I have a cup of water with me to keep me hydrated too, I haven’t had much water lately. My other problem is that my clothes are getting tigher and tighter. I need to stop listening to everyone else and do what I want with my diet. I just won’t starve becausse I don’t believe in self-abuse as a way to get skinny. A healthy diet and more regular exercise is what I need.

There’s ice-cream in in the freezer. But I haven’t even opened it yet. It’s just going to make me fat so I’ve left it until I decide I’m ready to open the tub. My fat boobs are annoying me too. I know an easy way to cure that too. Take the fat foods out of my diet. I’m sure people get saggy breasts when they get overweight. breasts are just like camel humps, only on the chest. The less fat you’ve got, the less fatty breast you’ve got. There has to be some breast tissue, but it wouldn’t be fatty and saggy if you were skinny, is what I’m saying. Right, I’ve finished with the shitty news. Here’s something nice that happened. For once in my life, I made a really good stew! It turned out just right, so I’m eating it all today and tomorrow. The next day I’m cooking a chicken whether I want to or not. I need to keep doing ssome meal preparation each day to get some practice so I won’t get lazy and find more problems to try to cure in vain. I think my problem is I have way too much spare time on my hands. I think half the shit wouldn’t be happening if I was busy with other activities in my life, besides worrying about every little nook and cranny in thehouse, my life, etc. I wouldn’t notice the discoomfort and vainly try to fix everything that just needs to be ignored and forgotten about so these problems can fix themselves. I think reading Braille books will help. I spend so much fucking time on this computer, so much time lying around doing bloody nothing if I’m not doing housework. I pretty much spend most days of the week pretending to be dead if I’m not on the computer or pottering around the house. That’s sad. My other problem is that caringBridge gets to me a lot. So when I’ve drained my energy reading about people who are going to die anyway half the time, I have no energy to do anything else and so I lie down and die myself. I wanted to read CB today, but I’m not doing that. I’ll check updates in emails and prayer request updates. But unless it’s urgent, I won’t be reading it today.

There’s another thing I’ll be forcing myself to do. This arvy I am going for a walk, even if I have to leave at 4:30. At least it’ll be cooler. Idon’t exactly have to buy take-out. I can buy healthier stuff like meat from the butcher, veges from the IGA store, stuff like that. I’ll have my cane with me, so a bit of training for Troy won’t hurt him or me one bit. I’m gonna use the cane to find the water tap outside the fish and chips shop, I don’t care what my dumb O and M instructor thinks, Troy is a dog and doesn’t need a water bowl to drink from like we might. It’s good to have a bowl for him, but she needs to be a bit considerate of my things getting wet and mouldy. And I’m sick of the bowls getting mouldy. Plus if I have my own water bottle which I think I actually might buy and start collecting them again, then I can fill the bottles with water. That’ll save me a whole lot of grief having to wait to get home just to drink some fresh water. I don’t know why I didn’t keep collecting plastic water bottles when I got rid of one last year! Damn me sometimes. Well, I’m gonna collect them again. So, that’s another thing I’ll add to my list this arvo. Good. Some things to keep me busy alreadys! And that fucking nerve discomfort in my frigging body is still there, but not so much, probably because it’s not like my whole energy isn’t focused on relieving period pain issues now that I’m just ignoring it. I also need to remind myself that like picking at a scab and making it worse, picking at my period pain discomfort isn’t fixing it either. Oh well. At least if I forget about that shit it’ll resolve itself quicker. I especially want my rolls of flab to come off. I’m not longer at a healthy weight range I don’t care what anyone says. My fat rolls are giving me a heart attack very fast.


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