Troy gets his say

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii! Troy here! Wow. Look at me, I haven’t taken over the computer… Yeah. Um… Sniff. Now what was I saying? Oh. Yep that’s it. I haven’t written in a long time! I don’t really know what a computer is… Oh well Mum knows all that stuff, I just want to get a few things out! I’m laying here on leash, Mum is typing for me. It’s easier! This entry is gonna be… Looooooooooooong!

Well I’m in Cairns! Yeeeeeheeeee! I told Mum she should have moved here years ago. Damnn her she never listens! I thought I was bad! Well, apparently I am. Mum is reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally strict on me now. I can only eat my own food, and when I see the little bag on her hip, I know it’s the only source of other food I can take from. No. I mean, what Mum takes from. Mum is mad. She’s crazy. But she knows what she wants, and I know what she wants now. She wants me to do everything she says. She even makes me repeat things over and over and over and over and oooooooover! Geeeeeeeeeze, Muuuuuuuuuum! But no, I forget too many things and I want to do what I want. It’s a dog’s life right? Sssssshhhhhhhh! It was my life. But, Mum soon found out my little secret. Dolp! I still love her to death. The only thing is… She always decides when I can live a dog’s life and when I have to do things she wants.

Mum has always expected a lot from me. But I didn’t understand her very well. Now she wants this, and that. But nothing else. Sit, down, sit, down, sit, down! And she loves it. I want the food but I can’t have it till I sit and lie down for as long as she wants. I hate her for that. But when I get it right,, I can have the food! But I hate Mum sometimes. When we go out and I try to go after food, she picks up on it straight away, don’t ask me how – she can’t see! Damnmnmnmnmnmn! I reeeeeeeeeally want to eat when I see that food! But Mum only likes me to eat if I do all these other things. What I do like though, is that I can stop getting annoyed and agitated when people try to pat me because Mum quickly gets me to do the same things where we are, as though we were at home. And I like that. I notice bad vibes from the people who suddenly aren’t allowed to pet me, but Mum’s vibes are exactly the same ones I notice at home, so it’s fine. She sometimes gives me a treat and sometimes she doesn’t. Oh! Hang on I’m getting it! At home I sometimes eat and I sometimes don’t, when Mum makes me do things! It’s just that my food is in a metal bowl, but when we’re out the food is in her hands. Oh yeah, so I’m given exactly the same rule with food when we’re out, that I’m expected to follow at home. Oh yeah… Well I hate that, but at least when we go for a walk I know what I’m meant to do. Mum goes mad when I try to get a pat, but when I help her find her way around stuff, she gets a pat and I don’t see it as a play pat. To me it’s because Mum got me to help her properly, and by then I couldn’t give a stuff what everyone else is doing. I don’t care, they aren’t the ones getting spoilt! They aren’t helping Mum, so I find that even better. She’s my Mum, not yours!

I reeeeeeally love people. I can’t understand why Mum gets crabby at me for that. Gee wiz! Mum I’m only saying hello! But then I have a hard time working out what Mum needs help with. I get confused and the only way I can think straight is when I lie down, and then sit up for a couple of minutes and look around. Mum helps me with that so it’s all good! When people try to pet me again I get confused, but Mum tells me what she wants, and then I remember that I was meant to help her find the grocery store or the butcher, so already I’ve forgotten about the annoying nuisance hands coming at me, and I try to help her, only to get patted and spoiled by Mum! A lot of people do not like her because they don’t understand me, but she does. I hear her angry and sometimes sad, voice, talking to them, so I just sit or lie down because then she won’t get angry at me. Well, when she gets angry, I have to sit, then lie down, for forever. I find that soooooooo tiring, so I just do what she wants straight away because then I don’t wear out so fast, and I know that I won’t get my chance to chill out for a long time so I just work with her. She never lets harm come to me, and she doesn’t make me suffer in any way. Apparently I’m doing it to myself, so instead I quickly see what she’s asking of me, and I go with that so I won’t make myself tired with endless training, as she calls it, exercises.

Ok, I don’t know what the stupid… Um, no wait. I don’t know what Mum was ranting on about earlier. All I heard was, tap tap tap tap tap! So, here’s what I have to say. It might be out of order so I’ll try to make it less confusing with Mum’s help! She’s the best at everything and I only hate her on and off because when I see her point ages later, all the stuff she wanted to get me to do earlier was revision so I know what to do next time. Then it’s not so bad. Anyway, here’s my thing. I was trained forever ago as a guide dog.

Woops! I had to quickly run outside… Anyway I was trained for hours and hours and hours and hours and hours! Mum does the same thing now, but that’s a way big long story. I was super duper trained. Nobody was allowed to play with me when I was following different commands like, sit, stay, down, come, forward etc. God damn it – it was endless! Anyway that’s what I had to do. Then I was introduced to a harness which I had to wear or I couldn’t be a guide dog. Oh and I always had a leash on. I think it was so I couldn’t be too sneaky or something, and I couldn’t run off. But I only wanted to go for a wander! Oh wait I’m getting a bit side-tracked. I had to do the same things each day. Then someone gave me to Mum, who is my current person. I don’t know who I’ll go to next. Please tell me I won’t go nowhere! Anyway, they made Mum give me the same rules and the same expectations and the same of everything. Mum’s Mum turned into a complete bitch, even Mum agrees with me! I’m not with that horrible one anymore. All I’m interested in is helping Mum, and I don’t want to be treated like dirt. Oh well Mum is fine. I am fine.

Ok so here’s what I really want to say. I was taught never to say hello to anyone. Mum is the only one who can let me say hello to people if she wants me to. Nobody can just come up and pet me. I really love it but I can’t concentrate properly so I’d prefer if you waited till I was relaxxing and didn’t have a harness on! Sometimes blind people who’re like Mum, will want to pet me. But please wait till Mum gets me to sort myself out, I need to be reeeeeeeally comfy and chilled out so I won’t get too excited while they’re feeling my harness and all over me! As for other people, I’d like if you didn’t touch me. I know you love me,, but you don’t understand how hard it is to remember twenty different things at once, and when you add problems to that list, I forget everything. I think that’s why Mum gets so crabby. Ooooooohhh! It’s not my fault! I’d like you to respect that I have a hard time with my life sometimes, I’d like you to wait till I’m not doing my job.

I get reeeeeeeeeally hungry all the time, but Mum knows what food I can and cannot eat. Please don’t feed me unless you want me to spew or die! I have no idea that you’re going to hurt me, and Mum can’t see, apparently. She’d freak if I was fed something bad and never found out till later, when she has to clean it off the floor. Oh and that stuff that she uses stinks. Ooooooorrrrr! I don’t like it as much as she doesn’t like my spew, so please try to keep your food away from me. I can’t help myself. Mum is helpful with this too, she puts a treat pouch on her hip and I know that if the food doesn’t come from that, it’s not mine. She also gives me water when I’m thirsty, so please don’t give me food or drink. Without sounding mean, I do just fine without your attention and your hospitality. I have a hard time helping Mum when everyone else turns up and tries to get me to eat what’s in their hands, or what’s on the ground because I think it’s good enough to eat all the time, not just when people are trying to feed me. Mum gets really cranky and it takes hours to get me to feel better about my work and to forget about foraging. It also makes it harder on me at home, because when I’d like to chill out, Mum won’t let me because I have to do my food distraction homework for an hour before dinner. Well, it feels like an hour anyway. And the more mistakes I make, the longer it takes to eat. So sometimes dinner is late all because I forget what I was taught to do and take sooooooo long to remember how to follow commands when I can see and smell food. Mum gets soooo cranky, but she can’t speak dog language, so I get really frustrated with her. But when she makes me do the same thing for nearly three hours and I finally understand her, all is fine! You don’t realise how hard this is for me. If you’d just leave me the heck alone, I wouldn’t have such a hard time at work. Mum wouldn’t be so crabby either. I actually want to help her, not try to work out what she’s frustrated about.

I can’t get enough spoiling when Mum asks me to do a hundred different things and says that I’m really good when I get it right! She’ll say “find the curb”, “find the door”, “find your way”, all the way to the shops or to Jill’s house or to wherever. She thinks I’m the best dog ever. I think she’s right! What I really hate and can’t forgive, is others taking over and whispering: “Goodboy! Goodboy!” Huh? What! What’s a goodboy! RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! But I’m not allowed to growl out loud or bite, so I get reeeeeeeeeally fr’r’r’r’r’r’r’r’r’r’r’rustrated and people say I’m cute! I just can’t say please shut up! How would you like if I taped your voice box so you couldn’t make human noises with all that bla bla blablabla! and made you do things, distracted you, and made squealing noises to show my approval of how lovely I think you are, when really you’re jumping around because you can’t tell me to knock it off! I then forget what I was meant to do, shake off my crabbiness, and then get into trouble because Mum didn’t want me to start joining in with the fun. People think they can decide when Mum will and will not let me listen to them or play with them, and all that does is cause me to lose it. Now all I want is for everyone to come and talk to me even though I don’t know what they’re saying. I just want them to do what I want. But now I have to work out what Mum’s interests are, ALLLLLLLLLLLLL over again. I don’t need everybody else’s blablablablablablablablabla! I want to know what Mum needs help with. Please don’t take over her chitchats to me, because I know what she’s saying to me,, and all you do is make me forget what she has just said, and then I get into trouble for that. It’s your fault, not mine! Don’t you forget that Mum can’t see? Give her a break. I go to work to help her, not to listen to senseless chitchat and to have a hard time doing the right thing because you goody- goodies want to make me mess up. If you were a cute and fluffy critter, you’d understand and you’d have the same concerns and you’d make a national committee for dogs. Why isn’t there one? Or is it called “Guidedogs” or something? But please, one just for doggies would be lovely! People won’t step into my shoes for one second. They’re worse than I am! Mind you I’m never bad. I’m only bad when I’ve forgotten what Mum has asked me to do five seconds ago. It’s getting easier to remember her stuff though.

The other thing I can’t and won’t tolerate, is when people try to control Mum’s life when it comes to my needs as a guide dog. Poor me! I wish humans would butt out. My Mum knows what she has been taught and she knows me more than you know me. So please leave her alone unless she asks you for help. Otherwise, ask if she needs help, don’t just assume. I’m sure I’m not the only thing in the world who thinks that. I think even that lovely massive guy who loves dogs but understands us and how to get us to work with humans, agrees with me. He doesn’t want me to leave Mum, he just wants Mum to be a bit more understanding with me. Well I must be doing something right, she always feeds me, even if I have late dinners because I have so much homework to do! I’m getting my work done a bit faster each day, so Mum doesn’t hold off dinner for as long anymore. And when we go out, I don’t try to dive after food because I know she’s always got food with her so she can feed me when I’m hungry, after I’ve done a million things. I like life better that way. When people aren’t understanding with me, I don’t listen to them because it never gets me what I want anyway. I’d rather do what Mum wants because everything works out just fine, I get to live my life how I want because Mum lets me know what is and isn’t ok, and she never changes anything. And she never says “goodboy!” out of the blue either. Actually she sounds more like “good-boy!” She’s more clear to me than everybody else. That massive guy is as good as she is, but he’s a good teacher! He knows all dogs. He trains all of ’em. Some of them hate my job, but I hate their jobs too, so I don’t care hahahahahahaha! Some dogs don’t like any job. It’s just too hard for them. But they all know how to sit and stay, and they know how to be nice friends for people who love dogs.

My worst peeve is people who think they know dogs when they have no clue at all! They’re the same ones who ruin my working relationship with Mum and insult her as much as they can as though the problem is on me. But it’s actually on them, and it’s very very very very saddening when Mum gets into trouble for it. At least that big person knows why she’s stressed so she’s not in too much trouble. Mum wants me to be her best friend and a lot of people aren’t willing to accept this, according to me. I won’t have anybody take my protective person off me. She feeds me, she looks after me, and she helps me survive. I will never leave her. When I do have to leave one day, it will be when Mum finds a nice person similar to her. I hope to have a good pet dog’s life before I go to sleep for the rest of eternity. But until then, I’d like it if Mum kept charge of what is to happen in my life. She lives with me, you don’t. So please stop acting as though you do, because that is rude. I’m the one who is helping my Mum, not you, so leave me alone. If she wants you to help her, I will walk beside her so she can hold onto you instead of my harness. And when I am doing things for her, I’d like if you didn’t interrupt me. I don’t like forgetting what I’m about to do next, and I can’t stand it when people don’t let me walk to where I need to get Mum to. That doesn’t happen often, but when it does, I start to lose it! Of course Mum is the one who bites, and she bites very very hard. I’m actually trying to keep her friendly. I don’t want her to learn how to bite. I think she already has learnt how to, I need to try to get her to stop! It’s hard though, because at these times when she growls and bites, it’s when I need the help. So I let her go. All I want from everybody is to be nice to me when I’m working so that I know that I can only say hello when I’m off duty and I know when I’m allowed to eat and when I have to wait for my food and when I’m allowed to accept attention and all that. There’s a million things I have to do each day and if you’d wait for me to finish helping Mum and let her decide when it’s ok to be social, life will be a lot less confusing and stressful for us.


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