On my way to Townsville

I’m currently in Jill’s car, on my way down to Townsville! I can’t wait to get there! I’m freaking out really bad about tomorrow. I got my periods overnight which didn’t help matters at all. Also, I had to put artificial tears in my left eye all fuuuuuuuuuuucking day. I didn’t have any nurofen in the cupboard, so when I took Panamax and noticed that it wasn’t working very well, I had no choice but to take Tramadol. As much as it feels really good when it kicks in, I hate it when it wears off! Oh well, it’s a typical drug. I just don’t react to it badly like I do with the rest of the shitty things. Today when I woke up, I was sooooooooo tired and felt like utter crap, but when I took Panamax, it worked very well. I think my pain was more severe last night than it is today. I didn’t even want the nurofen, so I didn’t go for a walk to buy any. I wasn’t feeling very good anyway. I had a bit plate of spaghetti with some bread and haven’t eaten anything since. I’ve been drinking heaps of water though, so I think it’s just the hormones playing up, and I hate hangovery drugs, but such as life. I figure that if I’m having a good time when they’re in my system, that’s what counts. I’d rather get over a hangover than an allergic reaction. I won’t be leaving nurofen out of the cupboard anymore. I won’t need to take a Tramadol except if I’m in really horrible shape. Besides that my life is all right. I’m getting over the nausea issues associated with my periods, and I’m just about over the Tramadol wearing off period. It would have worn off ages ago by now, but it takes me forever to feel like it’s completely gone, a bit like withdrawal symptoms. At least I’m not putting up with period pain and not so bad nausea. I hope I’ll be hungry tonight, I’ll be eating a burger for tea.

Tomorrow morning I have the first of four appointments. I want the lot of them to go smoothly. Apparently there’s a bit of mucking around with getting the perfect fake eye, but so long as that’s all there is to the whole process, then I’ll be happy. For the next two days I plan to just chill out and do my own thing. I’ll be hanging around my Aunty and Uncle most of the time, but I’m sure I’ll get plenty of time to play computer games and what not too. I didn’t bring a book. I think the laptop will be less boring. I bought Monkey Business yesterday, so I want to try and get through that game a bit if I can. I may never master it, but I can only try. This game is designed for desktop keyboards, so I’m trying to work out where similar keys are in this laptop keyboard. Otherwise I guess I’ll be trying to work out how to make the game suit the laptop layout. Hopefully I can make time go by very fast just by spending hours each day playing games and writing blogs. I love writing especially when times like these comes along. I want to be sure all my thoughts are on paper, or in this case, on computer file, so I won’t have to feel my mind spinning all the time. I’ve been stressing out a lot which has caused me to get a bad headache, so I can only hope that writing will relieve that too. I want my two days in Townsville to be a good experience for me. I want my eye to work out well and not have too many issues. I want to go home saying I have two good eyes! I know one of them will be a fake one, but the rest of the world doesn’t have to know that except if they want to read it in here. Oh well. If I write it down, I can expect people will see it. But that doesn’t mean I want to go spreading word around that I have a fake eye. I’m going to treat my life as normal, as though I don’t have a fake eye. I’m going to live the way I used to do, before all this fucking crap started. My eye doesn’t define me, I define me.

I’m having a good time in the car. The air-con is going nicely, and there’s a good CD playing I’m thinking of where I am today, compared to where I was when I moved to Cairns in August last year. I signed a lease the other day so I can rent the place for a whole year at a time now. As much as Stacey wants me to move to Brisbane with her and as much as I want to move, it’s just not feasible for me. For one, I hate leaving my comfort zone! I moved to Cairns so I could live in my own place. I don’t plan on forfeiting what I’ve worked hard to get. I also don’t want to tell people that I’ve moved over to Cairns only to suddenly move away. Secondly, I need to enjoy time with the family. Most of them aren’t worth spending a day with. However, there are some good family members who I love to death. I need to enjoy quality time with them. I also need to enjoy some time in Cairns for a good few years. I don’t like being a nomad. I’ve never been one and I never will be one. I want my home town and that’s all there is to it. I’ll move to Brisbane when I’m ready to move, and on my own terms only. Nobody can dictate what happens in my life or where I will live. I will make those choices no matter how much or how little we discuss big decisions like the ones I have to make sometimes. I have to keep seeing my doctors every six months, so I don’t want to start again from square one with new doctors. I want to stay with the same doctors for as long as I can.

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