17 May, 2013 09:43

I read one of my blogs that I follow by email half an hour ago. I found way too much info in it. Like, talking about wanting to have sex with a person when you’re married, hoping they’ll be as good in bed as with their concerts? Um, that really sent me wild with the imagination. Then jealous. Then grieved. Then angry. I think I went through the entire grief cycle in exact order, within a matter of minutes. I couldn’t believe it. But oh well, it’s up to the person what they write in their blogs. I chose to read it… And felt like I was swallowing food with a hook in it. That bit is my own fault. As for what the person wrote, wooooooooooooe that was too intense for me. I felt like I was there, her as the character… And I’ll say no more. It’s fine. She can write what she wishes, just like I can. And I’ll write what I wish. I’ll just not read other blogs if I find the information too much for me to deal with.

The occupational therapist came yesterday. I baked a cake which turned out soooooooo yum! I took it to Jill’s house. I left it there because I have cake in my fridge already, so even though some of them didn’t want it, I knew others would. So that’s fine. I just don’t want to get too fat by eating entire recipes I make for myself… Or whoever I intend to share them with, only to find that I’m eating alone anyway. Um that brings me to another major discussion. I like to share what I make with other people so that my food won’t go off and what not. Plus I don’t want to turn into a glutton, and a selfish pig, and whatever else you might call me. So now that it’s discovered that I can do bakery stuff and cook dinners too, apparently I should be chef to the mob next to me! Ok, so I have a family, and they want me to slowly create my own mob as well? Um, yeah. What else do I say to that. One day instead of being two mouths to feed, and their parents, yeah there might be more like ten extras to feed. Ok… And I guess it means I’d be the one to clean up the mess, take the ten extra kids to school, etc. Hmm, I don’t have enough money to make friends with the family next door, feed their kids, and mingle with their mob till one day their lot turns into my new mob. I’d need a job for all this. As for my family, I feel like I’m slowly drifting away from them. I go to their house for tea. I love their food. But then I make food which I’m noticing the kids next door love me to death for it! But the family doesn’t want me to starve, as much as I’ve explained to them a million times that if I wasn’t willing to share, then I wouldn’t even open my mouth let alone show them my food. Or whatever else they need help with. That’s ok. One day I might just chuck a party at my house and have all of next door over with me, and the family if they want to turn up. If they don’t because of just not wanting to, which is no problem – what will happen if the rest of next door’s mob brings all their friends over as well? I guess that’s fine… But then I’d prefer my family because I feel safer around them, and next door’s kids too. Since I guess I’ll be cooking for me, and for other people if I can’t manage to fit left-overs in the freezer, I guess I’m gonna have to fly alone. And hope too many people won’t arrive on my doorstep or in my life when they’re too young… I have a hard enough time looking after me let alone having to look after a few kids too. At least next door’s kids can go home. If I have enough people over, eventually the kids that turn up won’t be able to find another home. I’d have to look after them. Until I or they die. That’s fine. However, how would I get them to school? The doctors? How about their homework? Other appointments? Future jobs which I’d have to help them with resumes and all sorts, knowing that I’d have to get them or their teachers or whoever, to type it out for me so I can read their stuff? Um, having a brood is a lot more complicated for someone with no vision, than just creating a good family for yourself. And having just one child? They’d get fairly lonely, and knowing me, I’d give in because I’m such a sook, and child two, then child three, then child four… And so on, would need the next brother or sister, then the next sibling to keep the others company. Then even if I put a stop to just two of them, the effort I’d have to put into looking after them after they turn one and are feeding themselves and need an education, would be phenomenal. Since I can’t read print and I need a chauffeur to get me everywhere, well it’ll be harder than just driving your own car, which I can’t do, having to pay for taxis and other services on top of that, can’t do. I’d need one or two jobs, and the would-be husband would need one or two jobs. Phew! No the kids aren’t happening. I have a hard enough time looking after one dog, and it’s a guide dog. Guide Dogs is expecting that I’ll be able to manage two dogs when Troy retires and I get another guide dog? Um I, don’t, think, so!


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