Windy and cool

I’m sitting out the back again! I have been since a good two hours ago. Last night I ate dinner even though I wasn’t hungry. A container of cold mashed potato and pumpkin with chicken wings went down well. This morning I had cornflakes and a cuppa. Then after a couple of hours I started reading my Bible and then some of my Braille Reader’s Digest. Then computer games… And coffee and a good chill out! After that I got myself a bowl of yoghurt. Vanilla yoghurt is my favourite flavour! I guess I should take vanilla yoghurt next time I visit the hospital for a day or two? Can’t see that happening though, yoghurt is very very perishable! It’s yum though. If I’m up to it I’ll have some more after tea.

I was gonna bathe Troy today. But instead I’ll put tick product on him tomorrow and then bath him on Saturday. I think every second Saturday will be his bath day. If he gets too scratchy, I’ll bath him once a week. If that stops working, then I guess I’ll be resigning to the fact that after five years of avoiding medications by using hypoallergenic shampoo, maybe he’ll need medicine now. Hopefully not. I’ve refused allergy medication right from the get-go. The vets weren’t too happy with me for being so headstrong, but that’s their bad luck. Selfish fat cow that I am, I’m the one who has to look after Troy and if you don’t include the allergy meds, I have to remember Troy’s tick stuff every fortnight, clean his ears once a week, keep up-to-date with all vaccinations every year, including any boosters, plus pay for all of these, and the dog food! And as much as allergy medication isn’t exactly harmful, I don’t see it as a necessary part of his life whatsoever, so why the fuck should I burden myself with unnecessary red tape? You know me, if Troy needed medicine, I’d give it to him. I’m not a fucken idiot. I am a fat pig though, for suggesting that since I’m the one who has to dole out the nursing duties for Troy even very basically, I shouldn’t have to add needless burdens to my chores. Troy isn’t exactly a chore. What I mean is that keeping track of his current medicines is a chore. I can’t afford to miss any of them, especially the tick stuff and ear cleaning. I won’t make a novel about this, at the same time Troy needs a long and healthy life as well. I also need Troy to take only what is necessary, and I’m totally unwilling to pay for something that he won’t benefit from at this stage. So as far as I’m concerned, bad fucking bickies if I’m a cow for having this attitude. I pay for Troy’s medical expenses at the end of the day, not anyone else.

For most of the day the breeze has been going strong! I really love it. Winter is coming in now, and it’s my favourite time of year. Troy hasn’t complained once. I was going to bring him inside a few times, but since I’m out here, I saw no point in taking his tether off and letting him inside because it’s much nicer out here for him at the moment. I’ve hardly gone inside except to spend two hours with the laptop while it was on the charger. Now it’s over halfway to going flat, so at least I get a bit more time to write. The good part about the winter weather is that I don’t have to worry about the computer being rained on! And now that I’ve ditched the drugs for good, I can enjoy my life a lot more! I wanted to go for a walk today, but have lazily milled around the house instead. I’ll see how I am tomorrow. At least I can enjoy my day without having to stay up all night and sleep all day like I used to do. And now that I’m back to my normal healthy state, I don’t have to nap during the day except if I’m sick. I’ve also noticed that since I’ve been eating more meat and vegetables and a varied range of other foods, and drinking tonnes more water, I hardly get sick anymore. Sometimes I get an upset stomach if I eat waaaaaaaay too much, but it never lasts long. I made myself feel soooo bad last week when I gobbled down my Hungry Jacks meal. But it wasn’t the same feeling you get when you’re not well. I want Hungry Jacks again this week, but I’m still on the fat side so I guess I can put it off till next week or the week after. I fit into Size 14 shorts and Size 12 T-shirts now, so I’m not looking forward to changing clothes sizes any time soon.

The good thing is that I haven’t put on much weight over the past three months. I’ve lost some and gained a bit more. But I’ve kept to between seventy and seventy-three kilos, so that’s good. Sixty-five would be a better weight, but back then I was considered thin and going on the anorexic side. I had to throw some long pants out the other day because they were anorexic sized. I couldn’t stand that and I felt so horrible and nauseated just holding them.. Three years ago I was skin and bones and could fit them perfectly. I used to wear size 8-10 clothing. That was disgusting when I look back to that time. I like to go between 12-16 sizes. I so can’t understand how I liked to be so skinny. Now I’m getting used to being a normal weight I truthfully think I was underweight. Now as far as everyone is concerned, I’m a normal weight and not overweight either! I won’t mention Nan and Pop’s opinion about me, they’re so hypocritical that half the stuff they say to people around them, they couldn’t even be guaranteed not to fit into that category or under the judgments they dish out. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! They need to listen to themselves and they might be shocked at what they say and the amount of shit they make up, and how very little they follow their own advice let alone pay attention to how they affect other people. But that’s fine. They’re living their lives how they know how. I’m living my life, I’m reasonably healthy, getting better by the day. So they can’t talk. Maybe they should keep their ideas to themselves if they’re not going to be reasonable and accept that people don’t have to agree with them all the time. Who gives a rat’s arse if I’m fat or skinny. I like who I am, so up their nose, and up anyone’s nose really. Nobody can tell me how my body image is meant to look like. A friendly discussion goes a long way, but one-way opinions and pushing me around never works. And I haven’t changed my diet one bit except to add to it healthier foods. Actually what I should say is that I haven’t changed my diet the way Nan and Pop wants me to change it. I’ve done what I want to do, and that includes eating take-away’s whenever I want. I just eat healthier foods as well.


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