Tonight is a better one than last night

I’m still doing all right. I’m not having horrible flashbacks at the moment. Last night was no good, I’m glad it’s over! I’ve just fed and watered my dog, and relieved him, before bringing him into my room for the night. I used to hate having Troy in my room for fear he’d spew up all over my carpet. But since he’s on a healthier dog food and he’s thriving now, I have no fears anymore. Plus I also limit him to what he can do in the yard by tying him up outside instead of letting him wander free. I really don’t have time to put up with a sick dog let alone for me to get sick. I have to go to Townsville in four weeks and I and Troy need to be healthy so I don’t need to worry about him while I’m gone. Hopefully all my flashbacks should be almost gone by then too. I want to have a good time while I’m there.

I was gonna have chicken wings with mash tonight. I’m actually not that hungry. I don’t really feel like eating tea. Maybe some toast later will do me good. I’ll see how I feel in a couple of hours. All I want to do is bathe myself and go to bed. I need to put artificial tears in my eyes before I go to sleep too. I need to try to dissolve the calcium that is slowly trying to take a mile from me. I need to see the doctor in a few weeks and the last thing I want is for him to pick up that something is wrong. I hope I won’t have any bad report about the left eye. My right eye is doing fine, the left eye needs to follow suit and be fine! So hopefully the artificial tears will do the job and keep the calcium from crystallising too much. Tomorrow I plan on carrying a few vials of tear drops with me so I can put a vial in over twenty minutes, whenever I need to. That’s just overboard, but this time I’d rather go overboard than over the edge. As for tonight, I’m having a good chill out. The whole day has been that way and I’m happy for that. It’s going to be so nice when I can take the laptop to Townsville and blog about each day’s events there. I hope to be going out to lunch and all sorts. It’ll be soooo good to come home with two good eyes, even though one needs to be pulled apart every day to be cleaned. I’ll just keep coating the other one with drops so I won’t have to go back to the hospital sooner than necessary. As much as my family wants to think I won’t be going back to hospital, they are wrong. Just don’t say I said that because they’re not going to like me being so honest about this. They’re not willing to accept how serious this condition is, and that it needs to be stopped before it hurts too much again. Denying my eye trouble by saying I won’t be going back to hospital is getting people nowhere. My eye isn’t too bad at the moment, but the only way to keep it from getting bad is to fix it before then. My family won’t accept this. They’re too busy trying to keep me out of hospital, knowing that this is the right thing to do, but they’re not facing the truth either. Try to keep me home, but don’t lie to yourself and pretend that my eye won’t need more treatment. It does need it, it’s just a matter of time.

I’ve just gotten another vial of tear drops. Here we go… There! I’ve just put two drops in, hopefully to coat my cornea a bit and get rid of the gritty feeling on it. Ok so that’s sorted. I’ll keep putting the drops in now for a while. I want to soften my eye so the calcium dissolves in it. I, like the family, would like to not go back to hospital. However, unlike them, I know that going back there for a day or overnight is a reality that I’ll be facing down the track. I just don’t know when. I personally would rather not deny the truth, even if it’s harder to accept. Talking of acceptance and reality, the child’s journal I referred you to last night, well there’s a bit of good news in it. She’s stable. She’s critical, but stable. I’ll see how things pan out over the next week, and when I read of major news, I’ll post her link up here again. At least I can say the tear drops are doing their job for now too. So my eye is stable and I have no complaints about that either. In any case I’m still not hungry so I guess I’ll just keep writing for a while and then go to the kitchen and do the dishes. Then I’ll get a coffee cup and teaspoon ready for the morning so I won’t have to muck around as soon as I’ve got Troy ready for the day. I hate sorting him out, and then turning the jug on, getting a teaspoon and cup, and the coffee and sugar. So tonight I’ll get it all ready so in the morning I can just turn the kettle on after sorting Troy out, without any fussing around. I want to get breakfast ready for myself within a time frame of five minutes or less, less than ten minutes if I make toast. If I include the jug boiling, I’ll say under ten minutes as well. Maybe I should have said that I want breakfast ready within ten minutes? Oh well. It doesn’t matter. I want breaky to be on the table so I can be eating at between 7 and 7:30 instead of taking half an hour just to get started with preparing my food. We’ll see how this plan goes.

I don’t know what I’ll get up to tomorrow. I want to go for a good walk, but that all depends on the rain. We’ve been getting a fair bit of rain lately and I’m getting fed up with it. My cousin loves it, but really, it’s starting to get to me. I want the weather to be nice and cool and dry so I can walk Troy whenever I feel like and have no limitations at all. If the weather is fine tomorrow, I’ll walk to the shops. But if not, I guess I’m having another day at home. OT comes on Thursday, I mustn’t fucking forget that! I can’t wait to bake that fucking cake. I’ve got mud cake in the fridge, but I’m intending to take my other cake over to Jill’s once I’ve finished with it. It’d be nice to share some fresh cake that I’ve made. In fact I’ll let them know that Thursday is the correct date for the occupational therapist, and will go to their house for tea that night. For the rest of the week I’ll stay home and cook tea every night nearly. My fridge is full of shit now. I want to eat what I can so it won’t go to waste before I eat out anywhere. Then on Friday I want to go to Hungry Jacks for lunch! I went there last week, being this Friday just gone, and bought my meal through the drive-through. I went home to eat it. This time I plan on getting it through the drive-through and eating it on the way into town. If the carer doesn’t agree with that, I’ll eat in the restaurant. Clearly my bad hospital stays haven’t made me dislike Hungry Jacks at all! That’s good. I can eat it nearly every week now. I love it soooooooo much. What I really want from there is a double whopper an’ cheese meal with a chocolate Sundae. I love those burgers the best. I want to be a fat pig and get an extra fries with that. I loooooooove their fries! I could be even worse and get an extra burger. What’s worse, is that I could get two burgers and two fries. Or a triple burger instead of the double one, with an extra fries. I’ll see how I feel and all that. I’m supposed to be losing five kilograms, but I can’t see that happening if I’m not careful. I might just take it easy this time, and when I get skinnier, I’ll fatten up a bit liberally until I have to pull the breaks on again. I really love going out with my support worker. The one who helped me last week was nice, me and her were just a bit too disorganised, and she wouldn’t let my dog sit on the floor in the car. I didn’t appreciate this at all. From now on, I’ll never take Troy out with a new carer, not ever. As for the family thinking I can just leave Troy home, that’s really good and all. But I didn’t get the fucking guide dog to leave him home at my convenience to the expense of his training! That’s another soap opera I could get on. To me it’s all bullshit. So I’ll just be happy that I’ve got a carer and that I can take my dog out and leave him home whenever I need to, not just because I can.

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