Drama in the family… Again

I’ve really had it with some family members I fucking tell you! I came around to my Aunty’s house, Nan had just gone home, and Pop greeted me. He seemed sweet enough, so I naively thought that since he had to be changing a bit towards other people and being a bit more kind, I could tell him we were seemingly getting along better lately. Apparently I was supposedly right… Yeah we have a different point of view. Um… Well no. Not when I find out from Jill a totally different story. Yes the story is between her and the dickhead old ones, but the point is that her sad story of their huge argument has proven to me that Pop’s attitude towards other people hasn’t changed a bit. It means that one minute he and I are good buddies, the next we’ll be fighting. But he’ll lie and say he never fights with me. That tells me that since my birth, he has never ever fucking changed towards me. But no apparently I only think he hasn’t changed. I’m in the wrong now? But Pop never is. Oh and I’m a fucking idiot for letting myself be deceived like this. That’s ok. Next time me and Nan and Pop argue, this will be my doing, never theirs. Spew! Not. I don’t have enough drugs in my system at the moment for my stress to be so intolerable. But actually it is. What I should say is that I don’t have enough drugs in my system to lose control of that intolerance to stress.

Well. I wanted to forgive my grandparents. Until they lied to me not long ago when I first turned up here. Why do I get a feeling of how righteous they supposedly are, only to learn that that is called deception, they were never “righteous” in the first place? Eeeeeeuuuuuuuuuu! I was getting better till I found out what happened today, and now I have a definitely broken fucken heart. It’ll heal up again, when I fuck a couple of liars out of my life absolutely this time. When? When the time comes. And that time will be soon, the next time we argue about any stupid thing. I am losing the friggen plot with most of the family.

I even admitted that I wanted to go home to my little cave and I’d have no family at all. Then I told Jill I’d already disowned half the family, to which she had no answer. I feel sorry for Jill and Bill, I don’t want to disown them since nobody is perfect, however they do have some real goodness on their side. They admit they’re not perfect, unlike a couple of people. Enough of the heresay, I’m sick of being sandwiched between two families who I know one lot of them is reasonable but I’m too fucking stupid to see this for what it is. Too fucking stupid! When I do side with the reasonable lot, I’m the fuckhead that has to put up with the shit. So no more of this naive crap. The next time me and Nan or Pop argue, about any stupid thing, I won’t fucking tolerate them anymore even if it means totally rejecting the lot of them. Let’s just say that after all is said and done, I’m siding with some family members because we’re reasonable people, just don’t tell the grans that. Even if I get less help because I’ve disowned Nan and Pop, I’d rather that than be lied to. I hate being lied to, especially when the lies appear to be so truthful. I guess God has given me a taste of how he feels and his fucken bloody fury. I want to make a confession. My nice doctors, who I decided I’d hate and find reasons for holding grudges against them, have been fucking well right. They’re trying to help me and I’m refusing to let them help me. That’s my problem, I’m seriously losing it with distrusting people who are only there to keep me sane and healthy for a long time and who deserve more respect than I’m giving them. Thanks to them, I’m still alive and a bit sane today. They’re human like everyone else. I can’t expect the impossible from them. They’re doing what they know at the time, and I’d fucking well be dead without their knowledge, even if some things are wrong. At least where they’re wrong isn’t going to kill me.

Bill wants me to be a bit nice to the grandparents which I agree with. He can’t always help me. Fine. But as for the rest of my life, I won’t have them fucking me around. If I treat Troy how they treat me, I’d go to jail. It’s bad enough that I go off at him when I’m frustrated at him for spreading dirt around the place when I’m cleaning up. It’s even worse to consider that if I baby him so excessively that he loses control of his existence, I’d get into soooooo much trouble. Fine. Just don’t be under the influence of any drugs whilst with them. It means no spewing up for me. Actually, Panadol and nurofen are the exception. But my new rule is, when I’m with Nan and Pop, I mustn’t take Tramadol, codeine, anti-emetics with morphine, endone, fentanyl, etc. It’s just not allowed. They fuck my head over too much, and anything they do makes anyone sick, let alone vomit if under the influence of most drugs. Thank you Nan and Pop, for making the doctors ban me from taking codeine, even though you don’t friggen realise it. But it’s ok. In my favour is that codeine was soon going to go anyway, just not so soon. I really appreciate how you two make me so sick. Not really. I’m just making that up because you genuinely think I like sickness issues because I’m such a fucking retarded, blind baby cow. Thanks again. But really I hate sickness issues. So do my doctors, you hate them too much to see that and you expect me and them not to know this. You two are smarter than everyone else. Again I’ve just made that one up. I like having a reasonably healthy life, unlike you two who wants fucken dramas in yours and other people’s lives if you can spread the dramas that far. Oh wow! Saying this has made my doctors appear even more lovely. Why the frig didn’t I have enough respect till now. I’m just a fucking bogan when I want to be. What a fucking mole. All because I can’t physically see how kind they are, and am lied to about them, and perceive things that aren’t true based on that. What a bloody foghorn, what a fucken cow. But I’ll get over that.


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