Really fucking hot today…

The weather has gone from ok to boiling hot! Winter is around the corner, but for some reason the autumn weather has turned summery all of a sudden. I can only hope it changes by next week because I want to get me and Troy back out and about every day, not just every now and then. The good thing with all this weather shit is that I’m not comlaining about it half as much as I did when I was in Darwin! Man the weather up there is a fucking arsehole to put up with. I’m not going back there again unless it’s somewhere between June and July, and only if I don’t have to visit Mum. Last year when I told her I wasn’t speaking to her again for a long time, I damn well meant that. I haven’t spoken to her since October and it’s now April, and even this six-month period with no talking at all is not long enough for me. Give me maybe five or ten years and I’ll want to say hello down the track. But I tel ya, the way she carries on, I can’t see myself ever being ready to talk to her. So as far as I’m concerned, she can keep her hot temper up in Darwin where it belongs. And she can keep her hot weather stuff with her too. I don’t need it over here! When I’ve had enough of Cairnns one day, I’ll go to Brisbane for a while. That won’t be for a good while down the track. Cairns has better weather than Darwin, so I’m staying here.

The other thing I need to do is stop eating out with the family all the time. They might cook good food and all, but I’m putting on too much weight. Their obsession with food really isn’t fixing my health. I’d much rather cook my own meals and eat whenever it suits me, live life how I want to live life. It’ss nice to be family-orientated, but do you think if I had kids, that I’d ever make them live their life on my terms or how I live my own life? I don’t fucken think so! Maybe as little ones yes, but as they grow up, I’ll teach them, but they can live how they want thanks. All they need to do is not hurt themselves or other people. That’s god enough. Lucky for the kids, they won’t be born to me. So they sshouldn’t have much trouble if they’re never born, unless of course somebody else bears them. My life is hard enough as it is without mmaking it more challenging. People think that because I can breathe and walk and talk, that I’m not cripled. But I still am crippled. I can use my arms and legs, but I can’t see where they’re going, so I can’t be certain that II won’t get lost or hurt myself. So as much as I’m an able-bodied person in the physical sense, in the visual sense I’m totally disabled and crippled. It’s a very hard world to live in when most of the world’s population don’t understand this. I’m sure the occupational therapists, at least most of them, would understand since they see totally blind people all the time. As for the eye doctors, they infuriate me with their lack-of-care attitude about how they talk about my condition. They say I can’t see very well. Ecsue me fuckhead doctor, I can’t see at all thank you. Did you ever fucking notice that brightness and darkness did not improve my chances of seeing things one bit? The doctors are supposed to be trained to see all sides of a disability, not just what I can do. I’m not angry at my doctors for not understanding blindness exactly. I’m very angry with them for not accurately describing my condition. They may not understand what blindness feels like, but they do understand that my reaction to their testing proves that I can’t see at all. They need to say to interested people that I can’t see at all, since they’ve found this out. It would be like telling a doctor that I’m in a wheelchair and can’t walk very well, when in fact I can’t walk at all. Luckily I’m not in a wheelchair. But my friend fro Darwin is, and I know exactly how she feels when a doctor sees her condition for what it is, and will still give an inaccurate description of it. I haven’t forgiven my doctors for what they said about me, and next time I’m going to be very stern and say, “Exccuse me, but I am totally blind! I can’t see!” Then if they carry on, I’ll tell them that my condition doesn’t let me see anything, so it’d be more polite to be truthful with people instead of underestimating what they find out about me. Maybe if people get upset, they might have a bit more sympathy and consideration for others around them instead of this current, stand-by apathy fucken stupid shit that most people carry on with. Next week I’m going to the doctors to see how my right eye is,, and I will cause a scene if they describe my condition wrong. I’m not allowed to go against their advice and try to sneak around medicine bans. So if that’s the case, they aren’t allowed to show any less respect to me as a blind person who wants to be treated like an adult, and who wants their condition to be described as it is.

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