Losing track of days

I was sitting here reading Caringbridge, which I desperately need a break from again. I might just put it in my calendar to give CB up for a couple weeks. It’s not about not being supportive to these lovely people who write all the gory details in their journals. It’s more that my emotional state is soooo drained because of reading CB. It’s not anyone’s fault,, and since I write in my blog all the time, I can’t imagine that people would want to read it every day either because I write so much shit in here. Not that the shit is totally untruthful, it’s just so emotional and heart-felt and all that. So good luck if people can keep up with me! It’s just so sad that a lot of us get blogs going so we can write our lives away, knowing that sommetimes there’s gonna be tragedy in them. Yet we need these blogs as a theraputic thing to keep us going. So I’m taking a break fromm CB for a couple of weeks just to take a break. Not for any other frigging reason. I’ll check my emails, but that’s it. Then in two weeks I’m gonna update you lot on how the CB world is. I imagine that half of them aren’t doing so well. I feel sad for them. As for the very well corner of CB, pray that these bloggers keep doing very well! We can’t keep putting up with people dying every day. It’s not as if we’re going to ever see a day where someone isn’t on their deathbed, which is very tragic.

So anyway I was sitting here reading CB and thinking about life, and I thought it was ANZAC Day. Um… ANZAC Day would be tomorrow? What a dick! Tomorrow is Thursday. And today is Wednesday, the day that the care-taker of Braille house gets to find out if his lliver is ok or not, and what needs to be done to fix it. Years of drinking and drug use have fucked him up pretty bad. Some of his drug use has been for severe back pain, in which case he nearly died of codeine overdose. Ver’r’r’r’r’r’ry fuuuuuucking sad. It’s a pity I tried to take an overdose a few weeks ago. It all got to me. Every time I go to hospital, something goes wrong and then for the next two days I end up being spied on like someone trying to hide from the cops all because of some fucking reaction or other mother-fucking problems that I of course wouldn’t think too much of until they sstart getting worse, for whatever stinking reason. So then I go crazy and take two days to come out of it. Hopefully the next time I’m hospitalised, I won’t turn crazy. Hopefully my liver won’t fail on me or Tramadol is gonna be banned as well. Taking other medications to reverse damage done to my guts and liver over some fucking pain reliever is a bloody fucken worry if you ask me. The doctors wonder why I get so infuriated to the point that nobody wants to trust me enough to leave me alone for a day. For God’s sake! All I want is a bit of a holiday in there and all I get is unknown problems turning up left right and centre. Funnily enough, the problems magically disappear when I leave the hospital. I wonder how that works? Maybe the hospital causes reactions,, or Christ only knows. It always turns out that drugs always have to be taken from me or added to my medication list when I go to hospital for surgery, only for me to not need any drugs after half a month. Oh well. Next time they’ll have to revise my list of medicines I can take since I’m not gonna need them for long anyway, and the banned ones can stay in hell for all I care. Lucky for me I don’t have cancer,, I’d take any dickhead painnkiller no matter how bad the allergic response or side effects. They’d be just as bad as the pain, obviously some side effects wouldn’t be as bad. In any case I’d still try to avoid the pain associated with cancer, so I’m glad I do not have it.

I’ve been rambling on so I want to get back to my story of losing track of the week. Tomorrow is ANZAC Day, and it’s lucky I remembered that because otherwise I’d have gone to Jill’s for tea. I’ll still go there, but not necessarily for dinner. I might even sleep over if I can! I can’t imagine she’ll let me, but hey I can’t see a problem with asking. I’ll pack tomorrow’s clothes into my travel bag and my artificial tears and shampoo. At least all I’ll need is their soap. Plus I like to just relax and chill out with family on special occasions. So I can’t see how chilling out at Jill’s house on ANZAC will be less exciting! This time I won’t be dealing with a searing migraine. I’ll be able to take my laptop around and play games because my health is back to normal and I won’t need to sleep on and off all day and spew up for half the night! Ye’e’e’e’e’e’e’e’e’e’e’e’e’ea! And no more worrying about whether I’ll be going into the hospital for IV fluids! And I can spend all my time tomorrow chilling out and having a fuuuuuucken good time! Such as life. Only this is the high life I’ve wanted for seven months! The extra month includes moving over to Cairns and still having it hard for the first four weeks over here because of deciding how to get around my eye trouble. The rest of the time was just a fucking nightmare. Now I have the chance to live the high life. So this time I want to go to Jill’s and have a realloy good time with them. No big arguments,, fowl moods all day, complaining all the time, the list goes on. And I don’t have to worry about my energy levels going up annd down, distractibility because of suffering, etc. This time everything will be all good! I have to put up with my dickhead of a cousini-in-law teasing the shit out of me till I go crazy, but that’s nothing compared to the horrors I’ve had to endure and tolerate for half a year. And after all is said and done, this losing track of my days business needs to friggen stop too. Maybe I jusst need to eat more fruit and vegetables. I’ve been eating them, but I’m certain I haven’t eaten enough of them. The other thing I want to do iis try djrinking a cuppa. I haven’t had coffee all day because yesterday and the day earlier, I kept getting diarrhoea on and off and last night I had the sorest stomach ever! Today I only had milk on cereal and ate normally after that and had a can of coke, but no stomach upset and no diarrhoea. Please tell me I’m not reacting to the coffee now? Fucking drug shit! I hate you. I just want to eat food and drink coffee without any fucken problems. So now I’m closing this entry and am gonna put myself to the test. I hope it goes well. All that said, coke has caffeine in it. So the caffeine isn’t causing the diarrhoea. Hopefully it was just a bug that the coffee was irritating, since coke and coffee both have caffeine in them. Ok. I’m going, I’ll let you know how the test goes! Good luck to me…


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