The uphill slope is challenging but getting easier…

I think I’ve saved my left eye! I slept in today after the Tramadol knocked me out while I was watching TV last night. When I woke up at like 11 o’clock or there abouts, I didn’t need any Panadol! All I needed was four pieces of toast and a couple of cuppas. I’m still super drowsy but that’s expected from amny painkiller. Say I’m wrong, but I won’t be proven differently till someone can give me a better opinion than mine. Anyway, I put cream in my right eye, which thankfully didn’t half kill me to do this time. I have only just put tears in the left eye and it’s not killing me either. Now I’m just in a chill-out mood.Obviously the doctors are doing something right somewhere, it’s just a bit hard to work out what their ideas are, other than if I’m fine I’m fine and that’s it. I might just have to stock up onn a few medicines. Thank God the tear drops are my next favourite pain reliever, I get to use less drugs which is exactly what I’ve wanted all along. It’s just another thing I couldn’t get away from because if you’re in too much pain, there’s no way around using the drugs, and switching from one drug to another one till you find the ones which work correctly. Pain relievers are supposed to make you feel less pain and make you suffer a lot less. That’s great. Every time I go to the GP for pain-related shit, Tramadol will be going into my make-shift kit. I’m also gonna stock up on antisseptics and put Brailled labels on them so I know which is which for if I need to get them for me or somebody else. I can’t believe it took me coming all the way over to Cairns to get my health back on track. I finally get to enjoy my life and live how I’ve always wanted to live it, now that I’m over here and away from the criminal activities and fights and abuse. I actually get to live a life!

I rang the DNR mob nearly half an hour ago. I wanted to change my shopping day from Fridays to Tuesdays, but only because of my pay week being on the Tuesday. I have a support worker who I like and despite being told that maybe a change in support worker would be good once in a while, I said nothing and decided in myself that no, I’d rather have the same support worker. It’s too hard having to get a few different people used to the way I am and how I deal with blindness. I’ll explain this to the other person I was meant to speak too, when I can talk to her. I can understand getting a different support worker sometimes because I can’t get the other one for whatever reason, but I don’t like swapping and changing all the time. It’s hard enough switching from one medicine to another when I’m told that one medicine is fucking things up too much and crap on. Why the fuck I should make my life harder by getting different support workers each week is beyond me. At least my life is getting easier in some respects, and I like that. I get to use that eye cream till tomorrow night and then it’s going in the bin. I thought of throwing it away today, but I’d rather make the antibiotics work for one day over the time period than chuck them away too early. It’s not as if this eye cream gives me a bad reaction like the oral antibiotics do. But I’ve decided that next time I get antibiotics from a doctor, they’re going to prescribe Metaclopromide with them so I can eat a small tub of yoghurt with each dose of antibiotics and not vomit it and them up, or feel as sick as well. I can’t be spewing up, hoping that I’ve kept the tablets down after I’ve chucked up everywhere. I can’t have hit or miss shit happening, I can’t afford to get infections and stay in hospital for five days with IV antibiotics because I can keep tablets down. So the Metaclopromide is the go, even though I get super tired and run-down when I take it. I’d rather have a crappy tired feeling than vomit all day. Five days with that stuff isn’t very long anyway. Add an extra five days to it and it’s still not all that bad. Now that I’ve got the medicines which my liver and brain can handle properly, I’m pretty much parepared to put up with almost anything now. I won’t put up with pain, but I’ll cross that bridge when I get there. They’ll just have to give me stronger painkillers and more anti-emetics until I’m in less pain. Until then, I plan to live as drug-free as possible! I never wanted the drugs from the start. I simply needed to dull that pain so I could still wake up every day with some willingness to stay alive and enjoy the fresh air outside, and function like a normal person.

My clothes should be dry by now. I’m gonna have a shower soon and head off to Jill’s. I’m eating there tonight for sure. Tomorrow night I’m gonna cook sausages and have steamed pumpkin, beans, broccoli and carrots, mixed with rice. That will be yum’m’m’m’m’m’m’m’m! I pretty much need to use up what’s in the fridge and eat it all. I need veges really bad. I love them and I can eat lots of them and still not get fat. Then on Friday I have a big load of shopping to do. I also need to sort Troy out. I’ve been bathing him with soap-free shampoo because he’s alergic to anything with soap in it, even the medicated shampoos. Even though I use one that he doesn’t react to, it’s not helping with preventing his skin alergies to environmental stuff like grass and other stuff. He’s a very alergic dog, and I’ve insisted from the start that I won’t use drugs for him unless everything I do naturally doesn’t work. The vets have agreed with me. I want to use a shampoo called Aloevine. I used this one a few times, and Troy responds best to that one. He doesn’t scratch a whole lot with this current shampoo, but he does scratch enough that he needs the aloe vera to help him out. So despite having to pay a fortune, I’ll be buying the Aloevine on Friday, finishing off his current shampoo, which is called Fido’s Everyday Shampoo, and then I’ll switch him to aloevine which I’ll bath himm in once a fortnight. It smells much nicer than the Fido shampoo anyway. I’ve got a few old towels for Troy as well, so life will be a lot easier for the both of us. Me and Troy are so fucking similar with alergic reactions, I just don’t have as big a problem as he does thank God. I’ve also noticed that since washing him myself and not relying on a mobile dog bathing service, my budget has been a lot easier to work with. I really think moving over to Cairns has been what I needed to do. It’s hard because Troy doesn’t do enough work at the moment, but I’m blaming my sudden move from Darwin for that, and not knowing my way around to be able to take Troy everywhere whenever I want to. Now that I’ve got a support worker on the scene, I can take Troy out a lot more often. She absolutely loves Troy and can’t molly coddle him enough, so it makes life way easier on me for someone else to expect the same from me and Troy that I’d expect from me and Troy. I’m glad my family supports me in looking after Troy as a living being. My issue with the family starts when they won’t support my routine for Troy as a guide dog. They know he’s trained, they know I have a routine for feeding and taking him out to keep him used to the public life of a service animal. But in practice they don’t accept this. Rrrrrrrrrrrr! It’s ok. I have a support worker who thinks I’ve got Troy way below standard, but funnily enough I agree with her and she’s less than impressed that I have loved ones who won’t help me with keeping Troy up to sscratch so he can stay in top shape for when I need him to help me. They know all this crap but they won’t put effort into physically helping me live out what they and I know to do. Just imagine if I’d been the same with my fucken doctors! I’d be dead today, or in intensive care since there’s no such thing as suddenly dying unless the ambos don’t get to you on time. My neighbours are very observant. So I’m not about to suddenly die since I don’t have a heart defect or acquired condition.

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