A happy time in front of the TV

I’m watching The Voice AU. It’s really good! I’m chilling out now with my fav painkiller because the fucken stupid plastic thing in my eye is a pain in the royal fucking ass. Oh well. Hopefully the pain will be gone by next week. Hopefully I won’t always have to put up with feeling fine most nights and sometimes having to put up with enough discomfort that I’d have to deal with it fast. Why the frig do I feel all right in the mornings, and by afternoon my eye gets more uncomfortable? It’s really getting to me. I’m thinking I need to go onto alcohol. It’ll be my next favourite pain reliever so I won’t always have to go to the doctors. I’m sick of having to take pain relievers, despite Tramadol feeling like ten wines and feeling wonderful. It’s a friggen drug and it’ll make me sick from long-term use soon I bet, more like in a fucken month. So. I want to stay on it as minimally as possible so it stays nice and doesn’t turn into a liver-damaging toxin. Codeine is nice too, it’s just more toxic to the liver from the very start. Luckily it takes a bit longer for Tramadol to fuck things up. Good. I get a bit more time to get rid of the eye pain without feeling sick from drug poisoning. I don’t like being poisoned. I just want to feel nice, with and without the drugs.

I am soooooooo fuuuuuuuucking awestruck by these looooooooooooovely angels singing right now. How I really fucking love this show! It’s really really really really good. I’m so chilled out, I so can’t get enough of The Voice. I’m gonna watch it right to the end. I can’t wait to find out who wins. I could hug the TV right now, but I know better than to do that! I just want to hug those lovely singers. I wanna hug the winner, I wanna hug all of ’em, well except for a few who have no idea how to sing. I also wanna hug everyone who I love to death. Just everyone. There are a few people who I really can’t stand. But as for the others… I want to just tell them how fucking lovely they are. I think life is just fine when it treats me fair. I think life is just fine when I don’t have to worry about pain. Life is even finer since I get to take in all the singing that these people love to live for.

I’m so tired right now. I want to chat to Stacey over Facebook in two hours. I can’t see me being awake by then. Oh well. I’ll try to stay awake. I’m so friggen drowsy, but oh well. I’m drunk like hell, but it’s nice being drunk. All I need to do is start buying wine so I can drink it whenever I want, and then I don’t have to use pain relievers for my eye pain. I can just tell the doctors that I use alcohol so I can take less pain relievers. I’m thinking that this pain is just temporary. I’m blaming the plastic thing in my eye. I wanted the doctor to take it out but he won’t. Damn! As much as I love Tramadol to death almost literally, well I don’t like it forever. It’s a drug. I don’t have to say that a hundred times. Funny I say that because alcohol is a drug too, and so is valium. I want the both of them forever. Truthfully, I’d love to take Tramadol forever. It’s just that it’s a typical painkiller with a nice sensation to it, which will eventually fuck things up for me. Just not tonight or tomorrow. So yeah, it’ll have to go for a while until the doctors say it’s safe to take it again, no matter how good I feel at the time. I don’t want to end up fucked and sick like what happened when I took codeine forever and am now banned from taking it. That sends my stomach into knots, so no more of that subject please! Without worrying about medicine bans, I feel fine. Codeine isn’t the only drug which could make me spew up worse. So I couldn’t give a shit anymore. What the doctor does and says, goes. Until then, I’ll wait and see what happens with that. As for the Tramadol, the doctors will keep track of that one and I’ll be all good. Just fix my eyes and I’ll not need painkillers for a long time.

I’ve just listened to someone who I think hasn’t got the nicest voice in the world. I want the next person to sing. The twins who were on the show tonight, sang better than this bloke, but none of the judges turned around? Honestly that’s so frigged! Whatever. I’m happy with most of the singers. I’m happy that life is getting on track. I could kill myself, but I’m too scared to die, and I think it’s too early to throw the towel in just yet. I guess I need to wait and see what happens, whether I can cope with life, hopefully it won’t lose quality over time etc. I just want a good life. I want my eyes to stay pain-free as long as possible. I hate my ophthalmologists because they waste their time trying to fix what can’t be saved, what I have no use of. That’d be like a doctor saving an arm or a leg which I can’t use. My eye is the fucking same. Dick—heads! There’s no point in chucking a fit over their shit though. The doctors can do what they want for all I care. I’ll pretend to enjoy throwing up from antibiotics, but they can be serious about me not allowed to take codeine? That’s right.. I really hate throwing up actually. Maybe I just need to take Tramadol with my antibiotics in future. I’ll stay happy with a don’t-give-a-fuck attitude no matter what. It’s the cruel to be kind scenario. It’s right. I’ll sort the shit out, I’ll tell the doctors what for. They can do their job, but they won’t be telling me how to treat my life. I’ll give them a crash course on how to make me bloody fucking sick for all they’re friggen concerned. I’ll give them a crash course on how to help me. I don’t even want to keep my left eye, but they think it’s valuable. Talk about speaking shit! I am blind. I cannot see. My eyes are not valuable to me. Save me, my arms, my legs, my stomach and my liver. But please, do not save my eyes.

I am so sad The Voice is finishing for tonight. It needs to be on forever. It’s a reeeeeeally good show. Oh well, everything comes to an end, at least in this present age. Glad it’s temporary. Let’s move on to the next topic of discussion. I didn’t go to Jill’s tonight. My clothes are still wet. So I’ll go there tomorrow. They’re all gonna act like I’ve never visited them for years. Too bad. I need my own space. As much as I’m in Cairns to see the family, I’m not here to live for them. I’m actually trying to live for myself, make life how I want it to be. I should be closer to that life when I throw my antibiotic cream away on Thursday. I hate antibiotics, even if they’re put on the skin or in the eyes. Oral ones are the worst, but the other ones are horrible too. But it’s fine. Codeine is more dangerous than taking antibiotics, even though I could just take a Maxalon with that if that’s what the doctors fucking want. But no, Maxalon is a short-term medicine too. Damn fucking fuck! Tramadol works, I’ll stick with it. Codeine is more dangerous than the antibiotics, yet the antibiotics make me dehydrated so that even if I have to eat food with them, I physically can’t. Fine. Next time I have to take them, I’ll be mixing Tramadol and Maxalon together. That’ll be the go. Then once the antibiotics are over, I’ll ditch the Maxalon until the next opportune time, hopefully never that is. And I’ll just stick to my nice sooky Tramadol. Why can I think a bit clearer with Tramadol even though I’m out of it and tired? I just don’t get these medicines. So long as I’m taking something that’s safe and the family won’t make jeering and silly remarks about me overdosing and acting like a sicko, bla bla bla. I’m sick of that crap. At least with the Tramadol I can be considered a sleepy head and an out-of-it personality and that’s it. And it won’t be like that for long. And it’s not a toxic drug for me. Why drugs are poisonous in some people but it does nothing whatsoever to others, I don’t flaming know. This Tramadol which is harmless to me, could be totally dangerous and even toxic to the next person. I guess it’s like all the medicines. I don’t know. So long as the doctors know what they’re doing most of the time, I’ll go with that. I’m finished with this blog now. I’m all chilled out, need to relax and just do nothing for a while.


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