Happy to be away on a holiday!

I’m sitting at a camping site at the top of a mountain range. It’s beautiful. We drove up here late this morning, after getting fuel and Mackers. I love their breakfast menu! The coffee from there is lovely too. I slept for most of the drive up here because I was really dosed up on codeine after taking three nurofen pluses this morning, and two nurofen pluses four hours later. My eye was really being a dickhead of a thing today. It is so fucken dead. Of course I had to take Panamax with my bigger dose of codeine this morning… But what do you friggen expect of a necrotic eye? I got the pain under good control though, so today I was able to have a good time today! We got here after lunch. Then I got in a tinny and then my cousin’s bigger boat for ages! It was looooooovely! I tried sailing on a biscuit but I choked and spluttered on inhaled water and spewed up a fair bit. I used to handle rough water when I wasn’t on a boat, but I obviously haven’t had adventures like this for years! My cousin thought I needed to sit on the bank of the dam for a while, but I firmly insisted that I would be fine in the boat. I was fine,, I really loved the fast rides! After the whole day was over, and this being a good two hours ago, I insisted that me getting sick over half-drowning while screaming and freaking out on a biscuit, isn’t a permanent thing. It’s not like proper motion sickness where you spew up and then stay sick for ages and cannot put up with fast movements like this ever. I used to put up with rough water and rafting like what I did today, a good few years ago. I just need to get used to it again and I’ll be right.

We’ll be staying at this camping site for three days! It’s lovely and cool up here. I take my pain relief around the clock as usual, but at least I can get the pain under control every morning and then keep having a good time, with pain relief scheduled further apart over the day. Of course I’ll need more tonight, and probably during the night if I wake up in so much pain. But hopefully I can avoid that. I took Panadeine Extra twenty minutes ago, and I’ll take more later tonight, with regular nurofen. Hopefully I can sleep through the night without noticing pain till morning. Of course as soon as I’m up I’ll need pills. Very upsetting considering my eye cannot be cured. It cannot even be fixed a little anymore. It is toooooootally fuuuuuuuuuuucked. At least I can chill out at this camp site, I can forget about the world for a few days. No doctor appointments, no having to argue with pharmacists over needing more pain relief because I have a boat load to last for a good ten days now,, even though I’ll only need it until Wednesday morning. The hospital will take over my pain relief schedule. The left-over pain relief can be used for my period pains or if I’m in a lot more pain for some reason, then it’ll be of good use. I’d rather have too much left-over tablets than not enough. At least the pharmacist can understand this, even though I see her point of needing to talk to my GP. I told her that she can talk to her any time, since the doctor knows of my situation. And since I have nothing to hide, she can damn well talk to my eye doctors and the eye clinic charge nurses… And the emergency room doctors too, I don’t care. I’m definitely going to hospital next week and I’m not faking any fucken drug story. At least I can forget about this shit for three days… I can deny and even pretend, that I’m not living the nightmare that is so damn real. Right now I’m basking in the cool breeze without a care in the world! I’m in a different world up here. I think I know what people are raving on about now, when they’ve got medical issues that needs constant medical care, and they go to a retreat for a few days, and it’s a totally different reality, free of the worries of this life. Free of medical issues that can be put off until next week or next month. Free of having to accept that one’s reality is in fact a nightmare. Free to believe you’re living a healthy, better life without pain, all because you’re on pain relievers all day and you can choose to say that you’re feeling fine in this moment, for this day, for this week away from the real world. It is so nice.

The kids are having fun. There’s boats out on the dam having a good spin around the lake. We’re all having a good time, and I can smell smoke from a fire somewhere out in the great beyond. We’re having fish tonight. We’re gonna chill out and chat and laugh… And wake up in the morning to another day outside the real world. I’ll be getting in the boats tomorrow, but not in the tube thank you. Mind you, even my four-year-old second-cousin is trying to con me into going on the tube with her tomorrow! She demonstrated in the most hilarious way how to stoop yourself from choking on water when it gets in your face, she’s so funny! I guess I should try the biscuit again tomorrow, but I’m not willing to cough and splutter everywhere. That’s disgusting! At least I don’t react as severely as Nan, when she throws up, she stays sick for the next three or four hours and then doesn’t feel well for half a day after that. Me? I just get over it within ten minutes, people making me stay put until they can get me to jump over into the boat. After a good half an hour my stomach is back to its normal, giddy thing,, just because of the adventures of having a good time in water. I never stay sick forever except if I’m allergic to something or someone’s attitude… Hahahahahahahahahaha! Codeine does me fine, I just don’t think I’d be high as a kite and in a boat at the same time, I’d easily go overboard and drown myself I think. Not a good start to a nice holiday over Easter. It’s gonna be sooooooooo fun! We’re going into town tomorrow and apart from boating for five or six hours, I have no idea what we’ll be doing. Sunday is obviously the Easter celebration, and Monday we’ll either be home, or heading home. The sad fact is that when I get home, I’ll be back in the real world, consisting of the reality I don’t want to face or be part of. Oh well. I’m having a break from Troy while he has his own, hopefully not so bad holiday, at Nan’s. And when I pick him up on Monday afternoon, we’ll be glad to see each other! I’ll sort out my washing and housework, and I’ll give him a huge hug and pat him forever. On Tuesday I’ll finish all housework that actually needs doing. After that I’ll pat Troy for another forever long period of time, then I’ll have my antibacterial shower, knowing what’ll be happening the next day. I imagine by then that I’ll be as high as a fucken kite because of sooo much gangrenous, dickhead rotten pain. The good thing is that I’ll still be functionable enough to keep myself living an almost normal life right to the end of this mother-fucking ass of a chapter of this saga. Sorry for the language, but I’ve soooooo had enough of this rotten friggen cycle of pain, getting better, more pain, to getting a bit better… And each time my better week or two is less and less fine. I’m now at the point where I’m not getting better at all. My pain is just there, getting worse and worse. The pain relief hasn’t stopped the time bomb. It has merely slowed it down. The good news is, the time bomb will be defused on Wednesday! This fuckhead saga will be finished just in time before the fuse detonates and blows me to bits figuratively and literally. I’m getting so mad I’d do any stupid stinking thing to stop the pain at this rate. It’s clear that the left eye is fucking up, but I’ll deal with it quick smart when the right eye is sorted.


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