Downhill, spiralling out of control…

Let me tell you that I can’t wait for this eye surgery to come up. I really want it now! This morning has been the worst ever with my eye actually. Well, when I say that I’ve put up with horrible out-of-control pain before. But this morning this out-of-control pain only calmed down a bit with: four nurofens with two Panadeines, and 3.5 hours later, two Panamaxes with two nurofen pluses. I do think I might havve overdosed the ibuprofen a bit, but luckily not too much. It’s just sad, that’s all. Sad that I need more than what I’m taking now. Sad that I need to take three nurofen pluses more and more often, with the Panamax as well! I never ever had to be like this with tablets. It’s really upsetting. I just don’t have any good news about my right eye. Every time I bring news, it’s at its next level of grief. I think by next week I’m gonna need a doctor to put me on different pain pills or even stronger ones, or both. I’m soooooo pissed off to the point of making myself sick, codeine and no codeine. I make myself so upset to feeling off colour and upset in the stomach no matter what. In a way the tablets are good, I’m in less pain, that is if I can actually calm it down to start with! But then also, the tablets eventually cause issues with the body not being able to handle them after longer periods. The saddest thing is, my eye pain doesn’t let up, so I need to take more pills whether my body will fuck up or not. I just have to be sure that I don’t lose the plot too much so I can continue living my life without more medical care than I’m already getting! Hopefully I can come off tablets before they do too much long-term damage.

That’s my eye taken care of. Now the next subject. Nan came around yesterday with my Auntie and her new husband. Pop, the grumpy old two-faced fuck that he is, decided thankfully not to come around. I couldn’t have had a better time! The old fuckhead wants to diie on his own anyway, he is such a horrible ass hole. Anyway, I explained my eye procedure to Nan and my Auntie, who were fascinated. Poor Nan was upset, which I understood, and that is definitely why I didn’t get angry with them. I was actually angry at Pop because he thought getting upset meant trying to talk me out of the procedure and being really negative. I could be that way too, but do you think that’ll take me off the drugs? Nope! And the fucking Pain? I don’t think so. So now that my Auntie and her new man are here for a few days and they wanted to visit me, Pop decides to make Nan very angry and not come along to have a good time. And today, he didn’t turn up to have a good time when we arrived at my Auntie’s place. I don’t actually care if Pop never visits me again. Good riddance to him. But I do care that Pop makes Nan very angry and doesn’t give two fucks that maybe if he had a better time in public and at other people’s places, maybe we’d all not be upset with him in different ways. He’s a dickhead and he acts like a five-year-old when he should know better. So he really let his family down, all while telling me last week to get along with other people. That old guy makes me almost vomit. I just want nothing to do with thaat one. He is such a disappointment to the whole family, I don’t kknow why Nan even chooses to put up with him. I’d have killed the damn thug by now. I’ll be going to their house tonight, but only to see my Auntie. I’ll poliitely say hello to Po. But that’s it. He won’t be getting any condolences from me I can asssure you. All he does is preach, then he doesn’t practice what he preaches. He preaches, then he doesn’t want to listen to the next person when they preach the same advice back to him. He thinks he follows his own advice, but I’m sure he’d be dead by now if Nan had died a while ago. He is soooooo mad. I can’t believe Nan got so upset at him, I couldn’t blame her. I just wished him well, which she appreciated. Yet we kept our fowl disappointments to ourselves. I really feel a fair bit sorry for the poor grandmother.. Pop is nothing but an ungrateful, mean, sullen, bastard of a cunt, with smooth advice that he can’t even follow, standards that he can’t even meet, and nasty lectures that people don’t want to listen to. He is always better than everyone else, no matter how wrong he is. Right or wrong, he has no issues to resolve, no problems he can see that’re affecting the people around him. He is a fucking oxygen thief. He is as jpainful as my sore eye, and there ain’t no painkiller that’ll make me tolerate him anymore. In fact I couldn’t tolerate him any less than I do, I’m so intolerable of Pop now that I try to avoid him whenever I can.

Hopefully when Pop starts his shit tonight, I won’t have to leave is such a nasty raging temper. He seriouslly makes me feel like killing him. It’s all good, there’s two lovely people who’ll keep me and Nan distracted. Mum is just as bad, just don’t send me to Darwin and she’ll be safe. Believe me, if she comes over here, I’m gone. I’ll hide inside so I won’t be homme according to her, based on her never seeing me inside. I so can’t understand why Nan is a nicer person when Pop isn’t around. I can sort of, but as for the rest of her personality, she shouldn’t be married to the old man at all. I’ve learnt from Mum’s and Nan’s mistakes I think, I’ll bee soooooo fucken careful when I’m with people so I don’t end up in the wrong relationship.


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