Don’t know what to think…

A quick entry. That’s if I can make a quick one that is! My eye is taking it’s time to heal. I have to see the doctor in a month, and if he can’t get a good look at my eye, back to theatre I go. A pain in the fucking ass to be honest, since I’mnot a five-year-old and I can tolerate five minutes of pain for God’s bloody sake. I got angry at the doctor when I saw him two days ago but bit my lip really hard and grumbled at him that I’d see him in a month’s time. I’m taking eye drops and ointment till then. I wanted to tell the doctor that he can’t decide whether I should be anesthetised or not, since I’m the one who had to deal with what comes with it and all the rest. My eye care is really piissing me off. The fact that my calcium disease is just going into a remission and not a cure has so devastated me to the point of keeping me knocked around from yesterday morning until this afternoon. Let’s hope I’ll stay in remission for a long time when I finish these drops in a month, or I’ll go off my head. It’d be nice if the doctor could work with options that don’t involve anesthesia, but anyway that’s how he is. He just wants to get the job done without mucking around and without too much pain or fussing around. I agree with that idea, but anesthetic makes me sick and he doesn’t give two fucks that the hospital has to put up with me for thirty-six hours. That would be a lot of fussing around to me, but from his end he doesn’t see that, so I suppose it’s nothing to him. All he thinks is that his job is done without a fuss so that’s all that matters. I find that rather disrespectful to me, since I thought the doctor and patient should have a bit of respect on both ends, with different options in place so that anesthesia is used when nothing else at all works. If the doc thinks I upset him by forcing the issue with having my eye examined while I’m awake even though I look like I can’t handle it well, he doesn’t seem to care about how upset I get when I have to get over a hangover which is worse than drinking half a bottle of Baileys. He just doesn’t think.

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