A way to go but I’ll get there…

Well, I’m glad I’ve taken my stuff away. Right now Troy is sleeping, and I’m happy that I get to relax for the net few days till I get to leave this shit hole. Darwin is all right, I just can’t stand Mum and B’s shit. B is nice in a way, but passively abusive. Just detached unless it really suits him to be involved in the interests of others and not just himself. But in another way he’s a c because when he sees arguments, he doesn’t try to stop them. He does it to every person, not just to Mum. She always makes it out to be just her though, whereas I’m a bit objective and think that B is a detached brat to everyone. I was talking to a lady tonight about how I didn’t react when he kicked the dog outside, instead of stooping down and being at least a bit gentle with him. The reason they never kicked the dog when I was there was because I defended the poor fucking thing so they couldn’t do anything without the whole neighbourhood hearing me shout about the abuse. But ever since I left, the poor little creature has been at their mercy. Oh well. Hopefully Mum can get bitten by Toby one day, because she’s the one who hates dogs because she’s scared of them. But she’s willing to let this one get kicked around and treated like utter shit, and she verbally abuses it herself. But yesterday I said I didn’t want dramas and arguments, so I did nothing and said nothing, because I don’t even live there anymore. If I’d decided to come home, I would have screamed my head off at B this afteernoon. I’m glad I had my resolution to cart everything away. Even Mum couldn’t believe I’d booked a mini bus, all without telling her and getting her help. Unfortunately for the old lady, I sort of know how to budget my cash and other money, without the use of Ms Excel, thank you very much. I agree with her that Excel is a good tool, so I’ll go with it and read it. But there’s one thing: Just because Mum suggests something or implements something, doesn’t mean I’ll agree with it. It’s a good thing I’ve got the option of continuing with the excel budget she has set up for me, however it’s my choice whether I want to use that option or not. But just to play fair, I’ll keep it even if I don’t use it. Mum will eventually have nothing to do with my bank account anyway, even if she flips out over it.

I wonder how things will be when I’m in Cairns? Like, I know my life will be all right. I’m not medically disabled so that I can’t make my own decisions even about the money. But when it comes to letting Mum know all this, or at least showing her with my actions, she’s gonna kick up a stink because she thinks I won’t notice people ripping me off, or will let it happen. Ok, again it’s my decision. If I notice something odd, I’m fixing the problem. but if I let something happen, that would be my frigging choice to be stupid or have five kids or do what I friggen want. Believe me, if Mum yells because she thinks I’m spending money when I want, how I want, I’m just going to tell her that actually, she doesn’t have any right to decide what I do with my money or my life. She’s not my boss. If I want to spend all my money in a day, she can’t stop me. If she tries to tell the bank that I’m disabled, I’mg oing to tell them that actually, since the doctors have seen that I can think for myself, blindness has nothing to do with whether I spend my money or not. Basically, I’m going to tell her that since I’m able to think for myself, she can’t tell me how to run my life. That’s the simple fact of the matter. End of story. I don’t ever need her permission to do anything. Believe me, I’m so going to tell her what for as soon as she talks about anything with a control-freak attitude while I’m in Cairns. I’ll wait to actually arrive in Cairns first though, because then if she hits B or chucks the phone,, I won’t be affected. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha. Guess who’ll be lonely in the end? Oh well. Mum chooses how she’ll liive, she can accept what comes with the choices or change. Since I don’t like her choices or her attitude, I’m not living with her. I can guarantee you that she’ll flip out as soon as she knows she can’t control any part of my life anymore, but that’ll be her own problem to deal with, since she wants the messy life, not me.

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