Day 14 of training, and starting countdown to the day I start work!

Right. Friday was Day 14 of the course. Today I’ve started my countdown to the day I start work, so it’s officially Day –16. Tomorrow is a public holiday, but then it’ll be Day 15, so I’ve got the numbers going right where they need to be. An odd number, but not a very big one!

As the course nears its end, I find it’s getting more and more boring. It’s sad that most people are too stupid or lazy to get things prepared before doing a course, so it means I have to be kept behind on the training I want, just because some people want to do other things and hold up the process. It’s sad that the trainers just can’t tell us that we’re on a schedule and those that can’t keep up should just dip out. That’s how it was in the old days. Give or take that some people need help, so I’m not complaining about that. I’m complaining about not being able to do things every day because some people want to do resumes. Can’t they start doing those things before the start of a course so they only need a week or a few days to finish their job preparations? Some people may not have covered shoes, or they just don’t want to turn up. Well too bad then. Those of us who do try to keep up even though we need help, don’t need to miss out because some lazy asses want to do their own thing. I really hope next week is a better week for me. I don’t want to miss out on doing good things with food prep because of someone else’s lazy attitude. Some people downright suck, saying that I’m like my dog when I apparently swear more often or talk too loudly. Ok then tell me to stop, but don’t fucking lower me to my dog’s status! Even the dog gets treated better than I do sometimes. I don’t care if they’re black or blue, they need to show respect for others if they want us to respect them. Not that I excuse disrespectful people, at the same time everyone just needs to respect each other so we don’t have to get all upset and stuff. Calling someone a dog just because you don’t like someone will get anyone to disrespect you. And if you hate being disrespected, don’t be disrespectful. That’s what it comes down to.

I keep consoling myself that I won’t need to be this group’s friends anyway. They hate racism but they’re racist, they hate insults but they create insults. That’s their own problem to deal with, I simply won’t tolerate being given the same treatment. I’ve actually joined this class to get into a job, not to learn how to be a fuckhead. I may agree to being loud sometimes, stupid sometimes. But not way over the top like these people are.

I’m also reminding myself that I’m gonna move out soon. I know I will. There’s a unit somewhere nearby! Mum has offered to check it out for me and organise moving me in there. I’m really happy about that. I wanted to make phone calls and stuff but I thanked Mum a hundred times because she wants to do that stuff for me. She can’t wait for me to move out, so yeah I’ll take all the help from her I can get, if she wants to help me with arranging my house move. Woohoo! I’m making it clear to my disability workers and the officer who helped me start this up, that I’m not getting their help just so I can live in this place for longer. Yes I do want their help, that’s not the whole issue. But I’ve always wanted to get out of here as quickly as possible, and whether I’ve got services on board or not, I want to move. But services will make it easier for me if they’re there and ready to go. Yeeeeeheeeeee! I’m so happy. Please fucking make a way for me to move out! Please please! I’m getting this job started soon, and I’m saving lots of money so I can keep renting till I get a cheaper Territory Housing unit. Renting private units is getting more expensive anyway, so with part-time work and rent assistance, I should be right. And I can access my bank account, so I’m rosy there. I don’t exactly need to know how much I’m spending every single day, but I do need to know the important stuff, like whether I’ve got enough money for things and stuff like that. I really want to change my phone plan too. When I can do that, I’ve got no idea.

Man I so can’t believe I’ve made it through life this far! Last February I thought the world was ending. I thought I’d die sooner rather than later, I wondered if I’d make it to my 26th birthday. I made it to my birthday in one piece, and today I’m still here, despite wondering if I would be a few months ago, when I had that major burn-out and went to the doctors to see whether he could help me or not. He could sort of, but not completely. So maybe if he hadn’t told me to try eating healthier foods all the time and not just when I felt like it, drinking more fluids especially water, and not just when I felt like it either, all the stuff you’re supposed to do to stay well, I could be in any dire friggen trouble today. Or maybe not. But since I didn’t want to find out, I went to the doctors. Even though he couldn’t help me with getting services to hurry up and help, he could get me to try other things to get me to feel better. Like eating healthier more often than not, drinking water and other good fluids that doesn’t include soft drink, more often, to relax a lot more than thinking of all the bad stuff all the time etc.

Something like five weeks ago when me and Shirley had a cat fight because she accidentally walked me into the front of her wheelchair because she didn’t listen to me when I said I couldn’t fit between her and a table to get to the counter at a cafe in the Oasis shopping centre, I thought I’d eventually need a doctor to check my frigging leg because it’s taking forever for that bruise to go away. But it’s slowly improving each day, so I think it’s that my bone has been bruised as well as the soft tissue, and so it’s taking longer to heal. I definitely don’t want another doctor’s appointment this year. Ever since February last year, I’ve needed a doctor to help me here and there, and it’s really pissing me off! So I’ll give my leg another fourteen days to heal and see what happens. I’m hoping that it’s just a bad bruise because I whacked it pretty hard because the old lady (referring to Shirley this time) seems to think that I don’t feel pain when I hurt myself.

Maybe she should let me run her over in another wheelchair just to show her what it’s like. But because I’m not an animal and I don’t think like one – except for when I was hit last year! I won’t run Shirley over. She just needs to think about what she’s doing and try to consider how others feel before being disgusting. Dragging someone past you without looking at where they are and figuring out that the person might not be able to get past you is totally wrong whether you’re in a wheelchair, use a cane or guide dog, or are almost dead. In that last scenario, someone else would take over to help me. But if you’re conscious and can see what’s happening around me, please don’t drag me around if I’m trying to resist unless you can tell me that there’s nothing I can bump in to! Otherwise, just stop, and find another way around it, instead of getting so frustrated that you have to jamb me between you and something or someone else, before feeling really guilty because you know you shouldn’t have been so careless to start with.


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