I’m home and safe

I’ve just arrived home half hour ago! Since some of you guys are probably hoping that the blog I wrote yesterday isn’t the last one you’ll see for a good long time, you’ll be relieved when you next check my site! But let’s start with this morning and go through what happened in order I think. That’s the most logical way to be I think, that is if you can help it. Most of the time I try to write about things in order, even though sometimes I don’t manage it. But today I will. I took Troy for a big long walk this morning. Mum thought the way I was going about getting to Woolworths is rather ridiculous, but I told her that it’s good exercise and I can catch the bus if I want, because I don’t want to cross at that busy roundabout near Temple Terrace. So she agreed with me that it’s better for me to walk than to not walk, even if what I do is ridiculous, while at the same time being safer than not, and good exercise! So after quickly drinking a coffee, I took off.

Mum thought I was being nasty by leaving Troy in harness, in my room while I drank my coffee. Well, I just told her straight that I wasn’t mucking around and just leaving Troy be, without having a reason for harnessing him. So as much as she doesn’t believe in putting a dog in its working gear and making it wait for ten minutes for you to be ready to go, she couldn’t really argue with me because she knows I don’t like mucking around when I have to go. So I made for my bus in time and got off at the stop before the interchange. I walked from there to Woolleys in the way I described in my previous entry. It was sooooooo fun! When I got to Woolleys, I got a chocolate ecclaire from Brumbies, and it was sooooooo lovely. I’d buy them every day except that I don’t want to put on more weight. I sat on a long bench seat for a while, before going to a café nearby. Shirley turned up and I got ready to get my drink. Unfortunately, even though I told Shirley a hundred times that I couldn’t get between her friggen scooter and the chair next to me, she was determined to try to guide me to the counter anyway! She took my arm and tried to direct me past her, which she stupidly didn’t take my warning early about, and so I banged my leg on the front of her fucken crappy wheelchair. It’s not crappy for her of course, but friggen damn, when I’m telling someone why I’m uncomfortable, they should probably listen to me don’t you think? I told her later that she can’t just rush to get out of my way, but all the same, a bit of consideration would go a long way. The difference between her dangerous cart and my guide dog is that people can open their mouths and ask me to move the dog if they can’t step over him for whatever flaming reason, but if I can’t get Shirley to move her chair back just a little bit, I bang into the fucken thing and really hurt myself! If someone trips over Troy by accident, they can get hurt, but Troy isn’t made of metal. Give and take the fact that someone can get hurt on something near them if they trip on Troy, but all the same Troy isn’t made of stone. That friggen damn cart is, and banging on it because Shirley is too damn lazy to listen to me isn’t quite so fun. So I yelled at her for five seconds and someone had to calm me down. I got my coffee and then intentionally made Shirley feel like an idiot by telling her that bumping into the wheelchair really hurts and I’ve got a slightly injured leg now. In fact, it’s slightly injured enough that despite it not bleeding everywhere, it’s still injured. It’s scratched and bruised, even though it’s not the biggest scratch and bruise in the world, it’s enough to be considered a minor leg injury damn it! A little bump is nothing, but the way I banged it today and nearly fell over, that’s not tolerable for me. Man I went off at her. I even whispered to the guy in front of me that wheelchairs are dangerous vehicles, and I muttered to myself that people shouldn’t have them if they can’t be responsible with them. Shirley is allowed to care about herself and her little world, but if she can’t care about others around her, there’s a problem. The only reason I made Shirley feel bad today is because it’s not the first time I’ve been hurt by that damn shitty cart of hers. I agree in one way that it can’t be helped, but it damn fucken can be if I’ve asked her five times to move back just a bit, or to help me in some way that won’t involve me getting hurt and screaming at her. If she doesn’t like how I react, she’d better start changing how she’s treating me, because it’s not like I’m asking her to live my life or totally change my personality.

While we were drinking coffee, Shirley told me how disappointed she is with the Darwin hospital. She doesn’t like the way they kept her in for two weeks and did a number of tests on her each day, but they still haven’t given her the test results, and she still hasn’t got them now. I won’t go into everything about the whys and hows of it all, but all I’ll tell you is that something doesn’t sit quite right with me. Shirley goes in for two weeks, she gets discharged, and because she doesn’t get test results straight away, she cancels her appointments with all her doctors who were testing her? And another thing: One test which she needed done had to be done because the doctor told her that the test results from that particular one aren’t the updated ones, so she needed another test done so the results would be current, and not just the ones from years ago. That would make sense to me, but to her it appeared like the doctor wanted to benefit himself and not her, so she cancelled on him. I don’t know the whole story, but I feel a bit wrong somewhere. And another person she knows who makes appointments with doctors so she can see them in four weeks’ time, only to cancel them if she doesn’t need one by then? Ah, that’s the wrong way to do things. No wonder the docs don’t like this person! If she didn’t need a doctor, why did she have to make an appointment with them for? Sounds to me like some people are making the world revolve around them, and sadly that just won’t work. Then Shirley goes to the emergency department a couple of weeks ago or something like that, and waits there all day, only for the doctor to stuff her around? Um, if she’s not gonna die, she doesn’t need an emergency doctor on her case. Why didn’t she see a normal doctor? The paramedics are nice, they can see that she needs help, but they’re just taking her to the hospital because they legally have to. It’s then up to the emergency doctor what happens. Clearly Shirley is still alive, so there can’t be that much wrong with her. Ok, so the doctors could have given her the test results from her last admission to hospital, but because she didn’t get them as fast as she wanted, she wiped the doctors off her list, and she hates the hospital system completely.

I truthfully don’t know what to believe. She has gone from kind of liking this hospital, to absolutely hating it. I agree that having a condition doesn’t mean she has to stay in for two weeks and then not get the test results when she leaves, but since I don’t know exactly why they had to keep her in for so long or what led to this hospital stay other than that she had stroke symptoms, I can’t really judge why they didn’t give her the results she wanted or why the doctors couldn’t admit her the other week. I even told her that they’re probably thinking she’s wasting their time and coming across as a know-all and do-everything person. I said that they should have looked into all this further so they’d not think of her through such a lens, but Shirley said that she understands that they can’t always judge right because it’s a busy place. I don’t know, but if I were her, I’d be ringing the hospital and asking if they’ve got results yet, and why they’d want to keep me in for so long and all that. Now they’re just treating her like she’s coming in to waste their time, then walking out on them instead of waiting for a discharge or for someone to get her transported home. I really don’t know what to think of all this. I just don’t know. The hospital system is either really bad, or she’s making things out to be what they’re not, and then acting on her presumptions. Oh well it’s her life. The doctors can’t wait on her hand and foot all day. They’re probably doing tests to make sure her condition isn’t getting worse, but since she doesn’t agree with the doctors and she hates the hospital, she has rejected them and totally gotten them off her back.

Me personally? I like the hospital. The medical system is definitely very slow up here, but the doctors are still nice, and I think the way people are treated in hospital is nice. It’s just whether or not people agree with them. I certainly do, so I won’t make anyone make me believe that the hospital isn’t good. That’s their choice to believe that. I don’t like the procedures while they’re happening, but I get drugged up and treated very nicely, like a queen! I wouldn’t voluntarily go back to hospital, but if I was dying I wouldn’t try to go to a different one unless there was a good reason for it. All these other excuses like not having money to get home and all that is rubbish to me. If you’ve got an ATM card, you’ve got money! So I don’t know, I think Shirley should be asking more questions instead of making assumptions and presuming things. What she knows and what she presumes are two different things, so mixing her knowledge and her presumptions together isn’t going to work with me. I’ll give her good advice accordingly, but I’ll also indirectly hint things at her so she can think for herself. I sort of agree that she should have gotten her test results by now, but in another way I disagree with the way Shirley has handled all this. She does things her own way, but if people aren’t going to respond how she wants them to, she needs to be doing a bit more talking and asking questions instead of expecting people to read her thoughts and actions all the time. I don’t know the whole story about her situation, but all the same I don’t know what’ll happen if she has to go into hospital next time. They’ll either be really nice to her or they’ll treat her like she’s making up stories or behaving in attention-seeking ways. Maybe she should probably ask if she can get her test results straight away instead of making her wait forever. I got all my test results within eight hours because I wanted them immediately. So the doctors respected my decision and told me that I still had to wait for them, but I’d get my test results straight away, that is, within eight hours. And that’s what happened! I believe in communicating my needs to people so that I won’t come across wrong if I look like I know everything and am really independent and can do everything. I really have no idea. I think every hospital has its complaints, because they can’t please everyone. Let’s hope Shirley won’t need the ER again any time soon. I wouldn’t want to stay in hospital for weeks, so I’d ask about doing outpatient tests and treatments and all that. My personal opinion about this hospital is that they’re as good or as bad as you make them out to be, and they only help as much as you want them to. If you don’t like something, make a complaint so the problem can be fixed, or put up with what happens. I do feel bad that the doctors aren’t as perfect as we want them to be, but give them a friggen break! They work for long hours each day and we still expect what we want from them, then we kill them if they don’t do what we ask. Well, probably step into their shoes and it might be a different story. I think a bit of patience and consideration for them would help them out a lot, because they might feel less pressure and make less mistakes, even more they would love you for treating them like human beings and would want to help you more! It’s different when you get hurt and don’t know what you’re doing at the time or can’t understand what’s happening and what’s causing the doctors to do different tests, but yeah, when you’ve got a sound mind, maybe give the doctors time to process all the damn friggen exams. I have a hunch that Shirley doesn’t exactly need all these tests to be done, and that Shirley isn’t really that sick. It’s all the junk food she eats, then she cries when people don’t want to sympathise with her. She makes these problems happen, so she can’t be blaming doctors when they think she’s wasting their time, and then she can’t blame doctors for mistakes that she presumes has happened. That’s just a cop-out.

Oh well. I won’t go into it anymore than this. Shirley is living her life, and if she wants to create dramas, that’s her thing. I don’t know how the hospital can be a good experience for me but not for her, so I’ll let it go. We went to Hungry Jacks and had a good feed. After that we got an ice-cream from Wendys. I shouted her the lunch and desert because it has been forever since I’ve bought someone a meal. It’s not like I’m going to shout a meal for anyone for another six months or more anyway. Ah, it’ll be more like I’ll be giving food away if I can’t fit it into the fridge or the freezer! At the shops, S and R turned up. We chatted for a while before going our separate ways. Shirley went home, and I went for a bus ride. Then I decided to go to Hungry Jacks all by myself! I got myself an ice-cream, because the ice-cream machine didn’t work this morning! The Sundae was absolutely beautiful. I’ll be going back there again a lot more often. It means I can buy Hungry Jacks for tea sometimes and I won’t have to worry about eating dinner at home. At least Troy will be working each afternoon. Good, then I don’t have to worry about him when I go to my course. There are some days where I’ll have to take Troy with me, but it won’t be every day. Mum still disagrees with this, but that’s too bad. I can’t leave Troy home and let him fester whenever I find it convenient to drop him for as long as I’m happy to go out without him. That’s a sad life, and I think it’s nastier than putting his harness on and leaving him in my room for ten minutes while I quickly drink a cuppa! It’s not like I keep my bedroom door closed either. So Mum can’t talk.

Mum can help Troy as much as she wants to, and I’m happy she wants to be so kind to him. But at the end of the day, Troy is living my life, not my Mum’s life, so what I choose to do and whether I take Troy with me or not is totally up to me whether Mum agrees, disagrees or halfway agrees or whatever sideways thinking happens about it all. If I’m not allowed to feed Jack whenever I want to fed him, then Mum isn’t allowed to take over Troy’s life whenever she wants to. I’ll make a point of that if she drives me mad enough to scream. It’s really sad that Troy has a hard life as a guide dog, but Mum doesn’t see me patting him while I’m on the buses, massaging his ears from time to time etc. She just sees me putting Troy through some apparently unfair situations, but she doesn’t see the good stuff, like making Troy feel comfortable on a mat and giving him a spot where he can hear and see what’s happening so he can amuse himself. Mum needs to learn how to feel good and see the good things in life and not always get stuck on feeling like shit and seeing all the bad things. If she wants to be perfect, she might need to find another plane of existence to get that perfect and good life. It won’t happen here, so she’d better start looking at the goodness that is here and stop trying to pull us down into her miserable dark places. I’ve found a good side to life, so I won’t have that taken away from me by anyone. There’s always the bad things to get over or kick out of the road, but there’s still some goodness to look forward to.

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