Life is on a very gradual incline… Yea!

I had a reasonable time at TEMHCO. One of the guys got up a couple of the others for cutting me off in conversations all the time, then lectured us about being respectful to one another. Next time I’m telling him to shove it. It’s really good, but he doesn’t need to take over the conversations either. Who cares, I go there to make myself happy. Most of the people are lovely, so I’m happy with that. We had Chao Minh for lunch. It was lovely! I got sooooo full from that. I’m glad I got my pie this morning instead of this afternoon, because I was so full when I finished my can of coke with my lunch. I was happy enough to sit at the Interchange to wait for the bus to the school. I walked the route to the school and to my bus stop perfectly! That’s all sorted now. So we waited for the bus quite happily.

On the bus to Palmerston, some stupid lady in a wheelchair started playing with Troy, so I stopped her. I didn’t listen to her excuses about being an animal lover and her grief over losing her dog the other day. It’s sad that she lost her dog to another dumb animal attacking the poor thing, but putting it all onto my dog isn’t nice. I especially hate people who tell me not to get upset over the way they’re treating me. She did realise this later and said sorry, but at the same time, I just wanted to talk and talk just to keep myself sane while she was next to me. It’s not that she uses a wheelchair or that she’s unwell which makes her stupid. It’s the things she chose to do. Besides that, I was glad to relax. I got home and made three sandwiches. I played catch games with Troy, using a few small pieces of bread, but he gave it up after a while. I’m trying to teach him how to catch treats so I can put tablets in bread and he won’t know he’s swallowing them! I don’t think that’ll work though, I’ll as the vet when I go there next week. I’m allowed to go there any time to ask questions! I like that. After that, Mum came home, and she tried her argumentative attitude with me. She gave me the upset stomach story with

Troy eating some baked beans Jack didn’t eat this morning. I gave it back to her, saying Troy gets fed anyway. If they have to ask me if Troy can be fed and he still gets food, I shouldn’t have to ask to feed the pet dog. I don’t care what anyone says. If Mum wants to feed my dog when she wants, I’ll feed her dog when I want, without asking too. She can move on. If Mum wants me to be a reasonable person, she needs to be reasonable with me and Troy. It’s all right, I allowed her to throw the “ping pong ball” at me today, I’ll throw it back at her next time. It always works out in the end. We get on sometimes, we don’t get on other times. I’m sure it’ll always be that way. My two brothers get on with Mum most of the time, but one of them gets into arguments with her more than the other one does. It’s the relationship we’ve got with her. I’ll be as independent as I wish, and I’ll be reasonable or unreasonable, based on how I’m treated. Troy was fed tonight, and he drank a big lot of water, so he shouldn’t get sick. He eats whenever he can and doesn’t get sick most of the time now, so he’s lucky. He must be letting his instincts take over, because I certainly can’t take his frolicking instinct out of him. I could be cruel and whack him every time he goes for food on the ground, but that’s way over the line. He never will get over grabbing at food. What I want and what he’ll do are two different things. Mum’s argument about

Troy getting an upset stomach by eating food off the ground at him is irrelevant now, since Troy eats food off all other ground surfaces too. Then she changed the subject to flies, just to keep the argument going. I ignored her after that, shook my head, and walked away from her, just like I said I was going to do ten minutes before her fat ass argument. She might want to get skinny before arguing that everyone else is too fat, ha ha ha.

I’m going to chill out all day tomorrow. I’ll use half an hour of my time to make phone calls to my boss and to my case manager, to organise next week’s stuff. I want to learn my way around the training room where I’ll do my course so I don’t have to worry about getting lost when I’m doing the study. I need to make sure I can get information on memory sticks or through emails. Oh, and I need to sort out this frigging Jaws upgrade! Damn! I’ll put that in an email on Monday morning when I send one to Adrian. If he won’t look at his emails till then, I certainly don’t have to send one tomorrow. One step at a time please. I need to keep next Thursday’s appointment where it is since it’s the only day available for Adrian to do the O and M training at the school. I know how to get to the canteen and the office. But I need to make sure I can get to the lady’s bathroom and the classroom areas, and the community learning centre. My boss seems very nice to me with making sure things are set up for me to work effectively. I really hope she’s really a nice person when I get to know her better. Ha, I’ll have an excuse to get away from argumentative shit now! All I need to do is leave for work earlier and chat to the staff for a while to keep myself happy. I don’t need to take personal troubles to work unless I really need to hide from bad trouble. If Mum thinks she’s gonna make me feel bad, she might want to find someone else to bully, because she won’t like me much when I go to work and tell people that when I move out, I’ll be happier with myself, but will say no more than that. Mum will see the idea that I don’t like living with people who like to annoy me intentionally, so even if the staff won’t know I’m talking about Mum because I won’t let them know, they’ll get to know why I’ve come into work a bit earlier sometimes. Then I’ll tell Mum that when I’ve got enough money in the bank, I’ll use it to move myself into a private unit. I’m really fed up with Territory Housing anyway. I know they haven’t even checked my Priority Housing application because they haven’t rang me yet. They just don’t want to be honest and tell me that they don’t like my application, and would rather reject me quietly. That’s fine with me. I’ll move out like I’ve planned to do for a long time. Then I’ll ring them and say I can’t afford to stay where I am for long, so they’d better hurry up the damn process, or don’t bother putting me on the Priority Housing list. Priority Housing isn’t very prioritised when it takes forever for me to move into a unit. When they know I’ve moved out, they’ll realise that when I say I don’t want to live with Mum, I damn well mean that! These supposedly lovely disability services are driving me up the wall. They will help the disabled, but only if they’re not living with who these services consider a carer, such as a parent or other caregiver. The irony of that is, my Mum isn’t really my caregiver! They certainly won’t believe that when I tell them, because instead of being honest and saying they couldn’t give a stuff except if you’re half dead, they’d rather pretend that things are fine and take money into their pockets every day. Oh well, I’ll get what I want if I force the issue.

Besides Mum trying to force me to live my life how she’d like me to live it, things are ok. She certainly doesn’t control it completely outright. She just gets over-protective and she expects me to ask me if I can feed B’s dog when it’s ok for them to force me to let them feed my dog. If I say no, Mum gets all sad about it. I might just keep feeding the family dog and not give a stuff. Man when I move out, life isn’t gonna be roses and paradise, but it’ll be reasonable for how I’d like it to be. Maybe it’ll be paradise because I’ll get my own space. I really hate living with my mother if you want me to be blunt. I feel like a mamma’s girl, and I would rather be anybody else’s girl. Who wants to be totally attached to their Mum forever? I’m not saying people can’t love their parents. I’ll love my Mum forever. But I certainly don’t need to be under her feet and at her side every single day. Every time I miss a day of talking to her, she says something. Well, let me tell you I won’t be talking to Mum every day when I move out. I’d scream at her if she got like that. I want my own life to do what I want with it. And it won’t be any of her business either if I move in with someone. Ok, so she’ll know I’ve moved in with someone, that’s fine. But how I act around the person is my business, and nobody has the right to decide how I will and won’t treat the person. If I’m breaking no laws, I shall do as I wish. My motto is that if I’m not committing a crime, then mind your own business! I don’t ask Mum about her relationship with B, so if she asks about my relationships, I’ll tell her to nick off and ask her own boyfriend about stuff. I won’t let anybody pry into my life.

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