Warning: very long and may be offensive to some viewers

August 18, 2018

The hot weather is slowly creeping in. Everything is ok with my life generally, but it’s completely stalled at this time. Generally speaking, I still enjoy cooking. I still love to read my books. And, when it comes to going to the shops to buy groceries, I love to walk, rather than cab it, to the shops. So yeah, generally I’m doing fine. I’ve got friends to talk to in person and over the phone, and I have a really wonderful support worker who helps me SO MUCH!!!!!!!!! I’t accept offers of food and drink at any time, but usually if I can manage, I try to pay my way as much as possible. I don’t have the capacity to work so this is the situation I’m in. Not everyone can work. It sucks to be honest, but to sound cornish, I should be lucky I don’t work because anyone would kill for my lazy lifestyle. Not true in reality of course, but anything to soothe an angry soul is better than thinking of stinky reality sometimes. Besides some remaining happiness in my life, here is where my situation fucks me up majorly and I’m litterally stuck like someone frozen in ice. And here’s where the shit hits the fan for me.

Luckily it’s too hot for me to walk to the shops today, so I’m just sitting around today and tomorrow. And possibly Monday as well. But I really do have to get a couple of things from the shops on Tuesday morning. My OT is coming around to make sure I’m ok with working with a boiling hot oven. I’m going to make potato bake and see how I go. I think I make food dishes too runny or too dry and burnt. And even the potato is only just cooked enough to be edible. I seriously fucking suck at using my oven! K just left my place, we had chicken and mashed vege for dinner. I cleaned out my fridge just now and I’ve decided to continue with microwaving frozen meals without thawing first. So much good food went to waste. I hate how people come over and show no appreciation for how much food I waste. Most people act like the food in my fridge just isn’t good enough for their rich platter tastes. Ok, so buy the food and cook it yourself then. I’ll happily eat a microwaved meal and/or a meal from yesterday’s dinner, any day. I hate buying food on top of what I’ve already got at home! Perfectly good food that hasn’t gone bad yet and yet we must, MUST, buy extra food that MUST be eaten tonight and leftovers thrown out tomorrow??? What!!!??? Rich people seriously don’t know how to savour a meal! Not every single rich person, but most of them. Let’s have a piping hot meal tonight and whatever’s left, let’s waste it. Oh my God! I feel sick knowing how much food went in the bin. I can understand big businesses wasting food because you can’t legally sell day-old food even if it’s safe to eat for most people. All sorts of people go through the doors of big businesses and chefs can’t decide who can and cannot eat certain foods. But in the home, people who just chuck out fresh cooked food that wasn’t eaten are just plain greedy! I know every situation is different, but seriously as a general rule, don’t Goddamned waste fresh food! I don’t buy food to waste just because someone wants food that suits their ungrateful butt, while food is sitting in the fridge waiting to be eaten. If ungrateful butthead doesn’t want my food, they can pay for, and cook, their own bloody meals for all I care! And keep the take-away oily shitty mouldy food to themselves too. I don’t eat mouldy, plastic food. I like fresh food, and if there’s food left after eating a meal, I like to eat it tomorrow as well. I like to eat it all before it goes bad. I took a friend’s suggestion on board today. Just microwave a meal immediately. Guide Dogs microwaves frozen meals that catering people make up. There’s nothing wrong with the food either. I think anyone who intentionally wastes food is ungrateful and selfish. I feel terrible when I waste food and do everything to avoid further wastage. I won’t put more food in the fridge any more, until most of my frozen meals are eaten. I don’t need more meat, there’s plenty in the freezer. I can survive for weeks without buying food now. I’ll just need bread and milk and other essentials. I reckon if I can live on $30 a week, I’ll be fine. Even if I pay $100 for shopping, I can somehow stretch it over a month. I’m not giving into people’s fussy eating demands, eat what you’re given or cook it yourself. I’m not a fucking restaurant.

So the next freaking dilema I’m in: When the hell can I finally pay a bloody plumber to install my water purifier! Seriously I want clean drinking water, not the bloody shit that comes out of the tap now. I don’t like drinking dirt and rust. I think the water is disgusting, we might as well be drinking dirty water without treating it, because chlorination isn’t improving the quality much. And I also have to get this bloody food processor. At some point after that I’m getting a TV. I just want a basic TV, not a $1000 one! Why anyone would even wish for me to buy an expensive TV is beyond me. I need a good food processor because I need to eat food every day, but I don’t need an expensive TV. So yeah, my life is on hold for months now. I can’t see myself going out much. Frigging hell, I like Brisbane but it’s expensive to live here, even with low rent. I’m going to start writing things in my phone to create a diary of what affects my life the most. It could be anything from buying too much to going out with friends too often. Stuff that I think gets in the way of me saving money. Stuff that prevents me from having me time. Stuff that gets in the road of my plans for the day, etc. It’s not friendships that are the issue. Not at all! It’s how I communicate with people that gets to me. Like if I say no to an outing or day trip or whatever, I don’t want to deal with the aftermath of offending someone.

Talking of communication, I’ve been asked by people so many times what I’ll do about an issue. Well, I take offense to that, because if I knew, I’d have started the process of resolving my current issues. If I had the answers to my problems, I wouldn’t need to complain, or whinge, or rant, or this, or that, and the list goes on. When people ask me, ‘what are you going to do about it’, it shows me they don’t care, or that maybe they don’t know and just won’t admit it. I’d rather be told, ‘I have no idea sorry’, or something to that degree, than to be asked a question I don’t know the answer to. And I also hate it when people discourage me too. Like if I learn a difficult O and M route, or try to cook a difficult dish, and some people just have to say ‘oh, well if you’re struggling and you’re too scared to learn, why do you even bother with the lessons!”‘ Fucking, far out! Just say ‘that’s not good you’re having a hard time, I hope it works out for you6’, instead. Look, everyone is entitled to their opinions, but please don’t talk me out of things or I’ll never learn! I mean, if somebody thinks I can’t do certain things, but I think I could learn or whatever the case, please don’t push your opinions. Just because you say I can’t do something doesn’t mean I think that way. I don’t live up to anyone’s expectations. I can’t stand when people use my emotional state to convince me I can’t manage with something. Like seriously! Just let me figure it out! I already have a hard enough time not giving up without anyone helping me to give up. I know I hate struggling, but I still want to live my life however I like. The other thing I fucking hate is that some people think I can still go out to entertain myself with my pension. I can’t actually. And staying home for a while to suit myself, is seen an me isolating myself and becoming withdrawn. Like for God’s fucaing sakes stop telling me what to do and stop telling me how I feel and all that. Just stop analysing me and my life! God, I’ll do what I want!. If I want to have some down time at home, that’s what I’ll do. The reality of the situation is that I cannot afford to go out every day and I can’t spend money whenever I feel like it. That’s why I’ve got no fucking money!!!!!!!!!! For heaven’s sake! I love entertainment and going out, but I can’t manage it and that’s just how it is. If I can’t even save money, how do you think I can afford to go on a day trip? NDIS only covers the support workers, not my fucking outings. And it’s a sad life catching up after paying off a debt, but that’s just how it is too. It’s like people only respect me if I have money, as soon as I’m out for two weeks, I get dumped. Oh well. Fuck off then if that’s how anyone wants to be with me. I’m not poor because I feel like it because I like having no money. I’m poor because of my frigging pension and I need expensive items to live a blind-friendly lifestyle that won’t harm or kill me. Yes peeps, I kid you not! Everything has to be safe, tactile, audio in some way, not easily bumped, sturdy, failsafe, basically the grownup version of child-friendly. Yes it’s bullshit. But that’s just how reality is. If I could change it, I would! Everything in my life has to be vision impaired friendly just so I can survive and not get crook because I can’t see what I’m doing and I need devices and gadgets that I can use safely. I need my phone so I can time cooking meat so I don’t bugger up any meals, etc. Yeah, my life is complicated. And I need bloody medicine just to keep the right nutrition levels in my body so I don’t collapse from over-heating, don’t dehydrate, don’t do all sorts of funny things, plus stay healthy while I’m at it. Yep, being born prematurely is great!!!!!!!! Yeah right, I don’t think so. I bet you a million bucks that my next attempt at saving money in different ways, will fail with psychiatric judgment bullshit, insistence at me from some people that I must go out, it must be boring staying home… etc. Look, yes staying at home is boring, but having no money to spend is even worse! Basically, spend my money or you don’t give a fuck about me, is the message I’m getting – not from every person, but most people. That’s the impression I get, anyway. Well, that’s too bad! I can’t help it if I have to stay home so I can pay bills and rent. the reason I allow support workers to take over and help me is because I know they have to help people both live a life and stay alive, according to their individual needs with disabilities. I wouldn’t allow anyone else to assist me like that, unless they just wanted to shout me a meal. That’s up to them. But I’m not about to appreciate a suck-up-the-arse situation where I’m hard-done-by so I need sympathetic support. No, thank you. I’ll help myself, and if I want sympathy I’ll ask for it. And, if I truly need assistance, community support workers will help me, that’s what they’re there for, so I don’t burden the rest of society.

I’ve just had a long shower and washed my hair. This gave me nearly half an hour to think up another loooooooong rave. So be ready guys, please be prepared to read for as long as it takes. I’ve written long posts before, but this may be a world record. So… I’ve been thinking of how people treat disabled people differently from non-disabled. I should say, people with disabilities. But for my own sake of arguing, I’ll use the word disabled, since it basically means the same thing and shortens my writing a little. Not this entry of course, but you know what I mean… Anyway, I’ve been wondering why some people use different tones when talking to disabled persons. If you stood me next to a sighted person, I’d look average. In other words, not much different from the sighted person. Now most people would come up to me and say hi and how are you, in a typical, normal conversational tone, and life would go on as it does. But for whatever reason, some folks just have to add fancy undertones to their conversations with me. Like, why? Why can’t you just treat me like you’d treat anybody, and just accept that you’d hate the idea of going blind, but that’s all there is to it. Other than wondering how I manage to exist, which is fair enough, can’t you just leave it at that and just have a typical chitchat? Come on, ask away all you want! Everyone doesn’t know everything about all disabilities. But don’t act like I can’t understand English or that I don’t know how to have a conversation. I fail to understand how anyone on earth could dehumanise disabled people, or put them to the level of a baby. There’s so many disabilities but for argument’s sake, I’ll focus on the disabilities that aren’t obvious, like blindness, epilepsy, etc. Of course some people have cognitive problems, can’t move, breathe, eat, whatever. But every disabled person doesn’t need to be molycoddled and cooed at. The thing that really pisses me off about how blind people are treated, is that some people think I need constand supervision, and even deliberately show disrespect if I don’t have a support person with me. Next time I’m going to have a go at a particular postal worker who I growled at yesterday. The carer had to quickly take me away before me and the guy really got going. I don’t hate many people, usually I jump up and down at the thought of greeting someone!!!!!!! But I really detest this person, I’m jumping up and down at the idea of biting his ugly face off. He’s a bastard! He respects sighted people but is nasty to disabled people. I will bite next time and it won’t be pretty. I’ll bully the shit out of him. He can fuck himself. That’s why I’m so racist, wankers like him who disrespects certain people groups including disabled people and then he’ll turn around and play the victim card if he’s bullied. He can ping off and get another bloody job.

Next: medical people and their shit-for-brains money-making crap. They go to uni to learn a whole lot of useless shit, and they can’t even prolong anyone’s lives anyway! Jhe only difference between modern and ancient doctors is their use of technology. For example, Vitamin medications, and quite a few other drugs, can be made into an edible form such as lollies or other substances that have a pleasant taste when consumed. We never used to have such forms of medicines. Doctors never used to use computers, now they can’t live without them. I could go on for ever. Doctors have changed their views on food, biology, antibiotic use, surgical procedures, etc. But they still can’t cure HIV and Aids, cancer, drug resistant bugs, and a whole host of issues which you’d think doctors can fix nowadays. The medical community has come a long way with a lot of stuff: fixing most heart problems, preventing Diabetes most of the time, preventing the spread of some types of cancer, blah blah blah! But medical people still have a heck of a way to go before any major health care improvements generally speaking, can be seen. Look at sickness medications, for example. They’re advertised to suppress or reduce nausea and vomiting. Well, the truth is, they don’t do either. Sickness medicine is a waste of time and causes more harm than good. Then there’s chemotherapy medicines. Maybe chemotherapy helps a few people in the long run. But for most people, all it does is cause you to get sick and die anyway. Why would I take my chances to try to cure cancer if all I’ll do is suffer more from the treatments than from the disease? Then I still may die, which is highly likely. So hopefully I don’t get cancer. But I’ve already refused any treatments for sickness and pain should it arise one day, because medications simply don’t resolve pain and vomiting. The only time medicine works for me is if I’m not vomiting and I’m not terribly sick so Panadol and some decongestants work well for mild cases of persistent pain and very mild nausea. But should I start spewing or feel a lot of pain, forget it. I need hospital-grade medication in a drip as a continuous dose, and heart monitoring to make sure the meds don’t damage it. And those meds have to be strong enough to keep me only half awake until I no longer need them. As for typical painkillers which leave me worse for ware, and typical sickness meds, you’re wasting your time. Once I realise I’m too uncomfortable to keep going, the old-fashioned dehydrate and starve method is on. And if I’m dragged to hospital, I won’t eat or drink there either. This stupid bullcrap of suffer, fix, suffer, fix, just doesn’t do justice for me. Either rip all my teeth out or shoot me. I don’t need to live with sore teeth for the rest of my life because the dentist is too heartless to respect my wishes. Dentures aren’t ideal for anyone, buj sore teeth aren’t any better. I’d rather have false teeth than a sore mouth. My wisdom tooth surgery hasn’t worked, all it did was leave a gap in the back of my mouth where those teeth are missing, the rest of my teeth are crowded and crooked and aren’t filling the back of my mouth. My mouth isn’t any better than it was before surgery, it’s just not bleeding any more. I’m to get a private dentist to pull all my teeth. Private practices can pull teeth in their clinics; it’s the public practices that bullshit about anaesthetic is best for pulling teeth, excuses excuses. Yeah sure, the public system isn’j funded to do procedures outside the hospital setting. So this time I’m going private and I’m getting them to pull my teeth out. If they don’t, I’ll go mad and tell them either they do that or I’ll find another dentist, unless they can do something which guarantees that my teeth won’t hurt any more. If they don’t help, I’m going to starve to death. Doctors have no fucking idea how to help anybody. All they’e after is the money. If they don’t prove me wrong, I won’t change my opinion of medical people. I definitely will never trust doctors, ever, if they don’t find medicine I’m not allergic to. Why should I trust any doctor who is just going to make me sick? Fuck the medical people, all they’ve done is hurt me. I’ll take some non-prescription stuff as needed, but there’s no way any doctor will force me to take prescription medicines. They don’t deserve my respect. I know another person who was harmed by the very people who were supposed to help him. Yeah, that’s two of us. Hey, I need pain relief, so yeah1now I’m spewing up, which is just fine. No, fucking way Jose! Vomiting and nausea is not pain relief or pain management. This is exactly why so many people distrust the medical proffession. They’re just con-artists. The ones who don’t happen to be con-artists, are in a hopeless dilema when they can’t physically help me because I’m untreatable which essentially makes any problems incurable for me. I don’t have a terminal illness, but the fact that I can’t take most meds, makes me terminal, because if I were to develope a treatable illness, it wouldn’t be treatable in my case. All because my mother and her doctors at the time were heartless beasts and kept me alive so I could suffer. Yeah! So much for the mother-fucking hypocratic oath! Show me a doctor who follows his/her creed and I’ll change my mind about how I think of them.

Now on to something more cheerful. Well, I say cheerful, because it’s in regards to reading heaps of iBooks. But the subject matter isn’t so cheerful in some of these books. The stuff I read about how Jewish people were treated in World War II is attrocious. Yeah I’m sure other people were killed and mistreated too. Jews weren’t the only persecuted group. But of all the sad cases of neglect and mistreatment, Jewish people at that time had it the worst. They were marked for extermination, so I guess in the minds of the Nazis, Jews weren’t human so mistreatment wasn’t really a term if you were dealing with Jewish people. Just thinking about their way of thinking makes me sick. Jews struggled against the current pretty much. The struggled to survive but couldn’t fight back. Mistreating anybody is horrible enough, but treating Jewish with the most vile attrocities was deemed ok because these ‘weren’t people’ to paraphrase it. Oh my God! We wouldn’t treat pigs let alone any other animals, like this! It makes me so sad that people are saying the Hollocaust never occured. Holy shit! But yeah, go read a few books on the subject and you’ll see what I mean! I’ve nearly finished reading this book. It’s really sad but has a happy ending: the guy survived during WWII, and lives to tell the tale. Otherwise, the details are horrifying. The bloke does write about happy things too, and thankfully he is much better than he was ten years ago, but man the book is heart-rending! I couldn’t survive the shit that he wrot about. And his poor parents! Geeze, I wouldn’t know what to do if I had to face my son’s possible demise at the hands of a ruthless people. And many people these days put on the victim card and the race card. Wow! Maybe read a few World War 1 and 2 books and you’ll have a different perspective then. Some people don’t believe the facts of history, and that’s fine. But don’t play the hard-done-by act on me until you experience a world war and mistreatment. These days most of us have it easy. Some of these books I love to read give me nightmares because of how disturbing they are. Why read them, you may ask. Because I like to know how other people live today and how they lived in the past.


Ranting and weather

August 9, 2018

I’m having a great morning so far. I set up my fridge so I can cook food in the ovnen for the next couple of days while I steam the vegies that need to be used up urgently. I’m sure I must be doing something wrong when I use the oven. I warned J to let some people know that if my smoke alarm goes off tomorrow, it means I’m cooking chicken legs in the oven and not to worry. I’m going to try turning the chicken legs after 40 minutes, then leave them for another 40 minutes, on 200 degrees C. So if the heat and/or odours become a bit smoky, the alarm will trigger. I hope it won’t, but I need to work in the kitchen all the time so I can tell my OT what I’m struggling with most of the time. Maybe it won’t be so difficult to cook chicken if I can actually get the timing right haha! This is when I really hate cooking a lot! But I like cooking most of the time now because I know how to cook a few different meals. I’ve got a lot of frozen meals still, so if I need a break from cooking for a week or two, I won’t go hungry.

The support left my place half an hour ago. So since then, I’ve been reading through a lot of blogs. I found this post which reiterates my point about writing about controversial topics. If you want my opinion on the subject of writing posts, well first, write what you want. It’s your blog. I do the same, I just write. Secondly, if people want you, or me, or anyone else to consider deleting posts, forget it! People have no right to decide what you can and can’t do with your blog. If they don’t like it, they don’t have to read it. It’s the same with comments. Instead of growling at someone to stop writing nasty comments, use the delete button provided. Otherwise, just let it go. I’ve had people in the past tell me to delete comments and posts. You know what? It’s all about who you give your power to. Just don’t give your power to anyone who tries to control you. I don’t listen to people who don’t me to keep my blog site either. I don’t need a boss to run my life. And to those who’d insist or demand others to change their posts or whatever, please stop it! You don’t own other people, if you think you can make a better blog than someone else, go ahead and make your own blog site. And if you don’t like what someone says, making them feel so bad as to delete their site isn’t helping anyone. All I will say is, stop bullying people and let them be. They aren’t harming anyone else, so maybe you should butt out and leave the blog sites. As for me being vulnerable and some people might be nasty to me, look! There are nasty people everywhere! And my vulnerability depends on the situation I’m in. I’ll probably get bullied or attacked even if I don’t have a blog site. Or maybe I won’t get attacked. But if all I did was look for a devil behind every tree, I’d stop breathing, I wouldn’t leave my couch, I’d leave the phone off, I’d bloody die! If all anyone wants to do is scaremonger me, it ain’t gonna work with me. Not that everyone is like that… I’m just sayin’.

I’ve got all afternoon free. Tonight I’m cooking a meal for myself. I find it difficult to cook for other people as well as myself. K, the lady I’ve discussed a few times – she’s a picky eater so I don’t want to go out of my way to feed her. She has carer support, let them feed her. I’m not anybody’s carer. I’m also not a restaurant business. So I don’t have to do anything for anybody. I’m also not obliged to help anyone, I just choose to help people sometimes. So I’ve got the afternoon free, so I may just walk to the shops. I like to sit around for a while, but then I get bored and I just can’t sit still for ever4 It’s too fucking difficult for me, I need to be on the move all the time. I’ll put my phone on the charger for a few minutes before I leave. I want full charge so I can stay at the library for at least two hours. I love to use the Wi-fi to do a lot of Internet browsing, and reading. My iBooks app milks data if I attempt to read an entire book in one sitting, so I’ll keep reading time for the library so I can drain the Wi-fi instead! Plus I never get distracted there, so I can easily read for bloody hours and I’d never be disturbed except by the announcement for closing time. Maybe that’s what I’ll do: read for three hours then listen to some YouTube videos, then catch a taxi home if it’s too cold to walk.

I went to J’s place and will be going to the shops tomorrow. His carer was there and V, his ugly girlfriend, was at home where she belongs. At least I don’t sit on my bum hole all day and be a burden to everyone else. Oh well, that’s her, she wonders why nobody likes her. She’s deluded and twisted in the head. So are some others who live and work here. Ah well. I have my own life and that’s the main thing. I didn’t come here for everyone to walk all over me. I’m not a bloody door-mat. It’s nice and cool now so I’m not going to turn the heater on yet. I’ve got all the windows open, I need air to circulate through this unit so it doesn’t go mouldy and stinky. I had a good meal when I got home from J’s place and now it’s nearly a quarter past five tonight and I’m relaxing. I was talking to J’s carer about cooking chicken today, and she said I don’t cook it at a high enough temperature, that’s why it has a soggy texture and strong flavour to it, like it needs a lot more temperature to really cook it in the middle. So tomorrow when I get home from the shops, I’m going to try baking chicken legs, and if the smoke alarm goes off, so be it. It’s not like I cause the smoke alarm to go off on purpose. I think they’re good for actual fire situations, but it goes off so many times unnecessarily that sometimes I want to rip it off the wall and destroy it. I believe smoke alarms serve a purpose, but in small units they’re just a hassle and waste of time. Hopefully this time, I’ll achieve that evenly cooked texture right through the chicken legs. I ate two chicken wings today and they were perfect, crispy but not burnt, or dry! They were cooked just right. I’ll see how I go tomorrow, but I’m determined to cook the perfect chicken. And if the stupid smoke alarm starts, I’ll tell the neighbour to smash it. I can’t stand fucking crappy noise. For God’s sake, sometimes smoke comes off food, it’s just how it is when you deal with very hot food. At least I haven’t given up yet. I don’t plan to either, I like to do things myself.

I have to get a new set of measuring spoons tomorrow I’m chucking the other ones when I bring the new ones home. If anyone fucking touches my kitchenware, I’ll friggin’ scream. Everyone knows I can’t see, and I don’t want my stuff to go missing because nobody gives a shit! Well, I do give a shit and this is not going to continue! Every time some people come in here, my stuff goes missing. Now I am nasty and save for three people who haven’t misplaced/thrown anything away, I’ll pretend to not be home. I’m sick of the crap. So not only did I have to replace a can-opener, I have to get a new measuring spoon set. If it wasn’t for a lot of crappy unit blocks around, I’d be moving somewhere else. And if people don’t like where I move, then stay away. I don’t care. Transport isn’t an excuse, it’s obvious to me that people are lazy and won’t make the effort to visit me, so why should I visit them? ‘Oh, if I have to get a cab, I won’t come around6’ That’s fine, if I was a real friend, you’d come around anyway. If you have a tight budget, that’s different. But if you’d rather not waste money on a taxi when you could easily come over, then goodbye to you. Real friends make some compromises from time to time. Some people won’t spend money od a taxi but they will gladly waste petrol money by expecting family members to take them everywhere. You can’t get anything for free, you know!

I can’t wait till next Friday now! I’m checking out a water purifier and will probably buy a new TV as well. And while I’ve got the opportun

Venting and thoughts

August 8, 2018

I’m lying down for the night, so I figure I’d write for a while. I slept in this morning and woke up to K knocking at the door. She and I talked for a while before she left for the day. J came around and eventually we walked to the shopping centre after chatting for a while. We had a sandwich and coffee and I bought a few things. When I got home I walked around because I didn’t want to sit around all day. I walked back to the shops to spend an hour in the library browsing You-Tube. I came home and me and J got in to a cab and went to the butcher’s shop. I bought some meat after J bought what he wanted, then I came home and sat around before cooking chicken to go on sandwiches. The oven stank for a bit but I turned the oven off for about ten minutes before turning it back on. The smell went away and I cooked the chicken for about fifty minutes, then turned it over for twenty minutes. It was a fraction under 180 degrees C, so when I put it on bread for me and J, I wondered why there was fatty stuff all through it, and it had quite a strong chicken flavour. J ate all of his chicken sandwhich, he said he couldn’t detect any raw chicken at all, just that it was fatty. Kind of reminded me of when I cooked chicken wings, and I was relieved to know that they were cooked properly! Next time I bake chicken breasts, I’m going to test cooking them for forty minutes before flipping them over for another forty minutes, this time on 200 degree heat. I just don’t want the chicken to burn on the outside. I think chicken is difficult to cook. I wanted to put an audio recording on my YouTube channel but no, J and K came over and I didn’t get any private time today. Tonight I can spend time to myself, but it’s not the same as spending time to myself whenever I feel like. Once again, not about me. Me me me! What about me? Why is my life always about someone else? I’m not married to these people. I’m going to have to start being rude and simply pretend to be out or asleep. I’m sure other people do it. I’m starting this change from tomorrow. I can’t be totally honest and nice because if I say ‘no you can’t come in’, I’d be the worst person ever.

I did some more browsing of my blog and it got me thinking. I still don’t have a job, and here is why. When you click on the post I’ve referred to above, you should notice that I’m frustrated about workplace discrimination at the time of writing that post. Well, to say that I’m disgusted with the employment agencies is an understatement. I got no help and support at all from the last job agency. They either found jobs that I’d never be able to do, or they’d find jobs which I could possibly do, but weren’t part of my particular interest. The worst part was the job agency not helping me fight a discrimination case against Endeavour Industries, which discriminated me strictly because of my guide dog. The company didn’t consider guide dogs to be well-trained, that the Guide Dogs organisation is of a low standard, and also that VI people can’t look after a dog let alone while at work. Well, to hell with that job agency! And to hell with Vision Australia (nicknamed Vision Aufailure). I want nothing to do with them again. All VA does is rip off the vision impaired community. The organisation is just after money. At least Guide Dogs Australia actually puts the money where their mouth is and does what it can to help VI people. I simply cannot believe that this job agency cannot trust a doctor’s report, then lie in their paperwork about me and my dog. Absolutely fucking disgraceful! What about all the crap poor Troy had to put up with? This is just one example of what I dealt with from my family. Poor dog! I was expected to tolerate hell from him because he didn’t have his usual routine in place and I really got fed up with everything. This is why I can never live with any of my family again. I can’t tolerate their shit. If I wanted a pet dog, I wouldn’t have gotten a guide dog. And to think that I’m about to go back on the waiting list after making the decision to leave GDQ two years ago just to see if I’d do better with VA. Yeah right! I’m so glad I’m back with Guide Dogs! My finances with living in Brisbane is a real fucker at the moment, because some neighbours have become my surigate sons and daughters unwittingly. Yes, I mother people because their actual parents can’t deal with them, or perants are underground now. How very sad. I know I simply make the odd offer of cooking a feed, but some disabled people takes this to mean they need me to cook all the time. No, I won’t. I came to Link Vision to live my life. But I’ve given proverbial birth to four proverbial children, so my life belongs to the ‘kids’ now, not to me. If anyone asks me what I’ll do about it, I’m the wrong person to answer that question. If I knew, I wouldn’t be in this situation.

I thought that leaving my issues with Mum behind would mean a happier life. Nope! Living at Link Vision has presented me with a whole lot of different issues that I’ve had nowhere else. I think my problem is I can’t be mean enough to openly say go away, or at least be subtly rude and hard-hearted. I never ever, treat my friends like this, not ever. So why do they treat me like that. The good thing is that I can live in my own unit. I just live among nasty and/or prying and rude people. I think to myself, for God’s sake! Just piss off for a while! Damn you, leave me alone! I also like the fact that online shopping has improved over the years, so I can do my own shopping. As for church, I don’t go any more. I’m not interested. Furthermore, I have no idea how this Pastor is. We had a few disagreements and didn’t always see eye to eye, but at least we tried to get along. And then there’s CaringBridge. I’m thinking of deleting my account because I don’t read those journals any more.

I can’t decide if I’ll sleep in tomorrow or not. I guess I’ll see what I’ll get up to depending on when I wake up. After the support worker leaves when she’s finished cleaning, I have no idea if I’ll walk to the library or just stay home. I have to hide if I go out or my side-kick J just has to demand that I come home whenever he wants to talk to me. I ignore him anyway of course, but he’s just so fuckin’ annoying!!!!!!!!!!! The bloody nerve of some people! Oh, I also have to start writing that list for my OT, and it’s going to be a long one. I’m going to think of four things to write about each day until I think I’ve thought of everything I need her to show me, then I’ll send her my goal list next week. Cooking chicken properly will be at the top of the list. Maybe I do cook it well. But maybe I don’t, too. There seriously has to be a way for me to know when chicken is cooked well. I can cook it in the slow cooker just fine, so I can’t see why I can’t bake it in the oven. Anyway, this bullshit will be getting sorted soon. Believe me, when I’ve got baking issues sorted, I’ll be baking things every day whether the smoke alarm goes off or not. Shit happens in the kitchen, sometimes a fire scare is part and pa with the course! I hate the smoke alarm, but I also hate dying haha! So yep, I’ll just hope for the best, but if my smoke alarm does go off, people will have to suck it up. I just need to know that I’m eating properly cooked pork and chicken. I won’t do fish in the oven, that will be restricted to the slow cooker, and if I want fried fish, ah, I’ll just buy it.

Reminiscing… And other plans

August 8, 2018

I’ve been reading back through my blog again, like I’ve done a few times lately. But tonight I decided to go back to the beginning of my blog. Oh wow, comparing myself now, to how I was back then, is amazing! I always had a love-hate relationship with cooking, and now, I don’t hate cooking at all. Back in 2009 when I was cooking reasonably well, I sometimes hated cooking especially if I got frustrated or hurt myself. Since then, I’ve gone from liking cooking, to totally hating it and not wanting to cook anything for weeks. You should see such a trend between 2010 and 2011’s posts. Then there’s the use of my white cane. These days, I’m pretty good with my cane. I did struggle for a while but i got much better with it. When I first started out on my writing quest, or journey – call it what you will – I remembered struggling at times to get around with my cane before I got my guide dog. No, I think I struggle a bit with my cane, but not as much. I must say that my mother had some involvement in me getting behind on cane skills, not that she meant it on purpose to give me a hard time. We didn’t get on well most of the time, but that’s a different story. The fact is, Mum didn’t want to see me struggle to navigate through my surroundings every day with my cane. She kept insisting that I didn’t need a cane while I worked my guide dog. The problem was that the more I resisted using my cane, the worse I got with using my cane properly. I guess that because Mum is sighted, she didn’t truly understand how important it was for me to keep up with cane skills because Troy wasn’t always going to be able to guide me around me for whatever reason, so I needed to be able to use my cane. Under the circumstances of the time, I went along with it. I do wonder if this is why I took for ever to get used to my cane again after Troy retired. There were a lot of factors involved too, but almost never using my cane when I had Troy was the main factor for my inability to use my cane properly for such a long time. Now that Mum isn’t in my life for a number of reasons, O and M training is going well and I’m navigating my environment as well as I can, without someone hovering over me and correcting every apparent mistake all the time. My grandparents weren’t very good at allowing me to get around independently with my cane, by the way. Mum used to argue with them all the time. But when I was with Mum using my cane, we’d argue from time to time about the way I’d work my way through situations and all that. Hmmmmm, I couldn’t win no matter what. And now that I’m in Brisbane, I’m doing ok with getting around with my cane. And I’m doing a tonne better with cooking.

If you browse through my posts, you’ll probably find that before I moved to Brisbane back in 2016 (see archives), I had a lot of issues with family members and sometimes other people, interfering with mine and Troy’s training. My worst issue besides people petting him while he was working, was Troy being fed anything other than dog food and dog treats. Once again, I went along with the situation because I knew there would be a lot of conflict between me and whoever was feeding him. Basically, I had to follow the rules of the household whether they were good for Troy or not. I really hated that I couldn’t do anything about these problems. I still get angry thinking about it. This is why I’d never live with family members again. If I report problems with Troy being fed inappropriately or any other issue I don’t like because it may destroy a guide dog’s career or whatever the case, I’m seen as the worst person on earth, and I’d either have to accept the rules or move out. The thing is, when I moved to Cairns, I still had family interference! Even though I lived in my own rental unit, if family members came around, they’d tell me what’s best for me and Troy, when he was still working. Seriously! At least I could pretend to agree and when the relatives left, I’d just go back to my normal routine. When Guide Dogs Queensland got involved with helping me smoothing out some issues before Troy retired, I was told that sometimes to avoid conflict, you pretty much had to accept what the family wanted so long as the dog wasn’t being abused, because some situations will blow over once you get back to a normal routine back at home. Well, yeah that’s right actually. But I wasn’t permanently living with family at that stage. I had to move in with my grandparents while Ö prepared to move to Brisbane. So long as I kept a consistent routine with Troy, he’d be fine. What GDQ wasn’t happy about, and nor was I by the way, was when I’d lived with family before I left Darwin, and Mum and some other family members would expect me to make changes to mine and Troy’s working relationship to suit the family, whether it was ok to do so or not. I told GDQ staff that I’d get a new guide dog eventually, but not if I was living with family. Life was difficult enough without the guide dog. Having a guide dog wasn’t actually the difficult part. It was the controlling attitudes of the family that really fucked with me. Peruse my blog and you’ll see all the discussions about different problems and frustrations. Guide Dogs gives dog handlers strict rules for a good reason. They don’t just make shit up for the sake of wasting money. I had to ask questions too, and there were things which really got me mad. But I’d find out how to fix any shortcomings, until I got resistance from the family and the church Pastor when I used to go to church (so glad I don’t have anything to do with church anymore), then rinse and repeat the process. It’s so easy to put the blame on everyone and excessively blame yourself. But at the end of the day, living with my family while I had Troy wasn’t a good idea all around, and I’m glad I moved away. I’m glad I left Cairns too, because living near the family wasn’t working for me either. Some bloggers who I follow have wonderful family relationships and I admire them for it. Some of us are lucky, I suppose. The good news with all this is, I’m in Brisbane and having a great time without any family conflict. And I’m sure when I get a new guide dog, I shouldn’t have half the trouble I had when I was living with my mother because she couldn’t accept certain restrictions with me and Troy. To be honest, most of my family didn’t agree with everything regarding Troy’s life as a working dog. I feel like a cruel bitch when I enforce rules, but at the end of the day my dog is helping me and my safety depends on the dog not being distracted or interfered with.

I think my life is a lot better than it was in the past. I don’t plan to move back to Cairns again. I live in a good unit and I’ve got myself set up how I like it. I’m actually glad I wrote so much in my blog, because now I can compare parts of my existence to the way I exist now, and I can remind myself that I won’t have to put up with most of the issues I suffered through while living with my family. And I can tell people that I don’t have to change my rules to suit anyone. And when it comes to the dog, I’ll just complain every single time something goes wrong. Lol at least anyone who gives me or the dog a hard time can’t get away with it for long because it’ll be them leaving me alone, rather than me being kicked out of their place. All the times me and Mum used to argue about so many things, especially Troy, and how she wished I’d leave, and now I’m away and she wants me to live in a grany flat attached to their house! When I first moved to Cairns six years ago before I came to Brisbane, I said there was no way I’d live at Mum’s place in a gra

Voice-over crash

August 7, 2018

I was attempting to write a blog at the shopping centre earlier, but breakfast was brought to me while I was at Jamaica Blue, so I had to stop writing. I had a lovely feed, then did my shopping. The shop assistants are really nice people. I came home, chitchatted to friends over hot chocolate, and now I can finally do my blog. I’ll be doing nothing for the rest of the day. Cooking assistance for two hours, then sports for an hour. I can’t do pan-fried chicken, so that’s something I’ll get the OT to show me. When she has finally taught me enough cooking options, I’ll ring NDIA and provide evidence of learning to cook, then I’ll get a review and that will be it. If the Government knows that the occupational therapist has taught me how to prepare and cook food safely, they’ll happily take cooking assistance away. I’ll wait till I’ve spoken to the OT, then I’ll cancel cooking assistance. I like it when people help me cook, but I also like to help myself as much as I can.

Voice-over crashed on me twice last night. I can’t use any of my apps like YouTube or WordPress to read blogs and video comments anymore. I litterally have to do everything via email or Safari. Otherwise whenever I come across blogs and YouTube comments with a lot of graphics and symbols, voice-over stalls so that my phone still makes typical noises when I swipe the screen, but voice-over stops speaking, kind of like muting itself. It won’t come back to normal for like half an hour no matter what I do. I’ve tried rebooting the phone, turning voice-over on and off, I’ve gotten sighted people to turn it off and then back on in the settings, etc. But voice-over doesn’t start talking to me until it’s ready. It always takes twenty minutes for it to come out of a crash. So I have to use Safari to read blogs and use WordPress to write blogs and edit posts. It handles text blogs ok, it just doesn’t handle symbols and graphics in posts for some weird reason. Same with YouTube and Twitter. But, if I don’t use the apps and I go through Safari to read the same posts and comments with graphics and symbols in them, voice-over doesn’t crash at all. Very very weird! I hope Apple brings out a new update soon, it’s a long time coming. I’ll just keep mucking around with my phone until Apple gets sick of the crash reports lol! Before iOS 11, voice-over was perfect. Now I fucking have to use Safari just to read and interact with WordPress posts, and YouTube and Twitter. I know app developers get the blame, but it’s Apple’s fault, they make voice-over products so Apple shouldn’t force app developers to carry the responsiblility of fixing voice-over bugs since the app developers don’t create voice-over for smart phones.

I’ve just managed to change my email settings so I won’t receive any more emails from WordPress. I can use Safari to read blogs after I check WordPress notifications. I can read text-only blogs in the app and if I think any posts may cause voice-over to freeze, I’ll just use safari. It really sucks that I have to muck around like that just to keep voice-over working properly. But I also don’t want my email inbox to clog up either. I prefer to read blogs directly from the sites. Hopefully voice-over won’t cause more fucking crap for me, I hat Apple sometimes. They really need to get their shit together! On that note I’m sitting at the dining table relaxing. Some people seem to think I’m fucking indespensible too. Well I’m not friggin’ Super Woman! And the friggin’ shit that one of my friends goes on with about not being allowed to have ‘too much’ water, Jesus Christ!!!!!!!!!! She drinks too little water, then gets disoriented and confused until I gently convince her to drink more fluids by giving her tea and/or hot chocolate! It takes her half an hour to make sense of what I’m saying to her, and the same length of time to talk sensibly herself. She really needs supportive care. Nobody can drink excessively, but this lady takes it litterally and makes herself sick thinking that drinking more than one glass of water a day will drown her. She frightens me and sometimes I be cruel to be kind to save her from going to hospital because I care about her. I never boss people into doing anything they don’t want or like, but when it’s life-threatening, then yes I do force the issue. I don’t care how much people attack me, I just remind myself that dehydration and Diabetes causes it so I just keep giving the person flavour”red drinks until they’re back to normal. Then I leave them be. I’m going to let management know because drinking enough is a must, not an option. To make things more complicated, the lady has intelectual disabilities, so she doesn’t process information correctly so it takes a lot of cajoling and talking to her to make her come to her senses. And after she gets over fighting with me, she has totally forgotten what happened. She’s very lovely but has a string of medical issues so even if she’s nasty and aggressive, she doesn’t realise it at that point. I litterally have to keep talking to her until she calms down, and then doesn’t even know what happened, poor girl. She’s fine now though. I’m going to entice her to have another drink this arvo. She gets angry at me for bossing her around, but in reality she doesn’t like when anybody pushes fluids when she gets dehydrated. She doesn’t feel thirst. I know what it’s like, I had the same trouble last year so I’m stopping her from making the same mistake because getting an IV for dehydration won’t fix the situation for her because of her medical problems. She needs to be forced to drink before she gets severe dehydration, and as much as I hate it when she blames me for doing something wrong, I ignore her and keep distracting her until she comes back to normal. She’s never going to change so I’m never going to just let her deteriorate while she’s at my place. If she is at home and something happens, that’s Blue Care’s responsibility to deal with her. If something happens here, I deal with K while she’s having mild episodes. But if she deteriorates, I tell someone whether she likes it or not. We still get along most of the time so I know she only dislikes me for a little while, until she works out that I only get onto her if she’s dehydrated. All I do with her drinks is dilute them down in a sneaky way and underestimate how much water she’s getting so she won’t waste it. She is her own person, but K does have a serious medical disability can kill her if she’s not monitored closely. And she gets aggressive sometimes, but it’s hard for people to process the fact that if you give into K when she shouts and has tantrums, you’re basically asking for issues that K knows she may develop, but doesn’t understand the mechanisms for such complication risks e.g, dehydration, malnutrition, etc.

I’ve just spoken to Centacare management. I had a discussion with her about how I won’t need cooking assistance every month any more because my OT is helping me. Wow I’m so damned happy. The manager is allowing for cooking assistance for times of drastic need such as accidents and severe illness, but other than that, I’m fine yea! Good! I’m letting Guide Dogs know about this! Wow they’re gonna be so happy that the occupational therapy does help VI people! Now that I’ve got the chicken out of the freezer, I may end up baking it in the oven later. I want steamed vegies as well so I’m going to give it a go. I use non-stick cooking spray so I’m going to make an attempt at turning the chicken over with tongs and a fork, and if it works out, it does and it’s all good. If not, add this to my OT plan. Man I can’t wait to tell Guide Dogs! So there we go guys! I’ve juspoken to Guide Dogs, they’re updated on my situation with Centacare. Yep! My independence is coming along wow! FUCK YEAH! So that means I can get more O and M lessons yeeeeeheeeee! Good! I’m walking back to the shops soon! I want to go to the library. Yep, then I’ll be cooking dinner when I get home! Holy crap I’m freaking elated now. I let the Centacare manager know that I get out a lot now so she’s happy that I don’t need the other outing program, and I also told her how much I appreciated the help and support while I needed it. I go out nearly every day and I socialise all the time so manage to get a lot more exercise so when I’m at home I can relax more.

A reasonably good outing

August 6, 2018

I woke up late today. I had toast with a cup of coffee and some multi-vitamins. Me and Stacey went into the city on the train. I didn’t really like the trip much, I didn’t get time to relax and I’m not used to getting around on the trains after so many years of not using the train network. I couldn’t just sit back and play with my phone, an in the city, we walked around and had lunch but I didn’t get to relax and go into shops or anything like that because I was too busy listening to all the city bustle and exploring my surroundings out on the mall. So I found it hectic rather than relaxing, until we sat down for nearly two hours over lunch. I had a burger and chips and a small bottle of lemonaide. The only time I relaxed was when we sat down to lunch. I just couldn’t enjoy myself much. It’s nobody’s fault, it’s just that when I sense excitement or stress and I’m not used to such environments, I simply can’t relax properly.

It’s now 1:33 am and I still haven’t gone off to sleep. Once again, dinner was delightful! Roast chook with vegies was a hit. I put some meals in the freezer and will have some stirfry from the other night with tonight’s meal probably for lunch when I get home from the shops tomorrow. I can never just stay home for one day even if I know I need a break from going out every day. I know I don’t have to eat out though, I have food in the fridge. I was talking to staff at Coles yesterday, I’m going to train my new guide dog how to find grocery items. This is gonna be fucking amazing! I’ll see how I go teaching the dog but if it doesn’t work out, I’ll just forget about it. But I’m really hoping that I can get my dog to help me shop! Wow! I know it’ll take a long time, but I just want to do a trial and see what happens. If it works out, I’ll be able to do my own shopping. Yeeeeeaaaaa!!!!!!!!! This will definitely be increased independence for me! I had Troy help me find lost items at home mainly, so I’m going to take this another step further and see if I can teach my new dog how to find groceries for me. I think most dogs can be taught to do anything if you put enough time and patience in to them.

It’s now 3:15 pm on Monday afternoon. I didn’t get to finish my entry last night because I was falling asleep and me and Stacey kept talking. When I’ve got guests over, I get far too distracted to write. Maybe I should have done an audio recording instead, but I couldn’t be bothered. I’m just not up for doing audio recordings of late. I’m sure eventually I’ll get back into the audiography game, but for now I’ll keep writing because besides audio stuff, writing is my favourite passtime. I’m not exactly into writing a book, although technically this blog site can be counted as a book, but I am into writing about my daily happenings and struggles, and whatever else comes to mind. I like jotting my thoughts down for my own benefit, and for others to read if they’d like. Like I said many a time and ö’ll say it again: I don’t expect anyone to read my blog. I have no problem with people reading/listening, to my posts (refer to my YouTube channel), people don’t have to do anything let alone read my blog. But since I like writing so much, I figure that letting people read my journal is a good thing both for me and for them. If I really didn’t want people to read my writing, I wouldn’t make it public. In the past, some people have complained about my writing. Well, if someone doesn’t want to see what I write, then don’t read it! I don’t have to stop writing because a few folks don’t want to read apparently negative or offensive content. Ok, so if you’re offended, then find another blog site, and don’t tell me to write about different topics. At the end of the day, this blog site is about me, and as much as I love to entertain other people, I can’t please everybody and what you see is what you get here. Sorry if some of my posts appear nasty or harsh, but I’m writing my opinions and writing about reality the way I see it, whether anyone likes it or not. Obviously if people want to hear more about certain areas of my life, like how I deal with discrimination, O and M training, etc etc, then yes, I can write about it because I can get a lot of things off my chest and I can interest other people because readers need something worthwhile to think about. Life can’t be all doom and gloom lol! But I guess I can give pre-warnings, like skip this post if you find this upsetting, or what I’m about to say isn’t very uplifting, so read at your own risk, things like that. This way, people have a chance to avoid things they really aren’t ready to think about/accept/read about, at the time. Fair enough! But at the same time, I’m going to write what’s on my mind, this is why I’ve created this blog in the first place. It’s both for my own theraputic benefit, and to entertain others. But what really offends me is people telling me to stop writing about this, stop writing about that, stop using swear words. Look guys, I know everyone can see what I’ve written except when I privatise posts. But my point is that you don’t have to read what offends you. But I won’t tolerate anyone getting up me for writing. Either skip the posts you don’t like or find another blog you may be more interested in.

I’m going to spend the night reading blogs. I could read them all day and not notice the time flying by. Tomorrow… Well I have no idea what I’ll get up to. I have cooking assistance in the afternoon and I really have no idea when I’ll get more O and M lessons. When I’ve got the hairdresser route down pat, I’ll be doing a lot of lessons with the train network. I struggle to rush on and off trains when I’m with Stacey. It’s gonna take a while to get used to the trains. After I finally get a hang of train travel, I’ll be learning travel to and from the RSL, the walk to and from the butcher’s shop, and eventually travel to and from a swimming pool, whichever one will be the easiest to get around. Then……… Drumroll………..


Of course I’ll still be doing O and M training in the meantime, I’ll have enough travel routes for me to be accepted onto the waiting list. Wow man! I’m definitely getting somewhere with my life now. Anyway, I’m about to leave the shops now, so I’ll finish this blog when I get home.

It’s a bit after five pm and I’m coming to you live from my balcony. I just finished the last of my chicken stirfry. The birds are chirping loud and clear. Dogs are barking, the environment is peaceful and I’m having a fantastic night. I had a coffee at the shops and the place was fairly packed. I enjoyed the walk home and dished out some food to a couple of people. Now I’m drinking a big cup of water and relaxing. It was lovely having Stacey over, but now that she’s home, I can enjoy some quiet time to myself while I sit outside while the weather isn’t too cold. Tomorrow I’ll walk to the shops again, and hopefully I can walk home. I don’t plan to buy a lot of groceries. Next week I’m buying stuff for making potato bake. I’ll also be telling Centacare and NDIA that my OT has taught me enough about how to handle myself in the kitchen, that I won’t need cooking assistance an more. I feel that this is really great news! I knew someone would be able to set me up for doing my own thing in the kitchen, but not exactly how anyone could do this. But now that GDQ is back in the picture, well… Things are going in the right direction. I still need help with house-cleaning and some community support stuff like going to places I can’t get to, things like that really, and the O and M program with Guide Dogs. I’m just so happy that I no longer need cooking assistance. I’ve been lectured over and over about how to handle raw and cooked meat safely, so now I’m certain that I’m not harming myself when I prepare and cook food. I’m the same with vegetables. I cook them in such a way that I won’t be poisoned or develop kidney stones or other complications because I eat so many vegies all the time; the more vegetables you eat, the higher the risk for getting sick if some of the food isn’t cooked enough. I won’t cook or eat eggplant, but I’m sure some of my favourite vegie dishes would contain cyonide, so I simply cook all vegies really well except if it’s carrot, broccoli or cellery. I still cook those as well as possible for texture and flavour, but if it’s a little crispy, I don’t worry about it. So yeah, the fact that I can now cook independently is freaking wonderful! I suppose I’ll have to get a letter from Guide Dogs when I ring them tomorrow. Then I’ll have to explain my situation to Centacare. Then I’ll find a support worker from somewhere who can take me out each week for five hours. There’s no point in getting funding when it won’t be used for anything.

5 August, 2018 01:24

August 5, 2018

I decided to sleep in. I had a really good sleep this time. I then decided to have a good drink of water before walking to the shops so I could think of what to write while I got a bit of exercise. For those who get writer’s block, exercise really does help believe it or not! Now that I’m actually sitting at the bakery/coffee shop, I’m getting distracted by hearing other people talking, being attentive to shop assistants bringing my food and drink over, and Braille Screen Input playing up on me. Come on Apple, when you do your updates, please fix the damned issues with the software too! Oh well, at least I’m able to keep writing. And I’m in no hurry to finish my coffee, and I’m having a drag along breakfast. Stacey may be coming over today, so I may as well sit around here so it’s easier for me to walk to the crossing point near the train station without feeling rushed. I’ll get the ingredients for tonight’s dinner and I’ll come home and snack on leftover food, etc. I seriously have to work out how to set up my freezer so I can’t accidentally get the wrong food out. I honestly couldn’t find the mince yesterday, but today I found a freezer bag on the top shelf near the back of the freezer. I have the fridge/freezer type, where the freezer is on top of the fridge. So anyway, I think I finally found the mince, I hope it’s not something else, but I’m fairly sure it’s the bloody illusive pack of mince! If it is, tomorrow I’m making rissoles. I’ve been dying to make them for weeks now. I’m going to pray that Coles has diced chicken today because I hate cutting raw meat! When I buy food from the butcher next time, I’m gonna start dividing meat into freezer bags because some of their packaged products are cut into different sizes or segments, for different purposes, such large slabs of beef steak for eating with vegies and smaller pieces of steak for burgers and sandwiches. It sucks really, because really, when I want crumbed steak to go with vegetables, sometimes I actually don’t want minute steaks. I’d much prefer thick slabs of meat in the first place. I’ll be sorting this out when I go to the butcher next week. I think the online ordering system is brilliant though. The site plays up a little with screen-readers, but overall the site is fairly accessible and it’s easy enough to pay for your meat order before going to pick it up. Otherwise, you simply go to the shop to ask them what they’ve got in at the time, then let them know what you want and how you want it prepared. The only meat I’ll get from Coles now, is cooked roast chicken, sliced meat and some prepared cuts of meat such as roasts and flavoured meat like marinated packaged meat. With that said, I still think butcher’s meat is a lot fresher whether packaged or bagged ready for immediate use. That is, meat which you buy per kilogram rather than pre-packed. Still, if I’m at Coles, I know which meat to keep away from if ever I have to buy something when I’m not near a butcher’s shop. Pickled pork is always delicious, I think I’ll buy one next week and roast it.

11349 am: Now I’m at home. I got my shopping out of the road and will be making a steak sandwich soon. And I’ve just realised that the fresh meat that I put in a container to cook today, has to be chucked out. It has a 24-hour expiry. That sucks, I will be dividing trays of meat next time. I hate wasting expensive meat that I could have cooked yesterday but didn’t get time to cook it. Bugger! Damn! At least I have one piece of cooked steak that I can eat. I have to use the mince tomorrow though. I can’t wait to make the rissoles. I also managed to upload one blog to my YouTube channel but of course people were talking and I was caught up in conversations so I had to forget about a second upload that I was waiting for it to go up on the Tube, but oh well whatever! It seems that these days I can’t do what I want to do. It’s never about me, always about them. What about me? Just because I love entertaining people doesn’t mean my life is all about everyone else. Right or wrong, I wish people would give me some space to myself sometimes. It’s more the fact that I let people come over because that’s my decision to let them come around. But later, other people who I don’t expect to rock up, comes over, then more people. So each person or groups of people don’t know that I’ve already had visitors. So what I’m basically trying to say is, I like when Stacey comes over. But tomorrow, somone else will come around, not knowing I’ve got a visitor. But I can’t be rude and send them away, as much as I’d like to. The next day, J wants to come around, then let’s call her K, wants to come around! See what I mean? If I make plans for people to come over, different story. But half the visitors aren’t planned invitations. Yet I still can’t be rude.

2:01 pm: I’m waiting for Stacey. I ate crumbed steak for lunch. The weather is hot, so i drank a tonne before walking to the train station. I met a VI guy with his new guide dog along the way, had a quick chitchat and kept walking. They’re doing well. I’ll be back later, Stacey is here.

It’s now a quarter past seven at night and I still haven’t sent this entry. I did cook chicken stirfry tonight and it was wonderful. The rice was delicious too, so I ate heaps of it. I knew I should have cooked more rice to mix into the stirfry, but oh well, I can always cook another batch of rice tomorrow. I’ll be having stirfry for breaky and rissoles tomorrow night, so I’m going to cook rice in the morning and eat some of it with breakfast, and pack the rest of it away for dinner. I’m just so frigging glad I’ve started cooking independently again and I enjoy it! I never thought I’d come to love cooking, but seriously I have, and I’m glad for it. Next week I’ll be doing lamb chops and vegies. The week after, potato bake. I’m hoping that eventually I won’t need assistance with cooking at all. I like to be able to do things independently. Actually, if If I could do a lot more outings independently, I’d not need carer support again.

Dinner with friends, and busy day tomorrow

August 3, 2018

I woke up feeling like crap this morning. I didn’t sleep very well last night. I slept from a bit after 2 am to like, maybe seven-thirty. So I lay on the couch for a few hours and finally got a taxi to the shops. I went to the chemist and got some olive leaf extract losengers. You can get different flavours. I also got some Lemsip Max which I took when I got home. J, the bloke who really pisses me off sometimes, insisted on buying all the groceries today. Yeah, he needs carer support big time. But that’s a different story. I had a pie and hot chocolate for lunch before getting the shopping done. Came home, had my Lemsip and rested for an hour to edit my blog and make some audio recordings, then I felt ok so I got moving and cleaned up in the kitchen and started cooking. Sadly, I couldn’t find the mince in the freezer to make rissoles. I accidentally got diced chicken instead. So I whipped up a chicken stirfry, which thankfully I can do very well now! Then I took sausages from the freezer and trays of steaks from the fridge. I cooked a great big meal for me and two other people. I’m going to pack my stirfry away in the freezer tomorrow. Anyway, I made a big meal of steak and sausages with vegies which took almost three hours to prepare. I gave sausages to another lady friend too because I cooked lots of them just for fun, and for cooking practice so the occupational therapist can continue to teach me different kitchen hacks. She will also help me with other things, like marking my new toaster with tactile puff-paint markings, and putting some kind of identifier on pairs of socks, etc. Dinner turned out wonderful and I’d do it again in a heartbeat! Next week I’m cooking lamb chops with pumpkin and broccoli. Me and my lady friend who lives in the units here, we’ll have a good meal on Thursday night. Tomorrow night me and Stacey are having chicken stirfry. I don’t know what we’ll have for lunch, or even if we will eat lunch. We’ll be sitting around listening to music and chitchatting. I want to fit in some reading too, both Braille books and blogs.

I was flicking through my posts today and I found a whole lot of missing time gaps, such as posts being written months apart. I had to delete a whole heap of audio posts which made up the bulk of some monthly post archives, becauise I don’t use Audioboom any more and I don’t have an Audioboom account, which makes for a lot of dead links with no audio content. So after I cleaned up my blog, there wasn’t much in the way of written posts about Troy’s retirement and getting birds and such. I did mention stuff about Troy and the birds, but there was a lot of things I didn’t write down because I was making audio blogs when I had my Audioboom account. Now I use YouTube so I shouldn’t have difficulties with keeping audio blogs. So yeah, I haven’t got a lot of memories of Troy in my blog since his retirement. Or my birds which I couldn’t look after successfully, until the canary came into the picture. But sadly Whisky died one day after going to live with my support worker. A bird attacked him through the bars of his cage. Poor canary, Whisky was the best bird I had, and ironically he wasn’t tamed, yet somehow we still got along well most of the time. The budgies stayed with people a pet shop lady knew, and another hand-reared budgie stayed with this pet shop lady when she developed a biting habit which is natural for most female budgies. She became aggressive though, and she wouldn’t become friendly. Birds are cute and all, but I think I’ll stick to looking after dogs. Most dogs are a lot friendlier and are much more trainable.

Talking of irony, when Troy was re-homed, this pet shop lady knew of a lady who fosters dogs. Funilly enough I also know the same lady lol! Wow, everything works out doesn’t it? I hated to get rid of Troy just because of some heartless fucking no-pets policy which bars any kind of animals including fish. But I’m a lot happier now that I know I can visit Troy again. Still, it would have been better if I’d kept Troy. I’m just so glad Troy didn’t go to someone who didn’t know me or him. God know what may have happened! At least with people I know, I know them well enough to judge how well Troy will cope with living with that person. I was panicking for months about him. I can’t wait to go to Cairns now. The good thing about Troy’s retirement was that he didn’t react or anything, and I didn’t feel as sad as I expect to be, because I figured that Troy was getting older and dogs can’t work for ever. Plus he was still very healthy and he needs to enjoy his life as a pet dog while he’s still fit and well. He’s still living the high life today and I couldn’t have hoped for anything better! Troy could have worked well for another year but Guide Dogs ends dogs’ careers as soon as they turn ten for safety and health reasons. Now That I know Troy is well and happy, I really hope the budgies are ok too. I was going to ring this pet shop to as k about the budgies, but I never seem to get around to it. I don’t reckon I’d tolerate rehoming another guide dog though. I thought it was horrible to retire Troy let alone have to rehome him. And that was over a fucking no-pets clause. In my opinion retired service dogs shouldn’t be included in no-pets policies. I think any management of any property estate who refuses to allow retired service dogs into rental units is heartless because they know that most retired service animals are lovely companions. I don’t care what anyone says, people have the right to make decisions regarding their retired service dogs. If people aren’t feeding the dog or paying for its vet bills, then they really have no business bossing the dog’s owner around and deciding what’s best for them and their dog. Some people are such bloody busy-bodies.

Awesome afternoon

August 2, 2018

I’m at home from the butcher. I sat here for half an hour editing my blog before deciding to write. I haven’t even bothered to get a feed ready. I guess my site is taking over my life. I did some more audio recordings which I’ll upload tomorrow. I definitely think the butcher’s shop is the right one. I went in and my order was waiting for me, so I was in there for less than two minutes. Fucking awesome! The taxi driver was happy! I’ll be going back there next week. Wow I can’t wait! I really like their meat. I wanted to make risoles this week but the sad news is that I have to eat fish curry and other meals from my freezer first. So I’m gonna take forever to get around to making them. I have to buy vegies tomorrow for tomorrow night’s dinner, and God only knows how I’ll fit more food into the fridge on Saturday! I consider meals to be fresh for two days, then they go in the bin. I really hope I don’t accidentally overload the fridge and waste a tonne of food. That would really make me livid. I have my own routine set up with eating whenever I feel like it so it’s very easy for me to overload the fridge when I invite people over for meals. I hope I get through most of my curry today and tomorrow. I also want my persistent cough to go away. I get sick two or three times a year, so my coughing gets worse for ages. My throat is fucking stupid.

Yesterday I had Stacey over for a visit. Then we went to the shops to get a drink while she was waiting for a train. I said a quick hi to a guide dog trainer too. Then that was pretty much it. I wouldn’t have made slow cooker fish curry if I didn’t have raw fish in the fridge. So now I won’t be packing my freezer for nearly a month. I’m not doing anything for the rest of today, and not much is on for tomorrow. I’m going to the shops first thing in the morning. I just want to get what I need and come home. I really need a break from going out for a week. J is more interested in V’s company and he obviously only cares about her because when she’s around, he doesn’t associate with anyone else, only her. So I’m going to politely disassociate from him without actually saying anything. I’ll effectively vanish from the picture without rhyme or reason. I would know why, but he won’t. And I don’t care. I’ll just say no every time J asks if I want to walk to the shops with him, or go to the RSL, etc. I don’t have to explain myself. The fact is, I’m rejecting his friendship without a fight or nasty argument. He needs to be removed from these units and that’s it.

Once again I had to interrupt my blog because of the stinkin’ phone. The battery drains very fast. Can’t wait till I get a new phone! But anyway, I found out that J was with his carer and that’s why he couldnt come for a drive today. I then decided that I’d share my fish curry with him and two others, pollish off the rest of it which was a fair amount, and put one take-out container of it in the freezer. So my curry is cleaned up, the bottle of milk is nearly out, and I’m extremely full. I ate sausages and vegies before eating fish curry. Yeah, I’m a greedy guts and proud of it! I’m happy and that’s that. I’ll be going back to the butcher next week after I use up some of the food in the freezer. I’m thawing some mince to make risoles which I was panicking about not being able to make them this week. Well now I can! I’m going to make them tomorrow. I’ve decided that I just want a small piece of steak with a couple of rissoles and I’ll eat what’s left over, for breakfast on Saturday morning. I think steak and rissoles on toast will make a good breakfast. Whether I make it to the library in the morning will be a different matter. Let’s see. At least I’ll get what I need from the shops and come home to start cooking, but geeze, I’d like to spend some time at the library. I hardly get time to myself these fucking days.

I really hate winter as well. All it does is cause health problems and I have to keep the heater on or turn it on and off all the time just to keep the cold air out. My throat is really shitting me and so is my snotty nose, which is why I can’t wait for spring. I don’t know why I get exactly the same illness every single winter. It’s like my immunity doesn’t improve. And all the drama about catching the flu is bullshit, I just got a bad cold this year. And now I’ve got a really terrible cough but because I’m totally blind, I can’t find a doctor who understands VI people. So I just have to deal with health issues without medical care. Doctors are just money hungry. I can live without medical people interfering with my life.

I’m doing all right otherwise, so that’s what counts. I’m seriously so happy that Troy is doing fantastic and he’s still so full of energy! I was freaking out and panicking about his welfare for months. Now that I know he’s fine, I have to pull myself together and get rid of this coughing thing. I think a lot of slow cooker soups and curries and fried steaks will help a bloody lot! The waterier the better. Lol ok, I just made up a word just then! But winter really plays up on me and I can’t go without a watery dish and bottles of milk. I couldn’t care less if I shouldn’t drink milk, I couldn’t give a shit. I like it and I’ll drink as much as I like. I’m going to buy a whole heap of those cough lollies from the chemist tomorrow too. I need something to fix my ugly throat. I also need to get rid of all the snot as well. It won’t stop running. Apart from that shit, life is good. It looks like I’ll be counting down the days to when I finally get to keep a dog by my side yet again. The application process will start in the middle of next year. Then it’s a case of waiting till I can go to the training centre for cane training and a guide dog assessment to see if I’m still suitable for guide dog ownership. That will be both exhilirating and scary at the same time. I’m sure I’ll be accepted to go on the waiting list, but I still get anxious that maybe my application will be rejected. I’m hoping I’ll be accepted without any fuss. I’ll get a doctor to quickly tick the paperwork so I can participate in all of these training camps and then I’ll be good to go I reckon. I just need to get this application out of the road because I want this new dog to come home with me within two years. It may be a bit rushed, but I really want to take the dog to Cairns to meet my old guide dog. Plus I’m hoping that Troy will still be alive and well by the time I receive my new dog.


August 2, 2018

Well here we go. Another day, and almost the end of another week! Thanks for subscribing to my YouTube channel Tori, I like it when people subscribe lol! I also love the entertainment of audio blogging, this way I can choose if I wish to write or speak and/or do audio recordings of whatever I might be up to at the time. I did a vlog which is basically an audio blog, a few minutes ago if you want to see it. Like I said a few times, I can’t see to take photos and video, so I simply upload an audio file to Youtube instead of an actual video. It is technically a video, but really, without footage it’s just audio. Either way, I do the best I can with my blog and my YouTube channel. Considering that I can’t see to take pictures, I can only rely on writing and audio, and tactile input from the real world. Some bloggers allow friends and other guests to post photos and such, but I don’t know people yet who have the time to do such things for me, and I’m not particularly desperate. I figure that so long as I be as entertaining as possible, I should be right. And sorry for those who must see some type of picture in a video recording, I physically cannot do video recordings very well so it’d be a waste of time for me to try. I simply convert M4A files into video format so they can be viewed or rather listened to, on YouTube. The only way for me to explain it is, remind yourselves that what you experience with my audio blogs, is what I experience all day and all night, every day of the year.

So today I’m going to my now apparently favourite butcher’s shop! This is gonna be fucking great! The taxi is picking me up this afternoon and after that, me and J are going to the shops. J’s bitch girlfriend V still isn’t in my life, I can’t understand how J stays with her. She’s nothing but a demanding, whining moll. At least me and J have some semblance of a friendship, so I still don’t have to deal with bitch-freak V. I know I shouldn’t be so nasty, but V is nasty to everybody, and I don’t like hanging around her with her overly negative attitude and demanding, hard-done-by personality. Ah well, I’ll be having a good afternoon walking around in the shopping centre, so yeah, it’s all good. The other thing I need to sort out is one of my blog sites. I accidentally unfollowed the wrong blog. I clicked on Unfollow, thinking it was a website I didn’t want to follow any more only to realise it was another site. So I finally unfollowed the site I didn’t want, and now I’m trying to find the site that I deleted so I can re-follow it. Damn it! I hope I find this site soon. If anyone can tell me, please do. I didn’t mean to unfollow you.

The other thing I want to discuss is how people view mobility aides for the blind. Warning: very very long. So, I know I’ve talked about my guide dog Troy who is now retired, many times. So today I want to talk about my white cane. I’ll probably mention my dog and guide dogs in general somewhere in my rant, for reference and for relevance to my arguments because of how ignorant some people are. Ok, so let’s have it. First I’d like to stress that my cane isn’t a walking stick, or a support cane! People, a white cane helps with navigating the environment, not with balance and physical mobility. All my cane does is allow me to walk around without banging into things or tripping on stairs and uneven terrain. For example, my cane will go over a step or bump in the ground before I do, giving me time to stop and explore my surroundings before moving on. If I had difficulty with walking or physical movement, my white cane will not improve the situation! I would need a different type of cane, which I’d be able to use for balance and very slowly getting around. It would be a totally different set-up and I would need to hold the frame with both hands, etc. A support cane without a frame would be a lot thicker in structure, and would effectively act as a crutch for blind people. I don’t have difficulty with movement or walking, so I neither need a support cane or AFrame type of walking device either.

Secondly, my cane doesn’t have visual capability. Nor do my hands, by the way. My eyes are fucked, I will never see, with or without glasses, or with any other mobility device. People, my eye, the only natural one, is degenerative. Which in lay terms means, it’s incurable and my eye is slowly dying. Yes it may be upsetting, but bullying me and punishing me isn’t going to make me see. Would you want me to tell you off for not getting out of your wheelchair, or not speaking properly, or for not hearing me? No? Well, nor do I want to be told off for ‘not looking’ at what’s around me. Guys, I’m blind and as sad as it is for you, hurting me physically and emotionally isn’t helpful. All you’re doing is showing me how horrible you are. Obviously most people are nice, but there are some subhuman scum in the world. I can understand people having a hard time coming to grips with how blind people live, but being deliberately malicious to them won’t help anyone.

The other thing that happens when I’m walking with my cane, and similarly when Troy was working, was people stepping in front of me. Once again, it comes back to them not accepting reality for what it was, and simply not giving a hoot and blaming me for bumping into them because they’re too selfish to recognise that disabilities do exist. Such people need to grow up and get back to the real world. Hey, I know that at least most people care about me. And I know I’m not the only one who’s blind. I’m just sick of the bullshit with the minority of people who delight in spoiling life for the rest of us. My guide dog had a hard time working because of how much he got distracted by ignorant shits who cared more about personal gratification than my dog’s and my safety. One day some selfish folks are gonna know what blindness is like and freak out. Oh well. They should maybe have a look at themselves before judging other people who have disabilities because if these same idiots become disabled, they’ll be jumping up and down for sympathy. Some people don’t even recognise a white cane. Especially Asians – sorry guys, just telling the truth. I use my white cane and the smallest percentage of people don’t even see a cane. Well, I don’t recognise the existance of some people either! Hahahahaha only joking! Lol but yeah, I get the cranks with some people. Maybe that’s why my O and M instructor makes me walk to the shops all the time, most people do come around when I go to the same places regularly. Anyone who chooses to continue to be ugly bastards can nick off. Luckily for me, the truly bad apples are one in two hundred. Which basically says a lot about most people, because I’m sure that a crowd would gather around me to stop me from getting hurt. Still, society has a long way to go when it comes to awareness of vision impairment and blindness.

My YouTube channel

August 1, 2018

I’ve been putting audio blogs on my YouTube channel. Click on this link to view them. https://www.youtube.com/user/SuperMichelleDJ

A relaxing evening and good news

July 31, 2018

I’m sitting at the dining table with a cuppa. I love mixing coffee and hot chocolate together! I did a lot of cleaning up of my blog site today. I have a lot more editing to do, but I’m getting through it. I did a bit of exercise this arvo, more exercise tomorrow. In the morning I’m walking to the shops. I won’t eat any food there because I want to eat the food I’ve got at home. There’s no point in having an occupational therapist come around if I can’t keep up with what she’s teaching me and all the shit I have to get used to, as well. Plus it’s a healthier alternative to crappy cafe food. I need to save money and lose weight, something which isn’t very difficult to do with a regular diet if I’m not eating food from take-away shops. Why buy a sandwich when I can make a better one at home? I only buy take-out food now if I’m not going to be home for ages. I also hate wasting money.

I haven’t been called by my O and M instructor. I think she’s busy. I want to walk to the hairdresser on my own but I’m worried that I’ll lose my way so I want the instructor to show me at least one more time before I attempt it without her watching me. I’m so excited to get the hairdresser route worked out because it means I get to learn about my local train station! I want to get myself to the RSL Club, and a good swimming pool. Then my current and hopefully regular, butcher shop! Yea!!!!!!!! If I learn enough travel routes by Christmas, I’ll be able to start the process for getting a guide dog next year. Yeeeeeeeaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!! Woohoo!!!! This is great!!!!!! I’m really so excited now. I’m just so fucking happy! I never thought the day would come when I’d decide to go for another guide dog. Now I can’t get to the Guide Dogs training centre fast enough for all the O and M camps that I’m elligible for. I’m sure Troy is dead, or at least almost dead by now. I haven’t heard anything from his new owner for ever, so I’ll assume right or wrong that maybe she wants nothing to do with me any more. And that’s fine. Everyone moves on with their own lives. But you’d think that knowing that Troy was my guide dog for eight years, that his new owner would be considerate enough to update me at least every three or four months or something like that. And I suppose if she doesn’t want me to know if Troy is still alive or passed away, oh well… I guess that’s just how it is. It’s pretty selfish and attitude to have if you ask me, but that’s just how it goes. So long as she and Troy get along well, as well as the rest of her family, i’m happy for them. Most people are very upset that I don’t hear from Troys owner at all, but like, what the fuck am I supposed to do anyway? If I ring Troys owner, she just asks if I’m okay and says everything is fine. So basically she’s got the dog and that’s it, move on. Who gives a fuck about me and what I’ve been up to and how I may feel about not being updated on Troys whereabouts and what have you. I suppose it doesn’t bloody matter. I’m sure most people would say it does matter, but like I said before, what am I supposed to do about it? Everybody at GDQ wants to know how Troy is, and yes it’s bullshit that I don’t get to know about what he’s up to these days too, but then I don’t want to annoy people by pestering them. Now that I think of it, I’m going to ring Troys owner right now, and I’ll let you know what the outcome is.

My phone was about to die so I had to take a break from writing. It’s nearly nine o’clock. I got through to Troy’s owner. I found out that phone difficulties got in the way of her communicating with people, so it’s a lucky thing I still have her phone number! She said she wants us to keep in touch, which I’m so relieved about! Apparently Troy is on top of the world! Wow! I was so happy to hear about him, and his new little friend! I’m going to Cairns soon to visit people and see Troy. I’ll do recordings of my trip to keep good memories. I never thought I’d ever see Troy again. I also thought Troy would deteriorate by now, which I’m so glad he hasn’t. He’s ageing much better than I’d expected him to, which is good news. I’m not worried about him any more. I just miss him a lot and I’m determined to fly to Cairns ASAP. When I talk to my O and M instructor next, I’m going to ask her to help me arrange a trip. I’ll organise it, but I need to know when an instructor will be going to Cairns so I can book a flight for the same time so she can do a quick lesson in Cairns. I also need to pick a hotel which I’ll go to every time because my future guide dog will be making trips to Cairns with me, like it or not! I’m so sad that Troy will die before I get a new guide dog, so he/she won’t meet Troy. I really hope Troy breaks the rules and lives past fourteen. He may not be very well by the time I take my new guide dog to Cairns, but at least Troy will meet the dog. And so it’s a full circle. I received a guide dog, he retired, and I’ll eventually get a new guide dog and start this game all over again while saying my sad goodbyes to Troy. I actually want a new dog sooner now so I can get used to it before Troy does finally die. Finding out about Troy’s death while I’m waiting for a new dog will kill me so much. I may even get off the waiting list for another year, then take forever to allow Guide Dogs to put me back in the queue. Ah well, we’ll have to see what happens. I don’t want Troy to die ever, but seriously, it’ll be so much easier for me to get used to a new dog while Troy is still alive. Anyway, I’ll just hope for the best. I’m going to make sure everyone on earth knows I’m so happy that Troy is thriving.


July 31, 2018

I’ve been browsing the Net for ages and now there’s nothing else of interest for me to read, so I decided I’d write a blog. I’m surprised actually, that people aren’t writing in blogs as much any more. It’s like the blogging phase has ended or something. I still have my blog though. I may not have a new dog yet, but I still write in here sometimes. I’d actually like to spend a day at the Guide Dogs kennels just to get a feel for what it’s like to be in a puppy trainer’s shoes. I wouldn’t be training these dogs, just hanging out at the kennels where the young pups are being socialised before leaving the mothers at eight weeks old. I’d get involved with the little pups and I’d walk around with the guide dog instructors while they train the older puppies. I think it’d be fun learning about how puppies are prepared for living with puppy raisers.

I rang Guide Dogs yesterday, to report on a really nice butcher’s shop I found while I was in a cab. I got the taxi driver to take me to it yesterday and on Sunday. It’s really good! They even have online ordering so you can simply pay for what you want and then collect it. This is fucking awesome! And it’s a very long walk to get to it, but not so far away that you’d have to get public transport. I think the idea is, if it only takes fifteen minutes to get to a destination from home by car, then assuming the place is accessible enough with footpaths, traffic lights etc, you can walk to it. Then again, if you’re an avid long-distance walker, the O and M instructors can teach the route in a number of stages so you’re not always having to walk all the way to your favourite destination from home, except for when the instructor has to follow you in their car while you walk the entire route to make sure you’re good and handling yourself well. They just need a lot of notice so they can plan for weeks or possibly months, of O and M lessons until that particulour travel route is mastered properly. Anyway, I’ve got my regular butcher sorted out and an online account, so I can just do ordering whenever I feel like. And their meats are delicious too! So I’ll be buying stuff all the time and the OT will be teacing me how to make things and not kill myself while I struggle to cook lol! Be ready for my next audio blog, I’ll be making risoles! That will be a task for the weekend. I don’t do anything new in a hurry. If they turn out lovely, I’m going to jump up and down! I’ve already got the hang of cooking steaks properly now, so let’s move on to rissoles. Maybe my steaks won’t please every person, but when I eat it, it’s cooked enough for my liking, and the same goes with lamb chops and sausages. I haven’t cooked chicken sausages, so at some point next week I’ll take them out of the freezer and thaw them, then I’ll use my timer so I can cook them without losing track of time, and hope I’ve done them properly. If I bugger them up, I’ll get the OT to look at me cooking them and we’ll work them out. I don’t like using a grill because they’re dangerous enough when you’ve got sight. Sighted people can easily check on their grilled food, but I can’t do that, I’d have to take the tray out, tap the food with a fork or lightly touch the food with one finger, then put the tray back in the oven. I guess baking food may be similar to grilling, except that baking takes longer and you simply have to turn food over once before blasting it again for a while before taking it out to cool. Plus you can just close the oven door and open it to check on baking food if necessary. With the grill, the oven door has to remain open. I don’t feel safe with an oven grill, and I don’t want to by a stand-alone grill. I’d rather buy grilled food when I’m out, and at home I’ll bake things in the oven or nuke things in the microwave. So much simpler and less dangerous! At least the OT is teaching me how to enjoy cooking, and I must say I like cooking again.

I was about to title and post this entry until I read a few lines. I keep writing in my blog because I just like writing. When I’ve checked blogs in the past, people were raising guide dogs, or training with a new guide dog. So lately I searched Google for blogs but haven’t found any new blogs with white cane training or guide/seeing eye dogs. I was just curious really, as to whether people were blogging a lot lately. But apparently not. I’m still blogging regularly, and I do check on other bloggers who I’ve subscribed to, on occasion. So yeah, it occured to me to wonder about other blogs. I do hope that people start blogging regularly again soon, as I love reading about other people and their opinions and all that. I especially love to read blogs that have animal training and how people manage life while training them. Then there’s the people who live with their service animals and care for them while these animals help their handlers. I just like reading blogs in general.

Big rant

July 28, 2018

I know I’ve been doing a lot of audio blogs lately, but right now I desperately need to write. I haven’t finished editing my blog properly, but I’ll get to it eventually. Anyway, I’ve been reading stuff on the Guide Dogs Queensland website, and it got me thinking. Thinking about how ignorant people still are, about blindness. I’m sure more people are beginning to understand vision impairment and vision loss a lot more, but there is still a percentage of people who ruin it for the rest of us. I know it’s difficult for sighted people to understand what blindness is truly like. But it leaves them no excuses WHAT SO EVER!!!!!!!!! to assume that a vision impaired person can see well, or that a totally blind person can see a little bit, all because they choose not to accept reality for what it is. I feel like I could punch someone right now. I think I may need psychiatric care if I get any more shit from people. Some people for heaven’s sake, have the idea, that if I touch things, I can see those things???!!!!! Are you for real? Then said person will say that I can ‘see it, ah, no, I mean… You can feel it, touch it6’?????? Um, Excuse me, but the last time I checked, we don’t have vision in our fingers. And, blind people have little to no vision. So I don’t know how a totally blind person can miraculously see when the feel an object with their hands. How can anyone be such nasty bullies? And how can any person live, who considers it ok to deceive blind people and mock them for not having vision? I don’t care about cultural differences, we live in the 21st century and there is no fucking excuse for this bullshit. There is just no place for mistreating me, or any other vision impaired people in this day and age. This is why I get so angry when my O and M instructor tells me to ask for assistance from people if I’m in any difficulty. So she told me to just tell them that I’ve got a white cane because I can’t see where I’m going to get around without one. Funnily enough, this works! If I get bullied, I need to start drawing attention to myself no matter where I am, so somebody will notice, and if anyone is bullying/hurting me, whoever notices will report the twat. I won’t stand for immature dickheads in this shitty world.

I’m very happy to be back with Guide Dogs. Life is a lot easier for me now and I can do most things independently in familiar environments. I’m sure if I’d stayed with Guide Dogs all along, I’d be on the waiting list for a new guide dog now. Oh well, shit happens. At least I’m halfway there. By the middle of next year I’ll be going through guide dog assessments and some different training programs at the training centre. I seriously can’t wait! I love the training camps! I bet I’ll have to get a doctor’s check. Yeah, I will. I’ll just tell them to tick all the boxes and I’ll leave as quick as I can. The doctors are just a waste of time and money and aren’t of any use to anybody. I have no respect for doctors and see no reason to report anything to them. If I cared so much about medical advice, I’d ask for it. So long as I can go to the training camps, that’s all that matters. I don’t care how nice the doctor is, I won’t be accountable to them. They can think of me whatever they like and I don’t give a damn. If the doctor cares so much about their patients home, they won’t send a sick patient home without medical care. I hate doctors and I won’t leave without them not being aware of the fact. Go right ahead and report me because of how I feel about medical people. Doesn’t bother me. I’ll just tell the medical people to mind their own fricken business and piss off.

Latest updates

July 27, 2018


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25 July, 2018 13:02

July 25, 2018


25 July, 2018 13:02

July 25, 2018


25 July, 2018 13:00

July 25, 2018


Another test

July 21, 2018


Testing YouTube upload

July 21, 2018


Day -13 and -12

July 21, 2018


July 21, 2018

So it’s the weekend again. Stacey is here and it’s good to hang out with her! I’ve got a bit of a cold at the moment, but it’s not something I’m not used to, it happens every year. I’m happy with how my life is so I don’t have any complaints. The only complaint I have today is I can’t go out where ever I want because the trains aren’t working because of network problems being fixed. Show me and Stacey have been racking our brains all morning but I guess we have to party here at home which doesn’t really bother me! Either way, it would be nice if we could have gone out. Oh well… there’s a lot worse things in the world to be worrying about. At least we’re having a good time and I’m happy. I’m actually glad to be sitting around in any case, I need a bit of a break from my week’s errands anyway. Apart from that, there isn’t much going on in my life until Monday. Then it’s all hands on deck again! A private cleaner on Monday, occupational therapist on Tuesday, and on Wednesday, the airport tour with GDQ!!!! Woohoo!!!!!!! Then on Thursday I have O and M. This is exciting for me because it means I have another travel route under my belt yes!!!!!! I want to get two more travel routes down pat this year so that I can get onto the waiting list for a new guy dog next year! I’m sure with the way my health has improved dramatically,this will be a reality. I still get crook from time to time, but not in a really bad way where my health gets out of whack and all that. So technically speaking, I’m ready for getting onto the waiting list, it just has to become official with Guide Dogs. I persisted with my demands to get my health on track first before even considering preparing to receive a new guide dog. And it has paid off because my orientation lessons are going really well now.

I think it’ll be exciting getting a new dog. I can get around with my cane, but it’s just not the same. Unlike last time when I brought Troy home from training with him, I shouldn’t have too much conflict with my new dog this time because I’m not living with family members any more so I personally feel I’ll do a lot better because my family were too busy interfering with how I handled Troy and telling me what to do and everything. I know deep down they were thinking of just helping me out and all that, but really it came across as interference and conflict even if they didn’t mean it that way. And rather than just accepting what I had to say, family members would resist me even more and actively interfere with my dog’s training and sometimes shout at me to force me to agree with them because what I did was apparently wrong whether it was true or not. I had to agree with my family, but they never had to agree with me. Which is precisely why I’ve decided to disown my whole family. They were all, and still are, about what they want for me and their expectations of me. They never supported me for what I wanted in my life. They only supported me if it had to do with what they agreed with and if it suited them and their own interests. So fuck them, they are out of my life. I hope this time around, me and my new guide dog will get along better from day one. I’m a bit concerned about the public crowding me and my dog out, but I’m sure the GDMIs will deal with that somehow. Other than that all should be well! Next time I go up to Cairns, it will be about me and what I want to do and nothing to do with my family. I had nothing to do with me when I was there, so I’m having nothing to do with them next time and they can suck it up! I’ve moved on with my life and I’m loving it. So I don’t plan to allow anyone to ruin it for me any time soon. So yeah, getting onto the Guide Dogs waiting list will be awesome.

Relaxation after a big day

July 16, 2018

I’m lying down relaxing after a big bowl of fish curry and rice. I had a really tough workout at the gym this afternoon. I wish I had milk in the fridge, I’d be drinking hot chocolate right now. Ah well, shit happens. So I had a nice shower and now I’m on the couch while I write my blog. Nope, after all these years, I haven’t deleted it yet! So I won’t be giving up on it for a long time. I’m doing banking tomorrow morning. I may have to walk to and from Coles just to bring milk home, before going back to buy morning tea. But the weather will be freezing and I don’t want to burn out before the day starts. So yeah, I don’t know really. I want coffee as soon as I wake up in the morning, so I may just cheat and walk to Coles and just have a coffee there, then simply buy milk later. I’m too tired to go out tonight. I just have to keep a tight budget for like eight weeks until I’ve paid all the bills. To think that as a kid, it would be fun to be a grownup! Yeah right. It’s bullshit when you have to prioritise groceries and bills over entertainment.

I have nothing planned for the rest of the week. So if I can afford it – highly unlikely but I’ll try anyway, I want to go to the RSL Club on Saturday. I love the buffet menu! Their food is delightful. Other than that I’m staying at home, reading and listening to music and eating snack food. I’ll be reading myself to sleep in a few minutes. So while I’m winding down, I’ll have a bit of a rant. No names, just venting. So I talk to friends about lots of subjects, and moving out is one of my pet peevs! Not that I hate such discussions altogether, I just hate how some people whinge about not wanting to pack up and move away from the family, all while saying their relatives should do the same. Well, to be frank it’s up to the individual whether he or she wants to move out or not. And maybe said person should look at their own life and examine themselves before examining other people. The way other people choose to live isn’t always about said person. Sometimes people need to take a step back a little and accept that they aren’t always going to be the centre of attention either. Jealousy isn’t always a good thing, and I don’t have to agree with everything either. I feel like I have to go along with some people and I’m afraid that’s just not me! Don’t get offended at me just because I don’t agree with me because you don’t own my life, is what my point is. Anyway, my phone is about to die so I’ll write more tomorrow.

16 July, 2018 10:17

July 16, 2018

I’ve got time to write today. Not that I did much over the weekend besides laze around and read. Well today I’m not reading, I’m actually sitting downstairs waiting for the Centacare bus. For the last time, I must add. The respite program has served it’s purpose for me, now I’m going to move on. I’ve got my NDIS plan sorted, so I have a well-tailored program ready for me. I really like socialising but I hate all of the sitting around. And we do the same activities every week. I also need to get a lot more hours with mobility lessons because at the moment I get one lesson or less per week! And since I get lessons fortnightly rather than weekly, that makes the situation even worse!!!!! So I’m glad I’m getting all of that sorted.

This afternoon I’m debating on whether or not I should stop off at the shops or just come straight home and then walk to the shops. I guess either way it doesn’t matter. It’s winter time now, so it’s not as though a little bit of exercise is going to hurt me. I just have to work out whether I’ll be back on time for sports or not. Sports starts at 4 o’clock. I’m in a dilema actually, because I also have to go to the shops tomorrow morning to get morning tea for me and a friend. But I need to get milk today as well. What do I do? Hmmm….. anyway… I’ll make my decision later I think. I’ll be having coffee at the centre so it’s not as if I need milk until this afternoon. For now I’ll just relax and have a good time today. I have BPay set up so I can pay my bills whenever I feel like it. If only I knew about this last year! Oh well… I guess ya can’t know everything straight away. I wonder what I’ll do now that I won’t be going to Centacare twice a week any more? I’m hoping with in a couple of months, my days will be filled with mobility lessons and other excursions. As for now, I think my life is going to be rather boring. At least I’ll have more time to read my Braille books and also get them to the post office. As soon as I finish reading all my books from Vision Australia, I’m going to start reading my iBooks again. I’ve got literally hundreds of books to get through! As soon as I’ve paid off this fucking bill, I’m going to save up to buy a Braille display! Since I will have my NDIS funding by then, my bank account will basically be turning to dust and accumulating a lot of riches yeeeehaaa! Sure right! My money is going to be eaten up before I even get started. I need to get a new iPhone, a new iPad, and that is only the start of my technology spending. Eventually need a new laptop, a home Internet service, and a new Braille display, let alone everything else I need to get after that. Such as a new fridge, etc etc etc. never mind bloody medical treatment! That will be an expense of its own! I also have to keep putting money aside for when I get a new guide dog, I think that is the most important thing at the moment to be quite honest. You can replace a broken computer at any time, you can’t replace broken dog can you? Animals are similar to us, they need to be kept comfortable, well fed and given good medical care. And once they’re dead, they won’t be coming back. So yeah, I want all of these other things but animals and people come first. Life over technology I say! I know I’m on the right track forgetting what I want so that’s what counts.

I can’t wait until tomorrow! I’m going to visit my friend who has just moved into a new place. I seriously am so excited! I’m going to buy morning tea and a simple lunch. She really deserves it since she’s a good person for one, and she has gone through a few difficult circumstances the past six or seven months. So whether she realises this or not, she does deserve a helping hand and a good feed. I know she has to go through life like the rest of us, but my point is, she’s gone through a lot of shit and it be nice to do something for her. She won’t be going anywhere tomorrow because she’s waiting for a phone technician to come out, so I don’t have any issue with giving her food and drink. She works hard so she deserves everything good that comes our way. She doesn’t have a job, but she does everything she can to live a good life. Those people deserve all the sympathy in the world! With all that said, it looks like I’m living on a more even keel now too. I reckon I’ve gotten back to normal the way I would feel as a normal person. Oh yes, a doctor of all people has to fucking verify this! But oh well, I know how I feel and that’s the main thing. On Wednesday I’ve got O and M, hopefully I’ll be okay with getting myself to the hairdresser after the lesson is over. It’s nice being able to walk around rather than always catching cabs. It will be good to get used to the public transport system again, the less I have to pay taxi drivers, the better it is for my wallet. I also succeeded in getting rid of my pesky neighbour out of my life. So now I’m free to do anything I feel like at any time I want. And I can finally hang around my friends without being harassed by the stupid bastard. He’s a fucking pretender and doesn’t help anybody despite his intentions and constant carrying on flattering people. He’s a bloody twat. I can’t wait till he’s taken away from these units, he doesn’t even bloody belong here. His stepdad is taking it all hard, but he’s in on it too. The stepdad should know that it’s hard to let one’s wife/neighbour’s mother down when she is no longer alive. Yes this whole fiasco is upsetting, but everybody needs to move on and accept that this dickhead neighbour doesn’t belong here. The situation is over the top really. It’s okay to grieve for a dead relative, but the way this bloke is acting is seriously shit. The bloke needs to spare his unit for someone else who actually needs to live here. I’ve made a lot of complaints about this guy now, so hopefully something is going to be sorted out because I’m not going to tolerate any shit from people here. I’m not living in one of these units to pick up after other people‘s crap. They can either get along with me or fuck off. And if they don’t actually belong here, they can definitely piss off.

A free afternoon

July 13, 2018

I’m at the library at the shopping centre. A lot has happened over the past few weeks. I made a complaint last week about one of my neighbours because he has been pestering me over the past three weeks. Last Friday I got really pissed off and that was that, I wrote a letter to the complex manager. Then yesterday, well it was one of those mornings I never want repeated. I got very angry and abused the neighbour. I know he has mental problems and a bad intellectual disability, but I seriously had to put it all aside and I revved the bloke. Finally! I revved him. I really got into him about everything and made it clear to him that he will be getting relocated to a care facility because the units aren’t a suitable environment for him. All this anger and shouting has led to an investigation. I’m in a little bit of trouble, but not in a serious way. I don’t agree with screaming at other people. Well not usually. Yesterday I lost it, and yes the bloke deserved everything he got. But now one of the Board of Directors members is going to make sure I don’t get worse with my arguing with the neighbour, until we have a meeting with this board member. The fact is, I’ve had it with being nagged, demanded at, etc. And I’m sick of suffering because this bloke ‘just doesn’t cmean what he does’ to hurt me. Maybe he doesn’t mean any of it deliberately. But I’m still pissed off about it and I can only tolerate so much. I’m trying to get better with my health, but this bullshit might be wrecking it. The chemist people are doing their best to make me comfortable so I’m even more angry that this neighbour doesn’t bloody care. Not that he would even realise. But still, the damage is done, and I need to stop being his friend for a while.

A few weeks ago I bought a few things from the chemist. I successfully got rid of nose congestion after two weeks with baby balm in a tissue inside a pillowcase. Also, I’ve been taking multi-vitamin gummies a few times a week, and another magnesium tablet that dissolves in water, but not very often. And I have a mineral sports drink twice a week before gym workouts, and Milo, whenever I want a refreshing drink, hot or cold. And water of course! But yeah, all these health things have helped me keep bugs and general ill-health away, so I don’t want to get crook from dealing with any bullshit at home. So I really stuck up for myself yesterday. I want to avoid dramas, and now I’m pretty certain the complex manager will realise soon enough, that I really mean business now, even though he already knows this from discussions I’ve had with him in the past. Anyway, I’m trying to keep away from the shit, and now it finally looks like I can do so. I’m happy the pesky bastard isn’t at my tail all the time now. I can finally do what I want to do without being fucken tailgated and nagged at for attention and company. Which means I can actually do more things for myself without feeling like I’ve got a fly buzzing around me, or feeling that I can’t do what I want because I’m always going along with someone else’s ideas all the time. The list goes on. So now I’m relaxing, typing away, enjoying my own space for once.

Last night I took Stacey out to have fish and chips. It was a welcome time away from the house. This fish and chips place is lovely! The food is always fresh. This afternoon Stacey went home so I’m amusing myself for the afternoon. I’m so glad I can get myself to the library whenever I feel like it. I can’t concentrate very well when I’m at home because I get too distracted by something related to home living. When I’m in a library, I can just write or surf the Net without worrying about anything else until I get home. Next week I’m going out and I can’t wait! And the week after that is a Guide Dogs airport tour! Wow everything is happening. Eventually the NDIS will be taking over and I’ll get a lot more help and support so I’ll be going out all the time. I hope this dickhead bloke is removed from his unit soon. Everyone will be peaceful then. Anyone who isn’t peaceful can move out, it’s not compulsory to live in these units. And I’m pretty heartless too, I can just force life to happen how I want it to, so yeah, if my life is made difficult, I’ll be difficult right back. I usually want a happy life, but when the trouble comes to me, I want a fight to get rid of the trouble. I’m not going down quietly. I’m also not accountable to anyone either. I know I appear to be untouchable, but there’s no law saying I have to do what anyone says. It’s not against the law to refuse medical care or treat myself however I wish. Oh well… My life is going well at the moment. Io I have a lot of good things to look forward to. And when I eventually get a good doctor, I’ll let him know what I stand for and I will tell them to piss off if they think they can control me. Hopefully it won’t get to that point. That’s when people find out what I’m truly like..

4 June, 2018 08:40

June 4, 2018

I couldn’t get a barbecue set up on Saturday. The uselessness of the neighbours here is shocking. We’re a good community, my foot!!!! Everyone just keeps to themselves which isn’t a big problem, except that people bung on the I-help-everyone bullshit and I’ve had it up to the ear. So now I have a full freezer and don’t know what to do with all the meat. I know I won’t go hungry, but what the fuck am I gonna do when the support worker turns up tomorrow and we struggle to concoct a good feed that won’t even fit in the freezer? Plus I have to tell Centrecare that I’ll be getting meals from another company from time to time – they’re home-cooked, frozen meals. I don’t know what sort of kitchen set-up it is, but I’ll assume it’s a factory of sorts based in Brisbane or Gold Coast, I think??? Anyway, you have to fill out a dietary requirements form and you get a certain number of frozen meal trays every so often at your choosing, and elderly people and people with disabilities can be elligible for them. I’m going to check it out.

I’ll be changing doctors somewhere in the near future. And a new dentist too. My friends are helping me sort them out because they’re jumping up and down at how well they’re cared for and treated. The dentist and hopefully the better doctor, might rave on stupid, if they’re smart enough to figure out that my health will fall to bits if something isn’t done about me. If they’re nice people I’ll probably get spoilt and then given bad reports in the sweetest polite manner and cups of water and coffee and whatever else, just to make me feel pampered so I don’t freak out a lot. That’ll be fine with me!. Medical care that just feels like a yarn and a drink is lovely. And if they’re respectful, medication reactions will be taken seriously and different medicines will be tested until something works well, along with a lot of spoilage lol. Now that’s more like it! My mates are all on to me, coaxing me to eat and drink properly, joking and laughing and having a great time etc. At least I’m holding my own at this stage. I can’t throw my medical papers and X-rays in the bin though otherwise a lot of tests will be repeated. So we’ll see what happens and I’ll let you guys know how I go. I think it’s crap that I need antacid drugs just to take painkillers, but at least I can take lots of painkiller medicines now, except for the morphine-related ones. Suffering from pain isn’t bravery, it’s because morphine, codeine, and those types, makes me sicker than the problems they’re meant to fix. Metaclopromide (maxalon) makes me tired and sick too, my stomach gets all squeamish and I feel restless. I’d rather get crook than take medicine that will make me crook. But nope, if the new docs hear this, out will come the fucken benzos and shit tests, till another type of medication agrees with bloody me. At least I’ve found something that makes non-steroidal medication work for me. So I’m getting somewhere.

30 May, 2018 19:34

May 30, 2018

I had a good day. Back to eating normally again. I’ve been going to the shops nearly every day and on the weekend I’m hoping to put a barbecue on if I can get a person to cook for me. Still haven’t got any more medical checks and no follow-up on my mouth or my teeth. No more medical treatments for me, I’m back at Square 1 without any doctors. I’ll only go to them to fill out paperwork but will refuse any medical testing/procedures/treatments, unless I get extremely crook and am forced by the hospital to get medical care from a GP. Won’t be long-lasting though, I go off the radar eventually. I’m very very bad but this is how much I hate doctors more than you’ll ever know. Other than that, nothing much to write about at the moment.

25 May, 2018 12:56

May 25, 2018

I was able to eat toast and eggs and drink hot chocolate today. Just sitting around and talking to neighbours sometimes. One of my friends who I just finished talking to over the phone, insisted that I find another doctor at another medical centre. I said I’m too frightened of the entire medical community now so the only way to get help now is by sheer force. I can’t stand doctors, don’t care for them to save my life. I’d die rather than get medical attention. Now she’s freaking out because she doesn’t want to hear of me going back to the hospital or worse. She’s mad that the doctors who I won’t go to any more, don’t do medical testing on people who’re sick, either they’re sent home to get taken away by ambulance later, or the ambulance takes them straight from the doctor’s surgery. The doctors don’t care for patient safety. Now I want to let nature take its course. I don’t agree with the medical profession, there’s no care or concern from them at all unless your put on IV fl
uids and a list of medicines that make you forget everything so you can’t even find out your medicine history later. What a horrible medical system, Australia is getting so much like the US. I’d rather go hungry than speak to a medical person. So I’m just gonna live how I please and let my health go by the wayside.

24 May, 2018 15:30

May 24, 2018

Absolute crap today. I fired all my doctors as of yesterday. Medical care is so low standard that I’m better off without it. I’m languishing now. I’m not answering phone calls either. I don’t want to hear any more of doctors and nurses. I’ll be unconscious for my next appointment so I’ll have no idea about it! Also, the codeine low-dose trial didn’t end up working out as I’d hoped. Anti-inflamatories with Zantac works quite well, but this means I’m still restricted for pain relief in future, unless another type of stronger painkiller proves successful. I can’t have any morphine-based medicine. The doctors can do more medication trials while I’m comatose. I won’t go near a doctor while I’m awake. I won’t even answer the phone to speak to medical people. The way me and a doctor (not my regular one) argues yesterday is my last straw.

21 May, 2018 18:23

May 21, 2018

A bit better this arvo. By 4:30 I was eating soup and taking Panadol. A whole heap of junk food/snacks that I can chew easily, will be coming home tomorrow with some stronger medicines, so my stomach won’t play up too much. I don’t have a lot of energy but I am doing ok. Hopefully I’ll sleep tonight and tomorrow I’ll have a three-hour discussion with the doctor. At least I can eat again, have been drinking water over the day. I’ll get some more water soon, but I’m out of the woods now. My mouth and face is still bloody sore but that will be sorted tomorrow.

21 May, 2018 09:38

May 21, 2018

Well guys. Last week I had my four wisdom teeth pulled. I was doing reasonably well until today. I’m still in heaps of pain and have only taken Panadol because it’s the only pain reliever that I can tolerate well. But it’s no longer helping me and my health is now declining. I see my doctor tomorrow and there’s a big chance I’ll be locked away. If she finds out that I’m going crook and that my mouth is going bad, someone is getting into a lot of trouble. It’s nobody’s fault that painkillers don’t agree with me, but the medical people involved in my dental treatment are not concerned about my welfare at all and I wouldn’t be surprised if anyone got fired for leaving me high and dry. If they knew they couldn’t manage my pain, they shouldn’t have done this procedure. They’ve basically told me in polite terms that they aren’t responsible for my medical care and that complications from surgery aren’t part of their care. So basically whatever happens, I won’t receive more medical c
are because nobody wants to keep me in hospital until I can eat properly without pain. So fuck the medical proffession. I’m nearly dead and not bothered about this myself. I wished I’d not gone through surgery. I was better off sick and dying of rotten teeth. I’m refusing medical care from now on guys. I hate doctors and I can’t wait to crash and burn for good this time.

Doing well

May 5, 2018

I figure I’d write a blog while I’m sitting around today. I haven’t written for a while either. I went to the doctors yesterday. I got a metal implant put in my arm and I’m still doing fine. I didn’t go horrible and crook like I expected. I went straight to Jamaica Blue to have a cofffee, and made a chicken sandwich when I got home. I talked to my friend for a while, talked to someone on Whatsapp and read for a bit. I had a little sleep too and then I was right. I slept well last night and woke up feeling good. My throat is getting to me so I had to get cough soothers. The ones I like aren’t sold at the supermarkets any more which really sucks! Fancy needing to discuss buying a stinking soother with a pharmacist! I know they can kill your guts but I don’t eat enough of them to bloody poison me. I just want my annoying cough to settle a bit. There’s no medical treatment for it so I’m not going to just frigging suffer. The doctor doesn’t want me to drop dead either.

I’m going to the RSL Club tonight. I’m going to have a massive feed too, I love the buffet meals. Oh, I’ve also decided to refuse a flu shot too. I’m here for a fun time, not for a long time. I don’t care if I’m hospitalised either. You know, the way I see it is, you’re gonna die of something and you can only do so much to avoid getting sick. You can totally prevent certain illnesses, but you can’t hide from everything. You could get really crook anywhere, anytime, and the same goes with bloody dying. So I’m not going to waste my friggen time getting a flu needle when it’s not always the flu that will kill you. You also get your health sorted out in the hospital, so I couldn’t give a shit to be honest. I’ll just take whatever medical treatment to save my life, as for everything else I don’t need help or pain relief bullshit rubbish. The body doesn’t recover any easier with pain medicine than without it. I told my doctor I’d rather stay asleep as long as possible when I’m suffering too long, there’s no benefit to me whatsoever to keep me awake. My throat is giving me shits so I’ve taken another soother. There’s no medical cure or anything, so I’m all about being comfortable till this cold goes away. I won’t cancel my hospital appointment either, I get sick when I’m healthy so what difference will it make when I’ve got a cold? I already do have anesthetic complications so I won’t be better off healthy or sick before surgery. That’s probably why the GP doesn’t care when I’ve got a cold, she knows I can’t avoid problems no matter how healthy I am, so who gives a crap, just treat the reactions and goodbye till next time. The doctor wants me to stay in the hospital until I don’t need painkillers because all the crap I want them to give to me that won’t give me a very crook stomach will be too strong for me to have at home. Go figure! Thank God my throat is settling down now. I’ll have to wait a good four hours before I have another lollie, but at least they work enough and my stomach doesn’t go really horrible, just a mild kind of a funny feeling. I’ve also decided to refuse tablets whenever possible while I’m in the hospital. I don’t need tablets, I need sleep and then I can just come home and relax for a week. I won’t be rinsing my mouth with salt water, it doesn’t fix anything. You need medicine to kill germs. I don’t want to ‘recover as quickly as possible’. That’s just glorified rushing, axd I don’t rush myself for anyone, unless of course I don’t feel horrible for very long and I just happen to be ok to start ith. A quick recovery is certainly possible in that context! But if I’m crook, just let me take my time to get better. Other than that, I’m fine.

Going out

April 29, 2018

I’m going to a fish and chips shop soon. So I thought I’d write while I have some spare time. I’m gonna secretly eavesdrop on a horrible neighbour who is spreading rumours about people who live here. We’re secretly following her in a taxi. Me and my friend are getting snacks and drinks and when this bitchface shows up, me and my friend will quietly listen and then laugh about it on the way home! It’ll be a fun night. I’m just having a drink with chips and gravy, and my friend will choose whatever she wants. I’m gonna have a bloody ball on Thursday too! I’ll meet another friend somewhere and we’re going to the Guide Dogs tour together. We’re all having dinner for two hours and then the tour will start at 7:30 pm. It’s gonna be fucking awesome aye! I seriously can’t wait! I really like these Guide Dogs travel excursions. You get to have a great time but you also get some white cane revision and all that as well! Yeeeehaaaa! I lov meeting New people too. Anyway I have to ring the taxi now, so will be back to rite soon.

I never got to hear V, the bitchface neighbour. She kept her voice down quite obviously not wanting me to hear her rubbish stories. So the friend and I had a bit of food and a drink and came home. The cabbie suspected what I already know, Miss Bitchface can see something. I said I have no idea what she was up to and that I don’t see, so Mr. Lovely Taxi Driver said he knows, in the tone that spelled out understanding and the obvious fact about my blindness. Maybe V can’t see. But she certainly doesn’t flaming act like it! I was trying to say something nasty about V in a nice time, but the cab driver quickly stopped me and joked about her being able to see a little while I mused about her deserving her lonely life. The guy said he could tell that I like saying nasty things so I jumped in with a remark about me being polite most of the time. So we just turned it into a joke and moved on. But then I said that I know someone who isn’t very kind around here, after the bloke said something about me being kind, or close enough to such a statement. I was too busy thinking about how good my night was to pay attention properly. Anyway, I couldn’t say anything too cruel about V, so we just kept the conversation lighthearted and I paid the fare and we got out. Someone helped my friend and me, to find our way to the units and we were off. We said goodnight and went our separate ways and now I’m lying down writing this blog. I’ll resume reading soon and will eventually go to sleep. Bitchface goes away tomorrow so no bullying and taunting for a couple of weeks now. At least I know what blind people are like. I know who’s blind and who isn’t. I also know that I won’t be told what to do by anybody. If V thinks she can control my life, then she can think again. At least I got to speak with the people I get along with. If V doesn’t like that, tough luck. Nobody is going to stop me from having a good time.

Anzac Day

April 25, 2018

I got up early today. I went in the taxi to the RSL Club and had a massive breakfast. It was beautiful! I’m still here and will get a milk shake soon. After that I’ll go home and won’t have to worry about eating lunch. I rarely go to restaurants, so when I find out about a cheap deal I go for it. Fifteen bucks isn’t bad really. I’m doing good with one-finger typing too. I’m making a lot less mistakes and I can shorten longer words and use the text prediction to finish the words, or simply type away and let auto-correct do the work. It’s Zlyden much easier than the stupid Braille keyboard. I hate speech dictation, it makes too many mistakes and I detest repeating myself over and over againh. It drives me mad and I find using the QWERTY keyboard eliminates a lot of hassles. Anyway, I have to wrap up now, I have to get myself a drink and get home. I’ll write again later.

19 April, 2018 08:53

April 19, 2018

I’m feeling heaps better today. Mouth is sore, oh well! I’m not crook in general though. I had three wheatbix, not too full, but not hungry either. I’m currently drinking a coffee. My bloody throat is at me but I’m sure when my mouth gets better, my throat will come good. Usually people would get their teeth removed and go home the same day. But not me, my mouth is horrible. Not that I’m concerned, we’ve all gotta die of something. If it’s not ageing that kills you, it’s something else. So hurray when my time comes, one day.

For now while I’m surviving well, I’ll keep up with the reading materials. I love my books! Oh, my heart isn’t racing out of my chest today! Is that a good sign? I think I’m getting older and wiser, I know I’ll get sick from medical treatment, but will get even sicker without it. And I like to sleep well every night because I don’t want to feel like shit during the day. I feel terrible for the people who don’t have a choice and can’t sleep. How sad! I’m still happy to live in Brisbane. Despite some crap with my life, I don’t want to leave. Oh and I can’t wait for my Guide Dogs tour night on the 3rd of May. I hope my mouth isn’t too sore by then. If it is, I’ll have to get my GP to get me in earlier for this stupid procedure, which will upset both her and me. What I will do is tell her that I’m not fixing pain, the only pain relief is heart failure otherwise too bad. The only effective pain reliever for me is cardiac arrest. Pain pills cause sickness and other problems, cardiac arrest won’t hurt at all. And it’s permanent so I will be pain-free for a very long time. I’m going to ask my GP about this option of pain relief because my body doesn’t process pain medicine properly and my immune system doesn’t recognise it as medicine. So a stopped heart is another pain relief option. We’ll see what happens when I see the doctor in a few weeks.

Braille Screen Input isn’t working properly, so I’ve resorted to typing on the Qwerty keyboard with one finger. It’s time for me to buy myself a new phone. I hate Braille Screen Input actually. Hang on, I’m gonna quickly turn on the keyboard text prediction settings. There we go. I hope this keyboard works better for me. Ok. I think I’ve got it all sorted now. I shall continue to write in my blog. I also need to be able to communicate when I get into hospital. If I can’t speak temporarily, I need to be as quick as I can with this phone. Oops, I keep forgetting to press the spacebar twice to insert a full-stop. I prefer one-finger typing over Braille Screen Input. I can’t wait to get myself an iPad too, and a Braille display. It will come everywhere with me. For now, I’m stuck with the stupid phone. I’m gonna try cooking barley in the slow cooker. I’ve never done that before and I hope it’s a success. I’ll have it with chicken and salad. Yum! If I like the barley, I may consider eating the lot of it. Before I go into hospital, I’m gonna have a great big feed. I’m gonna eat Hungry Jacks and anything else I can fit in. And since I’m addicted to my phone, I’m gonna try to post a blog. Should be interesting. Anyway, that’s it from me for now. I’ll write again later.


April 18, 2018

The oral surgeon looked at my mouth today. He said the back teeth have to go. I got really miserable after that. I bought some new clothes today, I was happy for a little while. On the 16th May I’m getting my wisdom teeth pulled. After that, I think I’ll shut down… I won’t be given painkillers because of complications from them. So downhill it is I’m afraid. I’m so angry about the whole thing. I’d rather starve than deal with mouth problems. At least I’ve got my books and my phone to keep me happy, and most support workers are lovely…

Home sweet home

April 16, 2018

I got home nearly an hour ago. I’m glad I turned the air-conditioner on this morning, it was boiling outside when I got home! I had a pretty good day, socialising and playing games. What’s getting me very offended though, is how much I have to explain blindness to the staff. I mean, I’ve been going to this centre every week now since December. Yet some people are asking me if I can’t see anything at all. I can understand that people don’t understand what it’s like to be unable to see. But I find it both insulting and offensive that this one particular worker is persisting in her attitude that I amount to nothing, and even thouth she doesn’t show openly, I feel I may as well be dead. It’s one think for people to not understand blindness. It’s another thing to deliberately, for whatever reason, undermine me and bully me in subtle ways. The only way I’ve been able to get around this – and believe me it’s working, is to be very loud whenever we discuss my situation. For example,
the staff worker may say something like, ‘(insert event) is too dangerous for you6′ or (insert whatever situation) you need vision to do that6’ I will loudly exclaim, ‘Oh ok then!!!!! Well, I do like to give everything a try and if I can’t manage, then fine!!!!!6’ I don’t say it nasty or anything, I just use an exciteable tone so everyone can hear, and the management person must come to where me and the staff person is, to discuss my situation properly. So we’re basically putting pressure on this lady in a sweet manner, in a way that makes her back off, without being horrible about it. I’ve also been pressuring the management people into supporting me a lot more, by appealing to their consciences. It works. I’m not openly rude. I just tell the care workers that since I’m doing well because of medical treatment, it doesn’t make sense for me to be resting all the time. And it wouldn’t be fare to sit around with very little physical activity when I feel fine and would love to g
o out and explore the world a bit more! And since I like walking and swimming and there’s nothing stopping me from doing these things, why do I have to miss out? Hmmmmm, I’ve got a lot of people thinking, and I’m getting a lot more support where it’s needed now. Appeal to the conscience and basic human needs when asking for help guys! You’ll go many places if you adopt this style of lobbying for your rights and welfare. People honestly don’t know until you show them. We really haven’t changed since the Middle Ages. We just have modernisation to contend with as well as our old-fashioned beliefs and ideas.

Cooler weather and feeling awesome

April 16, 2018

I feel heaps better today! My throat is getting to me because of the persistent cough, but my cold is almost gone. I have heaps of energy, and the cold air is wonderful. It will get very hot today but I’ll turn the aircon on at nine o’clock so when I get home from Centacare I can go into a cool unit. I taught my neighbour how to do push-ups. Her physio is encouraging her to learn comfortable and -easy-to-do exercises so she won’t develop back problems and bone issues will be reduced. So I instructed her on how to do a push-up and got her to do a few. She’s very happy! I said I’d teach her the difficult version but only after she can do the easy ones properly first. Now that the neighbour realises that I won’t allow her to injure herself or push her beyond her limits, she’s willing to learn new exercises. The good news about that is, I don’t agree with any form of forceful discomfort during exersion and I like to keep sporting activities push-ups, swimming walking/running etc, fun and enjoyable. If exercise has to hurt an awful lot, then something is wrong! Unless a medical person can work you through painful exercises, I won’t allow for severe pain during exercise. I told the neighbour to slowly get used to doing these push-ups until she feels really good before I show her the difficult version, which is to lift the whole body up and leave your feet on the ground. Exercise does hurt a little, but it shouldn’t hurt a real lot, unless of course you’re recovering in a medical setting and the physios there can keep people’s safety during uncomfortable exercises, in mind. I told the lady not to listen to people who expect too much of her. Some people think that exercise should make you exhausted, which frankly isn’t always bloody true.

I’m hoping to receive parcels this week. One from America and the other from somewhere in Australia. I’ll put the dog bags away so when I eventually get my new dog, I won’t have to freak out when I run out of poop bags that are sent home with me. I’m also going to find out what food the dog is on, so I’ll get some ordered in before I go for training. I want my unit set up properly before I get the dog. When I get home from the Guide Dogs training centre, I’ll rest/sleep for a few hours, then I’ll go about my normal routine with a lot more time on my hands to take the dog outside and show it around, without stressing out over what I need to do for the unit. I want this dog to feel as relaxed and comfortable as possible. I’m going to start the application process next year. I think I’m fit enough to handle a dog and look after its welfare.

I love my slow cooker!

April 14, 2018

Well, my spaghetti was a success. I fed me and my friend, and three others are getting a container of spaghetti tomorrow for their evening meal. It didn’t have much of a tomato flavour because one of the guys can’t have much tomato so I could only put one tin of tomatoes in it. Oh well. It’s still extremely nice for a ninety-eight percent tomato-free spag! Lolololololol! Some people simple cannot eat too much tomatoes in one meal for a number of reasons. On Tuesday, I’ll be making a great big pot of stew with a lot of fresh tomato in it. And as tonight’s dinner had heaps of garlic from the spaghetti sauce, I didn’t put fresh garlic in it. On Tuesday, I’m putting lots of fresh garlic in my stew. I’m putting a bit of this and that in it, and some beef. Yep, everything goes in my stews and curries! The next time I make spag, the long spaghetti is going in, and chillies and different sauces and such as well. It is gonna be a bloody doozer of a feed! I can make enough slow cooked meals to feed two armies let alone one army. I’m super full so I can’t wait to use my SC again. This time, I’ll be eating breakfast first, so I don’t feel half starved by ten o’clock in the morning.

One of my neighbours is concerned about my health. So I told her I should be fine, will see the doctors at the hospital next week anyway, so I hope my cold doesn’t turn into something else. I’m doing ok so far so we’re optimistic although she’s worried about me. I think it’s just a chest cold so I’m not too concerned personally. But it’s better to be cautious… As for the world’s miseries, America is giving Syria a hard time at the moment. I wonder what will happen next? I hope Australia doesn’t get involved in this war. I don’t believe we should meddle in every other country’s business. It’s not wrong to help other countries and I’m not denying that. What I am pissed off over is that we may possibly get involved in a war that isn’t ours. Now I think it’s stupid going to war with another country when they haven’t even bothered us. I think helping other countries is fine, just don’t fight someone else’s fight.


April 14, 2018

I came down with some sort of crappy cough/cold thing last night and woke up with it. It’s horrible! My throat and chest are really irritated! I keep having coughing attacks and I hate it. It’s a pity that doctors can’t prevent me from catching germs. Let’s just hope I can get rid of this quickly and I hope my body stays strong enough to keep up with all the germs so they don’t overtake me. I’m rather hot and sweaty right now. I won’t take Panadol because it’s not effective enough. I’d rather drink all day and rest. I have plenty of food in the fridge so I should be right.

I’ll get my online shopping delivery this arvo. Tomorrow morning I’ve decided I’ll be setting up slow cooked spaghetti and I’m putting lots of vegies in it. Anything to make me want to enjoy eating, is what it comes down to. And when my teeth are fixed I’ll be sipping on soup and nibbling on Jatz and Ritz biscuits with dip. I love crackers and dip! And I love chocolate custard too. And if I can manage it, I’ll try to eat slow cooked meals as well. They’re sooooooooo hard to resis! I keep all sorts of refrigerated snacks too, that way if I need to eat something immediately, I can eat without too much preparation time. I’ll be mashing up a lot of fruit and eggs so I can’t go hungry when I get home from the hospital after surgery. I’m sure the doctors are gonna try to stop me from getting a feeding tube. I know it’ll take longer for me to recover with a feeding tube, but I don’t want to eat while I’m in pain or hurt myself from overdosing Panadol. The docs will have to work something out there. I could go without pain relief, but in today’s society it’s considered cruelty, but in all honesty I couldn’t give a shit. I just want to be left in peace when I’m not well. I’m looking forward to a Guide Dogs tour in a few weeks though! After that I’ll have all year to fix my teeth and my face and I’ll have all the time in the world to get back to fitness and good times again. I’m happy with how Centacare is setting me up for success after I had a frightful discussion the other day and started crying before our picnic outing. So now everyone knows how difficult I am, we’re gonna make sure I don’t get too bothered. I’ve had to explain to some of the care workers why I can’t sedate myself every time I panic either. There is good reason for it, but we can’t risk me developing drug dependence before my upcoming surgery because doctors want the medicines I’m not allergic to so far, to work properly for the duration of my stay in the hospital.

I’m hanging around home for the rest of the day. Sitting outside is helping me a lot, so I will be staying out here. Chitchatting to the neighbour is the way to go. A big cup of hot chocolate will be on the cards in a minute.

It’s now 11:44 am on Saturday and I still haven’t sent this blog off. Lol at least I’m not on a deadline like a news reporter! Even so, it’s high time I hurry up and get moving with this post. I listened to some YouTube videos yesterday, talked with my neighbour and read for most of the day. Today I’m a bit better than yesterday. I’m still coughing a lot but it has improved a bit. I’m sitting up a lot more. I’m still eating and drinking and haven’t gotten any worse. I’ll call it a good sign that this is just a bad cold which will go in a few days. I’m a lot better at fighting germs than I used to be! Relief. I’ve just finished drinking a large cup of hot chocolate. I had a small cup of water earlier. I can smell my slow cooker spag and it’s delicious! All I did was chop up a few vegies, fry some diced up bacon and mince for fifteen minutes, tipped it in the pot, then mixed that with beef stock and some sauces all together, then turned the slow cooker on. Of course I leave the lid on so it cooks properly. I love my slow cooker so much because I can do some cooking preparation with not too much difficulty. I made a bit of a boring spaghetti today. Next time I’m making it to suit my own taste. I’m putting chilly and all sorts of stuff in it! All I have to do later is boil the pasta and drain it before throwing it into the pot. I’ll leave it for fifteen mutes, add a small tub of thick cream and a cup of cheese, then stir it in and leave it for fifteen minutes. Then a really good serving, with or without salad! Yum I can’t wait to try it. My slow cooker is my best cooking friend, although when it comes to the oven, I’ll be getting a support worker to help me with it. At least I know I’m prepared for a shitty year because of my stupid teeth, and also for a lot of swimming and walking.

Well I don’t know if I’ve told you yet, but I’ve decided to work towards getting another guide dog. I ordered in a package of biodegradable bags which I’ll put away when the package arrives. When it gets closer for me to go to the Guide Dogs centre for training, I’ll get some toys and stash them. Then I’ll keep raking money aside so when I bring the new dog home, I can immediately buy some bags of dog food and any other things the dog will need. This will give me a couple of months to staca up some more money for vet costs. After I’m all sorted, I’ll be racing around the joint like a bloody mad woman’s breakfast! Wow, what fun times. And if I’m still going to and from the doctors for different reasons, the dog will come along with me. I’m sure all the medical people will love the dog as much as anyone, and any way of treating my intermittent mental insanity is a bonus for all of us. I’ll be difficult for me to give up on life when I’ve got the dog with me.

Dire news

April 12, 2018

I’ve been listening to the BBC for the past two hours. It has been going all night, I fell asleep and woke up to it. We’re slowly approaching World War III, and I don’t know how long it’ll take to get started. America and Russia, Brittain and Syria, as well as China and Iran, to some degree, are at each other’s throats. When will America strike Syria or Russia? When will Russia attack America or Brittain, and when will they retaliate to any other country’s attacks? Israel is threatened as well. Israel is threatening warning strikes on whoever attacks it, and all-out war on anyone who tries to destroy it. I guess this is just the war rumours and a few random wars popping up here and there all over the world at the moment. But I’m worried that actual world war will break out soon. I’ve read a few Internet articles but opinions are mixed. I don’t know how Australia will fare with the third world war.,

A good day ahead

April 11, 2018

I slept really well last night! I woke up overnight to check emails but I still woke up good this morning. I’ll be going on an outing with Centacare soon. I have a mild cold but not crook enough to stay home. I don’t think I get “sick enough” for any reason anymore lol. I’m doing heaps better with my health this year. Everyone worries about my throat getting irritated all the time but it’s medically incurable so I just don’t worry abouj it. My attitude to medical care makes me appear heartless and bitchy, but seriously people can’t fix everything and it’s a waste of time and energy to freak out over things you can’t fix. I’m also concerned about living a comfortable life, not a long one. Good luck if I do live till I’m a hundred. That’s fantastic! But I’m all about quality over quantity. I’m not here to be miserable. I’ll heckle the doctors endlessly for a month till they see reason then maybe they’ll leave me alone. I hate medical treatment, and joking about me getting crook after surgery really makes me wish I could just get sick and die. That’s how angry I get when I go to the doctors. What scares medical people most is that drugs don’t change how I feel about my current situation. So now I need to be locked in a hospital so I can be kept from going mentally insane till I get better. It’s bullshit but me and medical problems don’t agree. Luckily it’s just my teeth right now. Oh well, if we’re saving myself from future septic infections in the mouth, then fine. If I go crook after my teeth are fixed, it’ll be the lesser of the two evils. I’ll be drugged out for a while so I won’t care.

I hope I find my taxi card in the mail later. If I do, I’m going straight to the shopping centre. I have to get some chicken for the slow cooker and will do a slow cooked meal first thing in the morning, ready for tomorrow night. I’ll cook some rice and mix it in. That will be going into the freezer. And on Sunday I’m making slow cooked spaghetti bolognaisse! I’m sharing that around. Then next week I’m making beef stew.

I couldn’t finish writing because I got on the Centacare bus. I had a lovely day out. We had morning tea and then went for a barbecue picnic at a park. I got on a monorail bicycle and loved it! Two staff members supervised me but I had a great time. I got home at three o’clock and got my new taxi card out of my mailbox and talked to my neighbour for over an hour. I have to stay home for two days even though I really wanted to go out tomorrow! I’m waiting for a parcel to arrive. After that I can’t get parcels for six weeks because I have to save money for a new TV and a cabinete for it. Then if I can manage it, I’ll be getting a new iPhone. After that, a new Braille dinamo labeller, some square bump dots (the ones I have now are all rounded) and a brailled Ludo. A shopping pause for two weeks, then a Snakes and Ladders and new Scrabble set. That will be it for a while. I may have to delay some of these brilliant shopping plans, but we’ll see what happens. I’ll save up for a new iPad, which I desperately need, then a Braille display is next in my list. By then I’ll be doing a whole lot of other things with my life and my mouth should be getting along after my next stint in the hospital possibly within a month. I’ll rest as much as I can while I’m there so by the time I get back home, I can sleep for two days and get back on my feet straight away. And depending on how I go with neighbour dramas here, I’ll see what my future holds with staying in my unit. I hope I’ll want to live here for ever, but for now I don’t know. It’s another wait-and-see situation.

At least my blog is still active. I’ve had so many thoughts racing through my mind about whether or not to keep this blog or not. But I’m glad I didn’t get rid of it. It has been a valuable diary for me for so many years that I’d kick myself if I get rid of it now. When I get my new Braille display I’ll edit my blog properly because I can work better with Braille. Voice-over reads well so I listen to it all day. But editing is better with Braille and really, I’m sick of listening for ever when I’d rather read quietly without any noise. So yeah, it’s all happening!


April 10, 2018

Well, for the past hour and a half, I’ve been catching up on blogs that I haven’t read for years. I’m going to take my laptop to the library next week and use the Wi-fi network there to clean up my blog site a bit. I have a bit of a hunch that I’ll find it difficult to fix it using the phone. I need to delete some inactive blogs and I need to read through all the other ones. The other thing I need to do – and it’s been on my mind all day, is to trial a Braille Edge display. I had a huge argument with the post office bloke, then had a discussion with the local librarian so I can coordinate postage and handling properly. So now I’m just left with ringing up one of the companies who sells the Braille Edge, and asking if I can try before I buy. I’ll have to let the company staff know that I’ve hopefully sorted out some crap with the post office so I shouldn’t have too many problems with sending the trial product back to company. Life isn’t meant to be so fucking difficult! People can’t just drop their life commitments to help me whenever it suits the occasion, and Centacare has to arrange any carer support a week ahead. These idiots who think that disability workers are private chaffeurs really makes me wonder. Explaining this doesn’t work, I’ve been there and done that. I ended up shouting at the guy over the phone today. What does he damn well expect when he chooses to talk rudely to me and then won’t listen to me when I’m trying to explain something? He’s lucky I didn’t go irate at him. When I get NDIS funding, the support workers are gonna find out how I feel about this postal worker when they hear me giving him a piece of my mind.

I’m going to the hospital next week for my dental consult. I’m going to have as much fun as I can until then. The next few weeks won’t be very nice for me. I’ll be putting packets of soup in the pantry so I can survive on mashed food and soup for three weeks. I also won’t be taking pain pills after my surgery so I’ll be lying in bed for two weeks so I can relax as much as I can and deal with a sore mouth the old-fashioned way. Painkillers don’t make a single bit of difference for me. They create problems and increase my pain level. I guess if that means not getting gum infections in the future, then I guess ok. The doctors can take my bloody wisdom teeth out. My jaw is too narrow to contain all my teeth anyway. I feel lucky I’m not dead yet. I’m surprised that I’ve survived so long with a poor body structure. Oh well, now these medical people can use their opportunity to fix my face somehow. Personally I think my body is too difficult to fix but if the doctors want to be so smart, they can look after me. I’ve also decided that the dentist is a waste of time and money too. I don’t need my teeth to be polished and scoured clean. Brushing them every day is plenty. And bugger the floss too. It just hurts my teeth and is so disgusting and a messy job. If the dentist wants to be so fussy, she can bloody clean my teeth! The only thing I’ll concede to is having my wisdom teeth removed. They might eventually cause a bad infection which will turn septic. So that’s as far as I’ll take mouth care. Once I get home I won’t be seeing the dentist, Ö’ll just brush my teeth every day. I can’t stand medical treatment so I can’t even handle medical instructions of the doctors let alone the dentist. I made a billion complaints to the pharamacist and the GP about dental health care, so I’m guessing the hospital will put up with my fussy personality better. If they tell me not to brush my teeth for twenty-four hours after surgery, I’ll seriously spew. I won’t eat till I’m ready either. I’m not a speedy-recovery person either, so I won’t rush myself for anybody. If it takes me a week to eat, that’s just how it is. I’m not eating so I can go home the next day. I’ll eat when I’m ready to eat, and I’ll go home when I’m well enough. I don’t do time frames and time limits. It may take two days or two months to leave the hospital, which really doesn’t concern me. What concerns me is getting home safely. I briefly told Centacare management that I’ll need to be looked after for a while when I get home. Comfort is my main priority.

I haven’t done much lately, besides sit around and read. I’m in limbo at the moment. My phone is going flat so will have to wrap this up. Since I’ve updated my phone, the battery has gotten worse. When I use my phone for reading and writing, my battery in two hours, and the phone gets really hot too. I’m going to buy a new phone soon. I’ll back up iCloud as soon as I receive the new phone and chuck the old phone away. I wouldn’t even sell it for twenty bucks! I’m saving a tonne of money now so in a couple of months that’s what’s happening. Anyway, this is all for now.

organising my life

March 22, 2018

So folks! It’s all happening. Received a phone call a half hour ago, with a definite consultation appointment with the dental surgeon. I’ll get a letter in the mail next week which I much take to Centacare immediately. I told the reception lady I’m horribly nervous and feel yucky about this whole thing, other than that, fine. She told me not to worry too much, so I hummed and sighed in response, full of trepidation. So we briefly changed the subject to guide dogs, when I let the lady know of my blindness situation and needing mobility lessons with the white cane before I eventually train with a new dog. I gave her a range of two to four years, which made her really happy! She can’t wait to eventually see the dog! Yep, another incentive to tolerate some enjoyable medical procedures. Now let’s see if I enjoy myself just as much when I actually go through with fixing my teeth in the hospital, since I have great difficulty with sore teth and gums at the dentist, even though I take a Valium to make me stay calm and relatively pleasant at the dental clinic. I have the worst time with choking on my tongue and spitting and spluttering afterward! At least my stomach doesn’t hurt a lot. It certainly plays up when my teeth are pulled though. Yuck! Even Valium doesn’t help with blood-induced gut ache much. It does keep me from getting too upset though. Next time when I lose some blood after my wisdom teeth are taken out, I’ll be drugged out a lot more so I should be heaps better I think. The doctor will have to injeceat something into my jaw though because I can’t take any kind of anti-inflamatory or codeine/morphine product. Ha, it’ll be a lot easier for me to stay awake all night while I read. If they really much give me any morphine product stupid reason, they’d better be prepared to knock me out for a few days so I don’t notice. Just sayin…’ With the way the discussion went today, these medical treatments and procedures may just work out ok. Maybe. A big, fat, maybe. My left eye is starting to hurt a bit more too. Let’s see how it goes too. They may look at me while I’m asleep and decide to bring the ophthalmologist in to fix that eye as well. Beter to kill two birds with one stone I reckon.

I read for most of the day and did banking this afternoon. So my day is in order now. Nothing else to do but continue to write for a while, then get back to my iBooks. They’re very interesting indeed! I can’t wait to buy my own Braille display, I’ll quickly get through the Vission Australia library books, then reYoung get into my books on my phone. The Braille displays have a 20-hour battery life so if I get into difficulty while in hospital and I need a distraction, I can spend an entire day and a night reading and playing games. I’ll make an attempt to party as much as possible. It’s a pity I won’t have a Braille display by the time I get into the hospital for my surgery. I love using my braille display with my rhone (this one’s a trial so I’ll get my own device soon), so I’ll be distracted all day and not super bored or very crook and insane. My fucking medical care just needs to be easy and I want my teeth to bloody fix up properly. I don’t have any trust for doctors and I’m nearly certain that they know this.

Mixed emotions

March 22, 2018

Well, bad news. I haven’t received that letter from the hospital. So I rang them a few minutes ago and left a message. I’m waiting for a call from them while almost crying over it. I found out from the support worker today that its most likely that I’ll have to keep myself in hospital for as long as it takes until I feel personally strong enough and confident enough to manage myself at home again. So the waiting game it is, and definitely a lot of shit for me to deal with. I guess that’s what private hospitals are for. Not that I want any difficulties, but that’s what I’m in for. I didn’t think the doctors would find it important enough to chase after me for my lousy teeth. I don’t know what’s so serious, but I’m not happy about it and I’m not in a good mood at the moment. I can’t even ring Centacare till I receive a letter. I’m very angry, and even more so because going to the dentist a few times and making complaints about different issues has got me involved in a bloody doctors investigation over some stupid teeth, and now I don’t know what else these people will discover. I could go in there for my teeth and come out with a lot more than tooth care to put up with. This is really shit.

With all that said, I’m fine. I’m about to eat lunch. I’m getting my washing done so I won’t have anything to do tomorrow, besides read and hopefully take the Braille display to the post office. I’m still waiting for the postal address to be sent, so I won’t send it away till I’ve got the address. The Brailliant works pretty good, so when I finally do send it back, I can decide which model of Braille display I want when I save the right amount of money for one. A TV is on the cards as well. When I’ve sorted these two items out, I’ll be getting a new phone and iPad eventually. And then some more Braille accessories. Then a holiday to Cairns. After that, I don’t know! Actually, I nearly forgot that I need to get a water purifer for my kitchen sink approved. Then a few other things. Hopefully I’ll get the right funding for NDIS and I should be set to go for saving money as well. Walking and swimming will do me good too. I can’t wait to get my taxi card. As soon as I get it, I’m heading straight for the frigging pool. I need to go swimming. I can’t stand hanging around home all the time. At least I can get to the shops. I’ll be learning the travel route there soon enough. Then I’ll be walking every fucking day. I’ll stay sane if I can walk every day. I’ve had enough of sitting around with pesimistic crap thoughts and doom and gloom bloody feelings. lovely way to live! Yeah. The sooner I can cut the unhealthy I’m-blind-and-poor shit, the better. I’m a little bit ripped off that I’m like this not by choice. I can fix decisions, but not the stupid fucking circumstances. I’ll be making sure I have a lot of books to read during my medical treatments, I’m gonna buy the Braille display before I buy an iPhone too, that way I can decide if electronic or paper Braille will suit me best, depending on the situations I’m in. Apart from my female stuff making me feel a bit under the weather, I’m not crippled and horribly sick and half dead. So I’ll give myself a few points for that and see how I go between now and the next doctor’s appointment. The worst thing that can happen is starting back at the drawing board and putting myself in the hospital sooner than later. I’m not a believer in keeping all the body parts; if you’re healthy that’s fine. But when you’re prone to health isues, take anything from the body which causes illness and/or poor health, and hope for the best. But for now, no thank you. I’ll be right for now.

A really bumpy road ahead

March 21, 2018

I’m at home after a lovely day out. I’m gonna have a shit of a time for the next few months. I got a call from the Marter Hospital this afternoon. They’re going after me like a pack of dogs. I have to ring Centacare tomorrow morning to ask them when they can drive me to and from my first appointment. I’m very pissed off about that, but if a doctor is urgent to let me know what to expect with my teeth because he insists they need fixing, then I just need to slog ahead begrudgingly to see what he has to say. After that I’ll decide whether I want to go through with oral surgery or not. I already know I don’t want to go through with an operation, but I’ll wait for the consultation appointment to let the doctor know this. I have to get the support worker to check a letter for me when she comes in the morning, ring Centacare and make appointment arrangements, then ring the hospital back and confirm the arrangement. Then I have to check with Centacare to make sure they’ve got the same date and time written up, then I’ll be set to go. I’m curious to know what benefit I’ll have from wisdom tooth surgery considering I can’t have painkillers (complications from reactions to stronger painkillers except for Panadol)? The surgery will do more harm than good, and if the doctor comes up with the brilliant idea of keeping my mouth numb for an extended time, I won’t be able to eat or take any tablets so I’ll be stuck in that hospital for a week for the sake of drug complications because unlike everyone else who can just go home relatively complication-free, this isn’t the way with me, as I finally discovered from a few doctor consults because of all my bullshit health issues last year. Funnily enough, the needle the doctor gave me in February has magically fixed my system, Christ only knows how, and besides the normal nausea feelings I get from time to time because of typical life stresses and the odd germ going around, I feel totally fine and healthy, not a single bloody thing wrong with me! So in May I’m getting a metal rod thing inserted into my arm. It has slow-release medicine in it so I’ll be symptom-and-illness-free for the entire three years it’ll be staying in my arm. Obviously it won’t stop typical illnesses but it fixes ninety-nine percent of my problems and horrible bullshit weird and strange crap, so this medical procedure is the least of my worries. At least I’ll be out of bed and ready to go within a week. Not bad considering my teeth will keep me in bed for a damn fortnight or longer! I won’t even take pain relievers for this procedure in May. What makes you think I’ll take painkillers after oral surgery? The pain will be horrific, you might say. Well, the side effects and allergic reactions are no different to the original problems they’re supposed to fix. Painkiller complications makes my recovery no better, if not worse, than if I didn’t take them. I’ll be telling the doctor that, and I can only assume that he’ll decide to keep me in hospital rather than let me have my way and decline the surgery.

Besides all the medical rubbish, I’m doing fine. The weather is boiling hot even though it’s autumn, so I’ve been staying cool in the air-conditioning. I have to take this Braille display to the post office on Friday. I’ve decided to stay home tomorrow and read as much as I can. I love my iBooks but prefer to read them in Braille. I tend to lose concentration when I listen to voice-over reading the books. Plus I find the speech isn’t always right with pronouncing some words. I get a lot more out of reading a book if it’s in Braille. So I’ll read as much as I can. I’ll wait for the bloke to give me the right postal address just to be sure before sending the parcel back. I don’t want to get to the post office and have nowhere to send it to. The last resort option would be for the bloke to send someone out to pick it up from me. If it ends up happening like that, fine. But I’m hoping I can just post it back. This device is working well, by the way. Last week it locked up and no amount of trying to re-boot it would fix it. So I let it run flat and when the charger arrived by post, I finally got the device working again. So when I send this Brailliant BI back to its owner, I’ll save up the money to buy it. I’m sure with my medical appointments running through all of this year, it will thatake for ever to fund myself for the things I really want. But I guess at the end of the day, if it stops me from having health issues and the odd call-out for the ambulance or house-call doctors, then somehow it’ll be worth it. Not that I wanted to come to Brisbane to fill my life with doctors and nurses and medical attention to start with, but oh well. I’m hoping my life will be back to normal entirely, where I left off when I was young and super fit quite a few years ago. But like everything broken that needs fixing, one’s body usually ends up in better condition than before the illness or other issues occured.

What I like about knowing that I’m in for a rough time because of my mouth, is that at least I’m putting my life in order now so I won’t have to worry about much when the time comes to deal with all the hospital shit. I may not have a Braille display by then, but I’ll have a lot of Braille books from VA to read, so reading all day and all night in the hospital won’t bother me. I know the nurses will nag at me to sleep, but my own interest comes first, sorry. When I’m sick for any reason, hail rain or sunshine, I think of Number One first. When I’m not well, a good book is more important than anything in the world. Sleep will come whenever I’m ready to sleep even if it takes more than two days to fall asleep. I’ll be taking my phone recharger with me so I’ll be playing with my phone or reading for the entire time I’m in hospital. I’ll even use my phone to communicate if I need to. Hopefully I won’t lose my ability to speak unless I have a breathing tube in, in which case I’d insist on keeping my phone with me all day and all night so I can write in the Notes app so people can see what I have to say. Then they can just speak back to me, or write back if they’re not with me. I find it fucking amazing that some health issues are caused by teeth problems! I just don’t believe it. I don’t actually agree with having my wisdom teeth removed but the medical people are after me like you wouldn’t believe. So I’ll presume that they’re going to try to talk me into oral surgery and keep me in because they know I’d rather deny any operations than cope with them. Well, yeah, that’s right! So they’ve got me. I think they’re fixing my mouth while I’m healthy because most doctors think fixing a person after they’ve gotten sick will be more difficult and all the rest. Ok that’s fine, but then I still have to go through surgery and get treatment for getting sick for weeks afterwards. So however they work it out, I don’t have the faintest idea. I’d rather have surgery for any reason if it’s to save my life, but the doctors won’t agree with me or approve of me holding off operations because saving a healthy life is easier. Well I wouldn’t care so much about pain and other problems if I was already half dead. But as it is, I’m alive and kicking and feeling very good! So I do care. I’m still shocked that I came to Brisbane in 2016 to have a great time and I’m now facing years of medical treatments. Some treatments are great. A few days of feeling like crap then you’re good to go for ever. Other treatments… Well. No. Just fuck it. It’s like the doctors are saying good we’ve finally got a blind person who nearly died when they were born in Cairns, ok quick, let’s fix her now while she’s living in Brisbane – we couldn’t get her years ago so let’s get her now!!!!!!!!!! Yep. This really really pisses me off. Cairns Hospital doesn’t care, they know the places here will put up with people worse than me. The difficult people who live in Cairns come down here for months or years for their treatments and then go back home when they’re well enough. I happen to be one of the “difficult cases”, and I just happen to be living here. But hey, when I’m over the shit in six months’ time, I can go to Cairns for a holiday as a not-so-sick person. Not that I’m sick at the moment. I actually feel fine. But my teeth issues would class me as being “sick”. I don’t accept that, but this is how medical people see it.

Trial Braille Display

March 14, 2018

I received the Brailliant this afternoon. I’ll be sending it back next week. The Bluetooth software in my phone is shit but the Braille display is perfect! I can write really well, the main problem is Bluetooth always cutting out. Apart from that, I love the Brailliant! I actually think it’s better than the Braille Note. Now I regret ever buying the Braille Note. The 32-cell display is better for reading as well as for writing and especially reading. I think the Perkins style keyboard lets me write in contracted Braille properly too. The Qwerty keyboard just didn’t cooperate with me as well as I’d expected. There’s a few minor issues with the Perkins keyboard and some Braille symbols, and I have to type a little slow, but at least I can type properly. It’s very portable too. I’ll definitely be buying a Braille display!

I woke up with a funny throat today. I hope it won’t take long to get rid of whatever it is. It’s frigging annoying! Everyone has been either vomiting or having respiratory problems. Not that I like either situation, but I’d rather have a bad throat than vomiting. One of the ladies suddenly vomited violently this arvo and the ambulance came for her as our respite bus left. We were all playing board games and card games and having a great time, until one of the women complained of dizziness as she was about to walk to the bus. Then she started throwing up severely. I felt really horrible for her. Hopefully she’s ok. Me and a couple of others tried to lighten the situation with a bit of joking around, but I stopped laughing and joking when the poor lass was getting worse instead of better. So I went from pretending to feel almost sick, to truly feeling sick and upset. My stomach settled after a few minutes and I didn’t get worse luckily. Tonight my throat is really crappy though. Some people are concerned about me too, but honestly, the doctor can’t treat colds and flu germs. They can fix vomiting and breathing problems, but the bugs still have to wear off on their own.

10 March, 2018 19:46

March 10, 2018

I went to a saloon that’s closer to me this morning. I got my hair washed and cut, and styled! Due to my head being really disgusting and the hairdresser at a different place buggering my hair up, my new hairdresser has created a new hair program for me under a special deal! I’m sooooooooo happy with her already, so I’ll be going back every twelve weeks. I complained about my teeth being horrible, but one of the ladies said they looked all right. I thought that was nice of them to say that, but I still hate my teeth. After my hair was cut and washed, a really nice leave-in conditioner was put in. My scalp is a bit sore actually a bit sore, but I found out today that chronic dandruff causes pain and itching and takes months to get rid of4 I’ll have to try out a few shampoos until I find one that works for me, then I’ll use a few different scented shampoos with similar ingredients, as well as other leave-in products. So now I have to wash and brush my hair all the time, plus rub leave-in conditioner in the ends of my hair. My scalp is so shitty really. So by the looks of it, any shampoo I use will cause some pain until the dandruff goes away. I was told some products have tee-tree oil in them, so I said to leave out the oil. I hate the crap.

I should receive a trial Braille display next week. I can’t wait to test it out. My stupid phone won’t let me use Braille Screen Input properly, the fucking thing! I find it super slow to type with one finger, but writing in Braille is a bloody pain too. Hopefully the Braille display will let me type faster without having to delete mistakes all the time. My books from VA haven’t turned up yet so I hope they come in the next few days. I’m buying a new Rummy game as well. I’ll do an online order on Tuesday. I hope it arrives while I’m at home because I don’t want to cart myself off to the post office just for a stinkin’ parcel! Apart from that I’ll be having a boring week. Two outings with Centacare and that’s it. If my books and the Braille display turn up, I should be fine and not too bored.

9 March, 2018 13:34

March 9, 2018

A mobility instructor from Guide Dogs came around this morning. A good start to the mobility lessons and I can’t wait to get out and about again. It’ll take time for me to get used to high intensity exercise again, but I’m getting better and stronger. I rang Vision Australia today as well. I complained about someone who is not a client of Vision Australia, trying to weasle their way into outings with Vision Australia clients. I told a person from VA that I heard the person talking to a VA client, and that it’s possible they may have gone with the client and their support worker. I couldn’t be certain, I couldn’t hear the non-client at all after half seven this morning. Hopefully non-client won’t try their luck and do stupid things because VA client wants their own way all the time. They’re going out tonight, so hopefully the non-client won’t go with the Vision Australia client. If the non-client did not go out this morning, then they may have waited downstairs for quite a while for another company to pick them up on a bus. I was concerned that people were allowing some people to go out with Vision Australia, so I got in first. Better to be safe than sorry, plus I’d rather let people know about my concerns so they can prevent problems from happening in the future. I don’t go on VA outings anymore, but I still use their shop and library and I report any concerns to Vision Australia just to make sure people don’t create shit for other people.

I asked the person from VA about some games too. I want to get a new pack of Uno cards and a Monopoly board. I then went online and found a Rummy tile game set, so I’m buying that next week! I’ll also be trialling a Braille display and if I really like it I’m setting up a payment plan to buy one. I’ll be making a new Maxi-Aides account as well, at some point. I’ll also be making an account with the Braille Super Store too. Then there’s gonna be some Braille accessories coming to the front door over the next few months. I’ll be paying for a gym membership later, the doctors have their medical crap policies on diet and exercises, but I’m going for it just to enjoy myself and socialise and get out into the community. I’ll be etting health checks once in a while too, I don’t want to be the fitness buff ho drops dead from undetected heart issues. Exercise and diet isn’t failproof. Life is looking up for me. I’ll trample underfoot anyone who tries to get in my way.

Australia Day

January 26, 2018

Happy Australia Day to those living in Australia! I have had a very lazy day. Lying around and eating is all I have been doing. A little walk around the complex just for some sunshine and that was it really. Then I decided to check e-mails. I found a letter from yesterday stating that my VA grant from Disability Services Queensland has been revoked. That’s good, I wanted to get away from VA as quickly as I could. I want nothing to do with them any more. Now I just have to go to the doctors next week, fill out the paperwork for GDQ, let the doctor know I’ll be fine and that I’m refusing medical care at my own risk except for life-threatening circumstances, and I’ll be on my way. I won’t be so blunt with the doctor, I’ll just imply what I’ve just said. Well, of course I’ll be clear with them, but not blunt. I’m sure I’ll be fine. Doctors are all about saving life and limb, good on them. I’m all about quality of life, and medical care does not improve my quality of life. I don’t need a doctor, I just need paper to say I’m fit enough to do O and More training. My general health apart from this criteria is none of my concern. I was very outright with Centacare staff too, no medicine when I get ill please! My wishes are respected. I prefer to stay sick until I get better and am no longer sick. I don’t like masking symptoms and I don’t like getting ill from tablets just so I can say my original prom isn’t so bad. It just doesn’t make any sense. I can’t see the point of intensionally getting sick when you’re already sick!!!!!!! Like, ok, I have a sore knee, sore stomach, or whatever ailment you’d like to insert. So, I’d like to take a pain reliever that makes me vomit and get high blood pressure, because I like that???!!! No, thank you. No, I do not like that. I’d prefer to just have a sore stomach, or sore knee, or whatever ailment, without making myself ill deliberately, thank you. I can live with injuries and still recover just fine while I suffer because I want to be that way. It’s easier for me to suffer through recovery than it is to take medicine and suffer from medicine issues. And yes, if I lose my appetite and can’t drink anything, I do want a needle in my hand, for as long as it takes to get well. And no, I don’t want to recover quickly. I want to get better at my own pace. With all that said, I feel ok today. Talking of wanting my wishes respected, I’m going to get the doctor to help me fill out a health directive and a DNR form. I don’t believe in prolonging life at all, and these mavericks who carry on about how people are living longer and longer need a good kick up the bum. How cruel can one get! I don’t want to live longer. I just want to live a happy life. I’ll be talking to Centacare about this too. I’m fine because I’m fairly happy now and I’m sure I’ll improve. Not arguing about that. But because I can’t take almost all medicines for pain and anesthesia is difficult for me, it’s not good that I live a happy life only to realise that during occasional medical treatments I have to suffer more than is necessary. Of course if I broke my arm tomorrow I’d just bear it. But surgery is a different story. And while it’s good on the surface of things to just accept all that with a pinch of salt as it were, I don’t want to live for a long time if I can’t be happy. That’s my point. Due to bing born prematurely and all these problems with complications during medical treatment, I just want nature to take its course. If I have a very high chance of recovery, then save me. But if my recovery will be frought with difficulty and it’s best to just let me die, then please just leave me alone. A doctor would then have to determine my risks over benefits to recovery every time something bad happens, but it’s worth the hassle of filling out a health directive. I could live till I’m a hundred or only till I’m fifty. Who cares, so long as I’m not too miserable and people can say I had a good time, is what I expect for myself at the end of the day.

Now for some happier news! The yoghurt and orange juice are helping me get rid of this bloody flu virus thing! Now that’s the good part. Even better, when I get Guide Dogs set up properly in my life, I’ll finally be able to continue where I left off when I was in Cairns. I’ll get through my doctor appointment and the bullshit will be over for good. I won’t even worry about my teeth, they arenT an emergency thing so who cares what the dentist thinks about me refusing surgery to get rid of my wisdom teeth. She’s angry at me enough as it is, but she’s not a priority in my life. Medical people are last in line for me. I know I won’t be the one calling for help if I crash and burn next time. I’ll turn my phone off too, I so desperately want to be sure I can’t call for help in an emergency situation. I’m bloody serious about that. I swear to God the next time I need an ambulance I’ll not know about it believe me. Not mucking around! In any case, after next Tuesday I’ll be sailing along with not a fucking care in the world. I’ll stay happy for as long as I can and live the high life for as long as possible and that’s IT! I’m not concerned about medical shit I just want to live life how it suits me to live, make sure I meet the right criteria for paperwork and the rest is history and no skin off my nose. Life is too short to worry about crap. I’m better off freaking out over how I’ll handle a new guide dog, whether any of my new friends at Centacare will still be around next week because who knows, old age can take them at any time now, etc etc!!!!!! I know when I eventually get a guide dog it’ll be too difficult for me to give up on life because the poor dog will be wondering where I am, why I won’t be coming home any more… Etc. I’ll see how I am by the time I get my new dog. Dogs are great company but they can’t stop the uncertainty of life. Counselling doesn’t fix my life either. So yeah. But oh well, I haven’t gotten bored of life yet. I’m wondering how my lovely retired guide dog is? Maybe I’ll never find ou… I’m still soooooooo upset that I had to get rid of him, for no good reason. Moving out isn’t a good enough excuse to abandon a dog, even if you know the new family will look after it. I know kids and dogs are different species of creature altogether, but that doesn’t take away how wrong it is to get rid of a dog that used to help me every day. Poor dog! I hate almost all the neighbours at this complex too. They can go to hell.

I have nothing planned for next week. I had to spend a fortune on shopping just to fill the pantry because then I’ll be able to save a tonne of money in case I do bring a new guide dog home, or some other emergency situation comes up. The guide dog would be much nicer than an emergency, so hopefully nothing terrible happens! I dumped a couple of horrible people out of my life and the rest of them are good so to hell with the shit-stirers who I hate so much. I won’t be helping them any time soon. I’m making friends outside this complex anyway. Most people are a lot nicer. There’s a couple of people I can associate with here. But everyone else can bloody drop. Whatsapp is working properly again, so the people I speak to on there are nice to me. So long as I’ve got a few friends I can rely on I should be right. I think I’ll definitely stick with yoghurt and OJ on top of my regular diet, it’s doing wonders for me. I didn’t think I was going to get rid of my cold, but yeah, amazing what the adition of a drink and yoghurt can do eh! Ah well, I’m getting better so that’s the main thing. The rest of my day will be very boring for me I think. I’ll be checking Whatsapp again and possibly reading books after I edit my blog for a while.

24 January, 2018 22:05

January 24, 2018

I cancelled my Vision Australia services this morning. I’m very happy, now to set up what I need from Centacare (I just have to fill out that paperwork at the doctors and GDQ will be set to go), and then I should be right. When I’ve got my individual support and Guide Dogs set up, I just have to put it into my NDIS plan and I’ll be resuming where I left off in 2016 when I retired my beautiful guide dog. I have chosen to hold a grudge about having to let Troy go. Guide and like I have to step on eggshells with a lot of people, right or wrong that’s the impression I get here but not from everybody of course—just that I’m sick of having to work out who I can be friendly with and who I can’t be friendly to, and I’m super pissed off about that!!!!!!!! So I’m just going to hide from now on. I’ll hang out with people who don’t live here, who I can associate with a lot better and I’ll only be here to eat and sleep as far as I’m concerned. I don’t intend to stay home much any more except for the few occasions I can speak to the odd one or two lovely people here. I’m very fussy about whom I associate with now. The Centacare staff are doing a fine job with keeping me from getting isolated from the community and keeping me comfortable at home so all good!

I’ve just returned from having a shower. I accidentally splattered toothpaste all over my clothes (don’t know how the fuck that could have happened), but anyway that’s what I did lol! So I put my clothes into the washing machine which I was gonna do tomorrow but oh well, I have a clothes dryer in here so not to matter. I can do the towels and sheets in the morning so on Thursday I won’t have washing to put away because it’ll be done by tomorrow afternoon. No yoga for two weeks so this Thursday and next Thursday will be free for me. Eventually I won’t be participating in any social activities at the units here, but I’m leaving that story for future reference too. I’ll put everything in order here for a few years so by the time I move out I won’t be stranded. Let’s just say that I’m glad I let Vision Australia go. Enough said, they aren’t worth my time. More to come about that later on. I’ve got full control of my life now. And as for Jui-jitsu, I’ll find an alternative route to taxi travel because it’s just a whole waste of money getting taxis twice a week. So I’ll sort it out with Guide Dogs. Now Jui-jitsu and Judo are different but similar martial arts, so I’ll be looking for a Judo club which is the closest to me. Judo or Jui-tsu, whichever one. Then I’ll work out a good travel route. I need some type of activity in my life, and anything that is hands-on and gets me out into the community is the way to go! I’ll renew my PCYC membership at the end of the year because I cut my card to pieces due to severe frustration at how difficult some of the techniques are, but I’ll give myself another chance at the end of the year. Knowing my stupid life, something may get in the way of me succeeding but let’s hope for good luck this time. If Jui-jitsu doesn’t work out, then fine. But I want to at least give myself a few good chances before giving up! Martial arts is good for killing time and keeping active and social so I really want to keep working at whichever martial art I can successfully fit into.

I’m going to presume that by the thickness of the envelope I found in my mailbox today, that I’ve got my GDQ paperwork!!!!!!! I’m going to make a doctor’s appointment when I get up tomorrow. Since there’s no rush just yet, I’ll just get it worked out for next week and post the paperwork off so by the time the instructor turns up it’ll be processed. I’ll assume that I’ll be right for getting a guide dog, but after my checkup next week this may or may not change, I wouldn’t have a clue yet. I just have to remember that if anything goes wrong with me, there won’t be any pain relief except Panadol even if I break my leg. Yeah, not even any IV pain relief. But that’s the risk I take if I want to participate in sports and get out and about all the time. My stomach just doesn’t process painkillers in any shape or form. I’d have to be in seriously bad shape and in intensive care, and then with a big cocktail of medicines I’ll be able to handle pain relievers properly. Yeah. Just the fucking life I want and really like! Sure! Ah well. I’ve survived this long, and trained with a guide dog in the past. I’ll just remember not to get pain scripts filled and if future medicines don’t work I’ll be telling the doctor and chucking the said meds down the toilet. I won’t take meds that disagree with me unless the risk to my life is greater than the side effects for example, a queasy stomach preferable to cardiac issues, some other problem preferable to being unable to walk, or breathe properly, or some seriously dramatic thing like that. If I can deal with a problem and it’s not immediately life-threatening, no medicine thank you! I’ve got medicine worked out for the dentist appointments so that’s lucky. If I weren’t to tolerate this medication, you can bet my arse I’d be refusing dental care outright too. So I’m very extremely lucky that this particular type of medicine agrees with me and the side effects are only annoying but not intolerable. So that’s the good news! As for everything else, grin and bear it I say. I’ve heard people say that you can pass out from pain. Well I say that’s good because I’d rather pass out than have a sore gut or vomiting problems. The worst part about my teeth now that I say that, is that I spew up a bit if I forceably push myself to tolerate it when they’re being cleaned for God’s sake. The only way around that is a numbed mouth due to terrible pain, which is rather annoying but preferable to me than vomiting or queasiness due to taking pain relievers. Oh wait, I feel like spewing when the dentist is cleaning my teth and debris and water starts dribbling down my throat! Yep. can’t win can I? Oh well, whatever works for me at the time and hopefully no emergency situations please! I reckon I’ll be fine with how I live my life, I’m here to have a good time so I’m not interested in the bad shit that may, or may never, happen. I’m not prepared to put my life on hold just to prevent presumed drama. And so what if I get into difficulty? At least I won’t have any regrets.

23 January, 2018 15:39

January 23, 2018

Well, onwards and upwards like a little sparrow! I spent the day alone today, I didn’t want anybody to hang around me at all. I spoke to somebody from GDQ, they’re talking to Centacare for me because I’m letting Vision Australia go and keeping Centacare and Guide Dogs on board. So hopefully we can sort my plan out ASAP now and I’ll be getting the disability support I need without any bullshit! I’m not expecting everything to be rosy for a while, but so long as I’m not being buggerised around and trampled underfoot I should be fine. I feel sorry for the people I speak to when I have to voice my concerns about my need to let VA go but I can’t say why yet I know the problems I’ve had with VA are very serious. Without too much said, a lot of bullying and no respect or proper organisation or professional conduct etc etc etc. Complaints are either swept under the rug or people are thrown away without a fair trial. There’s no difference between actual criminal suspects and people who’re just out of control, and the people who’re fighting back because they don’t like the situations they’ve been put in to. Behave as the bullies TELL you to, or GOODBYE! So long as there’s nothing more to the investigations of people’s behaviour, just get rid of us if we’re substandard but don’t look at both sides of the story and don’t look for any reasons for the behavioural problems. That’s fine with me, I don’t have to give any reasons for dropping VA then, do I? As far as I’m concerned Centacare have supported me properly and I’m getting GDQ to help me again and this time I’m not letting them go!

22 January, 2018 13:36

January 22, 2018

I’ve just contacted GDQ. I’ll be organising the paperwork ASAP and will be set up within two weeks! O and M training will start in earnest now. I can’t see myself getting another guide dog, but Guide Dogs is convincing me gradually to accept the offer of a new dog, so we’ll see what happens. I will be seeing the doctor in a few days and will be taking control of my medical situation before anything happens. My dentist is only interested in money so I won’t tolerate any crap. I don’t have a problem with being uncomfortable so long as it’s not too intolerable and I don’t make myself worse by taking most medicines. I so far can only take Panadol that cent of the time. I don’t want to fix my life. I like it how it is. Medication makes me sick, doesn’t help me recover at all, and I’d rather not get better than have medical treatment and deterioate anyway. I won’t recover with or without medical care, so just leave me alone. I’ll get the doctor to pass me for O and M training and I want her to leave me alone and accept that I don’t want to fix my health, I’m satisfied with my health as it is and I don’t need it to change. I want nature to take its course.

18 January, 2018 10:58

January 18, 2018

A quick blog. I rang Guide Dogs today. I’ll try them again later. I want to keep away from most neighbours as well. I need time to myself and I also need to set myself up for some kind of life away from here. I need happy people in my life. I need to be walking around as well, not just sitting around all the time.


January 17, 2018

Well, back to Guide Dogs it is! Centacare is concerned to high heaven about me, so they got a case from me with some reasonable proof that I won’t go off the beaten track. I bring trouble to those who bring trouble to me, so Centacare is making sure I change my program schedule to make myself comfortable quick smart. They’re not concerned about how I change my life for everyone else, the management just wants a good outcome for me, and if push comes to shove, they’ll take over the case. In a few years as it appears now, I’ll be packing up and moving if my life doesn’t improve here. I can’t improve if I’m not comfortable so the environment and the people around me needs rearrangements too. Things like orientation lessons, excursions and travel training with GDQ, better friends and general happiness, for a start! If it doesn’t work out here, I’ll be relocating and will make my life work. Nobody else will do it for me. I’ll be putting Centacare and GDQ on my NDIS plan and that will be it. No more of this high school shit and missing out on outings because of disorganised management at VA somebody oi won’t name calls them Vision Aufalia! Good one. I know mistakes happen, but some mistakes aren’t excuseable, so take this how you will. I should never have left GDQ in the first place, but what happened, happened. As for not drinking enough water and getting sick with other problems, it’s a whole crock of shit and never to ever, fucking be repeated!!!!!!! Not. Frigging. Tolerated! I don’t care about the circumstances, hot or God damned bloody cold!!!!!! Just, don’t get sick from heat stroke and dehydration. And try to avoid other bacterial infections at any cost. GDQ is a lot more professional and any complaints are taken seriously and resolved within two days or less if they’re minor, and if it’s a very serious complaint, it’s sorted within a month. I’ve never had major difficulties with GDQ, personal grievances yes, but not actual serious complaints about the company itself. VA is good in many ways too. There’s just a lot lacking as well and I must say they’ve lost points and the way complaints are handled within a group environment is shocking! I think it’s my fault how I’ve made my life, should never have left GDQ no matter how much I hated arguing with people on rare occasions! At least the fucking disagreements were resolved with a fair hearing! I should really get a kick up the booty for this shit! Humanity is no excuse either. We wouldn’t forgive humans for killing each other. So why forgive this bullshit? Human error is not good enough and it NEEDS TO CHANGE!!!!!!!! I don’t believe in mistakes. I didn’t make a mistake. I did what I thought was best at the time.

16 January, 2018 12:13

January 16, 2018

I’m all right today. I didn’t do a whole lot, just some washing and deciding what to do with my life. I will visit Cairns again at some point and then after two weeks I’ll decide if I come back here or stay there. I’ll think about my decision when I actually go there.

13 January, 2018 14:34

January 13, 2018

I’ve been reading for the past couple of hours. I’m happy in the unit, the two ugly bastards, J and V are permanently out of my life now. The dirty rotten leaches will be kicked out of the complex one of these days. I have Centre Care and Vision Australia on my side now so I’m fine. The cops told me to keep retreating from the aggressive mother-fucking cow V if she tries her shit again, instead of fighting back immediately unless of course she’s hurting me and I can’t get away from her except by fighting back. now that does make sense! She’s a cunt and V has committed an unforgiveable sin as far as I’m concerned. Call me stupid but it’s how I see it. The piece of shit pig is as aggressive as a damned frigging chimp so if I hear her accuse anyone of being aggressive, I’ll tell that person to say that she can’t talk because she’s so fucken aggressiive and that she also makes herself look bad by making untrue accusations without finding out the facts first, and also by accusing
people of the same behaviour she is acting out herself. Anyway, a friend is here so I’ll write more later.

4 January, 2018 14:00

January 4, 2018

I”m having an awesome day! Yesterday wasn’t too bad either. Me and my support worker talked a lot for two hours, not a very productive afternoon I must say. Then I went to the shops, got some groceries and came home. I’m a little concerned that my support worker is becoming overbearing, I will need to sort this out before the issue gets worse. She’s starting to mind in to my business and lifestyle and it’s not part of her job description. She’s not allowed to let me get hurt, but she is also not allowed to overstep her boundaries. Talking to her isn’t working, so I’ll need to put in a complaint, something I dislike strongly, but I won’t accept busybody or pryingstcontrolling behaviour. Tell me what you think and what you’d suggest, but excuse me, bossy and possessive attitudes are not on! I understand the support worker isn’t well and she does do a great job with helping people. But that’s no excuse to carry on.

Besides my ongoing problems with my support worker, I’m ok. I think my physical health is good, but my mental health is bad. I don’t hold it against anyone, except of course V’s horrible treatment towards me which thankfully I can ignore now and she no longer bothers me because I can step back from what she’s doing knowing I’m not responsible for her, and I’m not obligated to help her or respond if she tries to speak to me. But anyway, besides that my mental state isn’t the best, and restricting my lifestyle and shopping trips isn’t helping with the situation. And I’ve seen it again: lack of understanding from disability workers, of how hard is is for people with any disability let alone vision impairment, to struggle with life every day. Blindness is a sensory disability. But for someone to make such harsh remarks about how blindness is only sight loss, not other physical disabilities, makes me realise how uncaring many people are. That doesn’t mean babying blind people. Not at all. What this does mean is don’t downplay visually impaired people’s feelings or psychiatric state. Frankly I think a lot of people are in the disability sector for the pay packet, which is disgusting! And many of these people aren’t client-focused either. Another mark crossed off.

I know in myself I’m a human being of value, so don’t get me wrong. But remarks from lots of people, makes me feel like because I can’t see, my emotions and physical health don’t matter; so long as I appear happy and fine, don’t really worry about what isn’t said. Obviously there’s gray areas to all of this, people can’t know everything. But if all I say is “I’m fine thank you”, or “I’m ok thanks! How are you?”, on the one hand I know that people can’t be aware of what I don’t tell them. But then, I figure that maybe what I don’t say would not be of any concern, so if I did say I’m a bit under the weather, of course most people hope I’m all right. But when it comes to struggling with problems on top of being blind, all of a sudden this is a different story and my feelings and emotions don’t matter, I’m happy and healthy on the outside, so feeling really shitty isn’t of any concern whatsoever because blindness and problems are just that, problems. Never mind the fucking crap that goes with such issues. Hmmmmm…….. Oh well…. That’s most people for you. So I suffer in silence because I can just keep looking “fine”, a hundred percent of the time, knowing that in reality it’s not the case. I feel sooooooooooooooo disallusioned with this world. Right or wrong, I’m responding to the world like I am based on the impressions I get from people. Ok, so I can’t be certain about everything either. But unless I know differently, or I can be proven differently about my given impression of situations or people, I won’t change my behaviour or my opinions.

I’m going to the Link Vision gym this arvo. A good escape away from reality for an hour. Then back upstairs to my air-conditioned unit. Tonight after dinner I’ll be reading all evening, and most likely all day tomorrow. I also need to edit my blog. I deleted my Audioboom account months ago so I need to remove all the posts with dead links in them. Now that will keep the boredom away for ages! I’ll be making a big feed tonight of sausages and vegies. I need to use up some of what’s in the fridge and in a few days I’ll do a bit more shopping and next Monday I’ll be making seafood marinara in the afternoon when a Centre Care worker comes around. I have to sort out my NDIS stuff at some stage so I can get more hours with a support worker. If I find out that NDIS funding won’t guarantee a change in disability services quality, well I don’t know what I’ll do. I just can’t see any logical sense with the way the world governments are working things out. I think, whether I’m right or wrong and I don’t care—that governments around the world are designing policies in such a fashion that the agents who work for them have to control the people they’re paid to help. I know that sounds bloody crazy, but this is my honest opinion right now. It’s not the Government’s fault that I have problems; everybody has problems. But I certainly blame the Government for the unhappiness of many people. I strongly believe that my hopeless and despairing state is because I’m a grown woman with too many busybodies in my life and I need to say, goodbye and no more nonsense, to them. I’m not against everyone in the world, just some people, and most medical professionals. But besides all that, life in this unit is fine, I have lots of snack foods and different beverages and cold water, so generally speaking I’m pretty well perfect. Just a few areas of my life which are thoroughly pissing me off to no end but I’ll sort it out so hopefully all good.

2 January, 2018 20:33

January 2, 2018

I was gonna write an entry last night but decided to wait till today because I was tired. I had a boring day today and yesterday. I went to the shops in the afternoon and got a whole heap of stuff because the pantry was so neglected for most of the year! All sorted now, only a few odds and ends to get now and 2018 should be off to a good start for me. I dumped another useless friendship so I’m all good as far as I’m concerned. The weather is hot most of the time now, against what some people go on about drinking too much water/other fluids, I drink it anyway. It doesn’t hurt to get a doctor’s check if I think I’m going strange so I drink as much as I wish every day, don’t feel too strange or weird, so I’m not too bad and I’m assuming that there’s no limit to how many beverages and water I can drink so long as I give myself time to process it all. Exercises at the Link Vision gym starts up on Thursday this week so I’m excited already. Vision Australia outings start next Friday so I seriously can’t wait!!!!!!! V will be attending the outings too so I’ll simply not speak to her. After the way she has treated me with so little remorse or guilt, she can go to hell and fuck herself. What V won’t know is, I’ll be secretly mentioning her suicidal shit at some stage because I won’t be helping her. I hope she’s kept alive so she can be bloody miserable until she’s ninety because she damn well deserves it. She’s a bloody horrible bitch! Her and J both need to stop being so fricken pathetic! The sooner both of them leave these units, the better. Nobody around here wants to go near J and V so why do they continue to live here? They do nothing but create drama and cause trouble.

I have my support worker picking me up tomorrow afternoon. A good break away from home. I want to go to the Sushi Train, then after that I have to go to the Queensland Blind Association to sort out my membership paperwork. Then I’ll be bringing home fish and chips for tea, possibly. I may change my mind. On second thoughts I’m better off ditching the take-out food altogether for a while. I have a tonne of vegies in the fridge so sausages may end up on the menu tomorrow night. I need to set some meals aside for the freezer anyway. Hmmmmm… Will have to set up some dinner plans tomorrow. I was going to have pizza for dinner tonight but I had a big meal earlier so maybe I’ll just hide away in my unit and just tell the neighbour that I needed to go to bed, when I wake up in the morning. I hate take-away food anyway. I like fish and chips and Chinese food but that’s about it. I’d much rather home-cooked food.

It’s now 8 o’clock tonight. I interrupted my blog this afternoon so I could organise an outing with a friend. I wanted to get us fish and chips but the cab driver found out that the shop was closed and reopens on Thursday. So I got us some cold meat and salad instead, came home and made sandwiches. Then I called up another mate, found out he’s off to a dinner outing so I’ll ring him again tomorrow night. So overall today went fine. Very hot but I stayed in the cool airconditioning at my unit and also the neighbour’s unit. I ate quite a lot of food today and drank gallons of water and orange juice because the weather makes me excessively thirsty, like sticky and dry mouth and eything. I drank a big lot of water this morning so when I got thirsty again by a bit after ten, I drank two big cups of orange juice. Tonight I piled on the water again so i’m all right now. I was going to go for a walk to the shops this afternoon but that never happened beecaus storm ethreatened to swoop but never came. So now I’m lying in bed ready to go to sleep. I’ll read for a while first of course.

31 December, 2017 13:15

December 31, 2017

Ok. I’m in a text message window to write my blog. I have figured out that if I press Spacebar with dots 4-5-6 on my BN, the cursor focus goes to the Return key and I can type a new line without having to use the Word Press app. When I’m in the app I can just press the two right-hand thumb keys to make a new line, but in a text message window, pressing these thumb keys together causes the message to send. I just find post text messages way easier to compose and post. I’m still keeping my blog app on the phone so I can read posts a lot better, easier than going into Safari to do so—but when it comes to writing a post, texting is magic. Then if I want to send it, I can press the two right-hand thumb keys and it will atomatically send the message as a blog post. Now withthe boring stuff out of the way, let’s delve in to today’s entry!

This morning I had a cup of coffee and some toast with melted cheese. Then I went to V’s place, which is only three mitres away if you take a shortcut. Trying to explain this to doctss who don’t live here let alone know what this place looks like is a different story. Suffice to say, I hope the events of October never repeat. Dehydration and Gingervitis and other little problems can certainly create hell for you. Anyway, I went to her place, had a very frank discussion about my friendship with her and J. Names are kept as initials for anonymity. she didn’t like what I had to say. I told her how she’s not a true friend to anybody because she uses people for what they can get, especially where money is concerned. Then I told V that I know that it’s true that her and J only like me to my face, but really they hate me. V couldn’t believe that I could bluntly say that both of them dislike me behind my back! I used the word “dislike”, in order not to sound so harsh by the way. Then I wanted to know what J was on about when he rang me last night and said in a very grumpy tone that he was organising a party outside V’s place tonight. V said she had no idea he had called, then admitted that he wouldn’t allow her to call me any more so she did what he instructed. I said well, since J doesn’t want V to be my friend any more, I’d go since that’s how he wants it. I said goodbye, so V said ok if I want to be like that—to which I quickly interrupted and said sternly that no, I didn’t want to be her friend because of not wanting to be her friend, it is because J doesn’t want me to be her friend. The fact that V admitted that J doesn’t want her to speak to me because he decided that I simply didn’t want to be their friends any more and she believed him, so severely offended me that I will no longer forgive her, or J for that matter. He deliberately lied to her to show disrespect towards me for keeping to myself for two days. When I told V that J makes up her life and decides what she will and won’t do, she called me a cow as I stormed out. V can get fucked and so can J because I thought I was helping them out, and all they ever did was disrespect and abuse me, and use my friendship with them. They obviously never meant to be my friends really. Next time J speaks to me, I won’t acknowledge him or give in when he puts on the crocodile tears and fake apologies. As for being booted out of here, V and J are none of my concern so where they end up in whatever state of mind is no skin off my nose. I have so much wrath against them now that any carry-on shit they create won’t even move me to any type of emotion or tears or anything. I find it peculiar how V asked me if I only like nice people in a terribly smug tone. Hmmmmm, no wonder only her mother and father tolerated her while everyone else avoided her like the frigging plague. Sorry to burst her bubble, but I won’t tolerate her either. I can’t see a fucking black sky let alone a star, yet I still understand how fucked up V is. I don’t have an issue with the fact that she struggles a lot, I struggle too—not that she could give a damn shit about that! It’s her fucken stupid self-entitled demanding bitch attitude that gets me. V complains about her sorry arse while conveniently dismissing her dirty rotten behaviour and attitude. She is just so bloody rude and disrespectful. I can’t stand the fucking bitch. She hates people for being stingy and this that and the other, but she’s no different. Typical fucking hypocrisy at it’s finest!

Wow! I’ve just figured out how to use the Rotor to edit my blog properly. It took a while, but I’ve finally worked out how to use the editing settings in the Rotor so I can keep track of where the cursor is on my BN without always having to use Voice-over. when it comes to finding extra spaces and blank lines, VO helps a lot. But other than that, I can edit documents very easily now. Anyway, back to where I left off: I left V’s place an hour or so ago, so God knows if I’ll ever have anything to do with J or V again. I really detest both of them and when they get kicked out I’ll be chucking a great big party! I’d prefer to keep to myself, and I don’t want to share food to the two feral bitches again. I know for a fact that the only reason V and J were my friends in the first place, is just so they could get something. They really didn’t give a shit about me. And because I took power away from them by keeping to myself for two days, V and J decided presumptiously that I’m not their friends. Well stuff them!!!!! so… what they mean is, I’m only a true friend if I hang around them so long as they don’t have to respect my space or my wishes. Well, I guess that pair aren’t my real friends, so today I have dumped them and will make new friends. This is my blog post for now, more later.

30 December, 2017 20:39

December 30, 2017

Well here I am today, quite a few months after writing my last post. many times of late, I considered that I may never write in here again. But every time such thoughts crossed my mind, I immediately interrupt myself abruptly, knowing that I didn’t create this blog back in 2009 for nothing! So here I am in my room using my Braille Note to write. My anneaiversary of moving here was a few days ago, December 15. I left on the train from Cairns on December 14th, 2016, and arrived to my new unit the next day, December 15. Although since then I’ve had a few problems and health scares, I won’t look back and I must say I’m very glad I’ve moved to thi’s complex. I dislike most of the people in this place, but it’s not new for me to hate the neighbours. I’ve made a few changes with my Centre Care g’roup excursion program, but other than thaeat, all is pretty muceah the same.

I’ve just downloaded the Word Press app onto my phone after accidentally sending the post too early, so let’s see how I go now. So life is pretty much the same as it was, but I feel a lot healthier today than I did three months ago. I had a few dentist appointments after suffering from dehydration back in October, had a few dramas with the dentist apts too. Even on valium I can’t handle the vibration of tools and the build-up of fluid in my mouth so I start spewing after a while. The good news is I’m getting better at handling the dentist each time, something I’d never achieve without valium. The dentist reckons that my mouth is very small so it’s hard for her to fix my teeth properly, and although I choke sometimes, spewing up is more than likely caused by my mouth already irritated by gum disease. That makes sense to me. I hardly spewed last week so that’s a plus. I thought the nerve-block that was injected into my mouth was a great help too, sometimes pain can trigger vomiting as well. So with almost all the pain taken away, I got my teeth cleaned and polished without too much of a problem. A slight gag here and there but that was nothing compared to my other two appointments!!!!!! I will keep taking the valium for each appointment. I have to get rid of all my wisdom teeth next year so when they’re out, there may be more room in my mouth to fix the rest of my teeth. I can’t have most pain medications so when I wake up from surgery I won’t know whether I’ll be sedated for a while, or if they can give me a few medications and then some anti-inflamatories, or whatever the case. Maybe I can get away with having a nerve blocker injected every day. I don’t know. There will be no pain relief at home though, unless you can count Panadol which stops fever and makes me a little tired and that’s it. I hope I don’t leave the hospital until I’m comfortable enough to eat properly. This can take between two days to a week or longer, but what counts is comfort at home. I can’t see any dramas happening, I’ll ask for sedatives if I do encounter difficulties because if I can stay carefree and happy while I feel sick, I cope a lot better even if reality is horrible.

I’ve got my health under control heaps better and my disgusting other health i’ssues have been resolved, and my mouth is a lot better too. I’ve been reading a hell of a lot lately so I’ve been keeping out of trouble lol! I’ve been getting very depressed the past three days because I haeave no idea how my mouth surgery will work out; basically I may be reasonably happy and cope well enough, or maybe it will 1ba horrible eexperience for me. Not knowing either way is the worst part, I’m just so glad I’ve got a massive book collection in my phone! iBooks is like the best book reading app ever! I can’t stop reading for the whole day once I start. I’ve taken a break so I can write my blog because it’d be a massive downer to neglect such an awesome blog after working on it for so long. Now my Braille Note has died so I’m typing on the phone. I just think translating print into Braille is so convenient! I guess I’ll have to plug my Braille Note in and read the display through a plastic bag over my hand so I don’t feel the pins jiggling with the electric current when I read. There we go! The plastic bag trick works. When I’ve finished writing my entry, I shall go back to iBooks for another two hours and sleep veeary well after that. For some reason, the pins are attracted to my fineagers but not the plastic. But when the BN isn’t plugged into electricity, I don’t have a problem with the pins jiggling when I brush my hands across them. At least I can still write normally. Besides all the bullshit that has happened this year, I’m still ok, and the year’s end could have been a lot worse.

A few dramas but doing mostly all right…

September 13, 2017

I finally have some spare time to write out a nice long blog. I nearly put off writing but I know I’d have never gotten around to it for sure, as usual. Yesterday and today went ok, today was a much better day than yesterday. Neighbour dramas, and pressing charges against someone I know, is all I can say about that. I’ve really had enough of the human race, save for the few good people who contribute to this world and society, so I’ve decided to put my foot down, dig my heels in, and say that’s it, enough is enough! People will no longer get away with walking all over me. I know I wrote such shit years ago; honestly though it’s gotten to the point where I’ve had to pull the finger out, and start fighting back for a change. No more ‘oh, well, bugger it. Someone else can deal with this. I hate fighting so let someone else pick up the pieces6’ No, not anymore. This is my life, I’m not letting anyone else ruin me. Yes I will protest, hide if I must, because I’m not interested in dramas. But I will fight back and say to hell with the troublemakers. The good news is I’ll be going back on Vision Australia outings now that I’m putting some things right. A bloody frigging shit-fight to boot, but I’m not prepared to tolerate any rubbish when I get involved with their excursions and other activities again. I’m sure the Centre Care people will be glad as well. What I can’t tolerate about some people is telling them to back off and trying to deal with the situation civilly, but said people seem to think I don’t mean what I’m saying, make up some excuse or lie to cover up their wrongdoing, and then act like nothing is wrong, all while sneakily creating trouble and hardship for me. What fucking low-life scum! You’d think that nicely saying, ‘hey that’s enough! Stop it6’ or some such thing would get the message across, but no you’ve kinda gotta threaten people and all sorts of dramatic crap to make said person wake up to reality. For God’s sake just be respectful and maybe you won’t get into hot water in the first place! Hello? How dumb can some people get? I’ve really had it really. I’m going to have as good a time as possible this week because next week is going to be a bumpy one. Having to relive some shit that I’ve avoided for the past five weeks because I’m hiding from someone, is really freaking me out. I’d much rather run away and forget about horrible people. But when I’m questioned by other people, at first I’m like no, just forget it, I’m avoiding situations where the people I don’t like are in, so I can avoid them so stuff it and move on. But… Nope, I was made to remember all the bullshit, and yeah it’s not nice when I have to say ‘yep I’m hiding because yeah, reality fucking sucks.’ I like to hide from reality so I don’t have to deal with it. This feels so much like a God-forsaken nightmare that I can’t wake up from. The moment when you wish that what happened is just a dream, only to realise that it’s not a dream, and hiding and pretending that everything is fine doesn’t last forever. You can tell someone, yeah I’m fine, just forget it, but then reality slap as you decide you’re better off ratting out your nemesis before your issues get worse, or before they hurt someone else. I can tell people how much I couldn’t care less and just move on, but that idea doesn’t work for long either. I really hate drama and I really hate low-life people who live a life of causing as much damage as they can without getting caught. I just can’t believe people like that exist. I am full of disbelief right now. But it doesn’t change reality and it doesn’t delete all the shit so yeah, sometimes life sucks.

So besides yesterday being dramatic, and today having to revisit some other issues which I now have to bring to light so that someone can’t make life miserable for anyone else as well, I’m not too bad. I had a coffee and some vanilla slice, talked to my support worker and walked through a shopping centre. I read for a while, had a good feed for lunch, and booked myself in for a Vision Australia meeting next Thursday. QLD Police will be giving a talk, so if there’s time to do so, I will be addressing some very very serious safety issues where blindness is concerned. I truthfully believe locking myself away is reasonable. The world isn’t safe, and to hell with anyone who carries on about letting people win by staying in hiding. They obviously have no idea what it’s like to be in danger. I have every right to defend myself, and if I want to keep away from the outside world, that’s my choice. I don’t think it’s wrong to hide. I think it’s fine and good to avoid every possible bad situation, but as for going on with the attitude that people are winning if they can control how you live? That’s a God damned cop out. Survival is more important than trying to act better-than and bigger-than. Self-defense is all about preserving yourself any way you can, and physically fighting back when all else fails. To me, life is all about winning against the odds and waking up each morning to hopefully another good day. On that note, I’ll be putting my feet up and calling it a day. Tomorrow is a new day, the Link Vision fashion show sounds exciting so I can’t wait to go! I’ll just forget about next week’s fucking dramas until next Monday. I’ll then write down a million notes and everything so I can turf the fricken dickhead who caused a lot of dramas this year.

9 September, 2017 19:51

September 9, 2017

Wow…… Just… Wow!!!!!!! I haven’t written in here for soooooooo long! I don’t know how much I can write in an entry tonight, but here goes: So a whole lot of stuff has happened. I decided to revisit my YouTube channel, and have got video uploading working to a T. So that problem is off my list. Secondly, I’ve been going out with Centre Care every week, besides issues with some people, the excursions and driving tours are just. So. Awesome! I absolutely love the trips. I’ll be continuing on with this program. As for going on excursions with Vision Australia, I won’t go with them anymore. Too many unresolved issues with some people, one of whom is a God damned creep and I have no idea why he can’t be booted out of Vision Australia altogether, but there you go. Until VA improves their system for dealing with creeps, I won’t go on their outings. At least Centre Care takes complaints very seriously. Besides that all is well there.

I’m still going well here. I’m growing to hate most of the neighbours, but I guess that’s just how it is. My support worker from VA has similar problems as me and is hoping I won’t try to take legal action at least at this stage. I will be talking to Centre Care on Monday though, There are some safety issues as a result of a person’s behaviour and it seriously needs to be addressed before someone gets hurt or whatever the case. I think Centre Care is lovely, and for someone to taint the company’s quality of care is attrocious. The support workers are so nice and one of the clients (people who’re elderly and/or have disabilities) is putting a lot of pressure on these particular support workers, who’re being forced to make once-in-a-while mistakes. It’s fucked up and I don’t want to hear of care workers getting into strife over a beligerent/disrespectful and unruly person. Bossing carers around to the point of taking over their tasks especially where driving is concerned, is not on and I will cut it short ASAP and swiftly. Said person also attempts to force me to do what they want me to do as well, and although their bossy ways aren’t physicaly harmful for me, the point is, X is very controlling and beligerent and I can’t stand them. A safety issue regarding our bus occured today due to X’s behaviour so I’m sorting this shit out before X does cause harm in some way. I know care workers legally have to keep clients happy and comfortable even if what people choose to do isn’t always agreeable, but when carers are put under so much pressure that X can get away with almost anything with lack of regard and respect for other people, and safety is eventually disregarded as well, ah, nope, cut it out. I told the support workers how I felt so they said they’d keep X under better control as well. Very good as far as I’m concerned!

I’ve just put some chicken strips in the oven. I’ll be eating while I read. The heater is on so I’m nice and warm. I’m amazed that it’s spring and yet the weather is still very wintery especially overnight! I hope I won’t have a massive power bill this month. Oh crap before I forget! Said person as discussed above, also medals in other people’s discussions, especially if it happens to be an argument, when X isn’t even involved in the situation! X compared me and my horrible neighbour who lives in this block of units with one another, when X doesn’t even know the circumstances! The II (intelectually impaired) bloke who lives nearby, he has no concept of the gravity of the circumstances, to him it’s just a fight. He lives independently when he should be living in a higher care facility, but that’s a different story. So, not only is this person getting the boot, II fellow will be getting put away if he doesn’t tow the line too. As for said Centre Care client, there’s going to be serious shit going down soon. But oh well, the chicken strips are baking away as I write, and I had to turn the heater off and open doors and windows to let the smoke out. so now all is well. When I turn the oven off, the heater will go back on. I don’t want my unit to get freezing cold and I also didn’t want the smoke alarm to go off. So far, so good at the moment, and the chicken strips are smelling delightful! I don’t know if eating chicken strips while using my Braille Note to read will be the brightest idea, but will see how it goes. Oops, phone battery is about to die so will stop writing for now and put my phone on charge. I will write another entry very soon.

Frustration with my blog

July 3, 2017

I haven’t written in here since February!!!!! Wow where has the time gone? I know a lot has happened since then, namely some health issues which thank God aren’t permanent and I’ve fully recovered from them! I’m ecstatic about that!!!!!! I still cough a lot but haven’t developed breathing problems and I haven’t gotten worse so all good there too. I’m trying to find out how to put voice memos from my iPhone into my blog but apparently that won’t work, which really sucks. I like writing but sometimes I like to do audio recordings for the world to hear as well. I also don’t wanna pay hundreds of dollars a year just to keep a blog, and having to move my site to a domain would waste my time too because I still can’t put voice memos into my posts. So either way, I’m stuffed!

I’ve been reviewing my disability services so I can get my private cleaning agencies off my back. I’ve had the worst time of my life with finances this year! So I’ve cancelled the cleaners a few days ago and will have them spring-clean the place once a year. I’m hoping I can get disability agencies on board ASAP so I can save a tomne of money. I also have to stop going out with friends all the time, it’s perfectly okay for them to expect me to hang out with them but they forget or don’t care, that sometimes this is to my expense. If my friends care about me so much they’d actually help me a bit more by not expecting me to have to go out with them all the time! They are really quick to say ‘hey let’s go out for tea!’ While forgetting that I might not actually be able to afford to go out for tea tonight. And if I say, ‘no thanks, I might just stay home if that’s alright?, the two people I always hang out with, get all sad because they miss my company. Well sometimes they need to respect the fact that I don’t always want to go out whenever they want to go out, and if these people seriously want me to hang out with them, maybe they should just pay for my outing sometimes since I can’t always pay my way and if I could do so, I would. The fellow with intellectual issues, he doesn’t understand that he can’t always pay for me when I go out, but protests anyway if I choose to stay home. His totally blind girlfriend loves my company too. Sometimes I just like to stay home and at other times I just can’t afford to go out. This week I’ll be going to a strawberry farm with Vision Australia and also a really nice Mexican restaurant. Other than that I can only afford to buy groceries. The night outings with Vision Australia are once a month and Friday outings are each week during the day and sometimes at night. They’re awesome! And when another disability agency takes me on, I’ll be doing more of their group outings and hopefully I should get back to normal with how I live my life.

6 February, 2017 14:03

February 6, 2017

I had a boring day today. It was a good break after yesterday. Two friends stayed over on Friday night and all of yesterday. They left in the afternoon and I cleaned up the house and relaxed. I spoke to another friend, then me and Tori spoke on the phone for ages. I started to fall asleep, so I hung up the phone and slept for the night. I woke up this morning, laid around for an hour, got out of bed, and enjoyed a good feed of Special K Advantage and a cuppa coffee, while doing an Audioboom recording. I did a few recordings, and tried to do a recording of me cooking dinner tonight when Tori rang me. So she’s doing a blog, now I’ve decided to do a post because I haven’t done one for a few days.

Tonight’s dinner was perfect! Sausages with vegetables in cheese sauce, with pasta shells. I really loved it – had two servings. Yummmmmmmm!!!!!!!! Who says you don’t get excitable when eating a feed! Eating can actually be a fun thing to do. I put a container of it in the freezer and another container in the fridge for tomorrow. I have almost a dozen other meals in my freezer that I can divide into smaller portions and have boiled vegies with those. Wow I’ll survive every day for sure! Then I can prepare a shopping trolley for Woolworths Online next Tuesday. I love the online store. I won’t shop with Coles again until they clean up their act.

It’s now 1:30 in the afternoon. I couldn’t finish my blog post last night. I can’t talk and write at the same time. I woke up, had breaky and drank nearly two gallons of water and now I’m sitting on a comfortable couch which my friend brought in this morning. I really love it! It’s a three-seater. I’ve put it where it is and now it’s staying put for now. I did two Audioboom posts today. When I recharge my phone next week, I’ll upload the posts in the app and then I’ll upload my Voice Memo app posts whenever I can get to a Wi-fi zone. I checked the mail today, I got one piece of paper but it wasn’t in an envelope so I’ll read it soon. It’ll take half an hour for me to read the mail I’ve got there. Next week I have to go to the shops and take money out and come home for the cleaners. I love the cleaning service I’ve got currently. When the NDIS rolls out, I’ll be putting them on my funding care plan. I think it’s a load of shit that the TSS card for taxis is going out of circulation, it’s fucked actually. When the NDIS comes around, people will be forced to get funding rather than be given a choice. We’re becoming more Americanised every year and I hate that with a passion. Whatever funding is left over each year isn’t given to us. In other words we’ll be paying for our services with Government funding but we’ll be using our pension money to pay for everything else. In some ways I can see why the Government won’t let us use any of the funding for any other purpose, but in other ways I think they’re ripping us off. The other thing I’m struggling with is, how much do I over-estimate my funding? Like I could ask for too much funding and then I’ll take the next two years trying to decide just how much funding I’ll need. So if I’m given let’s say, $20000 for twelve months, but I only use $10000 of that funding, at the end of 12 months, I’ll have to pay the Government $10000 and change my care plan. My personal opinion is that they should allow people with disabilities to keep left-over funding for themselves every three years, so long as it’s proven that they won’t spend that money on drugs and alcohol and cigarrettes, and that they’re not just stealing it. Or if people can prove that they need the left over funding for a legit reason, then every twelve months, they should have to prove why they need to keep that funding and if they can’t provide a good enough excuse, then fair enough pay it back as required. That’s my view on it. I’ve heard that the NDIS isn’t working in other parts of Australia, so I don’t know what’s with that. Either people aren’t applying for it or maybe people are asking for not enough, or too much funding. Who knows? But when the NDIS rolls out next year, I hope it’s worth all the hassle.

28 January, 2017 12:16

January 28, 2017

I’m sitting outside with a cup of coffee. I had coco pops for breakfast, then I finished my online shopping order. I have to pay for it on Tuesday morning because Woolworths is different from Coles in that you have to pay for your shopping straight away, then Paypal refunds you if you don’t receive all your order. I think that’s awesome. When I used to pay by credit card, I had to ring Wooleys to get the refund. Now Paypal does that for me. Ând I get a clear notifications from them that I will be getting a refund of whatever price, or that I haven’t got enough money to pay Wooleys. Yeah, I wish I’d set myself up with Paypal years ago! At least I don’t get ripped of now yea! So long as I get my shopping by Wednesday afternoon it won’t matter. I’m quite happy with Woolworths online at the moment. I’ve worked out the layout of their site and I actually find it way better than the Coles site. I don’t know what the Wooleys site is like on the laptop, I’ll check it out when I’ve got a new Internet connection. But for now I’m using the phone for everything and not doing too badly. I think it’s cheaper to get Coles deliveries, but Coles has really shit stuff at the moment. Woolworths is where the market is now so I’m going with them. It’s good too because now I can take care of my own needs and I can help other people in need too. I’m not gonna leave my friends stranded just because I’m doing fine and they’re struggling. I think it’s the most selfish way in the world to live. If I’m not struggling so much, why the fuck can’t I help people sometimes? It’s not as if I’m going without, and if I was struggling, I’d just tell the person that I’m sorry I don’t have said items at the moment and all that. So now that I know I have struggling neighbours, I’ll just continue as I do, but will get more stuff to suit my own needs first, but I’ll always be able to help my neighbours. I’m sure they feel mean for asking for help, but I’d be really upset if they didn’t ask and they went hungry or suffered in some other way. I don’t have a problem with admitting that I can’t help someone, but if I know I can help them but choose not too,, I’d feel like absolute shit. I can’t not help someone when they ask. I don’t care what anyone says, if the person asking for help is in a bad situation, well I’m not going to watch them collapse for my own gain. Get stuffed, I don’t treat people like that. It’s like, my friend is having a really shit time at the moment and can barely survive yet she feels bad about borrowing stuff from me because I’m running out of stuff yet I’ll be getting more groceries next Wednesday yet my friend may need assistance next week again. It’s very sad but it’s how it is. I’m not overloading my friend with things that she doesn’t need, or giving her way too much of what she does need, and all that stupid shit.

I read last night’s blog and it seriously didn’t make a whole lot of sense near the end of it. I was so tired when I wrote it. Basically, I was talking about how impatient I was about getting my dinner ready the other night when I burnt the saucepan lid. And I was also referring to how people use the stovetop to cook food without saucepan lids on and all that. It’s how people are. I can’t stand turning the hotplate all the way up and letting steam go all the way to the ceiling and fucking up my nice clean unit. And I’m fussy about my and boiled vegies. I’d rather turn the hotplate down and let the vegies simmer slowly with the lid on than stand in the kitchen at the stove for 20-30 minutes, saucepan with lid off bubbling away, and sending steam and soot all through my kitchen. Saucepans come with lids, use the bastards. Anyway, there’s always something I don’t like about all of my friends. I still like my friends and I still help them like they help me. As for steaming vegies without a lid on, yeah right! That’s just a waste of electricity and all the heat will go through my place, and the vegies won’t cook the way I like them. And rice: I’m so damn fussy that I’ll only eat rice steamed in a rice cooker. I won’t boil it. Someone else can do that for me. I love making a big batch of rice, then filling up little containers with it, and freezing it. No wastage at all and I can cook rice any time I like as well, knowing that I’ll hardly ever run out of rice and I’ll never throw any of it away. And I can take the rice with me whenever I go out and microwave it for two minutes. Anything to save money lol. And if my friends go hungry they can borrow food and I’ll never go without. I may live how I want and do shopping to suit my lifestyle, but I won’t watch people starve to death. I just had a quick loo break and got another cup of water. That’s the beauty about putting two lime wedges in the big cup, I can refill the cup heaps of times and really enjoy the flavour of the water. It definitely works for me! I’m getting four limes with my next shopping order, and I’ll be buying lemons next time. That way I dont think of the water intake, I’m just thinking of how refreshing it is to swallow a lime flavoured drink all the time. It’s better than suffering from dehydration because I hate plain water. So long as it works that’s all that matters. Like the saying goes: if it ain’t broken, don’t fix it! I’m doing all right in myself, so I won’t complain.

27 January, 2017 22:13

January 27, 2017

I’m in my room. I’m writing as I speak to Tori on hangouts. I have to admit that as much as I hate moving and it’s a struggle and all that, it had to be done. It has been eight weeks since I moved and I still don’t have rent assistance. The office staff are too frigging lazy to help me, they won’t print the form off for me, that’s Centrelink’s job apparently. Lazy fucken bastards!!!!! Anyway, it’s working out slowly. Brisbane has bloody slow workers and everything drags along here. It’s bloody shockin’! Hopefully next week I get the frigging thing. Centrelink online is useless, you can do everything as far as reading and receiving information goes, but unless you have a printer, you’re stuffed. You may as well get rid of the Centrelink account and just ring the mongrels. An online account does have its place, but it doesn’t prevent any of the hassles with Centrelink. Anyone that reckons that having a Centrelink online account makes life easier is delusional. At least I can ring Centrelink and let them know what’s going on and ask them for help. Why does it have to take for fucking ever just to receive a God damn form? I should have been receiving rent assistance money weeks ago. Hopefully I can sort this crap out next week. I can at least relax over the weekend. I won’t do anything on Monday, then Tuesday is all systems go. I have to go to the shops, come home, wait for some cleaners to clean my unit, then if I don’t have the rent form, I’ll be cabbing it to Centrelink. Then on Wednesday the form will be getting filled out at the Link Vision office. I’m hoping the form can be faxed through. I want the bloody flaming money sooner than later. So let’s hope my plans actually work out for heaven’s sake. I have to ring iPrimus as well, to pay that fucker of a cancelation fee. I want to get rid of them. Then I’m saving up to get a new Internet connection. I really want Wi-fi!

This weekend is going to be boring. I may run to the survo for a packet of chips, I have no idea yet. Other than that I’ll be hanging around home and sitting downstairs in the communal area. I’ll be setting up my talking scanner too. I want to read the mail and i hope to God there’s nothing from L J Hooker. I’ve had enough of the shit from Cairns, not living there anymore so I don’t want to hear any of it. I don’t give a crap about the bond money. I don’t want it, I don’t need it. I’m not planning on renting in Cairns again any time soon. So bugger them. Besides that I’m planning on having a great weekend. There’s always people to talk to, and sometimes I go out, but not often. I can’t wait to get a lot more O and M training. I also need to find a good support worker. Hopefully by the end of the year I should have some semblence of an organised set-up for my life. I want to go to Cairns at the end of the year but I have to save money and everything. I’m wondering if maybe I could go to Cairns for a week during the year and see people there, and visit Troy. Then I can just come back to Brisbane knowing that I had a good little holiday. I’ll see what happens. I miss Troy to death! I feel like it has been forever since I said goodbye to my cute puppy dog, and saying hi to a guy and his guide dog the other day made me feel a gazillion times worse about missing Troy. Of course with grief comes accidents… As I nearly wrecked my unit when I left a saucepan lid on the stove while I was cooking dinner and didn’t realise that that particular hotplate was on, so I burnt the plastic bit of the lid and it exploded causing a cloud of smoke to engulf me. I ran outside and nearly passed out while I screamed at the neighbours because I thought the unit was about to burn down. I was scared shitless. Luckily ash and soot didn’t rise from the stove. And my large frying pan was on the low setting so the food didn’t stuff up or burn. So by the time I was ready to collapse and die for the night, I got to eat a really nice spag bog with my friend. I didn’t like having to wait around from 4:30 to 6:00 pm just to sort out a stupid bloody fucken feed, but when you’re getting assistance from friends, you’ve got to accept their schedule and make compromises with people. Oh well, you get idiots and crazies wherever you live I suppose.

28 December, 2016 14:38

December 28, 2016

At this time tomorrow I’ll be on the train. I really can’t wait till then, I’m so extremely excited and impatient today! I hate living here, Cairns is fantastic but I hardly ever see the family and my controlling grandparents aren’t pleasant to hang around. They’ve done a lot of good things for the family, but the other side of the coin is, they’ve also been very hurtful and manipulative. Stupid bloody bastards! So yeah, they’re not part of my life anymore. If they harrass me over the phone I’m gonna tell them to quit it and hang up. They expect favours from the whole world after they treat everyone like shit. So tomorrow I’m out and severing ties. And once a year or two I’ll come back to Cairns to visit my other family members.

Another boring day for me today. I’ve done not one healthy activity for the past three weeks. Neglect and abuse right there. The only difference is that some people take their victims into the forest and allow them to die slowly. My grandparents are feeding me enough to survive, but every other aspect of my life is neglected. They don’t care about my welfare, it wouldn’t bother them if I never moved. Their concern about me is that I’m blind and my death will just be a simple thing. Everybody dies. So dying early is just the disabled thing to do, because blind people fit into the disability basket, according to them. But I won’t die early. And my neglect is only short-term. Sitting around like a statue for three weeks isn’t quite so bad, and eating little morsels with the occasional big feed won’t technically harm me badly. But living like the way I have been, for a really long time, is cruelty. I’ll get back to normal pretty fast, I haven’t lived here long enough to cause a lot of damage. I won’t need permission to stay alive, eat drink breathe be a grown woman etc. When thea grandparents see me off, I’m not returning any favours or owing them anything. They certainly haven’t done me any special favours. Moving isn’t a favour. Everybody moves out at some point. If they’re not helping me, they’re controlling and bullying. They can never be happy or appreciative of the fact that I’m moving to a better part of town and they’re not happy people full-stop. So I won’t help them in return for their fucking bullshit ungrateful attitude. I only respect people who respect me.

In Brisbane I’m gonna set up my unit as quick as I can, then I’ll write up a list of Christmas goodies to make next week. I’ll be organising a gathering of friends and making a feast for them. Then I’ll be enrolling myself into some blind sports elubs. I’ll make my choices when I get there, I know I want to play Swish, it’s the modified version of table tennis. I’ll do some demos on Audioboom. As for other games, I have no idea what I’ll go after yet.

I’m back at this blog. I had coffee and chocolate cake, then listened to my tyrant of a grandfather talking absolute shit for an hour. Typical anti-semitic who needs poisoning as far as I’m concerned. But anyway… That’s him. I don’t care if I never see the stinkin’ douchbag again. I’m basically keeping a low profile as much as I can. Obviously I need to sit at the dinner table sometimes, but geeze! Living with two communist wannabes isn’t my thing I must say. I guess I’m too friggen democratic for my own good lol. I don’t agree with just doing as you want in a horrible selfish manner. You can’t go from one extreme to the other. But when it comes to living, well Jesus! You can’t live like a robot can you? Anyway, I’ll be outa dodge tomorra! I’ll let my grandparents know that I’ve got my stuff posted to me. After that they’re bust as far as I’m concerned. That’s it about them. I’m planning on having a great time, anything bad can happen anywhere so I’ll just keep my wits about me but hopefully all will be well. What I will do tomorrow is, eat the train out of house and home. I’ll eat some of my biscuits and all of my malteesers, then I’ll go after all the food in the deli car. It’s highly likely that the staff might try to convince me not to over-buy the food in case of wastage, but I’ll try to get menu choices which I know I’ll eat a tonne of without a problem. Anyway we’ll see how it goes, I’m gonna turn my trip into a minature holiday and a bloody feast. Anyone would think that I’m going to the moon or something! But oh well, good times ahead for me.

It’s a bit over a week now since I moved. I left Cairns on the 14th of December and got into Brisbane on the 15th. Then the old bloke who greeted me, he was so trashy, totally changed from the trustworthy person he used to be. After he left for the evening after helping me take my luggage to my unit, I decided to cut him out of my life. His shameful behaviour made me feel that he doesn’t deserve my time let alone a breath of fresh air. So fucking sad really! Oh well, I’ve made other friends since moving in here. Tomorrow I have to ring Coles Customer Care so they can fix my shopping delivery address, that’s my only issue here. Besides that, I feel great about moving here. The other units that Chass and Hailey live in are nice too, they’re just not as done up as these ones. As much as Public Housing allows pet ownership, I’d personally rather live in a very well-kept unit with only a service animal and no pets. I do love animals but I also love a good home. And the rent is subsidised here, so it’s a lot cheaper than Public Housing units yet the units here are better quality! I have to finish writing now, the phone is really hot.

5 December, 2016 13:42

December 5, 2016

I’m sitting outside after eating lunch and I’m feeling not too bad. Naproxin and Panadol are taking care of the period, so besides eating until almost busting an feelimg the typical menstrual crap and the medication kicking in to make it all better, I’m all right. I’m starting to feel my stomach settle nicely now. So that’s good, I must be doing something right! I hate pain, and menstruation is no exception. But once that shit is taken care of, I can consider my problems done and dusted. Now I just have to think of Brisbane, how the train trip will be, what I’ll do when I get there, all the shit I’ll have to organise on the 15th of December when I first arrive in Brisbane, etc. I’m gonna have a loooooooong two days I can tell you! But at least this is the least of my worries. My biggest worry is being able to keep a low profile while I’m at Nan and Pop’s until I leave. I’m gonna pass out asleep when I get on that train lol! I’m emotionally exhausted. I want to leave already, but I don’t want to spend all my money on accomodation because I need it in Brisbane. A removal van would have gone to the unit by now had Nan and Pop not helped me. But he doesn’t consider that. He’s a fucking one-sided pig is what he is. But anyway, there’s no skin off my nose. He has his problems too. Mum’s a douch bag too. She has the hide to abuse me but she so-called never abuses anyone. What a piece of crap! She makes me friggen sick. But forget about her, she’s not here and she’s not moving out with me.

The weather is fine today. A bit hot but not too bad. It’s nice and breezy. I guess I haven’t got a single thing to worry about. I’m comfortable, full of good food, pain is taken care of really good now, and I can think abou what I need to do for the rest of this week. Not much I’d imagine, nothing ever happens around here. They’re too busy telling me wha and how to think to do anything else. When I’m not here, they sit around doing nothing. Oh well, I’m going to change that when I get to Brissy. A new start in my life! And as much as I love to do audio recordings, I like to write as well. Time just isn’t going quick enough. I want to hurry up and leave. Mum on the one hand, wants to help me, on the other hand she creates a lot of dramas. I’m sick of it. So long as I don’t have to speak to her, it’ll be sweet. She drives me mad. Nan is trying to get her on side as though I’m wrong for moving. Well up all of their noses. I don’t care. I’m not interested in what makes everyone else happy. I want to make my own life happy. I have to learn what it’s like moving, I have to learn what it’s like to sort out a new unit and everything. If I don’t like the experience, then fine!!!! Ok then, let’s see how it goes. But what if I love the moving experience? What if I cope just fine? Anyway, let them work out their own shit and I’ll do what I want to do. Mum and my grandparents can think what they bloody well like. Anyway, I’m all right. Life isn’t too bad.

Ready to get out of dodge

December 3, 2016

I’m at my grandparents’ place. Have been here for nearly three weeks. When I leave here on the 14th of December, I will have been here for five weeks. Five weeks too long! I hate it here. Very grateful for their assistance and accomodation, but their lifestyle of my-way-or-nothing-at-all, really bothers me. I can’t wait to leave! As for my poor little gorgeous canary, I won’t write about Whisky. Far too sad. Alive on Friday three weeks ago, dead the next day! That is all. I have to tell the pet shop lady next week, just to be fair. Then counting down to the departure date, although I started my countdown a few days ago when I booked the ticket. I was gonna leave writing blogs till I got to Brisbane, but you know what? I figure that it’s going to be a while before I leave this place so I may as well write to pass the time. I read for nearly forty minutes before coming outside.

I had a garage sale today but not a huge amount of stuff was sold and I made a quarter of the money I expected to make. Oh well… I sorted the stuff out for the unit a few days ago so I’m not too worried about the money at the moment. It’s just one of those things. I’ll have enough money for the first two weeks in Brisbane so all good as far as I’m concerned. Nan and Pop are concerned but when are they not concerned? So the quicker the time flies, the better. It is boring, motonous, and very stupid living here. Fanastic assistance, but a hotel would be better for me if only I’d had the money to stay in one. I don’t really care what anybody says about what I think and feel. This is why I hate involving some people in my life, they’re too busy throwing accusations at me because they can. Anyway, next time which I hope will be a longer stretch than five years let alone two, will be different. I’m living my life and that’s it. How I organise it is my choice. Too bad so sad for the family.

Nearly ready to vacate

November 26, 2016

I’m having a relaxing day today. Chicken and sallad on toast for breakfast, a cup of coffee, water, and soft drink to boot! I re-homed my canary yesterday. He is with my support worker. He is happy. Troy is doing fantastic with his new owners. He’s having the time of his life. And since it’ll be nearly a month before I move to Brisbane, I figured I’d write today. I can text blog posts, so I may as well do so now, it’s easier than going to the website and publishing posts that way. I’ve got my stuff ready to go. It’s not all tightly packed away yet because I still need to function till I get out of here. But instead of taking three days to pack up, it’ll only take me two or three hours to secure everything and take it away from this property. What I can’t take with me, is being sold or binned. All I have to do is post my paperwork and I’ll be set to go. This week I’ll be focused on gathering all my possessions together so it won’t be difficult to ditch/sell them at a moment’s
notice. Then I just have to take my swag and nick off. It’s that simple. The hard part will be hanging around until the real estate says I’m free to go. The day I leave this place will be the day I can think of how to rebuild my life how I want when I’m dowm south. I’ll write more soon.

19 November, 2016 12:15

November 19, 2016

Dear Troy,

Your period of time with me: 15 October 2007-20 November 2016
You’ve been the best guide dog ever.. You’ve stayed with me for as long as you can. You lived out nine months of your retirement from guiding duty as of February the 11th, 2016 and you handled your retirement so well that I was actually happy for you to retire. But due to the fact that I’m moving and I don’t want to put you through the stress of moving again and you’re getting older now, you’re going to be looked after by some very loving people tomorrow. You’ll continue to live the high life and steal everybody’s hearts. At least I’ll get to hear about you from time to time, same with the canary when he gets re-homed to another lovely familiar person too. I’ll never forget about you and hopefully you’ll spend the next few years living in luxury. Life just isn’t the same anymore. I may not like cleaning up mess whenever I take you outside, but looking after you and feeding you and cleaning up after you is the least of my worries at the end of the day. You’re the life of the party and you were always in high spirits and happy all the time, you treated every day like a new day, you lived like there was no tomorrow. I couldn’t let you go when you retired, but now I’m left with no choice. You’re one of a kind and even if I did get a new guide dog, no dog in the world would replace you. So I’ll say my final goodbye knowing that you’ll be in a good home soon, I’ll probably never get to see you again but I’ll be thinking of you and finding out how you’re doing and what you’re up to. Good luck and farewell! It was lovely knowing you.


November 18, 2016

It’s me again. Troy has written his bit, so now it’s my turn. I’m leaving for Brisbane soon. Cairns is a great place in a lot of ways, but on the other hand it’s a real shit-hole now. I’m going to try to move into Link Vision. But if that doesn’t work out, I’ll try to find pet-friendly places there. I won’t be coming back to Cairns when I leave. I don’t want to speak to my family either. If anyone says anything, I’ll just say that it’s better for me to move to Brisbane. That will be it from me. I won’t indulge in arguments or anything. I’m going, and that’s that. I don’t have much of an inheritance, and I don’t want anything for the family. The best way to make me hate my family is for some of the family members to continually abuse me and have big arguments with me while others make sure I’m forced out of house and home. There’s no skin off my nose. I won’t be there for these family members when they need help. And they forget, I won’t be homeless for too long, not long enough to call myself homeless anyway. Goodbye Cairns. And fuck you family. I miss my friends here. But they were only there for themselves too. Save for two people who were really there for me. And some other people from another pet shop who helped me with keeping the dog and the bird well cared for. Over and out, and my next written blog will come to you live from Brisbane. Audio posts will come from Audioboom until then, but I won’t write till I’m in Brisbane, or if I get time, I can write on the train. Anyway, peace out till then.

Troy’s last blog

November 18, 2016

Well, hi guys! Troy here again. I have some horrible terrible news. Something isn’t right with Mum. She is leaving. She knows why but I think she’s leaving for no reason. How can you be forced to leave home? But Mum isn’t allowed to take me to her new home. Ah, that is if they’ll allow her to live there. I like that favourite pet shop lady of mine. She knows how to re-home perfect cuddly dogs. I want to know when I’m leaving. But Mum isn’t disclosing any info. Too sad for her to do so. Apparently I’m just going on a big holiday, but secretly I know the real reason I’m going on a holiday. Mum wants to keep me but I’m not allowed to stay with her. Don’t tell her I said that!!!! So…………. On that note, goodbye guys. Oh, and animals too! Oh I won’t be seeing Whisky anymore. Isn’t he that cute little canary? He’s going to Mum’s support worker. He knows her. It was lovely getting to know you all. Hopefully I can live my life in my new home the same way I do now. Sleep, eat, run around, play….. Eat….. And…… Sleep! If there’s dogs and kids, even better for me. Mum will never like it when I leave, but I really have to go. I’m going to hate it actually, when I realise I can’t see Mum anymore, even though I’ll love where I’m going to live.

Some things I couldn’t write about until now

September 27, 2016

Well people, it’s another day. Time is flying by. And life is pretty boring. I’ve been told that it’s good that I live boring, but the point most people miss is that they wouldn’t think so if they were the ones sitting around all the time. I’ve noticed with all of us at different times, that we would want so-and-so’s lifestyle, until it’s us living that lifestyle, that is. I kept thinking of this because of how many people of late have made such remarks to me. If only they knew! Which leads me to my really gory rant with a lot of venting, about the way some people consider that maybe blindness has something to do with sitting around and doing nothing all the time, since according to said persons’ perceptions, blindness and a boring, listliss life, go hand in hand. Ah, hearing that makes me so depressed and ashamed to be a part of society, yet I know I shouldn’t let someone else’s opinions and perceptions about me, affect who I am and what I want to be. I’m not living anybody else’s life, and yet some days I find myself letting other people’s aspirations affect me. It’s like I need to be someone I’m not, but I know I should just be myself, regardless of what people think of me. The same goes for getting approval from people. They aren’t living my life, so why should I live the way other people approve of, instead of living the way I want to? I get so depressed at myself over this, yet I still realise that I am still living my own life, I’m just terrified that maybe I’ll allow someone else to control my life so I hold even tighter to my own lifestyle choices, just to make sure I’m the only one in control of my life. With that said, I no longer want to be a valuable member of society nor be part of it, because blind people as far as I know from experience, aren’t accepted as part of the community.

What I really hate is, people whom I know, and not all of them, one minute will tell me that I have a lot to offer to people around me, but in the next breath they’re reinforcing the idea that blind people aren’t a valued part of the community, by naming all the things I could do but cannot do. So the reason blind people aren’t accepted in the community is because many people don’t want to help them. So why should I then put effort or any committment into accepting help I won’t receive, or helping society when they don’t care anyway? I guess this is my point of this whole thing. From what I’m discovering, the US values blind people a lot more. I may be wrong, but that’s the impression I’m getting. In any case, there’s not much I can do because I’m not in America. But what I can do is write about how I honestly feel. I think it’s all fucked up.

If there’s one thing that keeps me sane as a loner and outcast, is Troy. Right now he’s the only best friend I have in my life. The friends on Roger can come and go, not that everyone will, and something can happen to Roger. But Troy won’t suddenly leave, unless of course he gets euthanised. Until then, Troy will be a constant companion in my life. What will become of me after Troy finally dies? God only knows to be honest! You see, right now I feel like I have to be there for Troy because he needs me. When he’s gone, all accountability will be gone and I will be the only person I can consider and care for, so what I choose to do with my life will only affect me. So it won’t really matter what choices I make will it? Right now I’ve got all these restrictions on me, I can’t stay out all night, I have to get out of bed to take Troy for a walk, take him into the yard, etc. When Troy goes, believe me, I won’t feel better or ok about it, but I’ll definitely feel free to live how I choose because he will no longer be affected by my lifestyle choices. I think that Troy is really awesome, he always gives me a reason to get out of bed every day. Right now me and Troy are shut up in the house, in my room. There’s a big blue going on outside and I’m scared of it. I don’t want to have to call the cops. So right now I’m hiding and will call the cops if any real shit goes down that may affect me. But if the dramas don’t come to my particular unit, then what other people do is their choice. Too many people are doing the Hunger Games thing, whoever kills or maims first gets the village. And frankly it’s all bullshit. Communication is at an all-time low and I’d rather hide from everyone for mine and Troy’s safety. At least Troy can tell before I ever can, that trouble is coming, so I can quickly do what’s necessary to avoid the crap. He has never purposefully allowed me to get into any trouble, and for that I want to purposefully support and help my dog to live the rest of his life until his last breath. I guess the pack mentality still does increase one’s odds of survival, even though the reasons for not surviving may not be the same reasons such as animals running and chasing you down. These days, it’s people doing the hunting down of other people, and apparently Troy has proven to me that the instinct of dogs really does keep themselves and their human counterparts alive! I guess the saying: ‘The dog is man’s best friend’, stands the test of time.

I’ve decided to eat out later. I don’t know what the cheapest meal option will be, but I need to find something. Maybe I could order pizza, but even that’s fucking expensive. I don’t want to stay home, but at the same time, I don’t want to come out of hiding yet either. As much as I love fast food, I really need to think of the money and all that too. Oh well, too bad I suppose. If the stinkin’ cops come knocking because some person thinks I’ve gone missing or I may be dead, when in fact I’m hidden away, I guess I can explain myself when the time comes, can’t I? I guess in this day and age, people can never be too careful. I’ve just made sure my online shopping delivery is arriving today. So I’ll put my groceries away tonight after the guy leaves, and then I’ll make camomile and honey tea. Then I’m putting my phone into flight mode and crashing. Forget the alarm clock, I never hear it anyway. And forget O and M training, my life is too drained and far too shot for any such ambitious efforts. I’m now on the quality of life over quantity of life road, and all I want to do is make myself as comfortable as possible with no regard to my future. I don’t have any ambitions in my life, I’m just going with the old be merry and drink today, for tomorrow we die, kind of motto. There’s no purpose to life. We eat, drink, have a great time, do jobs if we want, but then we die and that’s the end of us. We can try to create some sort of purpose, but what will come of it when we eventually pass on and everything goes on as usual. Sometimes legacies are continued, like the example of Tim Cook taking over Apple after Steve Jobs died. And that’s fantastic. But as for me, my life is a dream that will come and go, with only a few people to tell stories of what they remember about me. And I guess at the end of the day, having a few people who remember you is what truly counts. But my actual point is, my life has no purpose that will be continued when I die one day. So I see no point in making a future for myself when it will all come to nothing anyway. That’s my own life, how it is. I can’t say this for everybody. I still don’t believe life has purpose to it. But for what I’ve made of my life, I have nothing to show for me ever having a life, except for this blog perhaps. And maybe my Twitter account, and somewhat, my Facebook page. But still, people won’t see the real me, only the person they see in writing.

If there is one thing I’ve taken seriously for a long time and will definitely take it to the grave, it’s that you can always stick up for yourself when nobody else will. It amazes me how far you can get in life when you support yourself while other people are not supporting you. I do have a few supporters in my life and I’m grateful for that. One or two supporters is better tan a million non-supporters. I think if you’re going to live an aimless life, at least live it up and have a good time while you’re at it, and maoe sure you’ve got a couple of friends who can support you with your agenda. Now I don’t expect anyone to agree with my agenda for my life. But what I do expect from people is that they respect that I’ve chosen my path in life and also to appreciate that I’m at least trying to have fun. I’m pretty much of the belief that you can do whatever you like if you’re not hurting me in the process. Basically, do what you want but if you’re in front of me, please be considerate of me when making a lifestyle choice. And that goes for me too, when I’m in front of others. For example, I have certain eating habits which nobody ever sees, the same goes with other habits. The only thing you won’t ever catch me doing is smoking or drinking a lot, because for one I can’t ever agree with smoking, and I rarely drink. But when I do make lifestyle choices, I make sure I’m only affecting my own life, as much as feasibly possible because there’s always someone who finds about stuff that you get up to. But at least you want to try to not affect other people negatively on purpose. So I just follow my own agenda and try to not live my life at the expense of others. I’m really not here for anyone else to start with, I mean, I can make friends and all, but I’m living for myself and that’s probably the only purpose I see in being alive. I’m here to be myself live how I want to live, and be who I want to be. I strongly feel that life is about what you make of it, not what someone else wants to make of it. Anyway, enough said I think. I really need to go out. I need to do something to satisfy my time spent on this earth at least for today. Fridays are the only day of the week I look forward to, because my support worker always brings purpose into my life. I guess she’s one of the few people on my list who I can’t let down by creating dramas when she’s not here. So I keep to myself as much as possible and try not to cause trouble with people I don’t like. I actually find it so much easier to get along with most people. As for the people I really detest, well forget them. They aren’t on my radar. As for the rest of them, I’d rather try not to fight with them whenever possible.

My thoughts about discrimination against people with disabilities, especially in the workforce. And lots of other things!

September 18, 2016

I haven’t done a whole lot today. I just sat around talking on Roger, then I got a fish burger and chips. Now I’m chilling out while I write this. Yesterday’s blog was terible, there was so many typos! Hopefully today will be better. I think I’ll just fix the post up later, some of the words don’t even make sense. Anyway, I’ve been thinking about a whole lot of things lately. So I haven’t done much, but I have thought of a lot of stuff! One thing that comes to mind is the workforce and how discriminatory it truly is. Last night me, and a lady who I love chitchatting to on Roger, we were talking about jobs and our different reasons for not having a job. What really stood out for me was that basically, we don’t have jobs because of our disability(s), essentially. Last night when I was sending a message to mzrq, which is her name on Roger and Twitter, I told her that I don’t plan to work anymore because of how much employers love to pretend to hand out jobs, knowing all along that they won’t hire most candidates. And, people with disabilities are at the top of the list.

It’s really disgusting how it works like that. Discrimination is more rampant today than it was years ago. I say this because most educated people with disabilities, lets say visually impaired people in this argument, don’t actually get jobs unless the employers decide that they will suit that job, regardless of how qualified they are. Employers don’t see a qualified “disabled” person, they just see a “disabled” person. So, basically, you can be just right for a particular job, but since said employer sees your disability, they won’t actually look at your qualifications unless they decide according to their own perception, that your disability won’t be a hinderance to them, no matter how qualified you are. And it’s really fucked up!!!!!!!!!!! It should technically be illegal what employers are doing to discriminate against people with disabilities because of the level of training required to make a “disabled” person ready for their chosen line of work or career path, or whatever you’d like to call it.

Ok guys, I’m going to write for ages here, so bear with me. Maybe a snack or favourite drink would be good and ready to go at this point. I have so many reasons for why I think the workforce sucks today, especially for people with disabilities. In this little exposition, I will be stipulating people with vision loss. There’s a gazillion different disabilities and varying degrees of every type of disability, so instead of writing for the next two years about this broad subject, let’s just narrow it down to vision loss. Employers see a lot of potential in people, but it seems that vision loss, especially total blindness really tops the cake. So I”m going to rattle on forever because I’m frankly shitted right off that we’re living in the 21st century and we’re facing more and more discrimination every day, disguising it as occupational health and safety rules. OHS is fantastic, but please! When someone is trained at Uni and/or Tafe properly, don’t forget about this when hiring someone! People are so quick to look at the vision impairmentstblindness, they can’t even see past this and look at what the person’s abilities are, as demonstrated here. It’s rather ridiculous in my opinion. So it’s fine to get scared and wonder whether this person may be a liability or something like that, but fucking honestly! Maybe they’re looking for someone to hire them because said person has the right training/qualifications to do this job, or maybe they’d be finding a different job.

It amazes me that employers will go out of their way to educate blind people through training courses, yet they won’t accept them after all the effort people have wasted only to find their qualifications got them nowhere. Last year, I threw a certificate in the bin because I got trained at a cooking preparation course so I could be a chef’s assistant or I could have done some similar work. Well, this job agency I went to, ah, let’s just say they supported the discrimination against disabilities in a big way by looking at my certificate, then said to me that I wasn’t safe to work in the hospitality industry. A doctor said I was physically fit to work, so job agency’s response? You can’t do jobs requiring climbing ladders and other high places……… Because of my then working guide dog!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Guys, when the hell did my guide dog have anything to do with whether I could do jobs involving climbing and heights, or not? I’m sure there’s a lot of options for dog-sitting if I couldn’t bring the dog with me. I’m certain of the fact, but the wanker job assessment person at Centrelink totally dismissed me based on my guide dog! Secondly, because I’m totally blind. So, physical fitness and qualifications arent part of a blind person’s life, then, am I correct? Because, this is what the dickhead so-called employers apparently think. And, if any employer does want to test out hiring a blstVI person, um, apparently, that isn’t happening, because Centrelink Mr. Dickhead Psychologists, think that blstVI people are just as useless. It’s the 21st century, and most people aren’t educated on the fact that nearly everyone can have a job if people put an effort into hiring and training them, instead of spending that extra hour smoking and playing games. This makes me believe that education is only as good as the person who wants to be educated. In other words, it’s bloody useless. Especially to the employers who’re supposed to know better yet they still choose not to learn. No wonder I’m not interested in helping society anymore, it does jack shit to help me.

Job agencies certainly do not help out at all, and there’s no way I’ll sign up to another agency again. The way they dealt with Endeavour Industries which hires disabled people, is absolutely attrocious!!!!! I wasn’t allowed to work there because of my guide dog for God’s sake! And the agency did fucking nothing to help me fight back. I considered suing the agency and Endeavour Industries, but no, I just didn’t want to put any effort into dealing with all the shit that goes with it. So here I am now, doing nothing. I suppose writing blogs may count as something, because now people will know just how difficult it is to fight with unreasonable job industry workers and company. The worst part was knowing that doctors couldn’t even convince employers could hire me safely, and yet the lazy people at these so-called disability job networks did fuck all to help. Then the idiot person went to the other extreme of trying to get me jobs which requircs vision! Are you frigging kidding me? As far as I’m concerned, they’re all in it for the money because they definitely don’t take the interests of their customers in mind, although they go through the motions of such a proceedure.

Now here’s my next ramble about why I hate the education system so much. I’m sure the article about workplace discrimination should be self-explanatory, and there’ll be a lot more articles in that site too. Well, apparently Uni students are treated just as badly, which also paves the way for workforce discrimination. I’ve experienced it firsthand and I don’t intend to go back to Uni again. It’s horrible. There were some positive points, but overall I wouldn’t recommend University to anybody with a severe visual disability, and this is why. When I started Uni in 2007, I planned to do some sort of welfare type job, but not a social worker. I pretty much wanted qualifications that could land me in a lot of jobs that may or may not have interested me, but I could have enjoyed making some sort of an income. When I first went to Uni, it seemed very promising. I would be able to do research, do the exams, get help whenever necessary, and basically trudge through it like everyone else and basically have a bit of fun while I was at it. This was my plan and I kind of did carry it out, but it wasn’t as good a time as I’d wanted. I ended up dropping out halfway through my Uni degree two years later.

At first, the equity support worker seemed kind enough, she apparently wanted me to get the best out of my education, blah blah blah. Well, as time went on and I was having a harder time trying to study for exams, d oing research, doing group assignments, etc, it seemed that maybe the equity support worker was not all who she seemed to be. She chided me because I was getting tutors to read print information, reminded me not to distract students during class, when in reality they were simply including me in as much of the activities as possible by simply verbalising what I couldn’t see, etc. So even though I explained to this equity support worker a million times that the only reason tutors and students would actually take the time to read stuff to me, tell me about the cartoons displayed on the movies and other multi-media devices, etc etc, I was met with indignation as though what I had to say meant nothing to her. I had to respect what I heard from others, I had to respect what lecturerers had experienced in their lives, what they knew of other people and situations they’d encountered, but apparently when I talked about my experiences as a blind person, what my needs were, well, the equity support worker didn’t think she needed to return the same favour to me. I was not only devastated, I was terribly sad and disappointed! Here she was, carrying on about how important education is, and she tells me that I’m limited to my disability and I can only be as educated as my disability allows! Everyone else could ask for help from their friends except during exams, but apparently I had more advantage over the other students if I asked for help for the same reasons, including for someone to read printed information to me. For God’s sake I can’t damn see! She never did understand this and didn’t want to be educated. My case in point exactly, that education is as good as the person who’s willing to learn. You can’t help somebody who doesn’t want to help themselves. The fact that I wasn’t allowed to have someone “do my homework for me” by getting them to read print information was the absolute deal-breaker for me, and so was the inability to read any part of a text book because supposedly, the publisher wouldn’t have allowed me to have access to the whole book in electronic format due to copyright law. That is the biggest fucking load of bolox I’ve ever heard!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had a go at the equity support worker about that, but she was nasty and said that I bought the text book but she couldn’t break the copyright law just for me. I told her she was discriminating against me, so she said that I had to deal with it. Goodbye Uni, and goodbye Mrs Not-So-Equity Susport Worker. I passed a few exams, but I didn’t get very far with my education. My fate was completely sealed for eternity when I never got a phone call from a Uni in my town. I called them almost two years ago. Fuck them and fuck education and fuck the workforce.

If there is one good thing I liked about Uni, it was how nice most lecturers were to me. They disagreed with the way the disability workers treated me, but sadly for them, there was nothing they could do about it. So they pretty much made sure I could understand everything that was being taught so I could get another student with similar interests to help me without too much harm being done. What a niftly little trick, we just didn’t tell the bitch in office haha! The equity support worker was definitely a bitch! Even if you completed your assignments on time and you asked her for help, she’d accuse you of asking too late in the peace, and she’d have her list of excuses. Yeah whatever. She was a dirty rotten liar and no one could deny that. She was working there for the money. She never cared about the students. She, and a lot of horrible people like her, are essentially teaching employers that it’s ok to mistreat people with disabilities. This is why I hate the education system so much.

Another revival of the Braille Note!

September 17, 2016

Ok peeps! So it only took all day, but I finally got my Braille Note working once again! I had to reset the damn thing for almost the hundredth time and somehow I got the Braille Terminal to work properly. So let’s hope this will work for a long time now! The other thing is, I never got my chance to go to the park like I thought I would. I spent 15 minutes outside with Troy, ten minutes talking to the neighbours, and half a fricken hour, looking at new iPhones!!!!! Yes, voice-over is so advanced now that looking is practically at your ears now lol. I found some iPhone 6S models ranging from $850-1180. Oh my God! Even the phones that have been out for ages are still fucking dear! But that’s ok, I’m saving up some money, and I’m damn well buying the first iPhone 6S that I can afford. The 16GB of memory isn’t enough forthe apps that I had to delete off the phone. I was thinking of the 32GB phone, but that will run out of room so quickly too. Each generation of phone and all its software accessories always takes up more and more space. I don’t know why they can’t be efficient with their memory storage. It’s really stupid! I guess I’ll have to tell Humanware when I hear from them, that I eventually got this machine working, after stuffing around with it again. And at least the iPhone doesn’t have many issues, it’s just that the storage isn’t enough. I guess the 128GB phone will give me a few years out of it. I can’t believe I got this 6S in February and already I fucking need a new phone, and only because of the storage! I’m so glad I’ve got iCloud. I don’t know how I’ll do this, but I want to put my deleted apps back on the phone, back that to iCloud, then delete as many of them as possible. Ah, I don’t know how that’ll work, but I have to preserve what I can so when I’ve got the new phone, I can have it set where this phone is now. Then I can just sell the old phone. Not that it’s classed as old yet… But I need to make money somehow. I’m very pissed that it has come to this. I knew back in February that a 16GB phone wasn’t gonna last for long. But oh well I couldn’eat afford more. I will do soon. I’m fucking making sure of it! And now that this Braille Note is working, it better not break on me for a while.

Well, it’s time for dinner in a minute, I don’t know what I’ll have beside the chicken and rice. Maybe I’ll have some of that, and then I can make sandwiches or something. Any way to get a good feed in and save money! I like take-out meals, but I know I won’t get far if I spend money that I technically don’t have. I want that cockatieeal too, but that depends on lots of things. The bird has to be fhly and easy-going. But then, coçkatiels are so bloody expensive to feed too, if they’re fed proper food every day of the week! Canaries would be a whole lot cheaper to look after. They just can’t be handled all the time. God, I don’t know. I won’t even buy the bird unless I know for sure it’ll work out.


I ate a huge feed and took my pain medication. I took it a bit late, you’re meant to take it every eight hours at least. Oh well, it’s done and dusted now. I’m starting to feel better, I hate female stuff! I always feel off-colour and I hate waiting for the medication to kick in properly. Once that’s done I’m fine yea! I drank a whole heap of water too, I drink like a fish now, I don’t hate drinking water anymore. The last drink I’ll have tonight is a cup of camomile tea with honey. I really love it! And once I’m ready for bed, I crash out really quickly. I think I’ll drink it every night. Talking of sleeping, I forgot to get the chicken wings out of the freezer when I woke up this morning! I’ll have to get them out in the morning then. I really want to make apricot chicken wings. I’ll do those on Monday, and I’ll be steaming potato and pumpkin. Yum!!!!!!! I love apricot chicken! I c”t decide what I’ll have to eaeat next week. besides the apricot chic’ken, I don’eat know what else I’ll have. As for my fuckin’ niggling throat, I wish it would just bloody stop it! It tickles and itches in the voice b’ox area down my throat where my windbbpipe is, and it’s fucking annoying!!!!!!! All thanks to my cold in July, and the bastard of a weird virus thingy back in early Aprilstend of February. God damn it! I’ve had enough water today to sink a battle ship. I’ve eaten a whole lot too, so I guess the waeater intake isn’t too bad. But the stupid liar of a doctor said that plenty of water and good food should get rid of my throat feeling. Well it has damn welittle not done a thing! All I did was make myself a bit healthier and fill up on water. My damn throaeat was actually getting better until I g’ot sick in July. And now that my cough has come back with a vengeance, I’m telling you, no I’m not getting better with lots of food and water. The reason I won’t go back to the doctoears is because they can’t even do anything end of story, and I wish they could. So I’ve fired all my stupid doctors, I wa’neat nature to take its cou’rse and that’s the way it will be. Frankly I don’t trust doctors. I think there are some good doctors, but most of them are in it for the money. So I think not getting a checkup each year won’t make a single bit of difference to my health. I bet making fruit smoothies every day will be way healthier than all the shit any doctor can recommend to you. So let’s hope I don’t run into dramas because I don’t plan on seeing a doctor again for a long time.

I was considering going out soon, but taxis are super expensive even with a haealf price taxi card. So I guess it means staying home again. And I’m not buying pizza again, $30 for a large pizza and six chicken wings is a ridiculous amount of money. I can b’uy lots of food at the super market for $30. I don’t know how fast food outlets and pizza parlours can charge such exhorbitant prices. It’s mad! Even taxi drivers can over-charge and I have no fucking 1idea how they can manage to do this and still sleep at nigh’t. The world is going crazy. I guess it’s only going to get more crazy. I just wish I could go out and have a good time. But with not a lot of money to spare, that c’t happen and I’m disapointed about that. I just can’t believe I can get a drink and an ice-cream from Hungry Jacks and I have to spend $30 on taxis just to do this. That’s disgusting! No wonder I don’t go out much because it’s so much cheaper to just stay home. I guess I should stop wríting for the night. I think I’ll go and make a cup of camomile and honey and take myself to bed. I’ll write more tomorrow. Plus the bloody fireworks are scaring me. I don’t think people are meant to light fireworks like that.

My Braille Note is finally working again

September 16, 2016

I’m sitting at my dining table writing on my Braille Note! I decided to throw my wireless keyboard in the bin tonight. It started to really play up two weeks ago, and last week, or was it two weeks ago now as well? – Anyway, I wasn’t able to write in the Braille terminal. So basically, I had to use my iPhone to write because the Braille Terminal wasn’t working. Anyway, I kept stuffing around with the BN, got really frustrated, rang Humanware, they couldn’t help me. They said it was an Apple issue. Well it must have been some kind of pecuealiar conflict between the Bation and the Bluetooth keyboard, because when I threw the keyboard in the bin, after about fifteen minutes, the Braille Note started working properly again! Woohoo!!!!!! So now I’m writing in a very happy mood. I was going to send my Braille Note back, but when I threw the wireless keyboard away andthe BN started working normally again, I felt good that the Bluetooth keyboard was the problem instead of the Braille Note! I can’t write as fast, but at least I can write. I can’t connect to the Internet with the BN though, which sucks! I have to use the Braille terminal to connect to the Internet with Safari. Oh well. It’s better than not using my BN at all isn’t it? This is fucking awesome! A’ll I need to do now is, copy and paste this into the messages and text this to the WordFress site! It’s really dumb how you just about need to be a doctor to figure out what the issue is. Um, x’s not just people who have issues with products of whatever description, especially medicines, but apparently technology can have issues with other computer products too. But I’ve sorted out the issue, so let’s hope I den’t go through this bullshit again.

I haven’t been up to much lately. I’ve just been staying home and playing games. I got a bit worried actually because I started to feel terrible yesterday but today my female shit came on so I feel a lot better knowing what I’m dealing with! So I’m doing all right. I’ve als discovered that the health app is pretty good, I use it as a pedometer mainly. I put my height and weight in, and it m1’sures my step count and gives it to me in distance as well. Today I walked 3$2 kilometres! kilometres! I’m takin my phone with me as I usually do when I go for a walk, but I’ll be measuring my steps when I’m done with the walk. I guess it’s interesting knowing what the app says about me when I’m doing stuff. I wish there was a heart rate thing on there though. That would be really cool. Anyway, I’ll post this blog now, I’ll write more later.

ok let’s hope I can insert a link properly this time!

September 7, 2016

Here is a test link.Here is my link Ok, let’s have a look when I have posted this to my blog!

A trip down memory lane and rambling on

September 6, 2016

I’m using my laptop to write this post from Yahoo Mail. What I don’t know how to do is add a new contact to the address book. So I’m hoping that sending this post will somehow get the server to recognise that I want the email address to be saved. I can’t say it’ll work that way, but I can only hope so. I’ve been reading back through my posts, and man I’ve come a long way since seven years ago when I first started the blog! Ok, so back then I knew how to live life, but there was a lot of bad writing and I still hadn’t learnt how to live independently properly yet. Wow!

Some posts though, really made me wish I’d never gotten a guide dog. As much as I love dogs and I love Troy and I loved him as a guide dog, all the problems I went through wouldn’t have happened had he never come into my life. Yet at the same time I’d never have had any good times working a guide dog had I never met Troy. A lot of the time me and Troy were a very good guide dog team. But sometimes people would make shit up about me, and the Guide Dogs organisation in South Australia would dismiss everything I said regardless of facts or fiction. What people said over the phone to her or other guide dog organisations was fact regardless of whether it was truth or lie, no facts needed to be considered, just presume and accuse, was the name of the game. It would be like someone saying that oh, so-and-so did this, then I ring said so-and-so, then accuse them and after asking questions, still not believe anything so-and-so had to say no matter what actually happened! Well, Not only was I let down, but this alone is a deal-breaker for me getting another guide dog. Everything else I can be forgiving of, false accusations can’t be forgiven. Not that I hold separate special grudges so to speak, but I’m not prepared to risk making mistakes that other people may perceive as intentional cruelty or appear to be doing something wrong based on somebody’s perception of the situation just for the shit to hit the fan and come back to me as some story based on perceptions rather than on what the truth of the matter is. For example, I can be accused of cruelty if Troy, or let’s say another dog, puts on too much weight. Well, that’s a false accusation because if the dog puts on weight, then all that needs to be said is that I need to feed the dog less food for a while. Yet people can take a situation and turn it into something else entirely, and make someone else get into trouble because they convince Guide Dogs staff of what presumably happened, not what the actual facts are. Weight is one example. Leash correction is another example where people can conjure up some story of me, or someone else, apparently abusing their guide dog. Now sometimes abuse may well have happened. So, in this case, instead of just falsely accusing me, find out the facts of the story first, and then accuse me of something I really did! Presuming what I do doesn’t make it true. So this is why I’m not prepared to get another guide dog, I’m sick of having to live my life as though I’m owned by the public eye. Well, I’m definitely not here to be disapproved of or approved of by others, unless of course I’m actually doing something deliberately abusive or dangerous. This is where Guide Dogs needs to investigate properly to get the facts of the story. And, asking me what happened and then deciding I must be lying without any proof of it, makes me feel even less of the person questioning. It would be like the cops asking if I’ve abused a child, I say no I didn’t do so, then I get punished for abusing a child when the cops have not sought any proof of me abusing the child! I may love dogs as guides, but dealing with people who make up stories and organisations who don’t find out all the facts first before throwing blame and fault, is not an experience I want to repeat. Even police and RSPCA inspectors can’t arrest people without reasonable proof that the person is a possible suspect, and even then, after finding out that there’s not enough proof of a crime or misdemeanour, they have to let the suspect go. I don’t know why disability organisations have to think they’re so special that they can blame and accuse before finding out the whole story first.

I keep remembering the day I arrived in Cairns back in 2012. It was a memorable one. This post was done a couple of weeks after I moved into a unit, not the one I’m in now. I was so glad to move over here! Since then I’ve stopped visiting most family members although I used to visit family a lot when I first arrived. Then a lot of shit happened, including eye problems, psychological problems etc. Now thank God, I’m totally over it. I still get anxious sometimes, but the anxiety is related to different stuff now and I have to say it’s not as bad! I don’t have flashbacks about my eye operations and weird and wonderful issues to boot, so often now. I actually don’t regret my eye surgery. I don’t even regret the fact that I had to sort my eyes out. I actually regretted all the side effects of recovery from these operations and most of the drugs! When I got sick back in April, I did relapse with some of my psychological issues from years ago, e.g aversion to water, was craving junk and take-away food a lot because that’s all I wanted to eat, etc. Well, the wonderful doctor helped me to a large degree to get over this crap. She basically told me I’d have to keep drinking water all the time until I feel like I’m used to drinking it without feeling sick, and then I could just drink as much as I liked after that. Well I’m so glad and so lucky I didn’t get any sicker, and that my chest issues were only a virus! Now, I can eat and drink like a fucking horse! Water doesn’t make me feel sick at all. I can eat until the cows come home. And I make sure to eat vegies with almost every meal. I still hate aeroplanes, no amount of chewing gum will make me feel better when I’m flying. Just give me a pill, some food and water, and let me sleep it off. My ears can pop later when I feel a bit better to eat and drink normally again. I’ll only fly if I have to. I still hate doctors, I won’t just go to one because I can. I have to be really worried to go there. As for surgery, no I’d rather die than have surgery. I may change my mind when it comes to crunch time, but now I’m like, no way! As for my eyes, I’m supposed to see a doctor every year to check them. Well, that’s not happening either. I don’t need a doctor. It’s that simple. If I’m not sick, I don’t need a doctor to tell me what I already know. If they can tell me I need to be checked for certain conditions which don’t show up straight away until you’re really sick, then maybe I’ll get checked. But I won’t go to the doctor just for a health check when I feel no reason to see one. I’m getting worried about my foot, so let’s hope it doesn’t stuff up. There’s a crack right where I cut my foot last year, and I’m getting terrified that something is going wrong with the scar. It hurts very mildly sometimes and it itches occasionally. I’m hoping moisturising cream will help it. Doctors are a last resort for me.

If there’s one thing that I do regret and I still wish it hadn’t happened, I totally can’t stand how I nearly got a job after starting a cooking preparation course, but I lost the job because I had to leave Darwin and go to Cairns suddenly! July was the worst month for me in 2012. I had to get away from Mum because we fought like cats and dogs. I’m still not happy about it, but I can put it to the back of my mind now, most of the time. I’m still angry at Mum, and when we have good conversations on the phone I’m fine, but when we argue, I let her have it. She blames me when things go wrong, but here she is being as fucking abusive as she can be. She blames other people including me, of the problems that happen in our lives, yet she’s always perfect, always fixes her problems, etc. Ok, well how about she fix her abuse problem then? And maybe she’ll be more perfect. Stupid bitch. Sorry guys, but me and Mum aren’t very compatible. I won’t even drink alcohol when I’m around her, I know if I visit her, alcohol is not happening because we fight too much and then we don’t know who started it and who was at fault for what. Mum can’t even stay with me for twenty-four hours, we fight hours after she arrives. So I won’t let her stay with me anymore. I’m really glad I moved into another unit! I tell you what, the other unit was pretty good, but by the time I left the place, I couldn’t get away quick enough. By then, I was having trouble with a neighbour who was situated in a house behind the complex. His dog just wouldn’t shut up, and I couldn’t take it any longer after a few months of the same shit every day. I won’t suggest that getting even was the right thing to do, but Jesus bloody Christ I was so so mad for dealing with the mutt for ever! I decided I wanted to move to Brisbane, but it never happened. Instead, I moved into this place. I did have the opportunity to go, but after finding out about how nice this place was, I really wanted to stay. Each year from then on, I’m given the opportunity to leave or even leave town if I really want to. But, nope I’m here to stay for a long while. My health is at an all-time high, so please for God’s sake, stay that way! There are times where I buy take-away meals, but not every week let alone every day. I don’t walk as much as I used to, but for the time being it doesn’t matter. And yes, I may be getting a doctor to see to my foot before I bugger it up, when I eventually get into walking all the time after the city Council fixes the shopping complex down the road so that I can actually walk there I can’t say this accessibility bullshit will be sorted in five minutes, but I’m sure we can work something out. It would be lovely to be able to walk to the shops and bring some groceries home. No more having to spend money on taxis or catch a bus, unless of course I want to go somewhere else. Actually, I’m going to try to organise for a Council worker to have a look at the place near the shopping centre, where the car park is. I’m sure they could create a walkway somewhere! There’s a grocery store and a couple of cafes at this shopping complex, and walking there would give me so much more exercise. I don’t even like exercising, but if a walk means getting bread and milk, geeze! I’ll walk to and from the shops every frigging day.

Wow! I think this is like the longest blog I’ve written in forever. Oh my God. But what I can say is, this year hasn’t been as bad as other years. Last year I had to deal with illnesses, and the year before that, as well as dramas. This year I dealt with some illness, but I haven’t had it too badly ass a general rule. Troy is doing fantastic. Yes he may be getting old, and aches and pains are starting to catch up with him now, but overall Troy is doing really good. He’s doing better than I expected of him as an almost eleven-year-old. When a guide dog trainer retired him in February this year, she was surprised that Troy was still doing as good as he was. Most dogs deteriorate by his age and are ready to be put down. But not Troy! He’s an exceptional dog. But even the vets said that really good dog owners can’t stop a dog’s health from declining once it starts. Basically, all I can do from now on is to continue with Troy’s excellent vet care, his good food, exercise and so on. But nothing I do will make Troy any better, he’ll just start to deteriorate over time, and depending on the dog it can be a slow or fast progression. Apparently me taking good care of Troy is making it so much easier for him to age gracefully and cope with his slowly worsening arthritis issues, but when it does come to the crunch he’s still going to age and get sick until he dies, no matter how much I try to take care of him really well. It’s like trying to rescue Troy from an oncoming train but all you can do is slow the train down, until it finally runs him over. This is exactly what it’s like. I do think my dog is ageing a lot slower because he’s so healthy and I’ve never allowed him to put on a lot of weight. My grandparents tried to break all the rules regarding his diet, but let’s not get started with the family dramas again. They want me to dump Troy onto someone else so I don’t have to care for him, but that’s not happening and they know it. They want a lot of things. No, I’m living my life however the hell I want to. Anyone who can get rid of a dog for the sake of convenience is plane fucking selfish. The situation could have been different for a million reasons. But it’s not and I’m able to keep Troy. So……… since this is the case, I feel that if I could work with Troy while he was learning the ropes when he first became a guide dog, I’m sure I can be there when he dies. He helped me for most of his life, so I’m now prepared to help him and support him through the rest of his life. It’s only fair.

My boring life

September 6, 2016

I’m using the Notes app with my wireless keyboard to write this blog. I’ve got a cuppa next to me and my BN is connected to the power. So I don’t want anything to spill near it at the moment. I’m using VO while I write my blog, so when I’m done I can simply mute VO and read the blog in Braille. Isn’t that cool! And the good thing about using the wireless keyboard is that I can type porperly like on a computer. And it’s easier to edit text using my Braille display and wireless keyboard too. So I don’t think I’m going to use the QWERTY keyboard on the Braille Note unless I have to. I’m going to Vision Australia on Thursday so of course my gadgets are coming with me! Now I wish Troy could come along as well! God damn it. Anyway, I’ll try to come home as quick as I can so I can take him to the park. It’s another overcast day today, and I’m hoping it won’t be this way all week. A fucking phone bill will be debited tomorrow I think, it won’t help me to get out of the house will it? I’m so stir-crazy now.

I had the best sleep ever last night. I hung the sheets out yesterday, so because I was too lazy to make my bed last night, I took a fitted sheet out of the cubpoard, wrapped myself in it like a cattapillar in a cacoon, and slept on the floor. Troy slept near me and kept trying to push me around while he was sleeping! But I rolled onto my stomach so I couldn’t be moved from my spot on the floor, and I crashed for the entire night, woke up to my new and wonderful alarm, turned it off, and slept for four more hours. I’m refreshed now. I’m aching a bit because I’m not used to sleeping on the floor, but it was worth it. I don’t know what it is with Troy, but if I sleep in my bed, he wanders around sleepwalking, sometimes I wake up to him walking around, sometimes to and from my room. But when I sleep on the floor, Troy does stir a few times each night to turn or quickly get up and lie down because that’s just him, he sleeps very well but is a sleepwalker! But when I’m on the floor he stays in my room and doesn’t wander around a lot. Last night I heard him rolling around, so I guess you can’t change how animals sleep, but you can stop them from walking around a lot by sleeping on the floor wrapped in a sheet! Troy is hilarious. At least I slept well. I’m getting hungry

It looks like I’ll be blogging, watching movies, and playing computer games all day. There’s nothing else to do. And Troy is amusing himself for the moment because after allowing me to share his floor space (he really loves using the carpet as a bed instead of his very expensive bed I bought for him), he just wants his own space back now. Not that he’s the kind of dog that really cares so much, but sometimes everybody needs space after hanging out with you for hours, whether that be napping on the floor while laying at my feet, etc. Last night, Troy sat near me when I played on the laptop, then we both crashed on the floor in my room. Ok, that’s what I wanted to vent about in regard to sleeping on the ground when animals are nearby. Frankly, I couldn’t give a damn. If the animal is tame and it isn’t aggressive or bossy, and you’re not abusive towards the animal, then I see no problem with sleeping near a dog or cat. End of story. With that said, Troy hung out with me all night and now he needs his own space for a while. Just like anybody would need some alone time after hanging out with a friend. I tell ya, I nearly throttled Mum that time a few years when she told me to stop hugging Troy because apparently according to her philosophy, I’m so-called “too close” to Troy. Oh fuck off! There’s a difference between showing affection to a dog or a cat for that matter, and intentionally mishandling/abusing the poor thing! Now, in different countries the legal status of how animals are handled/treated isn’t the same. In Australia, it’s illegal to engage animals in personal activities, dog fighting, etc. For God’s sake I not only agree with these things being outlawed, but to my mind it’s fucking gross! Dog fighting included by the way. Dogs are supposed to be our companions. They aren’t there to be exploited. And, that news story which is easy to find on Google, about a Florida man harming his dog over marriage difficulties, he needs a bullet in the head. So does the judge because he/she, I can’t remember the genda and I don’t care, they gave the poor animal back to the man because it was his mobility aide. Yeah, let’s abuse the animal because it’s considered property and it’s ok! Eeeeeeeuuuuuuuuu yuck! Get out. To me, Troy isn’t property. He’s a living soul. Anyone who wants to contest this can go right ahead, but they certainly won’t change my opinions on these things nor will they change my stance on the moral issues surrounding animal handling and treatment. So anyway, I shouted at Mum when she carried on like she did. I told her to stop cuddling cats then, stop taking the cat to bed then (she doesn’t have a cat), and I’ll stop cuddling Troy. Man did she get angry. So I got more pissed and got in her face, and I basically told her to shut up and if it’s ok to cuddle and sleep with a cat, then guess what? Troy is getting the same treatment so go ahead and call the RSPCA. Go ahead! Apparently I’m abusing the dog right? So, I can then accuse Mum of being abusive to a cat whenever she takes it to bed too. Well that ended the argument! I don’t let my dog in the bed, but my opinion on it is, if the dog is clean, doesn’t have behavioural problems, and you’re not abusive to it, then let it sleep where it likes. But if you won’t let it sleep in the bed, then that’s great too. And when I sleep on the floor, Troy doesn’t get dominant. That’s all bullshit anyway. Troy doesn’t think any differently of me when I’m higher up on a bed or laying on the ground. For heaven’s sake he’s not a wild dog or a wolf! He’s a tamed animal with instincts, but even so he is tame. And tamed animals do behave differently to wild ones. They’re similar but different.

I’ve made a second cup of coffee. So I’m going to continue to write for ages. I need to let a lot of stuff off my chest today. Yes, I’m back into writing long blogs like I used to do! I love talking on Audioboom, but at the moment I’m not into talking so I’m writing instead. Not that talking ever replaces writing by any means, but sometimes I can convey myself better with my writing. So anyway, I’m really angry with Nan and Pop. I don’t have a problem with them having an opinion, geeze everyone can have opinions! But I do have a problem with them expecting me to expect approval from others for my behaviour. Do this, but get approval for it, do that, disapproval equals don’t accept such and such an opinion, or situation, or whatever it might be. Well, sorry to burst their bubble, but I don’t live my life to get approval from others. I guess if I’m really uncertain about something, then definitely it’s for my safety and security to get approval from people. But if I’ve made a decision about whatever it may be regarding my lifestyle, well, I don’t need to be influenced by how people react to determine whether I’ve made a good choice or not. I’m living my life, so really, unless I’m doing something dangerous, it’s not up to anyone else how I live. So yeah, Nan and Pop are in my bad books and they have been for a long time. In fact the next time I speak to them and they bring up some fancy discussion on my lifestyle choices, I’m going to let them have it. Short and to the point, but they will be told straight and down the line, that I’m not tolerating their shit. I’m not a people-pleaser, and they won’t try to turn me into one. My grandparents seem to think they own the world and can boss everyone around. Well I’m not having that attitude and they aren’t welcome here if they’re going to be so rude and disrespectful.

Besides all the family dramas which I try to keep away from, my life is working out just fine. I’ve still got heaps of food in the freezer, so I’m sure I won’t go hungry this week! I did my shopping order last week so it’ll be delivered next week. As soon as it arrives, I’ll be looking for more groceries on special and taking advantage of the deals while I can. If I can spend a hundred dollars or less on a whole lot of groceries then that’s a bonus! Bulk-buying is another favourite strategy too. I save so much money when I bulk-buy and get all the specials. All these people who think they have to spend a lot of money on shopping have to be kidding themselves! Some family members have the worst habit of over-spending, and their excuse is that groceries are expensive and I think, yeah whatever. How about putting some effort into buying groceries on sale and you should start saving money. With the way I buy groceries, I could feed six people on $150-$200 worth of groceries, yet my cousin used to spend nearly $500 a day on the family! Oh my God. Over-spending at its finest there. Her list of excuses is exhaustive, but they’re still excuses. And, if I was faced with having to make a huge feed of whichever type of dish, and I was told to make more of it and don’t be stingy and all that, I’ll tell the ungrateful brood to cook it themselves. I have so many ungrateful family members. My attitude is, I buy food and if someone doesn’t like it, well, they can starve. Obviously there’s food that we all can’t like, so I’d respect that. But if bread is too thick, too thin, there’s not enough food for left-overs the next day, or maybe I didn’t make the right meal, or this, or that, I’d tell said people to bloody well feed themselves instead of being fucking demanding. Yeah, I’m strict. Maybe that’s why I’m unpopular with most of my family, I’m rather strict with my life, I have boundaries that I expect to be respected, I don’t hand out money generously unless someone truly needs assistance with food and money, etc. Yet my hypocrite Auntie will tell me to stop being demanding when I ask my Uncle when the coffee will be ready after I’ve waited for ten minutes for him to make it! She, however, yells and is the most demanding person of all of us, for the very fuckin’ same reason she hates us for when we’re “so demanding”!!!!!!!! She’s a fucking jerk. I may love my family but they’re ungrateful snivelling bastards. Nan and Pop are the same, I generously feed them, let them know there’s rice as well if they want it, and all I get is cold voice tones of, “oh no we don’t need any rice, there’s plenty of food here!” And no sooner do they say this, that by the end of our meals one of them changes their mind and convinces the other to get a little scoop of rice! Fuck them. If this is how people are going to treat me, then I won’t God damn feed them. Maybe if they used nicer voice tones, I might understand them better. If they don’t mean to be cold and nasty, then they God damn well need to change how they talk to me, because claiming to mean one particular demeanor while acting cold towards me is very confusing. I really can’t stand people who act hard-done-by while they expect everyone else to be happy. I think most of my family members needs to get off the high horse.

Troy is back again!😃😃😃😃😃

September 5, 2016

Hiiiiiiiiiii! How’s it going guys? I need to take over Mum’s blog again because I think she’ll need to take over the site again for the rest of the night! So before I forget what I need to say, I’d better run over here and write! Well, I spent all day doing nothing. It’s raining. And this afternoon Mum got me to run and dance around for a while until my legs started to ache a bit. Mum is getting worried about me. I feel great though, but sometimes I get a bit achy if I run too much. I’ve never felt like that before! I did feel normal again after a few minutes, I suppose that’s a good sign right? I’m still as young as ever. I really want to go to the park butt Mum says it’s too wet outside. What do you mean it’s too wet? I love running around when it’s raining! But apparently Mum doesn’t like me running around in the house when I’m wet. Geeze! I guess I don’t have to clean the house. Oh well, that’s Mum’s job! Hopefully we can go to the park when it’s not raining. I really want to visit that pet shop lady again! I don’t know when Mum will let me go back to the pet shop again. I really love that place. Mum sometimes gets me treats from there, she always gets them when I’m not there. I guess she loves surprising me! What I really want to do is go back to the fish and chips shop. I like to sit next to Mum while she eats. And I love to sneak a hello greeting to as many people whenever I can. I never want to leave! I’m sitting near Mum now actually. I wish I could go out but I can’t! Apparently Mum has a stupid phone bill to pay in a couple of days or something. Damn the bill. Now I get to lie here in peace because Mum isn’t rattling on anymore, that guy talks to her for ages! He’s just a friend though, he already has a girlfriend. I can’t wait for that support worker lady to come around again too. She’s nice! She and Mum argue a lot but at least they try to get along so I like that. And the lady pats me a lot but isn’t very huggy. I wish she was! Oh, that’s right. I recall writing that the other day as well. Oh, well I guess that’s how boring life is, I can’t think of what to say and sometimes I forget what I already said. Damn it! I love to wag my tail while Mum pats me. Sometimes I swish hair in her face. Yuck! But I can’t help it. I have to stay home while Mum goes out on Thursday. I wish I didn’t have to. I can’t wait till Mum gets home and we can go to the park! She tries to stay there for as long as she can whenever she goes out for a long time because she wants to keep me away from the house so I forget about having to stay home for half the day. When I get home I can never go to sleep quick enough! I get so tired.

There’s something I do need to say before I forget. What I really hate is being told I have to be re-homed! Now, I know Mum won’t just dump me like that, who gives their best friend away anyway? But basically, some people who Mum calls grandparents, well they used to tell her make-believe crap about me. Total rubbish to be honest. I didn’t care really because I know I’m staying here forever. And Mum has said so many stupid things about never watching me get put to sleep one day and all that stuff and blah blah blah. Yeah right! Mum wants me to stay around forever but she’s also making sure I don’t get too sick. So apparently she will be waiting for me to go to sleep one day. Geeze, I fall asleep every night! Anyway, apparently Mum has different beliefs, about what does she call it? Um… Eu-tha-na-sia? Is that right? Um, anyway, she has different beliefs about that, she used to have horrible ideas about wanting people and animals to live for ever and ever and ever, no matter how sick they are. But, well… Ah, a few times over my life, I noticed Mum get so sick sometimes! And she used to talk about dying, good this and good that, and all sorts of things about only healthy people should live… Oh I don’t know. But it had something to do with this……… Ah, euthanasia thingy. She certainly doesn’t want me to get as sick as she got a few times. Oh, she always asks about why we can have a needle but people can’t? Then I hear things about religion. Religion my foot! Religion has nothing to do with sickness andf wanting to stop suffering. So I don’t know why religion should come into it. Anyway, I wish I could discuss this with other doggies, but I guess I can’t, so I’ll write what I think.

Well, firstly, I don’t believe in dying. Well, not like, um, when you’re feeling so great and all that right. But I do believe if you’re hurting too much, then maybe it’s a different story. Or is it? Ok, what I want, is to live forever! I want to feel so great like I am now, I want to stay alive for a long time. I’m really happy. But I can’t understand why I sometimes feel a bit achy, why I get so tired, but then I come good again. I really can’t understand that and I do not want to put up with getting tired easily for so long. I want to stay happy. But if I get too sick or hurt too much or can’t exercise anymore or whatever, then I think I’d just rather lie down and retire. Oh wait, I am retired already! Oh, and I’m lying down. Oh, I have no idea what to believe seriously! How can you lie down and retire when you’re already retired? Doesn’t make any sense to me? But anyway, I wouldn’t want to hurt every day for the rest of my life that’s for sure! At least Mum knows what a good life is. I’m so glad I’m allowed to stay with her.

Testing something with my wireless keyboard

September 5, 2016

I’m just doing some things to make sure I can use my Bluetooth keyboard properly. I’m about to paste a link in this post just to see that it works. For interest, let’s have a look at my GoFundMe page! There we go, I hope using my wireless keyboard to post links is well worth the cause lol! Ok seriously, the test is over now, I’m going to send this post.

5 September, 2016 17:02

September 5, 2016

I’m finally able to use my Bluetooth keyboard with my Braille Note! I haven’t even needed to ring Humanware yet like I thought I’d need to. I no longer have to use Perkins Braille keystrokes when typing on the Braille Note. I can simply use my Bluetooth keyboard to write normally. I can mute voice-over, type on the wireless keyboard, feel the display to check for mistakes, and go from there. It only fucking took three hours to fix it! I had to forget both my Braille Note and my wireless keyboard on the phone, then I had to reset the Braille Note for the fifth time, then I reconnected my Bluetooth devices. Now I’m listening to a Podcast while the phone is charging on the bench, my BN and wireless keyboard are in front of me. Let’s see if I can copy and paste this into a message window! Well, it looks like I’m having a bit of fun this arvy!!!!!!!!! I listened to a few podcasts and now I’m doing perfect with my Bluetooth keyboard. I’ve got the BN in front of me and I’m typing in
the message window. I can copy and paste if I need to but I find I don’t really have to now. I’ve got voice-over turned off so I can just feel the Braille display whenever I think I need to, and I can sooooooooo easily edit my text as though I was using a computer. Wow this is crazy exciting! I think I could write for bloody hours now. I love my wireless keyboard. I’m keeping it with me for good. I won’t leave without it. Bluetooth and voice-over used to have a lot of problems, but the bugs have been fixed and I can type normally without a hitch. I do make typing errors, but I can edit those and I don’t have to worry about voice-over playing up on me when I use this keyboard. I’m so happy!

5 September, 2016 14:42

September 5, 2016

Oops! I sent the damn blog by accident. And no, I’m not prepared to go into Safari to edit the thing. So let’s start again. Sorry guys! I’m trying to get used to my Bluetooth keyboard here. Anyway. as I was saying, the Braille display isn’t showing up at all when I’m in the Braille terminal using the Bluetooth port. I’m very very pissed off! This is really bullshit you know. I was going well with the BN until I brought my Bluetooth keyboard out and now look at where I’m at. Fucking nowhere. Oh my God. Let’s just say I want to throw my Braille Note away now. It’s useless, you can’t do anything with it. I love the Braille output, but I can easily get a Braille display without the note-taker part. The computer is really stuffed. I think I might be doing a low-rating review about the BN I think. Not happy Jan!

5 September, 2016 14:38

September 5, 2016

It’s a rainy day! I really wanted to go out but apparently it’s not happening. I’m quite pissed, but there’s nothing I can do about it which really sucks. So I’ve decided to spend the day surfing the blog sites and writing and all that. I still haven’t found a way to copy a Keyword document over to the iPhone. Once you enter Braille Terminal Mode, you can’t do anything else with the Braille Note until you escape out of the Braille terminal. Damn! I’m back. I was interrupted by eaving to do my washing. I wanted to hang it to 1get it out of the road before I forget to do it. It’s not good leaving wet clothes around! as for my ugly fucking neighbours, they’re going cf the Body Corporate guy because apparently the guys are blowing the grass into the next-door bloçk of units. The bastards are pretty abusi”e towards the Body Corp people. Poor Troy tried to look through my back door when the curtains were drawn across, but I waited for him to settle before opening the glass pannel. I think wevery should have fresh air, but I don’t want my dog to have a go at people when he doesn’t need to. Some people are big-mouthed foghorns, but I don’t want Troy to cause more trouble when we’re perfectly safe in here. Troy is doing well so I’m sitting at the dining table again like I usually do every day. I had two cups of coffee and a huge feed, and a big drink of water. I’ll be making another cuppa soon. At least the neighbours aren’t shouting anymore. I guess I’ll be hosing the patio later because some foghorns wouldn’t let the lawn mower guys do their job. The only reason I’m not moving out is because my unit is a really nice one.

There hasn’t been a whole lot happening in the blog world lately. I guess life is just plain boring lol. There honestly isn’t any exciting news for me to share, other than the saga between Body Corporate and the neighbours who have no business to carry on like that. I suppose I’ll have news after I ring Humanware and ask a few questions. I actually feel like it’s going to be a waste of time somehow. I can’t put my finger on it, but I don’t exactly want to ring a company only to hear that they can’t give me answer’s. I’ll try out my Bluetooth keyboard and ic that works, I won’t ring Humanware, but if it doesn’t, I’ll ring them. I just hate feeling let down! So… I’ll be back with my Bluetooth keyboard and I’ll try to pair it with the Braille Note.

Well, I’m back, with a whole lot more fucking frustration!!!!!!!!! I’ve got my Bluetooth keyboard working perfectly. There’s no fault with it at all. I listened to a podcast and got this gadget playing by the rules yea! But…….. But but but!!!!!!! My frigging Braille Note ain’t working properly. Oh fuck my life! I can’t get the Braille display to work when I go into Braille Terminal Mode with the Bluetooth port. When I’m in the Braille settings in the voice-over section, it tells me that the Apex is connected, paired and everything. But the fucking

Back again with another post after making a discovery

September 4, 2016

I’m back to write another post. I was trying to make a new paragraph by pressing the inner and outer right thumb keys together, but instead the message sent to my blog. Well, at least I don’t have to look for the Send button anymore! So with that, let’s move on to what I actually wanted to discuss, and hopefully I don’t mistakenly send my post prematurely again, at least not for a while. You’ve gotta start the learning process from somewhere! Ok, so I want to test cutting and pasting from Keyword, into this text message. I can’t say it’ll work out, but I’m going to give it a go. Well it looks like this idea of pasting info from Keyword isn’t gonna work. Oh well, I’ll just type in this message window using Braille Entry Mode. You’ve got to use the QWERTY keys as dots 1-2-3-4-5-6, just like on a Perkins Brailleer. God typing is slow! There’s no way to make it so I can type normally either. So I guess I’ll have to make do withthe the way things are until I figure out some more accidental discoveries haha! Oh, I’ve just worked out how to activate the new line key. You press Spacebar with the semi-colon key. Right. Hopefully I can sort this bloody Braille Note navigation stuff out without buggering it too much lol! I can write pretty good so I’m happy about that. I think the QWERTY set-up fucking sucks! Like, you can’t even use the keyboard to its full potential while you’re using your iOS device with your Braille Note via Bluetooth. You can only use the QWERTY keyboard properly when you’re in the Braille Note’s main software, which is where you start out at before you connect your Braille Note to your iPhonestiPadstother iOS device, using Bluetooth. So basically, once you’ve gone into Braille Terminal Mode in order to control other devices, you can no longer use your Qwerty keyboard on the Braille Note properly. You have to escape out of Braille Terminal Mode, but then you can’t even control your devices! It’s frigging stupid. I think I may just call Humanware tomorrow and let them know about this issue. Surely there has to be a way where you can type the normal way on the Braille Note while in Braille Terminal Mode, or at least be able to copy stuff across from the Braille Note wordprocessor, to the cchrrent paired iOS device! For example, I want to be able to quickly write in Keyword on my BN, then cut my document, then go into Braille Terminal Mode in order to take control of my phone, then paste said text into my phone’s notes, messages, mail, etc etc. I hope I haven’t confused you all lol. Also if anybody can let me know anything more about all of this and the issues I’ve discussed that would be cool too! In any case, I’ll let you guys know how I go with the call to Humanware. I’ll ring them tomorrow at some point..

I had to copy and paste my blog into the Notes app. My supposed idea about the new line turned out to be a load of shit. Oh damn it!!!!!!!! Oh well, I’more in the Notes app now so at least using both thumb keys on the right of the BN won’t activate the Send button now. I’ll just copy the tex into the message again when I’m ready to sen my post. Easy done! Tomorrow I’ve decided Im taking Troy to the park and haeaving a picnic. That way I can get out of the house and also take my dog with me. I waneated to go to town, but because of Thoy’s retirement, he can no longer come along with me. So I’ll be making some sandwiches and taking it from there. I think I may possibly bring my Braille Note as weblind, I can’t be sure, but I like writing and reading, so it would be very nice to be able to read and/or write while I sit down and let Troy run around. I’ll decide whether the BN comes with me or not by the time I’ve made the sandwiches.

I was interrupted by a phone call. Some I talk to on Facetime and Roger is trying to straighten some life issues out and I’m giving him advice and all that. Apparently this guy’s cousin wants to make sure he sorts everything out in a timely fashion too. Hopefully the guy can get his life in order so his mother won’t keep controlling the situation all the time. I can only assume that he’ll be fine. I’m a bit freaked out about some of the family dramas that he has to deal with, but I’m sure he’s a big boy and he’ll find a way to get away from all the shit and learn how to live his own life. I’ve pretty much helped this person as much as I can so now the ball is in his court. I can just focus on relaxing and falling asleep whenever it happens. I’m looking forward to tomorrow, I can’t wait to sit at the park for two hours. I need to get away from home for a while. I may love books and computer games, but sometimes I have to go out!

4 September, 2016 19:52

September 4, 2016

I’ve been stuffing around with my Braille Note. For some reason it lets me type the less-than sign but not the greater-than sign. So basically, whenever I paste links into my blog when I’m using the Braille Note with the phone, I have to use my phone’s numbers and symbols keyboard to type the symbols in properly. Sometimes I’d rather just type blogs using my laptop because it’s quicker and easier, and Safari, as stupid which it is, wen’t let me edit my posts! How crampy. But if I don’t have to edit posts, typing on the phone is just fine. I can either use Braille Screen Input or my Braille Note. I like the Braille Note though because the Bhl display is right there and I can feel what I’m doing and fix mistakes straight away and check my writing as I go. Last night I was quite tired and I accidentally sent my post, so I didn’t bother to edit the post. But tonight I’m ok and I have a lot more control of this machine and am doing not too bad so far! I’ll be back in a minute, I’m
just going to check something in Keyword. I want to try copying and pasting from there to here. But then when I come to think of it, I don’t think this will work! Oh shit. Forget that idea then. Um…… Hmmmmmmm… Let me think…….. The other problem I have is getting onto my blog site directly from my Braille Note’s Internet Explorer. It’s not that good with Internet connections. Damnmnmnmnmnmnmnmn!!!!!! Ok… Well I guess I’ll just have to stick to writing in here for now. I wanted to quickly type normally in Qeyword, then cut and paste it here.

Troy says hi

September 4, 2016

Hi everyone it’s me again! The other day Mum took me to the pet shop! And I was given a treat by my favourite lady! I love her to bits. Mum got grumpy at me because I tried to play with another dog when it came into the store, but the dog wouldn’t come over to me, so Mum insisted I leave it alone. Oooooooohhhhhh!!!!!!! But I guess not every dog wants to be friends with me. Mum’s support worker was a bit sad that I wasn’t allowed to play, but she knows Mum is strict with me sometimes so the lady let her be. But my favourite pet shop lady seems to have a lot of experience with most animals especially dogs and birds – why not dogs and cats? Oh, never mind – but. um…. But anyway, um… ah, yeah! My favourite pet shop lady seemed to understand with all of her experience, that Mum was trying to make me realise that I can’t force other doggies to be friends or play games! Everyone is nice to me though. I love all the people there. I love Mum’s support worker too, but she’s not a very cuddly person! I don’t mind a hug sometimes! I guess everybody can’t be the same can they, and a friendly dog can’t be picky! Oh, I think that’s similar to saying… Ah, beggars can’t be choosers, is that right? Well anyway, I love everybody so it’d be nice if everyone would give my tummy a scratch and give me a biiiiiiiiiiiiiig hug. But still, I am grateful that almost everyone loves me.

I’m getting really hot lately. I’m guessing summer is almost here. But it’s only September! Even Mum is worried about me going to the park. Oh Mum, but I love running around! But she keeps reminding me that I get tired easier now? What is she talking about! But when she does let me go for a run and a gallop, I do start to regret it after a while, so maybe she’s right? But I honestly don’t feel that bad! Just really hot and all that. And when I do get home, I fall asleep straight away. It must just be the weather or something. I hope I’m not getting old! I want to stay young for a long time. Mum does feed me a special diet though and I love it! A couple of years ago the vet did something to my back legs which really hurt! Then I was given tablets for a whole week and my legs didn’t hurt anymore. Then I was given some stuff on my food, then Mum slowly got me used to a different food, then a similar different version of the same food, and I’ve been fine ever since. I hope this means no more issues for me. My tummy got sooooooooooo sore last year, I had to take some horrible medicine for ages! (Only 3 weeks). I really hated it! But I’m doing really good now. I think Mum is keeping me fit and healthy just so the vets can keep helping me if something goes wrong. That’s good, I don’t want to go anywhere just yet and at the moment my life is perfect. Mum is happy too.

I love getting in the taxi and sitting at the fish and chips shop while Mum eats. Hmmmmm, reminds me of the good old times! I don’t like having a hard time using my back legs to jump off the ground. They feel like they’re going stiff. But I can get out of the car just fine, and my legs don’t hurt a lot. Let’s hope it stays that way. I’m glad Mum still lets me write in her blog. God knows how long she has kept it for, and she was swearing and stressing out a few times every day for a week! She really, really really really really wants to keep the site working so it doesn’t break or get deleted. I don’t see why though… Come on it’s just the…. What do you call it? In-tanet. Intanet. Or, no, interrrrrrrrnet. Ok, whatever it’s called. Anyway, I’m not understanding this whole blog thing, but I love how Mum lets people know how I am, and she lets me ramble in it! Mum is awesome. And so am I! But sometimes Mum does catch me playing up, like when I try to steal my food before Mum blows the whistle! But she’s smart, she really knows how to get me to listen to her. I bet that pet shop lady secretly gives her a lot of tips that also works for birds! Wow. I had no idea that some types of animal training works for more than one kind of animal! So long as Mum knows I love to eat that’s all that counts. Sniff sniff where’s my food? Oh damn it! Need to wait till daylight. I like how Mum works things out, at least I’m not confused and I know what will happen and when. God help the dogs who have no idea of what’s expected of them when their cruel masters are so-called looking after them! Ok, we won’t go there. I know that Mum stresses out a lot when she finds out about how animals are treated by some people so let’s move on. That other little dog Mum had one time was a nightmare – I wouldn’t tolerate it either! I just played with her, but God she was nasty! I’m glad she’s gone and I don’t miss her! Oh, but she was only a baby so who knows what she would have been like as a grown-up dog. Oh well.

My Braille Note

September 3, 2016

Ok, I couldn’t think of what to write all day. But I have finally worked it out! I’m in my room using my Braille Note to write. I realise I haven’t said much about my Braille Note since getting it at the beginning of this year. I haven’t used the BN much until about three months ago when I finally decided to put my frustrations aside and damn well put my brain into gear and learn how to use it properly. I thought to myself, I got a grant through Vision Australia so I may as well get used to this gadget otherwise it would have been a waste of money. So I started playing around with the Braille Note and now I can’t leave it alone! I’m still trying to get used to some of the features on it, like how to search Safari without having to touch the phone, how to write web addresses without stuffing up the symbols by accident etc. But at least I can read books, write, read web pages, emails and the like. I’m a lot better with my Bation th
an I used to be. I did a lot of searching on the Humanware website, and found a huge amount of info on the Braille Note Apex QT, which I’ve got. I also got a lady from VA to help me out too, blindless her! She appologized profusely when she realised she got some information wrong too, the poor thing. I felt terrible for her! I told her she was a great help, I said I probably should have contacted Humanware ages ago but I wanted to try to figure out as much as possible before ringing them so I didn’t have to ask as many questions. The lady was very understanding! I still haven’t contacted the company. Maybe I will, but me and phone calls don’t mix. It’s not that I absolutely hate phone calls, I will make them, but I try to wait till I’ve exhausted all my options for working something out before ringing people. In any case I can use my Braille Note pretty good now, so I’m not too concerned anymore. I feel that I can use this computer well enough now that I don’t need a lot of conelp at the moment.


I’m writing on my laptop now. I accidentally sent the post when I was in MMS format. Oops! So I’m editting this post now. Anyway, what I was trying to say was, I’m realy happy t be using the Braille Note a lot more. It makes my life a lot easier when I don’t have to listen to a screen reader all the time… I’d rather read everything in Braille, I can detect mistakes quicker that way. But since I accidentally posted my message to the blog, I guess I’ve had to change tactics for now. Next time I’ll be writing in the Notes app in the phone so that way I can’t accidentally send the post, and all I have to do is copy and paste the blog into a text MMS and ost it. Oh well. At least I’m finishing this poost properly. My laptop keyboard really sucks, it keeps fucking mistyping all the time! Anway, since I like the BN so much, I’m eventually trading it off for a Braille Note Touch. That’s a few years down the track though. The other thing I wanted to talk about for a few days now, is the way people interfere with guide dog teams. Now, I have discussed in gory details my issues with the way people treat guide dog teams, just look at all the posts about me and Troy! But on Friday afternoon, I read <a href=”https://bethfinke.wordpress.com/2016/08/31/does-this-harness-make-my-butt-look-too-small/”>a post which really topped it off for me.</a> Honestly, the lengths people will go to in order to convince us differently to what we’ve been trained to do, really astonishes me. Oh my God! Actually, the amount of arguments I’ve had with family members, the amount of times I’ve had to express to strangers in a polite manner, that I can only do what my guide dog trainer says to do, etc… etc… etc… really gives me the shivers too. Seriously! All these people who know everything and know nothing! Yet they’ll be the first ones to complain about maltreatment of our dogs, malnutrition, blah blah blah, yet they WILL NOT be told right or wrong, about their own pets! O—–k!!!!!????? What——–ever. There are too many know-alls in this world by the looks of it. And to add, education may be a helpful tool, but it can’t help everybody. As the old saying goes, you can’t help those who don’t want to help themselves. And the other saying: You can’t change anyone except yourself. And what about the other saying? You can’t convince a skeptic with evidence because even though it’s there in front of them, they don’t want to see it. There you have it.


September 3, 2016

I’m just using my phone to test out a link. Budget Pet Products I hope this works


September 2, 2016

I had a reasonably good day. This afternoon I had a look for a list of websites with details of cockatiel breeders. Me and my support worker will be checking a few places out over the next few months. Hopefully I’ll get a very friendly bird. I also sorted out my GoFundMe page. Have a look on the sidebar for more details. The link is working, I tested it a few times. So now I’m happy! I’ll be putting my feet up for the rest of the night. I’ll be getting some apricot chicken and rice, then I’ll be listening to Roger when I go to bed. I have to say, I feel pretty good! I don’t have to worry about the shopping next week, so that’s a plus. Troy had a good time at the park this afternoon. And I had two chicken sandwiches while I was there. I’m glad I bought the hot chicken now, I really like making sandwiches when I don’t want to put effort into preparing other meals! It’s a quick and easy way to get my fill. Tomorrow and Sunday will be stay at home days for me, nothing else to do so it looks like I’ll be reading books all the time. Oops, I forgot to go to the post office today! Omg I have books that are overdue. Oh, I definitely have to sort this out next week! I’ve set my blog up pretty well for the moment, so I guess all I need to do now is write regularly again like I used to. My Audioboom posts automatically post to Word Press now, but I think writing is good too. So with that said, I reckon I should have a really great weekend, as slack as it will be. So apart from that my life is very boring. There’s really nothing exciting to write about. I guess I could rant about things, but other than that there’s no news. What I will say though, is that I’ve made my decision not to get another guide dog. I just feel that with all the stress you have to go through in order to get a trained dog, it’s not worth it. Guide dogs are wonderful companions, but at the same time I think it’s easier just to get a pet dog. Or in my case, once Troy dies, I’d rather just not get another dog. They’re very expensive to look after, and guide dogs are even more so. Plus you’ve also got to go through the heartache of retiring your guide dog when the time comes as well. I’m just not prepared to go through all of this again. Troy is a wonderful dog and I’ll never forget him and when he’s gone I’ll miss him forever. It’s so easy to get a new dog, but you can never replace Troy.

2 September, 2016 12:38

September 2, 2016

Well… I’m still sitting at the dining table. I have been here for just over half an hour. I’m currently finishing my mug of coffee and cup of water after eating cereal and a packet of chips. Hopefully I’ll still have time to vacuum the floor before the support worker turns up. So in the meantime I thought I’d write for a while. The weather is fine today. The street is busy as it usually is every day, and the breeze coming through my place right now is absolutely beautiful. Troy is chilling out after having a feed and a relieving break outside. He’s a bit of a night owl like me I think, he is more active of an afternoon and evening. The birds are having a party too! I love listening to them sing.

Those bloody annoying pigeons are back! The hawkes ate the babies last week so now the adult birds are back trying to breed again. They hang around the units here and build a nest wherever the can fit it. Hopefully they’ve made a more secure location, the poor babies didn’t stand a chance on the ledge on the side of the units near the airconditioner for one of the upstairs units. I think the mongrels are back where they were origionally. Hopefully they’ll piss off when neighbours move in upstairs. Apart from that, my unit is nice to live in. I want to stay for a long time. Cairns is a good place, not too busy and not a very big city. I can’t think of what else to say, will be back to finish this post later.

12:17 pm and I still haven’t vacuumed the floor. I guess I feel like I’m hopeless at it because every other time I’ve done it, my support worker has seen that the floor looks dirty as though I haven’t tried hard to vacuum properly, even though we both know I do try but being blind doesn’t make it any easier. So now I refuse to vacuum the floor unless I really have to do it. My neighbour is doing her washing so I can’t use the washing machine at the moment. I so can’t wait to have a washing machine put in here! I can damn well do my laundry whenever I like and there’ll be nothing anyone can do about it. I’m so sick of having to do washing when my neighbour won’t be using the machine, it’s a pain in the arse to schedule my wash loads around her fucking routine. I just want to live how I want without having to deal with my neighbours. I’m not here to please and wait on everyone. The best part about having the laundry in here is that I can do my washing at any time of the day or night! I won’t have any restrictions on me whatsoever. I honestly won’t know what to do with myself. I’ve actually got it good here. I’ve been told by a few people that I should move out, but most people think I’ve got it easy. So now I don’t care what anyone says, I’m staying here for as long as I want and while I can still afford to.

2 September, 2016 10:28

September 2, 2016

I’m in my room as I write this. I had the best sleep in! I am still yet to get out of bed. My support worker will turn up at one o’clock. So I need to get a feed and do a quick clean-up. Half my time with the support worker is housework, and then I don’t get much time to bloody go out and have fun. So I’ll try to vacuum the floor, I can’t imagine it’ll be very good. I’m hopeless at cleaning let alone vacuuming the floor! I have to take some books to the post office and I’m surprising Troy with a trip to the pet shop! He’ll love it. He hasn’t seen the pet shop lady for ages! I’ll tell my support worker not to let Troy know that anything is happening that involves him. As for me, I’m doing fine. Let’s just say I have to do slow cooker meals a lot more often. I feel sooooooooooooooo awesome when I wake up the next day! I naturally feel really groggy when I first wake up, but when I’m awake, I’m pretty much perfect. After my day is over with, my weekend will be totally boring. I’
m in money-saving mode, so the only time I can actually go out all the way through next week is when I need groceries. By next pension I’m going to be stir-crazy and rearing to get out and splurge! At this shopping centre I go to, they have the best milkshakes! I’m definitely getting a milkshake and a serving of apple pie with cream and ice-cream! And a really really nice coffee to boot. Fun times are rear these days but worth it! I think next time when I go out, I’ll make sure to keep a few dollars aside and buy a coffee along with my groceries so at least I can spend a couple of hours out of the house. We’ll see what happens. I just need to find ways to entertain myself when I’m out without spending a lot of money. Anyway I’ve got to get up… I could write all day but sadly I can’t, so I’ll come back on here again soon. Take care until then!!

1 September, 2016 22:01

September 1, 2016

I’m having a really good time with my blog!!!!!! I’m so happy I can now write using my phone, I don’t need to use the Word Press app or Safari! I think this is awesome. I think good times are ahead for this site. I’ve kept it going for so long now that I’d be devastated to get rid of it. So I’m really happy that I’ve organised the blog so I can pretty much do posts whenever I like now. I’ll be getting my support worker to take a photo tomorrow so hopefully I can sort out my GoFundMe page sooner rather than later. It sucks super badly that I can’t even put a Paypal button on my blog! I was going to use my Paypal account because people can donate whatever amount of money they like and eventually, all I’d need to do if I’ve got a fair amount of money is, is simply take the Paypal button away and say thanks for the assistance and all that. GoFundMe is similar, except it’s a fund-raiser so you get a fixed amount or over, depending on how much is donated to you. But with Paypal, a fixed amount of money is optional, if you don’t set the fixed amount as an option, then basically you’re set up to receive unlimited donations. Oh well, I’ll see how I go with my GoFundMe page. I want to make money through my blog and Paypal would have been perfect, but nope, not gonna happen! It’s a pity really.

Tomorrow my support worker is showing up in the afternoon. Housework before that. And I’ll be playing around with the computer. God knows what else I’ll get up to. I feel like I’m going mad lol. I can’t go out and get a job, so I may as well try to work from home, and blogging is a start. And now that I’ve set myself up so I can use the laptop or my phone, my life will be a hell of a lot easier. Anyway, I don’t have anything else to say for the moment, so I’ll be back on here later.

Another test post

September 1, 2016

This is another test, using my phone to email this post. I did a lot of stuff with my blog today, was unsuccessful at creating a PayPal button, I can’t create a new GoFundMe campaign until my support worker comes around tomorrow so she can help me take a photo for it etc, etc. Wow! Anyway hopefully I’ll get somewhere with this.

Test post

September 1, 2016

I’m testing an email post. if this works I’ll try doing a post from my phone. If not, I’ll just do a post in Safari. My biggest concern with emailing posts is that I’m limited to the email server. I can’t send very large emails. But if I use Word Press directly, I can pretty much do whatever I like. Ok, let’s see how this goes.

Fixing my blog site and other stuff

August 31, 2016

I spent half of the night stuffing around with my blog. I haven’t edited and cleaned the site up for fucking ages, so last night was the go for me. I did a lot more editing today. I think I’m doing pretty good! The only thing I can’t do is change the colours and fonts. I think I’ll get my support worker to do this for me. The wordpress.com domain is a lot different to what it used to be. Now you can just type your URL in and then type a forwad slash with wp-admin. You go straight to your dashboard page! The other way I discovered is to go to the main blog page where all my posts are, scroll to the bottom, and go to the ‘my sites’ link and open it. That way I can pretty much do what I like there. Now that I’m getting used to the layout, it’s not that bad really. I added some widgets, so hopefully anyone can navigate around my blog a lot easier. I only spent nearly twenty-four hours trying to figure it out! Hopefully I can sleep peacefully tonight.

I had a really good day yesterday. I came home from the shopping centre wwith some fruit, and realised I accidentally binned the bananas when I couldn’t find them anywhere this morning. Oh well, I still have watermelon in the fridge. I’m gonna eat a lot of it soon, and the rest of it tomorrow. Today and tomorrow are going to be boring days. Then on Friday my support worker will pick me up. I’ll be doing audio recordings for Audioboom. If you open this page you’ll see my Audioboom profile. From what I recall, you have to log into the site to listen. Otherwise it’s way easier to click on the audio buttons that appear every time I post recordings to Audioboom, because the account is linked to my blog, and to Facebook and Twitter. I always try to record as much of my outings as I can, especially the shopping centre outings. Soon I’ll be doing a recording of me reorganising my pantry. Tomorrow I’m setting up slow cooked apricot chicken casserole, so be ready for that! I’ll be cooking rice tomorrow night to serve with it. Yum. I won’t be buying much food next week, only bread and milk. I’m saving up as much money as possible so I can eventually get a new bird. I’ll be looking for the most friendliest bird I can find. Until then, I’ll be keeing spending to a minimum and entertaining myself at the shops whenever I can for as little cost as possible. I also try to get the specials from Cole’s Online. I’m actually going to organise another grocery order sooner than later so I can make sure I get as many cheap groceries as possible before the specials change again. Then I don’t have to worry about the groceries at all. I can simply wait for them to be delivered. I think I might just set my order up now and come back to my blog later. I shouldn’t be too long

I’m finally back to finish writing. One hour later that is. A lot has happened that’s for sure. First, I packed my pantry away.. Actually, I took everthing out of the cupboards and then repacked it neatly so it would all fit in there. Then as I was doing my recording while I was finishing a Cole’s order, the phone died. I really hope this recording has worked out because if not I’ll be very shitted off! I didn’t spend a lot of time packing my recording with interesting stuff for nothing. After I sorted that crap out, I decided to pack my online trolley with stuff so it can be delivered to me in two weeks and I won’t have to worry about it. All I need to do now is buy a few extra essentials here and there and that’s it. I’m intending to keep a tight budget just so I’ve got money for a rainy day. Plus I want to scour the whole town to find a really really tame and friendly bird.

My happy dog takes over my blog once again!

August 29, 2016

It’s me again! I haven’t written for weeks and weeks and weeks! Mum has been too busy using the computer, so she wouldn’t let me put my dirty paws on it! Grrrrrrrr! Oh well…….. Oh well. Apparently Mum had to sort a lot of things out, a lot of arguments between Mum and a few people happened too, don’t know why, but I’m still here, as happy as can be. I’m snoozing for a while, so Mum is writing for me. I have a lot of lazy days now. I also love roaming around in the park down the road. I haven’t gotten sick for a long time so it’s a bonus for me to be allowed to run around there whenever I like! That is, if my lazy mother would just take me there more often! But I always smell coffee and hear her tapping away at the computer all the time, and I usually hear laughing and murmuring, with the occasional whinging and whining and moaning. Oh well I guess everyone stresses out sometimes. Anyway, Mum is apparently fine, so long as she’s good I’ll be happy! I fail to understand why she got rid of that little budgie. Mum calls it Sunshine. Anyway the bird is gone now. What I really hated was when the bird kept biting me and because Mum didn’t want me to tell her (Sunshine) off, I had to just keep walking away. Sunshine never learned to stop biting. Mum was out forever last Friday. Then she came home talking about a new bird, hopefully it’ll damn well be a friendlier one! I can’t say when this new bird will ever arrive, so I guess there’s no point in speculating about it. At least Sunshine won’t try to bite me anymore, and at least Mum won’t have to put up with being bitten a lot now either. Mum wasn’t very happy or very impressed when she and the support worker took Sunshine out to the car, so I assume that it must have felt like a waste of time trying to get along with her. Hmmmmmmmmm, I can only imagine it being like trying to say hi to another lovely dog when all it wants to do is be horrible to me! Yeah, I’d be disappointed too.

I really, really really really really really……. really really wanna go back to that…… ummmmmmm…….. um, ah, the um…. pet sh… pet shop! That’s it, the pet shop. Where Sa…. Ah what’s her name. Sa…d, um, No. It’s that lady who gave Mum the bird. She and some other people, well, they’re lovely people aren’t they? I really wanted to go and visit everyone at this shop the other day, but she wouldn’t let me go. Oooooooooohhhhhhhhh! I’m really good at making people cheer up though! Mum won’t tell me when I can go to the pet shop again, so I have no idea what’s going on there. I wish I knew. I’d jump up and down if I knew she was going there. I bet she’s keeping her ideas from me just so I don’t turn into a loonie. Well, I can’t help it. I mean, what do you expect when I’m soooooooooo happy to be going somewhere Sometimes! I get very nostalgic and wish I could get dressed up again so I can go to work! Oh damn……… Wait, Mum hasn’t got the harness anymore.. Damn it! What I like about my life without having to work though is, Mum doesn’t make me keep thinking about what I’m doing. I can sniff, muck around, lie or sit down whenever I like most of the time, etc. When I had my harness on, I could only do doggy things if Mum said it was ok, and even then I was restricted. No sniffing, only sitting or lying down on command, but Mum spoiled me a little bit anyway so don’t tell anyone! And I had to wait every time before being allowed to cross roads, go forward, etc. Now I just walk next to Mum on the leash, and even if I try to work and all that, Mum keeps saying ‘heel’ and keeps walking. But then I get snacks as well, so I love my life! Oh, and she uses the cane too. Just bloody hurry up already! I can walk way quicker without her using the cane. Oh shit, I need the harness if she’s not using the cane! Oh, and she also holds people’s elbows now. Ooooooooooh I wish I could guide her around! Reality smacks me in the face again. Now I wish I wasn’t retired, but like I said, Mum makes sure I’m spoilt so I really don’t care! Most of the time, that is.

This is my test blog

August 29, 2016

Here is a test blog. I’m going to insert a link in a minute. But first I’m writing in the text field to show you how easy this is to do.
Option 1 for inserting links using the website:
Ok, here is my blog.
This is what you do when using the website.

Option 2 for inserting links with the link code, if not using the website:
This is my blog.
This is what you do when you are not using the Word Press website.

My lazy day

August 14, 2016

I’m writing this blog in the Notes app. I’m still stuffing around with Safari on the blog site to see if I can copy and paste my blog in the box, or maybe I’ll still need to go to the shitty WordPress app and paste it in there. I’ll see what happens. Anyway, I haven’t done much today. I quickly cleaned Sunshine’s cage after securing her in a little pet carrier. That wayou I don’t have to chase her around and stress her out. She’s easier to deal with that way, and she doesn’t bite as much. I can’t stand to interact with her, she’s a hard bird to be friends with. She hates it when I clean her cage while she’s in it, won’t let me take the newspaper out or anything. I I make sure she’s not in the cage every time I service it now. And I’m no longer trying to be friends with her, she doesn’t like people. I don’t consider her to be tame, so as of now I’m treating Sunshine as I’d treat an untamed bird. Hand-reared means jack shit to me. You can’t change the nature of a wild bird. There’s no such thing as a domestic budgie.

I can’t think of much else to say now. I haven’t got the most exciting life at the moment. I have a fucken dumb budgie and that’s it oeally. The lady who hand-raised it is excellent though, she is good with birds. But thereS no way she’ll ever convince me to get any type of parrot again. Parrots are mongrel birds as far as I”m concerned. Anyway, I’ll write more later!

Overdue update

August 9, 2016

Well, where do I start? My life has been pretty boring for a good while. Hardly any myoung equals not much going out. So not much to report. But I still decided not to delete my blog. There’s something about it that makes me want to keep it. Some other good news is that I’m getting used to the Braille Note really well now! I’m writing with it at the moment. As for my bird Sunshine, webbl I have to say I feel like a failure. Training is going nowhere between us. So either I get rid of her and accept the fact that I’m bad dealing with birds, or I can just stick it out and hope for the best. I’ll have to think about that one. I like animals but not the nasty type. I especially hate biters! They’re horrible to work with. This is also the reason I don’t have kids, such savage creatures at times. I’m just not a patient person especially when animals become savage. But because I’m not a savage person, I won’t be cruel out of frustration, to my bird. She’s a good budgie she just doesn’eat understand how to be friendly yet. I don’t think I can see her through this stage though, so who knows? I think Sunshine . take too long to grow out of it and I’m not that patient to tolerate her for a long time. What I don’t know, I can’t consider, but now I know, I hate bircs and I won’t get another one. Dogs do start out bad, but they come around much better. I guess I just happen to be a dog person, I have to accept that fact no matter how difficult it is to do. Oh well, each day is a new day.
As for my neighbours, I’ve really had it with them. One of them became very nosy and I started a shit-fight with them which ended when I wrote a God-damned stern note. Nobody crosses the line with me. So now I have nothing to do with them. That’s good, less people equals less drama in my life as far as I’m concerned. Anyway I’m gonna  post this now, WordPress is a pretty shiffty afp, it won’t let me edit what I write which is a shame. I’ll write again later. Ah hang on! Mayeabe it does. Sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn’t. Don’t know why, it’s frigging strange.


May 3, 2016

I’ve decided to write today. I have Audioboom linked to Facebook, Twitter, and WordPress, so you can technically say I’ve been doing audio blogs. But tonight I’ve decided to do a writing blog instead. For some reason, no matter how much I love to do audio recordings, I still love to write. This damned laptop keyboard is shit to type on, it causes so many typos even though I’m pressing the keys in a way that should produce less typos because I type all the time so I can type good. I don’t like laptop keyboards all that much. I also hate my crappy throat at the moment, I’ve been coughing for four days now, and I thought I was gonna get way sicker, but I haven’t. I’ve started getting over the cold thing, but the cough still lingers at me. I scared a few people last week and over the weekend because my cough is so gruff and like a barking cough. I think I have whooping cough, but then I don’t know what that would be like. I think vaccines are useless pieces of shit. Some of them work and some don’t work. Luckily the Tetanus shot has always protected me. As for the whooping cough, I don’t think I’m protected from that. But I guess I can play the waiting game a bit more just to see if it’ll go away on its own or not. The only reason I decided not to make a doctors appointment tomorrow is because today I don’t feel so sick, just that nagging hacking cough and that’s it. Yet it’s not getting worse either. It’s strange.

I had a good outing on Saturday until I got lost in the shopping centre. When I’m using my cane, I’m not aware of my veering problem till it’s already way too late. Someone was able to help me get out, so I was happy. There’s a really good food court and a couple of good cafes there. Talking of O and M and travelling, I’ve made my decision not to get another guide dog. As much as dogs are great companions, service dogs are a restriction to me. Yes they can help me avoid obstacles, yes they may help me walk quicker. But I’m restricted in so many ways. I feel as though to me, I have no more advantage using a guide dog as when I use a cane. It’s just that the dog can follow instructions, the cane can’t. Near the end of Troy’s career, even for the past three years actually, me and Troy hadn’t been going out as much as we had been while I lived in Darwin. That’s really sad if you ask me. I’d much rather stay home and not have a guide dog than receive a dog and not take it out much. So I’ve decided not to get another one. Animals certainly don’t increase my confidence, at all. I don’t feel more secure with a guide dog. A guard dog maybe, but not a guide dog. I feel more secure when I’m in a locked house, I have access to a key at all times and I know exactly where I am and what I’m doing. A dog can’t give me any of that. The dog can keep me company, I don’t feel as lonely etc. Troy was definitely a great guide dog. I had my frustrations, but he was a really good worker. And I have to say, when the guide dog trainers are training me, they do wonderful jobs. But what they don’t understand is what it’s truly like to be blind. No amount of training can make them understand how hard it is to be blind. All their ideas about confidence and how to present yourself is fake to me, they say and do things based on their experiences within the sighted world. They really have no idea what happens in the world of disability, blindness is way more complicated than just doing this or that differently, adopting a certain attitude, etc etc. The way you see the world as a sighted person and the way a blind person sees the world, are two totally different things. The way a blind person experiences the world isn’t the same as the way a sighted person experiences the world. The ideas presented to blind people which are meant to be helpful to them, aren’t always helpful because we just aren’t sighted people. There’s no two ways about it. You can’t be someone you’re not.

I’m getting my groceries delivered this week. Then I’m making a really yummy fried rice full of really good vegies. I figure if I’m going to live for a long time, I may as well try to have a good time! I love chucking stuff in the frying pan and just letting it cook up into what turns into a most delightful meal. As much as I really hate cooking, the fact that I can still eat a nice feed makes all the shit worthwhile. I find it scary that I can’t see even a big spider in front of my face let alone a huge bomb, yet somehow, and only God knows, I can cook a good feed. Do not ask how – I hate cooking, don’t want to cook, but do you think I cook a bad feed? How the hell do I cook well despite all the odds stacked against me! There’s other blind people who don’t cook because they can’t see so they just won’t cook specifically for that reason alone. Other people do cook, but maybe basic meals or maybe they stuff up their dinners. I guess blindness can’t stop us from having our own abilities. At the end of the day, it’s not our disabilities that define us, it’s what we’re able to do that defines us. Even people with disabilities can possess the same giftedness as anybody, in so many ways. That’s what it seems to me, even if sometimes I think blindness has totally fucked me up. As for my ability to travel long distances such as going from one town to another or further abroad, forget it. I can cook but I can’t travel. Not all of us are meant to travel, and not all of us are meant to cook, or both. One thing that has improved since I moved to Cairns is my health. I have stomach issues occasionally, but not every day and not really badly. I eat like a horse and drink water like it’s out of fashion. I guess I don’t drink glasses of it all day. But when I do get a drink, I really guzzle it. I still drink coffee all the time, but not as much as I used to. But I still love my coffee. I love my coke as well, but I’ve cut down on it a lot. The doctors and my family were honestly terrified of my coke adiction. I thinnk I’m a lot healthier now than I was last year and the year before that. I still catch viruses but somehow I can get over them a lot better now.

Tomorrow I want to go out. But I spent a lot of money last week on junk food, so I think I’m pulling a home-bound day. I don’t like staying home, but when I know I can’t spend a lot of money, I can’t think of anything else to do without spending money. I want to buy a new freezer because this one doesn’t work properly. At least the fridge is working well for now so I have more time to save up for a new one. I also need to keep my money organised in case I’m forced to vacate this unit. If I have to go, I’m flying to Brisbane. No way am I sticking around here anymore if I’m forced to leave. If I’m not forced to leave, I’ll stay here for a bit longer and can hopefully go to Brisbane without rushing to leave. But if I do have to rush, I’m carting everything out of here as fast as I can. This is where my money will come in handy. I’m hoping I can bring my bird with me. He’s a cheeky bastard, but he’s beautiful all the same. I guess the only thing I can do if I don’t get to keep him, is to buy another budgie in Brisbane. It won’t replace sunshine, but at least I’ll have a bird. Birds are pretty easy to look after. I certainly won’t do with another dog. Or any other animal. They wee and shit and vomit everywhere and vomit isn’t my favourite thing to clean up. Birds are pretty simple to take care of if you keep them from making too much mess. And mess isn’t that hard to clean up, not as hard as a dog’s or cat’s mess. Keeping up with a dog is hard too. So much easier to keep a bird.

I’ve been thinking a lot about when Troy gets too old to keep going. It’s horrible really. Once he dies, that’s it. No more dogs. I’m not a very altruistic person for starters, so expecting me to change my ways and get another dog when Troy dies is an impossible dream. That’s like expecting an altruistic person to be selfish. Never the twain shall meet. It’s in my nature to think more about myself when times get tough, and believe me, when it’s time for Troy to die, I may have to leave his side. Unfortunately I can’t cope with knowing that a dog is going to finally die in front of me. I just can’t cope with that. I’m supposed to be with Troy right to the end. But when it comes for the vet to inject him with the sedative before they kill him with the other drug, I may sadly have to leave. Cuddling a dog which suddenly drops dead in my arms just isn’t something I want to deal with or accept. Selfishly, I wouldn’t even want to die in somebody’s arms. Why would I expect someone to die in my arms? If it so happened that Troy could accidentally die in my arms, that’s one thing. But planning his death date? Wow, I couldn’t do it. I can’t plan to have him put down and then hold him till he’s dead. I just won’t do that. I guess it’ll be unfair to him because he’ll find himself alone when he dies, I will have walked away from him. But at the end of the day, I need to be thinking about myself. But then, maybe when the situation is in front of me, I wonder if I’ll believe differently about my way of coping. All the shit people go through when they see loved ones dying, and after the fact they wish they’d done this or done that, they wished they could have hugged their loved ones a little bit longer, wish they’d not removed loved ones from life support, wished so many things that now can’t happen anymore. If Troy dies and I walk away, will I kick myself over that? Or will I not regret my decision? If I cuddle him until he stops breathing, will I beat myself up because of sadness over this and wish I’d walked away? This is really scary, and unless you’ve been there, you don’t know. And, maybe this is why I don’t argue when the vets talk to me. They know what it’s like, they euthanise animals in front of really sad people every day. So when they speak to me, I can’t get angry at them and tell them they wouldn’t have a clue. Because I know they understand. I can’t be a hundred percent sure of what I’d do after Troy dies, but I do know I’ll be lying low for weeks. I’m actually hoping to stay in bed for a few days just to recuperate enough that I can go out and rage and drink. Anyway, I don’t know till it happens. I definitely won’t be a happy bunny though.

I’m mostly all organised

April 13, 2016

My fund-raiser has gone into the bank! Thanks Justin and Stuart, I’m now able to take Troy to the vets this arvo. My rent payments are now on track, and $900 later, my life is back on track. I just have to sift through that pile of mail and make sure I don’t have other crappy bills and such. I think I should be right. I’m going to do an Audioboom recording of my vet visit. Troy is on pa with his health, so you won’t hear much complaining from me! Tomorrow I have O and M so I’ll record that too. Warning: I’ll be complaining a lot!!!!!! I’m not very happy with my mobility skills. My cane work is top notch, but my awareness of my surroundings while using the cane is so fucked. I’ll make sure to warn you guys in the recording title, in case you may or may not want to listen. Besides that, I’m not doing anything else other than dragging Troy around the streets with me. Lol he loves his walks! I know that a lot of people think I’m being dramatic by giving Troy prescribed food. But because he’s getting old, he needs to have a good quality of life for as long as possible. So I could just give him a normal diet and he’ll be fine for a while, but he’d be put to sleep within a couple of years. But his prescription diet will extend his comfort level by an extra couple of years. It’s expensive, but don’t forget that this food has joint and bone support supliments and there’s more nutrition added so the dogs who eat it will be more comfortable. And, this prescription food isn’t just for old dogs. They’re like us in a lot of ways. Some people and some animals need special diets to support the body because it lacks something or the body can’t support itself properly. So at the end of the day, I’m doing what will make my dog happier. He rarely needs pain medicine, and he hasn’t needed any for so long now. He will need pain meds again one day, but just imagine if Troy wasn’t put on a prescription diet! “There’s a hundred ways to skin a cat, but I’ve chosen a way that works for me and my dog.

It’s a bit warm but not too hot. My budgie is having a great time outside. It has chirped and squawked all morning! That reminds me, I need to clean the cage when the support worker is here to help me. I also need to get newspaper to put in the cage so Sunshine doesn’t have to have sandpaper to land on all the time. It’s a pity I let Rosie trash the other cage really, it would have been perfect for the bird! Oh well, Sunshine is happy for now. And she always comes out anyway, so it’s not as if she’s locked up all of her life. After Troy gets his vet check, I’m taking him for a long walk then I’ll come home and let the bird out. I wanted to catch the other budgie but because it’s not mine, I don’t want to get into any trouble. The neighbour holds reservations about letting me pat her dog too, but she knows I can’t see and I don’t pat and cuddle the dog for too long. It’s just so cute! Troy loves him as well, I have to discourage play whining and growling because it makes the neighbour’s dog more excited and the lady gets a bit cranky. Sometimes I wish the lady would just hand the dog over to me, but she needs company as much as I do, so she can keep the dog. The dog is very friendly to me now, it didn’t use to allow me to cuddle it, but now it has gotten used to me and can’t come over for a pat quick enough lol. Haha the stupid animal wanted to follow me inside my place too! But it had a long lead on so it cried at me because I left it and said he needed his Mum. The poor lady needs a break I think. I know how frustrating dogs can get. I’m actually going to try to take that dog walking if I’m allowed to, the poor thing needs more exercise. I don’t care what anyone says, all dogs need a daily walk even if it’s around the block a few times. Indoor dogs are no exception. Dogs aren’t designed to lie around and to nothing. If I ever adopt a lazy dog, I’ll be slowly training it to do a lot of running around I can assure you. For now I’ll stay here, and if I get the opportunity to move into pet-friendly housing, I’m moving, and taking the current dog whether it be Troy or a new service dog, and I’ll be eventually adopting a dog. Keep your opinions to yourself until I’m ready to ask questions, it’s my life and if I want pets I’ll get them. You can’t really live in this world without spending money, so I may as well invest in pet ownership, because I like animals. Lol Troy is funny when he sleeps! He barks and growls and grinds his teeth while trying to run! Anyway I think I’ll finish writing for now, I need to charge my phone and get a good feed. And I’ll put a can of coke in the freezer to drink before I go to the vets.

What I decided to do

April 11, 2016

I decided to go to the shops after all. I left Troy home for two hours, he did fine with that. The little outing gave me a chance to use my GPS on the bus and in the taxi. It worked perfectly! And since I’m going to Vision Australia tomorrow, I’m using my GPS and taking the recharger with me so I can just charge it up for a few hours while I’m there. That way I can walk around and chitchat and all that. I have a big day happening. While I wait for my grocery delivery, I’ll be paying my landline phone bill, making sure my real estate agent has received my rent payment including the overdue one, and checking that Troy’s fund-raiser money has gone into the bank. After all is said and done, I’m out the door! I can’t decide whether to take Troy for a long walk first, or go out and walk Troy later. I just don’t want to take him out walking when it’s hot. It was a bit hot today, so I held off walking again. By the time it’s cool enough, it’s already getting dark.When I came home I took the bird out of its cage. I still don’t know the exact gender, so let’s call it a she, because I seriously think it’s a girl. Sunshine loved her time out, climbing from my shoulder down to the couch, walking around, then climbing back up my arm again. She’s funny. Sometimes she fluttered around, but she mostly ran around! She’s a character. I put her to bed and had a shower. I’m glad I didn’t cook tonight, all I wanted to do was have a coffee and a snack, then get takeout for tea and just put my feet up later. So that’s what I did. I’ll sort my Audioboom accountout tomorrow. Then to pay the computer technician back for helping me, I’ll get him a gift voucher for the same price he’d charge for a computer job. That way he can buy whatever he wants with it. I’ll sort the gift voucher out on Friday when the support worker turns up. After my financial shit is set right this week, I’m partying all of the weekend and next week. I’ll be lazing around over movies and sandwiches. I need to walk Troy as well, but I don’t want any stress or stuff to organise for at least a month. I need a break from life for a while! I’ve got a good slow cooker, it can do the cooking for me. I’ve had enough of putting effort into making a meal.

I was going to get a cab tonight, but that just means spending more money. I don’t want to do that, as much as I’d love to go out. I can’t wait till Friday rolls around, I’m taking Troy to the really nice fish and chips shop down the road and we’re sitting there for a couple of hours. Troy loves watching the world go by, and the breezes are so beautiful. I sat in our carport to eat dinner tonight. I brought Troy with me, he loved it. He showed me where the chair and the little table was and he was really proud of himself. I got him to lie down and I ate my food, and Troy acted like we were in a better place than inside the house. I decided then that sitting anywhere outdoors is better than staying home. Even if it means sitting in the carport. Poor Troy was really excited when I took him outside, he was hoping to go for a long walk. Tomorrow is his day out. I do have to go to VA, so even if I have to go there for five minutes and charge the GPS at home, well I suppose if it means I can still walk my dog, then that’s what I’ll do. It’s sad really, I wish I could bring Troy along. When it comes to voluntary work, I need to make arrangements for Troy to be looked after for the days I’m working. For fuck’s sake if people would rather me get rid of Troy than help me look after him for three days a week, then fuck my life! Oh well. I’ll find a way around it. It doesn’t have to be a drama. There’s lots of people who leave their dog at home for five-eight hours every day while they go to work. Yes, the dogs may be in the back yard. But no, they aren’t getting exercise. So chilling in the backyard doesn’t count. It just means the dog can go to the toilet whenever it wants. My way of doing things would be to wake up in the morning, toilet the dog, get myself ready and eat breakfast, take the dog out for a pee before walking him, bring him home so he can chill for five hours while I work, come back home, toilet the dog, walk the dog if the weather permits, eat, crash out. If that’s too difficult, than fuck me. I’m sure I’m not the only person living a hard but fulfilling life. I’m blind, not crippled. Or stupid. But I am crazy lol. So I’m sure I can find ways around living my life while I keep my retired guide dog, that’s what most normal people do. Some people stay home all the time, some people can’t keep their dogs so they get rid of them, and that’s fine. But if I can help it, I’ll find a way to keep him. If I get told to get rid of the dog or get out, well I’m afraid to say, I haven’t only received the dog last week or last month or last year, so I think I’ll go rather than lose my dog. Sorry, but I’m not about to put anything in front of my friendship with Troy since it’s been an eight-year-long one. No! Troy stays with me. And if you get rid of my dog, you also get rid of me with him. It would be different if I wanted to re-home Troy, or if something serious happened and I physically couldn’t care for him anymore. As for the bird, there’s a pet shop I can take her to. I know I can see her every day of the week and I can take her back whenever I’m settled again if I have to move. It’s not as though I’d hand the bird over and that’s it she isn’t my pet anymore. She’d be looked after by the staff and I’d continue to take part in caring for her as much as possible till I can take her back. But let’s hope I won’t have to move yet. The pet shop staff are really good to me. It’s good how they gave me the budgie free of charge and I could buy all the other accessories and food. I’m really happy!

Change of plan

April 11, 2016

I’ve decided not to go to Vision Australia. I tried ringing them twice but I got no answer. And I’m not about to speak to an answering machine when I don’t have to. I’ll give them one more chance, and if they don’t answer, I’ll go in tomorrow. Third time calling, no answer. I just don’t want to go all the way into town just to find out that they aren’t there. There is a cafe there which I love! But I don’t have a million dollars to spend at the moment, so I’ll wait for a while and give myself a treat one day. I’ve got plenty of coffee at home, so as much as I’d like to go out for a coffee, I don’t exactly need to. Walking will do me good, so now that I know I can use my talking GPS a bit better, I’ll just go out for a while with Troy. I’ll use Voice Memos to record audio posts for Audioboom, the phone app is way too slow! So I’ll do a recording of me and troy going out. As you all know, my Audioboom account is linked to Facebook, twitter, and this blog site. So not only do you guys get my Audioboom recordings, you also can see my written blog posts. So when I’ve done some voice memo recordings, I’ll pay a monthly subscription fee tomorrow, and I’ll use the laptop to upload them. As for me, I’m feeling pretty good today. I’m chilled out, and I ate a good amount and had three cups of coffee. I drank water as well, I tend to drink more water when I drink a lot of coffee. I had mince with cheese on toast, I couldn’t have loved it more. Tomorrow I’m getting my Coles shopping delivery, so I can’t wait to do what I used to do with meat, I’d divide it into portions in freezer bags and pack them away so I wouldn’t have to waste it if I leave it in the fridge for too long. Makes life sooooooooooooo much easier! I didn’t spend a huge fortune either, I’m so happy with my self now.

I’ve got Snippets working again. That way I can use my laptop to write, and I can just use the phone to paste this document into the WordPress app. I think I’ll keep a copy in a Word document just in case, but as soon as my blog is published, I’ll delete the text from the document and start again. For some reason WordPress doesn’t let me edit and update posts more than once, so I have to use my WordPress app in the phone to edit posts. So I can use Snippets to edit texxt on the laptop, and I can just put it back into the phone app and update posts that way. I don’t understand why Snippets stopped working, but it did and somehow reinstalling it fixed the issue. What I hate is, when I use the WordPress site to publish a blog post and the site crashes so I’m led to believe my post has disappeared, when after a few minutes I find it ready for everyone to read! I fucking hate that. So the Snippets app and Word docs are lifesavers. All I need to do is copy and paste this into my document, edit the post, and publish it through the phone app. If for some reason the post doesn’t upload, I can just redo another one without losing it. I’m rather disappointed that I can’t go to Vision Australia today. I did get an opportunity to play around with the laptop and the phone, but I still wanted to go out so I’m quite sad about staying home over not being able to check that VA is open. I’ll try again tomorrow. I think I’ll quickly run to the shopping centre for an hour and come back home though. I can at least give the GPS a quick workout to and from the shops and get a little break away from home without making Troy lonely. Troy also needs a long walk so I guess I’ll have to stay at the shops for half an hour instead of the full hour. But then on second thoughts, I don’t want to spend money on a taxi home. But it would be too easy to help me by putting traffic lights in wouldn’t it! Geeze, I wouldn’t sit down all day if I knew I could walk around to get to where I wanted to go. I don’t believe in sitting around doing nothing. It’s ok to do for three months after a dramatic situation or event, but after that you need to get up and get moving again. I can’t think of anything else to say at this minute, so I’ll do another post later.

April 10, 2016

Me and Troy didn’t go out. I was meant to get out of the house for a walk, but I ended up reading the manual about my talking GPS, and I got distracted because there was quite a few things I needed to re-familiarise myself with. Now I’m all set to use my GPS all the time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tomorrow I’ll be up and Adam and out the door as soon as I’ve set the bird up for the day and eaten. I’ll get Troy ready and we’ll be off. I’ll take my bigger backpack because I can take a water bottle for me and Troy. You never know where our adventures will lead us! Hopefully I won’t get too lost, but at least I can use the map now yea. I’ll be using the GPS next week when the O and M instructor turns up. I’ll be letting her know that a couple of long travel routes are in order for me. I need to be walking around. As for Troy, I need to choose whether I’ll save up for twelve months and pack up and move out so I can get a new service dog and still keep Troy, or if I should ring Guide Dogs and hand Troy back over so they can re-home him for me, which isn’t what I want, or wait for Troy to die naturally in a few years and then get another dog soon after. I think maybe I can just wait… I mean, a lot of people don’t always get another dog before their current dog dies, and this goes for pet dogs too. Occasionally some people can afford a couple of dogs, but in most cases people tend to keep one dog at a time. So I can do the usual thing and wait for Troy to die I suppose. I’ll be totally devvo for months, so caring for a new dog while getting over Troy dying will be difficult, but thousands of people put up with the recent death of pets while taking on new ones every day. So I guess I could compromise. I just don’t want to abandon my dog. He’ll have a great time, but it won’t be the same if I’m not the one to keep his life fun and happy.

Tomorrow I’m activating my card and then I’m going out for three hours. Leaving Troy for a few hours once in a while won’t hurt. I wouldn’t leave him home every day. That’s bullshit. I hope I can find a way to keep him comfortable when I start doing voluntary work. If any shit happens I’m gonna be on the move anyway, so voluntary work will keep me grounded, I’ll have somewhere to go when I need a break from the world. I’ll take a quick trip into VA so I can talk to the receptionist there, and see if there’s any buses that goes out to YAPS and/or RSPCA. I like volunteering at the animal shelters! Then all I need to do is get out to the shelters and try to fit in somewhere. That will be the fun part. I’m sure I can make arrangements for Troy to be looked after for the days I’m doing volunteering. Why the fuck would I need to get rid of him for? I think too many goody-goodies just don’t want me to keep Troy because it’ll be proving my point that I can keep my dog till he dies, and nobody will be able to argue with me anymore. Oh well… Whatever. The other side of the argument is, I could re-home Troy and get a new service dog in a couple of years. That would work, but I’d have to get rid of Troy and whoever takes him would have to let me visit him all the time. I can’t just let Troy go and never see him again. I’m sure this is how puppy raisers feel when they get a puppy and eventually let them go off to training and to be paired up with a VI/blind person. So I’m at the receiving end of a puppy raiser’s worst nightmare, guide dog style! Except that they tolerate having to let dogs go every year, I don’t have to. And I don’t even have to let Troy go. My biggest issue is when I get a new service dog, I’ll still be pissed off about not having Troy with me. I’d honestly find it a lot easier to just get the new dog and then when Troy goes, I’ll already have the new dog to care for. The complication with that is, I need money to care for two dogs. And I’ll have to make sure both of them get exercise. It’s the money I’m more worried about though. So my second easiest option is to just keep Troy till he eventually dies. Then I’ll be so sad and lonely that I’ll wish I had a new dog, so I’ll talk myself into getting a new dog sooner rather than later anyway.

Troy has just woken up from sleep! I’m gonna quickly feed him. Troy is now eating happily. I realised that he hadn’t been fed yet as soon as he woke up because he ran over to me licking his lips and huffing at me as if to say, hey Mum! I’m starving and you didn’t wake me up earlier to feed me! Lol he’s funny. But I guess if you couldn’t get your own food, you’d be like that too haha. Troy will be fine for the night now. I ate curry for dinner. I’m still quite full. I hd a full container of it which was quite a big serving. I’ve got food for tomorrow, and then on Tuesday morning I’m sorting my money out. I have to make sure my fund-raiser has gone through so I can sort out Troy’s vet visit and make sure my rent has all been paid to the real estate. If I’m successful, I’ll be going to the shopping centre for an hour. Then I’ll come home and depending on the weather, Troy will be getting a good long walk. I’ll definitely be charging the GPS up tomorrow night. That way I can use it all of Tuesday. I’m actually going to use the GPS to see if there’s any side streets that would be suitable crossing points so that way, I can catch the bus home instead of a taxi. An indented crossing is where you walk a hundred metres down a side street, cross over, and then walk back up to where the other street is and keep going. For example, let’s pretend we want to cross Mulgrave Road. So we’re walking along, and suddenly we have a street we need to cross in order to keep walking along Mulgrave Road. Well, I can either cross straight over at the risk of getting hit by a car ecausse of how busy the place is. Or I could turn right or left, depending on which side of Mulgrave road I’m on, and walk down the side street until I hear car noises from Mulgrave Road in the far distance, so about two hundred metres down this side street. And if I can hardly hear cars going down the road at the other far end of the side street, that’s great. So I can line up so I’m walking straight across the street, listen until I know I can’t hear cars coming from left or right, and cross over, then turn back to Mulgrave road, and keep walking in the same direction I was going when I came to the point where I needed to cross. So in other words, if you’re walking south, going down a long road on either grass or footpath, it’s busy and you need to cross a side street, you’re going down that side street till you can hardly hear traffic behind you, or at least the noise is quieter. That way you simpl cross the street when you don’t hear cars coming, go back towards the same road you were walking along, turn off the side street, then continue walking south. It’s a fantastic way of avoiding hearing so much traffic that you cross over when you didn’t hear a car turning onto that siide street you intend to cross. So yeah, if I can use my GPS to find a good indented crossing point, I’ll be jumping up and down. If it means walking for three kilometres to find a safe crossing point, then I’ll do so. I’ll look into it tomorrow. Man if I can sort that bit of travel route out, I’ll be taking Troy on very very very long walks so often. When I eventually get a new dog, I’ll be doing all my usual travel routes plus the non-purpose ones e.g walking as far as I can go, to nowhere in particular, then coming back home tired and stuffed.

It’s me again!

April 10, 2016

Helloooooooooooooooooooooo! Hey guys! It’s Troy again! Last time when I wrote……… Um…… Hang on when was that? Um………….. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr – when did I write last???????????? Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, I can’t remember. And I don’t even know what I wrote about. Oh well. (Huff…) Hmm, let’s talk about today. Actually, today has been lazy for me. I think it has rained a few times. Mum slept in late, even though she wanted to get up and take me for a walk with her cane. I guess she doesn’t like getting wet. And that thing that I kept watching yesterday… It spoke to her while she walked for a few miles using her… I think it’s a cane? I’ve had to watch her using it a lot. The lady took my harness away from me a while back. I’m not allowed to work anymore. I have a lot of energy so I just keep reminding Mum that we need to go for a walk all the time. I need to do what I used to do… Um, um…. Um… what was that exactly? I used to do so much walking around! So long ago before I got my harness!!!!!!!!!! Oh that’s right! Claire – um… that’s what Mum calls her. Claire looked after me when I was a baby. and now that Mum doesn’t use my harness (the guide dog trainer took it back to Guide Dogs with her), I want Mum to do what Claire used to do. Why can’t she take me into all the shopping centres and all other places now? She takes me to the fish and chips shop sometimes, but then races outside with her food, or back home in the taxi. I’m still allowed in taxis yea! But I don’t go on the buses anymore. I don’t go out all the time with Mum anymore. Now I’m wishing Mum would have let me write more often, I would have said my bit about my working life… But oh well Mum did a good enough job herself, so I guess you guys will know enough about me already.

But since Mum has let me use the computer – actually Mum has to write for me… My feet won’t let me type like her long claws can,, I’m dictating what I want her to write. Anyway……. Um, oh I’m distracted! Um……. I want to talk about what I’ve been up to lately, yeah that’s where I was up to. I haven’t done a lot actually. All I can say is, most of the time I’m happy how things are. I like to sit around and do nothing, until Mum gets up and I have to see what she’s up to. I like to know where she is at all times except if I’m in a deep sleep. Right now I’m lying on my bed… (sigh) I’m bored today. I’m ok to lie around for a while, but then I need Mum to take me outside and sit outdoors for a while, then go for a walk… Do this, do that. Mum, where do you get your endless energy from! But I know she loves looking after me, I think she’s over the top but that’s how she is and I love her. Relax mother! But I don’t know why she gets sad sometimes, I mean, really, really really really sad. Crying, sad. The next thing we’re walking, having a good time. And why is it that she disappears and then comes back home sad too? Sometimes I do feel sorry for her but I don’t know how to help her. She’s happy most of the time. Sometimes she even comes back home happy. Last night Mum said stuff about not being re-homed, I’ll never have to leave her etc! I wonder what that means and why she gets all unhappy? Mum does say she’s not going to get rid of me… Well that’s nice to hear! I’m so happy to have such a good Mum! Some people have proper reasons for not keeping their dogs, other people are just cruel and don’t care. At least Mum isn’t just rushing into things, if she did I’d wonder why she couldn’t make me live somewhere else quick enough? What have I ever done to her? But she’s always careful to make sure I’m taken care of and quickly fixes any issues if anything goes wrong. If I do have to go for any reason, I know Mum will make sure I’m not just being abandoned… I’m sure Mum wouldn’t ever treat a human best friend like that. So long as I go for a walk every day and it has to be a very very very long one, I’ll be happy, and if Mum feeds me every day, etc, I’ll be happy. I don’t want to leave if Mum can’t visit me. It’s too difficult helping someone and then never being allowed to see them again. Mum didn’t seem right last night but I know she’s going to make sure I get exercise and I’ll be fine while she’s happy. Last week I heard Mum talking to my other favourite person, she gets called Vonnie or Yvonne, anyway, the lovely lady is taking Mum to my other favourite place where only privileged dogs are allowed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yea!!!!!!!!!! Mum seemed soooooooooooooo happy! She took me there once before, or was it twice… Anyway the other time we sat down outside for hours! I loved it and apparently Yvonne is taking me and Mum there again. It’d be nice if I knew when. No normal pet dogs are allowed to sit at these outdoor shopping places, but because most people know I used to be Mum’s tour guide and I have so much training experience, I’m still allowed to go out so long as I don’t do any guiding work and so long as I don’t go into most public places without permission. Oh, and no restaurants, buses, trains, shopping centres, and other similar places. Only outdoor areas. But people don’t have to allow me to stay with Mum anywhere now, but because she knows a lot of good people, I can get in for free! She just leaves me home when she knows she won’t be staying outside. I am allowed to go to a pet shop – it is a very pet-friendly place. Mum doesn’t like it when I jump up and down sometimes… But I can’t help it! But then she reminds me that it’s because of all my training experience that many people allow her to take me with her quite often, so I try so hard not to forget it! Anyway, me and Mum are going to this place down the road so I can sit there for a couple of hours – I could stay there for ever. I love showing off all my social skills to everyone, even if it means quickly snatching a crumb or two off the floor on occasion. I don’t like being forced to go home, so I make sure people can look at my pretty face so they won’t tell Mum that I can’t stay with her. Some people aren’t very nice though, but that’s humanity for you. Oops Mum! Anyway you’re not the humanity I’m talking about. Anyway, Mum just tells me to ignore some people. There’s no point in winning every battle is there? Most people are beautiful. Mum is going to brush me a lot more though, we all agree that my hair coming out everywhere is a nuisance. Mum hates it as well.

I get to go to the vets in a few days! Mum did some fund-raising for me last week, isn’t she sweet! She wants me to stay healthy. I wasn’t doing too good for a while last year, I was hoping I was allowed to leave the vets after she gruffly told the vet that… Well let’s not go there. The vet told her not to worry. The fear factor wasn’t very good. Mum got to take me home, but first we celebrated by going out all day. I had a sore stomach but the rest of me wanted to get going, so the vet was very very happy to let me have a good time if that’s what I wanted. Yea! I can never be too sick! I love running around a lot… I can’t just stop at home. Mum forced me to swallow tablets that I just wanted to spew up after I took them… But she kept patting me, hugging me, and wouldn’t leave me for aaaaaaaaaaages after I took them! Three times a day for ten days was far too long! I guess the vet would have gotten scared if I had started spewing… I know what Mum’s like, she would have gone mad. I know if she allows the vet to keep me, I’m in trouble. but I also know that Mum isn’t a vet so sometimes the vet needs to take over for a while. I’m glad Mum took me home, the vet taught her a few tricks so I wouldn’t spew up. Sometimes dogs with my problems can still spew which means they’re a lot sicker. So Mum made sure I wouldn’t get so sick. The vet told her that the rice helped me a bit, but the medicine is what I needed to fix my stomach or I wouldn’t have gotten better. I pigged out on chicken and rice for a whole week! Yum. That stupid stuff I took for four days, OMG it made me tired! It made me feel pretty good though so I guess I didn’t mind it! The other ones though, eeeeeeuuuuuuuuuu! But I was a good dog and took them properly. I’m fine now. Mum must have a money tree. And she knows how to argue. Oh my goodness I wish I knew how to argue! But when I was a baby, I was told that arguing isn’t allowed. The only time I got away with arguing was when Mum hurt her foot and two huge guys wouldn’t let her move while they fixed it because stuff was coming out and Mum almost spewed up so the guys who really liked me – they sorted her out and I thought she was being mistreated but nobody told me that the other lady was helping her and that these other guys were fixing her foot and making sure she wouldn’t spew, so I got up the lady and forced her to move. She got up me but she frightened me so I thought she was going to attack me so I grabbed her but Mum yelled at me to make me go to her so she hugged me and the other lady got frightened and I didn’t like her because Mum told her and the other guys that I didn’t mean it but she didn’t believe her. I didn’t really like her for a long time so Mum had to teach me how to like her again. Mum won’t let anyone punish me for it because if they were in my position, they’d break all the rules too. I didn’t try to have a go at anyone again, although I did warn that lady not to go near me or Mum, but Mum told me it wasn’t allowed, because the lady wasn’t going to hurt me again. I don’t think she meant to do that… I just don’t know how else to interpret people when they fight with me. It took forever for Mum to get me to see the lady as a good person and not someone to fight with. Now we’re fine and I like that! I’d rather be happy around people, and if I don’t like someone, Mum gets uncomfortable until we either avoid the person I don’t like, or Mum shows me that they’re not going to threaten us.

I think I need to stop writing now. Mum will edit it for me and hopefully you guys will see how happy I am when you read my lovely blog! I think Mum is fine. She eats like a horse and drinks a lot. She’s a lot better than she used to be. Anyway, I’d better get going before Mum growls at me. Not that she’ll do it… I just like to make her happy. Bye till next time!

P.s. I forgot to mention the time some mongrels somehow came in but they ignored me when I growled at them. Mum forgot to get out of bed and check ut what I was frightened of. I was so happy I didn’t get stolen! I would never ever let anybody steal me. Some of Mum’s things were taken, she kept saying phone and iPad. I have no idea what those are, but because I watched Mum playing with them I’ve decided I won’t let anybody steal toys again, so because she has a new phone, I won’t let anyone come near the house without barking at Mum all the time until she either lets me know that everything is ok, or tells someone off for being a hassle. She hasn’t gotten into much trouble since but a few days ago some stupid kids tried some crap and she argued with them and said a policeman whoever they are, would visit. Nice people they are! Anyway, the other person wouldn’t let her, shee shouted till the kids left. I loke cops though! they whiz around in cars talking to everyone. Sometimes they lock people up… These kids must think they’ll be going to jail as well… That’s good I don’t want Mine or Mum’s toys to get stolen. Now I always let Mum know what’s going on, and because she forgets things sometimes, I make a lot of noise if I think she won’t remember to see what’s up when there’s strange noises. But then I also should remember that I can see and Mum can’t, and she has pretty good ears but my ears work like magic. Apparently dogs can hear better than people. anyway I have to go now. Mum will be taking me for a walk in an hour.

At Nan and Pop’s, and now at home

April 9, 2016

I’m at Nan’s place. I got picked up at 11:30 and we picked up a fish and chips order. But the chips were substituted for potato scallops. I rarely eat potato scallops, these ones were nice. Yesterday I made a sallad to go along with it. It was pretty good! After lunch I spoke to Mum for an hour and had a cuppa. We had a Danish pastry for desert which was really yum! Then I helped Nan and Pop move their caravan but had to abort the job when my strength gave out. I was buggered after that.

I stopped writing and am now back, lying in my room feeling so forlorn at the moment. As much as relatives are being very caring and helpful with their suggestions for me to re-home Troy, I really don’t think people realise as much as they try to, just how much it kills me to have to consider it. For one, who says I’ll definitely volunteer at animal shelters or at any other place very soon? Not that this won’t be the case, but my idea of doing voluntary work although promising, isn’t a definite. So I don’t want to re-home Troy unless my decisions make it impossible to continue to care for him. Serious illness would warrant it, and being told I’ll be matched with a new dog within a few months would also mean I’d have to re-home Troy. Well, at the moment I’m not on any waiting list, so right now a dog isn’t on the cards. And, giving up a service dog isn’t as simple as it’s sad but tomorrow I have a new dog. Maybe if I could visit the dog all the time I could be ok with it to a degree. But even then, for someone to adopt Troy, they’d have to be approved by GDQ before ownership can be transferred. I had to fill out adoption papers to take Troy on as my dog, so I could be fucked if I’m gonna let him go just like that. I do appreciate help and everything, but letting Troy go isn’t something I’m open to. Not at this point in time. I can see a really big battle coming on, because as much as I love assistance from people, I’m not prepared to give up on Troy. My life is about me at the end of the day. If an opportunity to re-home Troy goes by, I won’t be concerned because I know if I find myself in a situation where I have to get rid of Troy, GDQ will just take over and I won’t have to deal with the re-homing of Troy except to say goodbye to him. It’s not as if I’m concerned that certain people want Troy today but next month they’ve decided not to take him on or they just can’t do so anymore. In fact I couldn’t give a shit, I don’t care. My life and my decisions about Troy aren’t about other people. It’s actually about me and my life. And since Troy lives with me and I legally own him, I couldn’t give a fuck about what everyone else wants. I’m glad people want a dog for company. What about me? I have to miss out for possibly 18-24 months while someone has fun taking Troy for a walk twice a day? I don’t. Think. So!!!!!!!!!!!!!😠😡 I’m a selfish person at times, and giving up animals when I don’t have to is one of my horribly selfish points. And jealousy isn’t very nice, but to think of someone adopting Troy and they give him all the attention when he didn’t do any service for them in the past, causes me to go so livid! I’ll probably get shot down in flames if I wait till I get another dog before re-homing Troy, but too bad so sad! There’s plenty of retired service dogs for people to pick from. They can find someone who wants to re-home their dog instead of bothering me.

I’ve got Troy on the floor next to my bed. Hopefully no burglars try to break in, but if they’re gonna try to kill or harm my dog in the process, they’d have to get me as well. Bloody heartless morons who think it’s fun to feed a dog so they can steal stuff! I’ll protect my dog as much as he protects me. We’re essentially a pack and I’ll rip anyone to shreds if they consider taking my dog away from me. I’ve got a talking GPS now I don’t have excuses not to walk around a bit more. I wouldn’t try to cross very busy streets or walk where there’s no footpath. But I’d still try to walk all the time with Troy and my GPS. Troy will be fine with me. If someone wants to be fucken stupid enough to get bitten apart because they wants to hurt me and Troy, that’s their flaming problem. I don’t ask people to cause problems. If I’m too selfish for not getting rid of my dog, well too blunt. I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to unless I’m hurting myself or the dog on purpose. Troy is happy now, he had a good walk. So now that I can use my GPS fairly well even though I’ll be getting more training in the near future, I know I can walk Troy twice a day in cool parts of the day without excuses except if I’m sick or it’s raining. I don’t feel sick anymore. I had a good feed and am lying here comfortably. Savoury mince and sallad are a go-to meal when you feel bad! So simple but so delicious and filling. Even better is that there’s rice mixed into it!😍😋😋😋 I’ve always loved savoury mince! I did feel so sorry for Nan and Pop though. On the way home when I said I’d be going for a good walk with Troy because of my GPS, they went silent and Pop got very worried and told me a few times to be careful not to get lost. So when I got home and switched on my GPS, well the reality sunk in and they both wished me luck and told me to stay safe again, and again. I said I’d be right, made sure they knew I could hear the GPS clearly and I basically know how to use it. I went for my walk and came home safely yea! I’m a bit concerned about the battery not charging up all the way though. It only charges halfway. I must find out why. But at least I got some exercise. Next week I’ll talk to an instructor from Vision Australia to see what they can do, or maybe what can’t be done lol.😞 It’d be nice to be getting out and about so I have somewhere to walk the dog all the time. The good part about geting a SEDA dog is that five years after receiving a service dog, you can adopt it. I think SEDA still has to do the retirement process, but you can legally own a SEDA dog after five years if they think you’re capable of taking care of a dog. That doesn’t mean I’ll get a dog in a few months or even next year. It’s gonna take for fucking ever. They have to make sure I can exercise the dog for forty minutes or longer every day, and they have to make sure I either don’t have another dog, or that I can afford to keep a new dog along with Troy. We’ll see what happens when I get to that bridge. I just don’t want to dump Troy immediately.

I can’t wait to activate my credit card on Monday! As soon as I do that I’m ringing the vets and sorting Troy out. Hopefully his health check runs clear! I won’t have to worry for another six months. I can’t decide whether I should take Troy to the park tomorrow or after his vaccines. Troy hasn’t been brushed for weeks. So tomorrow being a Sunday, I think breaky, a long walk, a good brushing at the park with a bit of a chill out period on the grass with a drink, then a good bath when I get home, will do Troy good! He’ll be worn out for a few hours, then another good walk in the afternoon will settle him for the night. Than if I do have to re-home Troy before he dies, I’ll know I’ve given him the best life possible.😌😌😌😌😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢 Nan and Pop don’t want to accept that Troy could be put to sleep at any time from now on. I don’t want to accept it either. But they seem to think that a sighted person can somehow magically extend Troy’s life. Well, sadly, nobody can. He has arthritis which can flare up at any time and may or may not get worse. The vet said his prescription food won’t cure him, just slow it down. I can see why Nan laughed and said Troy will be fine even in a few years, but totally denying reality and not believing me won’t fix anything. I’m so fucken sad after this afternoon’s discussion! Just imagine how I’d be now if I didn’t walk for half an hour!!!!!!!!!! Wow, I’d be seriously crazy. I’m very happy I’ve got the GPS, I love walking and knowing where I am at all times. I love bringing the dog along with me. As much as I’m sad and very pissed off, I’m sort of relaxed because I know I can go for a long walk tomorrow and I went for a good walk today. I just can’t believe anyone would put someone else’s need for a companion dog over me, as if I won’t be lonely without a dog!!!!!!!!!!😒😑😕🙄🙄☹️😤👎😬😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😞 Poor me! Maybe I should apply to adopt someone else’s retired guide dog… Oh wait, pet owners in rentals don’t get much respect – that’s right! Oh well. I’m an ungrateful old bag now aren’t I? So I bloody should be. I love assistance and support, I just hate being bossed around. I won’t ever be grateful for that.!

A nice night!

April 7, 2016

I’m reading this blog! Please check it out it is really good! Let’s just say I’m really glad I’ve got my laptop working again, it makes it so much easier to use the Net and everything. I downloaded Snippets onto the phone too, so I’m writing on the laptop in an edit box, and there’s a box on the phone’s screen which is also editable. Pretty cool huh! So if I type in the phone, the box on the laptop page takes that info, and vice versa. Now I’m using my phone so whatever I’m writing now, is going into the edit box on the laptop! Snippets is a really good tool. My laptop’s keyboard is shit, so I’m using the phone to type, and all I need to do is use my laptop to copy and paste this entry into my WordPress site. In the same manner, I can use my phone to copy and paste this into the WordPress app.

It’s raining tonight. I had the aircon on all day because it was quite warm, but tonight me and Troy got a bit cold, so I turned the air conditioner off, and when I went into the bathroom to have a shower, I heard rain! So I’m glad I turned the air conditioner off. I went for a walk earlier to do a bit of exploring and also to give Troy a bit of exercise. But when I tried to walk across a car park, someone freaked out and explained all the complications to me… Which in turn scared me a lot because the guy said the same things that family and O and M instructors had said, and also agreed that I should get another O and M instructor to evaluate. So this lovely guy was kind enough to take me to a good fish and chips shop, which wasn’t far away. I just can’t get across to it because of how busy it gets with all the different vehicles going in and out, and lack of footpath and all that. I did end up getting the most delicious feed, and couldn’t thank the man enough for helping me! I’m really upset because I can’t think of a better way to exercise my dog, so I felt I had no choice but to try to walk to the shops even if it meant getting someone to help me. But I’m still happy I went for a walk, it gave me and Troy a chance to get out of the house for some fresh air and a good stretch.

Tomorrow I havee my support worker coming around for three hours in the afternoo. I’ll quickly buy some salad for the next day’s lunch with my grandparents, and I’ll be taking the bird to the pet shop to socialise with the staff and other people, and the bird that lives at the shop. She loves it there! I love my support worker, we have a good time driving around and hanging out at shops and everything. I hope my credit card will be here tomorrow. That way I can get it working and get my support worker to help me edit my billing information in my accounts just because I know she’ll do it quicker. Actually, I’m gonna email her in the morning to ask her to bring the Mac around so she can use that. She may not be able to, but we’ll see what she says when I email her. The support worker has a bit of trouble using my laptop. Oh well… We’ll have to wait till tomorrow to see what transpires. After the support worker leaves, I’m gonna have a lzy weekend. Saturday is an outing day for me, but my grandparents are elderly now, so going to the Esplinade for two hours for a bit of exercise and a feed won’t be that difficult for me. I reminded Nan that since the doctor considers me to be quite fit, she wants me to do as much exercise as I’m able to each day. In my case it’s a fucking lot lol! Her other issue is that I sometimes don’t drink enough water, so now that I drink a lot of water all the time, I have tonnes of energy. Haha I’m worse than Troy sometimes. So in other words, I’m not restricted with what I can do. If I want to walk for three hours, then I should do it. When the O and M instructor turns up in a couple of weeks, I’ll see what she reckons about travel routes requiring long walks. Surely there has to be some routes that aren’t dangerous! I seriously need to get out all the time again.

A sunny day

April 7, 2016

I’ve got my bird on my shoulder for a bit. He loves sitting outside in the cage so I figured getting Sunshine out for a bit of company would be fantastic! He/she keeps climbing down to my hands so I have to keep interrupting my writing. The funny thing is biting my neck and climbing off my shoulder. I’ve now put Sunshine back in the cage because it flutters around everywhere and I have a lot of trouble finding the stupid bird! I actually think it’s female because she’s a feisty and wild one. I wouldn’t give her up for no one though. I’ll just get her out again in a couple of hours and close us in the bathroom so she can run around wherever she likes and I can still find her later. I like my bird to be worn out by nightfall. Me and Troy are inside. Troy loves the aircon. This afternoon when it cools off a bit. I’ll be taking a cup of coffee to the carport and sitting there for a while. Any outdoor dining is better than staying cooped up all day! I’m getting my washing out of the road today. Life is so much easier when I only have to worry about myself. The house is a bit messy but not dramatically so, it’s quiet and peaceful, Troy and the bird are happy. I had lunch and listened to YouTube videos for a couple of hours. Now I’ve got a can of coke going cold in the freezer. I just have to take all the clothes and linen of the couch and put it away, and tomorrow I just need help to clean the floor and benches and stove. The unit should be back to where it used to be by then. I’m glad I’m the only one living here now Some wanker kids came around yesterday afternoon, so I gave them two choices: fuck off or the police would be paying a visit. I had a word with my neighbour saying to her not to be surprised if she sees a police car idling out front one of these days. Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that. Let’s just hope the idiots make a sensible decision so I won’t have to make life difficult for them.

Yesterday I was reading a blog which someone I know posts in sometimes. She wrote about illegal refugees in her blog. If you read the post, I wrote a couple of replies which you can read for yourself because they’re self-explanatory. My feeling on accepting refugees is that if people are genuine refugees, let them in. That’s all I’m gonna say. As for the Caringbridge bloggers, I hope they’re doing all right, I hope their conditions aren’t turning against them. Besides all that, today is quite a warm one. I’ve had to turn the aircon on again. I think we’ll have a late winter this year. Pretty disappointing if you ask me. On the upside I’ve got my talking GPS on the charger so it should be ready to go by the time me and Troy go for a walk later. I can’t say I’ll be successful, but if I can find a time that suits me to walk to the shops without it being overly crowded by traffic, then maybe I can walk to the shops and get a cab home, or try to walk both ways home. I’m sick of getting taxis all the time. Plus it would be great to bring Rroy along with me while I use my cane. Troy is a really good dog and I hate leaving him home.


April 6, 2016

If any of you have been following my blog for the past few years, well by now you’d know that I’m quite an avid Caringbridge follower. Over the past four-five years, people have either left their journals, died if they happened to be the journalist at the time so someone would have taken over the reporting, or have had loved ones unfortunately dying. Very sad indeed! So…… Here we go with another up-and-down journey of a not-so-little girl now. Meaning, she has had problems all of her life, has had two bone marrow transplants if I’m correct in remembering right, and is sadly, encountering more problems. So let’s pray for Mara! She has also had a kidney transplant, Mara actually did pretty good for a while considering what she went through previously which you can discover by reading her entries. Believe me, most people would cry while reading them some of them are so sad! Anyway, I felt good that from now on I’ll be reading good news entries. But as it always happens, hope gets dashed!!!!!!!!!!! Now Mara is developing life-threatening issues! Please tell me they aren’t permanent! She is a strong girl.

Besides the sadness of today’s Caringbridge entry, things are still going as planned so far. The computer guy showed up and took photos of a couple of cards so I’m hoping they can be verified by Stripe or I’m going to be very fucking upset! I didn’t create a successful fund-raiser for it to be friggen ruined over a stupid fucken security policy! So let’s hope Stripe has verified my account by tomorrow or I’ll go mad. I’m gonna check the mail in a minute and see if my credit card is there. If it is I’m sorting it out right now I’m sick of sitting around doing nothing. Now that I’m on track with Centrelink, I know I’ll be fine for a long time. I’m just so happy that I killed two birds with one stone today! All I need to do is find an affordable way to get to YAPS and start volunteering there! Anything to get out of the house and possibly get a bit more money with a mobility allowance would be fantastic! Next week I’ll see how I go with the money situation, and I may possibly go to either YAPS or RSPCA. Time will tell.

A good day with some mishaps

April 6, 2016

I’m having a pretty good day. First I’d like to start out by saying thanks to the two people who donated to my GoFundMe page!!!!!!!!!! I can’t be thankful enough. My only problem is: When I linked a Stripe account to my fund-raiser page, I found out that this money won’t be deposited into my bank account unless I verify my account identity. My issue is that Stripe isn’t accessible! I messsaged a computer technician on Facebook and when he said I needed to provide a phone number and some form of ID, I got even more pissed off because Stripe didn’t even allow me to read such information. I’m so mad over that. So despite the fact that Leon Jordaan from All Computers Support has come around early this morning to help me get my NBN service working properly for me,, he will be back this afternoon sometime to help me verify my crappy Stripe account. What’s worse is that the companies who issue ID cards don’t have the decency to send an email or provide some kind of secure way of giving blind people their card info, knowing that said blind persons may not be able to read their cards! Absolutely fucking shocking! And yet we should believe in Darwin’s theory of evolution. Yeah right. We haven’t evolved all that much since his time if we can’t figure out that if some people can’t read print, then maybe they need an alternative way of accessing that information. Where the hell is equal opportunity? My attitude to this bullshit is, since the Government has so many brilliant ideas but can’t actually implement them, then they shouldn’t voice these ideas. Why propose any idea when you can’t carry it out. Fucking idiots!!!!!!!!! In any case, I’m getting the help I need now, plus I said sorry about a hundred times because I haven’t stopped ranting since I bloody discovered how inaccessible these websites are. I had a bit of trouble with GoFundMe, but it’s kind of ok. Stripe is a different story. They need to upgrade their entire website. I’m not about to lose fund-raising money over a stupid website. Especially since it’s Troy I’m raising money for. He needs to live too, and I figure that if I’m not going to care for a dog I’m in charge of, then maybe I should never have received him to start with. That’s my argument I have with people all the time. I can’t just take charge of an animal and pretend it doesn’t exist at my own convenience! He’s a living being, not a piece of machinery. So I’m more than appreciative of the two people who donated for Troy. They didn’t have to. GoFundMe is a voluntary fund-raiser. Just because people reach out for donations doesn’t mean they’ll actually get them, or maybe the fund-raiser won’t be completed. But it just makes the causes on this site more worthwhile! I’m so frigging happy right now! Except that my Stripe account is stalemated until the computer guy comes around whenever he’s able to, can help me finish setting it up. Thanks to Stripe for their lack of assistance! (Sarcasm intended). The mob who created that website really need to be more considerate of the disability sector. Just imagine if I hadn’t finally discovered this setback – I would have lost my donations!!!!!!!!!!! Fuck that.

I’m having an awesome time using my laptop and phone with Wi-fi. I found out from the NBN fellow and Leon that a cable was misplaced and simply had to be plugged into the right socket! OMG! I couldn’t believe it. Now that my Internet is working properly again, I can resume my normal daily activities with the laptop yea! And because I have unlimited data now, I can spend hours watching movies and playing games! I wouldn’t let just anybody use my network of course, but say if good friends or relatives had to use my Wi-fi, I’d allow it. And because I have a set amount of money to pay each month, I wouldn’t want to make them pay for what I’m getting for a good price considering I’m not actually paying extra for it! I could make people pay a certain percentage of the phone bill, but because the Wi-fi isn’t using credit, I’m not going to worry about it. It’s not as if other people using my network will affect my monthly phone payments. If they were using my 3g data on my mobile all the time, I’d expect payment for that because they’re using credit essentially. Once the data is gone, that’s it. As for my Wi-fi network, I’d only make people pay for phone calls if they needed to use my phone every day, but on odd occasions I’m not gonna demand money. But I won’t force people to pay to use my Internet since it’s not incurring extra charges. I also got Centrelink sorted, yea I don’t even have to do anything! Since I’m the main person on the lease, they’ve just put me down as paying rent regardless of who had lived here, the only way this changes is if Centrelink actually sees a signature from the roommate on the lease, which they didn’t. Because of that, they’ve only put me down as needing rent assistance for what I’m paying, which is my full rent payment anyway. They apparently have to see me and my ex-roommate paying half the rent each on the lease agreement, otherwise if they only see me on the agreement, which is in fact the case, they have to give me rent assistance accordingly. Yea! Just yea! I’m on track now. And now that I’ve done my little fund-raiser for Troy, I can now go to the vet next week and pay for Troy’s vet check and needles knowing that I can still pay for food and other household items as well! And I can finally get in front with the rent.

Well now I’ve caught up on all the gossip and other news. So I guess this is me done with my blog until later. Hopefully I can come back with a better update in a few hours after my Stripe account gets sorted! By then I should also have an idea of what I want to do tomorrow. If I can manage to get my money transferred from GoFundMe to my bank account, I’ll sort Troy out tomorrow or Friday. But if I’m forced to wait for seven business days which will be a fucking disappointment to say the least, then I’ll have to find something else to do. Troy was meant to get checked and vaccinated a few days ago, but because of not enough money for the vets, I had to put it on hold. So the quicker I can get this fund-raiser money ready, the better I’ll feel about Troy. Then I hopefully shouldn’t have to do another fund-raiser for a long time. Once again, thanks to Justin and Stuart for helping me out. Are you both still using WordPress for blogging? Was just wondering because I can’t find Justin or Stuart’s blog pages. Oh well… I’ll keep looking till I find whoever may be registered on WordPress. Anyway, bye for now people, will come back later!


April 5, 2016

I’ve decided to write another blog. I drank a can of coke, now I don’t have 3g reception so I have nothing better to do than write. I can use Braille Screen Input, so I can type so much faster! I’m using contracted Braille now so all the better!!!! I basically want to vent about how I feel about living in a sighted world. I don’t think it’s that bad, except some people obviously think I’m fucking stupid, which I’m clearly not! My roommate which I won’t name on here, well she thought she could get away with anything here! Well, when she realised it wasn’t the case, she left quick smart! Haha there’s no skin off my nose, I just have a cleaner unit without her spoiling it on me. She’s fully sighted yet she’s dirty and unhygenic. Go figure. I’m not the most perfect housekeeper either, but at least I try to stay clean. This person hopefully won’t come back to live here anytime soon, I can’t bear her habits. She eats rotten or stale food, she makes the place dirty and leaves it to me to clean up while denying that it’s a pigstye. I liked her company, but she’s a horrible roommate. I like my own space, I like a clean place to come back to. i like to keep the place secured so no bastards can steal my stuff. I also like to make sure I don’t lose utensils all the time. She’s a fucking pain in the arse really. I’m kinda glad she isn’t here. None of my things ever goes missing when I’m the only one here. I honestly think that nameless lady just wanted to see what she could get away with. Many people try to play the innocent card around me because they think they can get away with being horrible because of my blindness. I think it’s the most childish attitude to have. Why people can be like that around people with disabilities, I won’t ever understand. I can just imagine people thinking, oh yeah, that lady wouldn’t let me do this or that, how the hell did she know I was up to no good when she can’t see? Um… Well, one, I wasn’t born yesterday, and two, I’m blind, not fucking stupid! It’s funny how a lot of people just want to be friends with me if they think they can take advantage of me. This is exactly the reason that makes me hate people.

The weather is lovely today. Winter is slowly coming in, although Cairns never gets harsh winters. But I won’t need to use the air conditioner now for a good while. When it’s been a couple of weeks of not using the aircon, I’ll unplug it and leave it till I need it next time, which I hope will be months away. The less power I use, the better! The money that builds up in the power bill account would be better off in my pocket if it’s not being used. I want to save up as much as possible in case I move out. Hopefully I won’t have, but it’s another unknown for me, so I’d rather have money than be stranded. The other thing is, I won’t be paying my phone bill next week. I won’t pay for a broken Internet service. I’m already spending 90% of my pension money on rent next week. Believe me, I won’t fuck around! If I get kicked out for whatever reason, I’m fucken leaving with no bloody regrets!!!!!!!!!! And Troy and the budgie are tagging along with me at any cost. I didn’t get a guide dog or the bird just to frigging trash them. No bugger everyone, it’s not fucken happening! I’ll happily live on the street and not pay rent. I don’t need to suck nipples in order to survive. I’m big enough and ugly enough to fend for myself.

I’m going to charge my talking GPS. I need it when I get on a bus tomorrow. I wanna see how well I go with it. It’s been a few years since I used a GPS on the bus, so I hope I get it worked out. I want to use it to travel around a lot more. It’s sad that I can’t take Troy with me on buses now, I’d make sure he gets a good walk every day! Maybe living on the street will force us to exercise a lot, we won’t have a choice but to walk everywhere every day haha! I can find places where there’s Wi-fi zones and I know a few takeaway joints which are good to eat at. Hopefully I won’t go homeless, but hey, I’ll survive if I do. The world isn’t made for blind people so I figure that I should live my life however I wish without regrets while I still have the chance. We can only live once! I really want to go out now actually but I don’t want to leave Troy at home. I think I’d rather walk across a busy car park with Troy, just so I won’t have to catch a bus. The shops down the road are close, but the traffic is bad. I’ll have to work it out. I can’t just neglect Troy while I go out and have fun. I’ve just interrupted writing to make eggs on toast. I wasn’t very hungry because of having a big feed earlier, but I needed something to go with my period pain medicine. So I had three eggs on three pieces of toast. It was beautiful! I love flipping eggs, the yoke gets so hot and runny. I was taught how to flip eggs when a Japanese relief support worker told me never to eat fried yoke that hadn’t been cooked properly first. From that time on I always flip eggs to kill all the germs! And I love the taste. Now I’m back on the couch feeling peaceful because my period pain isn’t out of control. I feel normal, not overly sick or anything. I’m a bit tired, but not in an agonizing way. I could go out at the flick of a switch if I wanted to! Yet at the same time I could just lie down and crash. But either way, I don’t feel horrible. I feel terrible about not paying rent on time but sometimes it can’t be helped. The eggs on toast did me good, so I won’t need to worry about food until tomorrow. I’ll be ringing Centrelink first thing in the morning after breaky, I want to sort that crap out sooner rather than later. I’m angry really. From the start I should have said that only I’m renting, that way I wouldn’t be going through this fucking hassle now that my roommate has left. I’m very fucking pissed. Next time someone stays with me, I’m not telling Centrelink about it because most people aren’t as loyal and trustworthy as they first seem. Fucking humanity! There’s only a few people who aren’t on my hate-humans list. Lol most of the world has gone to the dogs.

Things are slowly falling into place

April 5, 2016

Me and Troy are doing fine today. I feel a lot better. It’s sad that it has come to where I have to make one late rent payment because I had to stop me and Troy from starving, I also can’t just let the back yard get dirty, etc. My life is pretty organised, I just have to read the pile of mail which is building up and get Troy sorted out at the vets. I’ve made a Go Fund Me page because I seriously need help to get enough money to pay for the health check and needles. Here is the page so it would be very kind of you if you could help out please! I’m falling on hard times, so had Troy had any health issues, I would’ve had a lot more shit to be concerned about! At the same time I can’t just neglect his health care because Troy is getting older now and I know that the vets will detect problems before I ever notice themm most of the time. Troy is doing perfectly well so I’d love it to stay that way.

Hopefully a computer technician will be coming around later to help me when I ring the NBN team. They need to do a few tests on the fibre box, and if they discover it’s not working, I’ll need replacement equipment. This is really fucked I tell ya!!!!!!!!! I just can’t wait till I get my Wi-fi connection working again. I want compensation for it too. I’m not about to waste money when I can help it. Oh well I’m gonna have a cold can of coke when I get it out of the freezer in twenty minutes. Coke always makes me feel better! Once the Wi-fi network is working again I’ll be fine and back to normal. I just have to leave my money as is for a while and make nutritional but cheap meals and life will be sweet as! Today I made a beef and potato curry. It is bloody beautiful! I wish I had more of those take-out containers, I’d be putting some of that food in the freezer. I just don’t want to go hungry because of lack of money.

Besides NBN bullshit, the rest of this week will be super boring for me. I have to ring Centrelink, but I always ring them at the last minute because I can’t stand dealing with them. Besides that my next few days will be very boring. I may be able to entertain myself a bit if and when the Wi-fi network gets fixed. I’m very very pissed off over it. Besides that I’m not doing too bad. I caught a chest cold so I hope it just goes away without causing me too many problems. I don’t need more shit in my life. There’s nothing more to update you guys about at the moment. So I’ll write again soon. I’m just so glad that I’m blogging all the time again like I used to! I like my blog.


April 4, 2016

Today was so fucking stressful! And to top it off, I’m waiting for another phone call from iPrimus. My NBN service is fucked and fair enough, they’re double checking that everything is done the way it was done last, when my friend who used to be my roommate, stuffed around last week with the modem and fibre box while we were on the phone. Anyway, I kept telling the person that it’s a bit hard for me to double check things because I can’t see what I’m doing. And my neighbour wasn’t able to help me as well. I messaged a computer technician to see if he can help. I know he’ll fix things or at least confirm that a technician needs to come out, but it’s a pain in the fucking arse because from what my friend did last week, nothing has changed. So it can’t just be a frigging modem issue! So I told the lady that I won’t be paying the bill till the Internet gets sorted. I just won’t pay the bill next week. No point when the Internet isn’t working. And an activated service is bullshit when it won’t work either. A second port on the box may need to be activated, but for Christ’s sake they just need someone who knows what they’re doing to come and check it out, otherwise we can’t get anywhere. This is all a load of crap if you ask me!!!!!!!!!! I can sort of understand that maybe the modem is set up wrong, but since I don’t know what I’m doing, there’s no point in getting me to check the box and cables. Plus when my friend finished with the box and the guy on the phone, nothing was changed since. We’ve tried everything the lady asked me today, how much easier if she’d said, “ok, I’ll send someone out to help you!” But no, this would be too fucking simple wouldn’t it? It could just be a box and/or modem connection problem. But I personally don’t think it’s all it is. If my friend set up the stuff the way she was told, then asked the guy if it was done correctly a few times and he confirmed it and the Net still isn’t working, then it can’t just be the modem or box cables connected wrong! I think the network is faulty and they just don’t want to send anyone out here, the lazy bastards! And so this frigging diatribe leads to my next pet peeve.

Real estates!!!!!!!!!!! Why the hell do we have them? Anyway……… Here goes: So I get a text message telling me to pay rent immediately because it needs doing within six days. So I rushed to the bank in a cab, spent half a fucken hour tongue-wagging to the bank teller because she was a bit concerned about my bank statements. So we sorted that shit out, so glad it wasn’t worse! The lady was rather concerned and disappointed that I didn’t get my money back from when I bought the dog, so I said I’m sick of fighting with people and getting nowhere. I’m very pissed off actually. Oh well…… Anyway I got some bank statements to prove I was paying rent on time. The bank teller highlighted the date that rent wasn’t paid. Yep, fucken bring on the legal battle!!!!!!!!!!! So then I went to the real estate agent and found out that I have a fair bit of rent owing before Wednesday next week. I scheduled a transfer on my banking app in front of the agent so next week when I ring them to say my payment has come out, they can’t argue with me. If they do, I’m gonna stamp my foot very hard. I want a comfortable life that isn’t full of dramas. I’ll do the same with iPrimus if they don’t help me. I’m not about to let anyone rip me off. I purposefully bought the dog which I’ve since had to rehome, but as for people just ripping me off, no way in the world!!!!!!!!!!😬😡😡😡😡 I’m not here to be used and abused. I’m not ripping anyone off either, by not paying this phone bill. I won’t pay for shit service or for something that isn’t working. Get out!!!!!! That’s not how I roll! I definitely feel lucky that my day started off well. Troy got his new toy which he loves! And I got the Nature’s Miracle pet odour remover. So it’s great that my day started out good. As for the rest of today, I want to bloody erase it. At least I have my arse covered now in case more shit goes down. Hmmmmmmmmmmm it’s not as if I can neglect Troy or let the yard get dirty for not making sure I’ve got dog poop bags to clean up the mess. As much as I’d love to have every bill paid on time, sometimes I just can’t avoid financial commitments. Rent may be important, but I’m not about to make Troy suffer. One rent breach can be dealt with. I can’t deal with Troy going hungry or sick. He’s not a machine!!!!!!!!!!!! I can go homeless, but Troy can’t die for no legitimate reason. I hope I don’t get evicted, but you know what? Getting evicted/moving out is the least of my worries right now! I’m not saying I’d like to move out or be kicked out, but what I am saying is that there’s a lot more important shit to worry about. It’s great to have a roof overhead and food on a platter. It’s great to have somewhere to sleep and fancy technology. But when you’re dead, none of it goes with you! So I may as well survive in any way possible! Stressing to death won’t work if dying means I don’t live in this unit anymore. But if I focus on living and surviving, I can try to enjoy life most of the time no matter what happens. It doesn’t mean I’ll just let things go over as if I’m a doormat. I will fight back if the need arises. But at the same time, I’m not gonna waste my life on living here if for some reason it may not work out anymore. In saying that, I do hope to live here for a long time. But at the end of the day, my life and Troy’s life and my bird’s life takes more priority. That’s really my whole point of the argument.

I wanted to sort Troy out at the vets this week, but I don’t think that will be happening. I want to sort Troy out asap but I bet it’ll be May by the time I have the money for the fucking vet bills! I’m very mad. All this fucking shit had to get in the road, and now poor Troy has to wait till I’m ready to get him vaccinated and checked. Poor dog!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Poor thing! Luckily he’s still really fit for his age or I’d have a lot more shit to worry about grrrrrrrrr! This is bloody flaming stupid. Even worse is that I now wish I had my God damn credit card. Damn it! Oh well my money is basically worked out for now. The good thing with all this is that the bird and Troy have heaps of food so there’s eight weeks where I won’t have to buy food for them. I wanted the play stand but well! It’ll have to be put on friggen hold won’t it! Yeah, I’ll just go without once again, no worries!!!!!!!!!!!😒👎 I’ve absolutely had it! Tomorrow had better not be another stressful day or I’m going to lose it.

Time to get back into blogging!

April 3, 2016

Ok, I tried to write a post a few weeks ago, but didn’t quite manage it. So while I have the time, I’ll write a really gory post. So where do I start? That’s where I get writer’s block, when I can’t think of what to write about first. Tori if you’re reading this, I think you may understand where I’m coming from… Anyway The past month and a half were rather hectic. I had a person staying with me, she was hoping to stay for longer but because she lost a job, she has decided to go elsewhere to find work. I kept reminding the lady not to worry because I’ll be fine either way. I couldn’t stand the place being trashed and I had to clean it up, but anyway it’s sorted now. I’ll just spend the rest of this week cleaning the unit to my liking till it is the way it used to be. Besides that, I bought a small dog, it was a Chihuahua mix, stupidest breed ever! Next time I’m getting a labrador retriever. They start out difficult but are a lot less temperamental to train, so they’re a lot easier to put up with!!!!!!!! These dogs are a lot of hard work for a while, but because of the way they were bred, it’s easier to get over the difficult stage. Anyway… So I bought this stupid mutt and called her Rosie, I was forced to get rid of her – anyone would think I was living in a fucking hotel! How about telling people to be responsible for any damage pets cause or get sued for thousands if they don’t comply, that would fix people! Home isn’t home without some animals to liven it up. Oh well, Troy and the bird are fine, one day I’ll bloody well find somewhere that I can keep another pet. Troy’s getting old now so when he’s dead, I don’t know what I’ll do. I’m still deciding whether I should get another guide dog or not, all these rules and regulations that you have to follow makes it too hard really. I have heard about owner-training, but I don’t wanna go through all that, in case I end up with a puppy that doesn’t want to work as a guide dog. I could get a dog from SEDA, but I don’t know so much anymore. I would have to be living somewhere that I’d be able to walk for twenty minutes twice a day, but where I am now probably won’t work out for a seeing eye dog, or any service dog for that matter. Oh well, I’ll make the most of Troy’s retirement. He has a few years of life left so he still has plenty of energy and I hope Troy will have as much fun as possible. Anyone who thinks Troy having a little friend is too much, can go fuck themselves as far as I’m concerned! Since when did the queen die and make anyone my boss? As far as anyone is concerned, I’m the only person I hold accountability to now. There are certain times I’m accountable to people, but as far as living my life and what possessions I own, it’s none of anybody’s business so long as I’m not neglecting animals or causing them to suffer. I don’t need anyone’s permission to live my life. Besides that, I was doing pretty good. My budgie which I brought home in February, is doing fine. My roommate left today, so now I have the house all to myself again. I like company, but I don’t like doing everything based around someone else’s schedule really. I like to do things whenever I feel like it. I also can’t stand any of my stuff being misplaced because then it gets lost and I can never find it. It’s the last time I’ll ever trust anyone to help me in the kitchen or touch anything here! All the same it was good to have this lady here for a few weeks though so today I just held the bird, patted Troy, and laxed out. It’s easier to cope with someone leaving when I can keep myself preoccupied. Troy is a lot happier in his retirement. He retired on February the 11th, he started work on the 15th of October of 2007. We were officially qualified two weeks later, but I still consider Troy to have started work the first day I got him. I’ve been celebrating Troy’s retirement as much as possible because vets have been saying that he may possibly develop fatal problems at any time. It isn’t a definite but you never know because some dog breeds are more predisposed to cancer and other serious issues than other dog breeds. On the day that Troy gets put down, I’m chucking a huge party for him. Troy did have his setbacks, but he was a fucking awesome guide dog! He knew how to work.

I’m just sitting here now, wondering what to do tomorrow. I want to go to the shops, but it means leaving Troy home. I still hate not bringing him out with me. I can’t just jump into a cab any time I want anymore, I have to keep saving money now. I can’t even do credit card payments now till I get a new credit card soon. Won’t be long anyway so I don’t even care haha! Life is pretty boring at the moment. I rang the RSPCA and YAPS, and both places need volunteers so I’ll front up to both places when I can, and will hopefully find volunteer work. I’m bloody sick of sitting on my bum at home. As for my health, it’s going good so far. I’m over the severe coughing thing which got to me after I got rid of my cold. I’m eating like a horse so I think it’s a good sign! I was meant to go to the vet for Troy’s annual vaccs and health check but I don’t think that’s gonna happen until I can activate the new credit card or sign a piece of paper at the bank to withdraw money. In any case I should be right till then. Let’s just say I’m frigging glad I’ve got Troy and the bird sorted out! I don’t have to worry about them going hungry! I’m all organised so it makes life a lot easier to manage when shit happens. Well, I’m getting hungry so I’ll finish this blog and write again later. I’m gonna have some rice and curry with a can of coke.

Day -21

January 18, 2016

Me and Troy were going to go out today, but I felt that without money, an outing would be pointless. So tonight I’m setting my alarm on my iPad because it’s a lot louder than my phone. I’ll be waking up early and me and Troy are going out all day and will be back home in time for the shopping delivery. So now I’m eating rice bubbles for brunch, since I slept in late. The milk is about to expire, even though it has been in the freezer for days and I took it out a few days ago. Milk is like that, you pretty much need to either keep it frozen or use it straight away, or within the expiry date guidelines. I ended up catching another minor cold, so I’m hoping my immune system doesn’t play up on me like it did two years ago, where it wasn’t fighting illnesses properly I can’t take another chance with this fucking crap, I’ll have to reluctantly go to the doctors if I keep getting illnesses all the time this year. I refused a checkup to see what was wrong two years ago, but instead took vitamin pills to correct whatever was stuffing my immunity. This time, the doctor wants to know what the problem is, just in case it’s more serious. Fair enough, but if vitamins helped me then, why not now? Anyway, the doctor has been to school for a lot longer than I have, so I’m guessing that he or she should know what they’re on about most of the time. Anyway, let’s hope my health doesn’t go bad this year, and maybe I won’t have to see a doctor will I? As for Troy, he will be getting a good workout tomorrow.

Last night I updated Word Press on the iPad. It isn’t working good now. So I haven’t updated the app in my phone. Since iOS 942 came out, the iPad isn’t working very well either. I got so frustrated with it last night that I nearly smashed the screen when I punched it! In other news, I’m hoping to get a call from the pet shop next week! She should be able to bring a baby bird to the pet shop so I’ll get the opportunity to meet it. I’ll be talking to it and holding it way heaps before I bring it home. That way I won’t have a difficult time handling it while I finish caring for its needs as a baby. I’ll be looking into spoon-feeding it on odd occasions, but we’ll see how it goes and I’ll work it out from there. I really hope I do well with looking after a budgie! The bird will be a really good distraction so I won’t always be worrying about getting used to Troy’s retirement. Stuff like going out with the cane, he won’t be hanging around me when I leave the house etc. I’ve got a good work-around for keeping Troy fit and all that, so I’m keeping him for as long as possible now. I figure that since I’m paying my bills, I’m the one who chooses whether I can make a budget for keeping two dogs and a bird, or not. I just think it’s stupid to just ditch a dog you’ve had for so long! And if I re-home Troy and that person and I don’t know each other, they aren’t going to care that Troy has been my best friend and a really good helper for eight years. I know they will care that whoever kept this dog will miss him, but they won’t care about my need for saying hi to Troy every week or two, for the rest of his life. I told the family this, I basically said either Troy goes to somebody I know so I can visit him, or he doesn’t get re-homed at all, unless I absolutely have to. Apparently I’m getting a thumbs-up from a lot of people, because I haven’t been told to get rid of Troy by most people I know. The three people expecting me to ditch my dog are heartless and control freaks anyway. And one of the said people telling me to clip one wing of my new bird!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO! I won’t be doing that. Clipping two wings is better for the bird, it won’t fly properly but it won’t be put off balance either. If you clip one wing, it won’t fly straight, and it won’t land properly either. And I will not tolerate avoidable accidents under any circumstances. Anyone that does hurt my bird will be paying the bill if they don’t want to be taken to court. I’m forgiving of accidents, but not preventable accidents. We can’t know everything, but everyone should know that clipping one wing of a bird is barbaric and cruel. In any case, I plan to make life as fun as possible for me and the bird, so hopefully all should be good.

Day -22

January 17, 2016

I had a boring day today. Me and Troy are going out tomorrow. I’m planning on going to Gordonvale, possibly his last time at the little cafe there. My biggest struggle this week is knowing that there will be a lot of last trips for Troy. I feel really horrible about that! I just wish that Troy could work for a little longer. On Tuesday I’ll be waiting for my shopping delivery, so I want to try to fit an outing in tomorrow morning. I did consider going to the police precinct to dob someone in because some dickhead was making up stories about a bowling association in Brisbane, but I’m not even sure if the stories are even real. But besides that I definitely want to go out every day this week. Each day that goes by makes me feel worse about Troy’s retirement. On that day I truly don’t know how I’ll handle it. The GDQ trainer will try to chitchat and all, but there’s nothing to talk about, nothing to really discuss. There’s no words that can be said which will make me feel better about this. I don’t want anyone to console me. Only I understand how I feel, nobody else is in this situation. Unless anyone faces the day that their service dog will retire, they’ll never understand what it feels like in that situation. Anyway I need to stop writing for now, so I won’t start getting fucking angry.

Day -23

January 16, 2016

Me and Troy didn’t go out today. Next week will be a big week for us, Troy will be doing a few last outings with me. Just thinking about this makes me feel devastated. It feels almost like a death sentence, even though Troy is still fit and strong. I don’t know what I’ll do with myself. At least my dog will get exercise at the park almost every day. The good news in all this is that I’m counting down the days when I get to meet my new feathered friend before it gets feathers, probably in two weeks’ time. The bad news is that every time I go out next week, I’ll be reminded of the day that Troy will retire and I’ll never be taking Troy on these outings again.

Day -24

January 15, 2016

My support worker will be here at 1 pm. I bet she’ll be shocked to hear about Troy’s retirement happening so suddenly. I have a lot I want to say, but I’ll hold my opinions in till after Troy retires. Basically I’m upset over a lotof things, one of them being that there’s no negotiations or joint decision making. Anyway I’ll get into it all later, when blackmail will be less of a problem. You’d think that writing about your experiences good or bad, is a crime lol! So this is where I’m at, Troy ending his career but not when he’s ready, and without me being given an opportunity to have any control in the situation. I’m clearly not very trustworthy if you consider it like that… In any case I’ll explain myself more after Troy’s retirement, for obvious reasons. Besides all this shit going around in my head, I’m still doing fine so far.

Countdown to Troy’s retirement: Day -25

January 14, 2016

I’m sitting at the table with a cuppa coffee. The days are going by very fast, yet at the same time, time is crawling. I can’t really explain it. Today is another day closer to Troy’s retirement. Another day closer to having to use my cane to get around, as little as possible of course. But at least I have this blog to write in so I can try to console myself just a little.

January 13, 2016

The weather is really hot at the moment. I can’t use my air-conditioner much because the power bill will get way to dear. The mother of financial Devils is attackimg me but thank God I have important necessities so it’s a big relief for me.

Troy retires soon, Day -26

January 13, 2016

I haven’t written much of late. So I thought I’d come to you tonight with some very sad news. On the 8th of February, 2016, Troy will be retired from service. He started his career on October the 15th, 2007. I’m hoping to keep him for the rest of his life. I am going to miss Troy’s company when I go out with my cane. I’m going to miss Troy’s guiding service more than anyone will ever know. I am fucking sad! So I figured that my blog would be as good a place as any, to vent. It’s horrible that Troy is retiring now instead of in six or twelve months, but at the same time I do feel positive in a lot of ways about my future mobility journey. I’ll discuss this later. But for now, I’ll be freaking out over how I’m going to manage without Troy helping me get around. He’ll be my pet dog, but he’ll be at home or at someone’s place when I go out. I honestly don’t care if I stay inside for a week except to take Troy outside for toilet breaks. I just need space to myself for a while. The good news out of all this, and even more so if the neighbours decide to assume that I’ve gone missing, is that I’ll be receiving a hand-reared budgie. He/she will be some consolation to me. And, Coles Online is working a lot better now, so can do my shopping without having to leave the house. Plus while I’m getting over Troy’s retirement, I won’t be going out a lot anyway, so a lot of pensions are going to be sitting in the bank. All I can say is, Troy is retiring before he has even had the chance to get the idea that maybe he has worked for long enough. He’s still rather energetic, but oh well, he’s retiring and that’s it. Damn! I do notice that he’s starting to get a bit slower, his energy is there but his stamina for fast walking speeds is starting to wayne. So another six months would have been better for Troy, just to let him work in more restricted areas, like just to the local shopping centre, etc. At the moment he’s fine, but in three months he’d need to work more locally to cut out some walking distance and cut down on mental concentration etc. Oh well, there’s nothing I can do about his retirement now is there? So after he’s retired, I’m changing directions in my life, hopefully for the better. Watch this space!

December 30, 2015

It’s hot at the moment. I’m not using the aircon because the ill will be too high. I have enough shit to pay for as it is. So anyway I’m doing fine. The cold isn’t getting any worse, so a lot of good food will fix it no worries! Troy is good. I’m happy with how he is, he’ll retire early in March and then I’ll be using my cane for a while. not totally going back to the cane. Dogs are better. At least a little respite from vet bills is the main goal for me to focus on during the time of using the cane while I wait for my next dog.


December 28, 2015

I’m getting a hand-reared budgie in a few weeks. I’ve also decided to be taken off the GDQ waiting list. Too many was ons to list but the main one being, they’re too expensive to look after. I pay more to maintain my guide dog annually than what I get in my pension per year. Plus I’m not going to give up any of my other lifestyle committments just for a Service dog. They’re worth their weight in gold. But that doesn’t mean I’ll be giving my other ways of life away so readily. So when Troy retires in March, I’ll discuss what’s happening in the coming months. Apart from having a cold I’m pretty fine. Troy is still going strong. My two birds are with a friend of the local pet shop oner. Hopefully they’re happy and loved and cared for. I haven’t been up to much lately. I have been going out with the support worker and Troy loves to come along with me, but I haven’t done a lot of exciting stuff because of hardly any of money. Anyway I’ll write more later.

December 10, 2015

I got two budgies last week! So far they’re doing fine. Troy is doing perfectly well. He still loves to go out. I’m very happy with him. But………. I’m not getting another guide dog when he retires in March. When the retirement date comes around I’ll tell what my next step will be.

October 16, 2015

Troy is recovering from a bad bowel infection. So I didn’t go to the other side of town on Wednesday as I’d planned. I just stayed in my part of town and caught up with my old teacher’s aide from primary school, and another lady who used to be a school admin. I also reported two embasile idiots to the police too, they’re the idiots who I discussed weeks ago. If they think they can get away with victimising sweetly, they’re sadly mistaken. My safety is number one on the list whenever I go out. Obviously there’s risks for every situation, but risking being victimised is just fucken stupid. Having a good time walking the dog or training, socialising etc, doesn’t mean being an idiot yourself and just letting bad things happen for the sake of a beautiful worldly time. People may be all innocent and maybe I won’t get hurt. But maybe isn’t good enough. I need to have a good time without idiots putting their bully-power attitude out there. At least I’ll hear my stupid victimisers being told off now lol! I won’t tolerate shit from anyone. I also remember to press record on the phone’s video camera so if the hooligans try me again, the video will catch them in the act and no amount of lying will save them. I’ve had it, so now I’m just going out whenever I want knowing that the police are set up to sort the mutts out. I’ll be friendly with most of humanity except these two idiots. They’re trapped now, so I can resume going out as usual without being concerned all the time. I walk along the street quite a way, then turn around and walk home. Troy loves the exercise! I find it so easy to indent at a side street, then walk back in the direction of my street, walk down further, then reverse the process coming back home. It’s a straight walk so me and Troy get plenty of exercise and he works his mind into a spin helping me get around the foliage while indenting into this street. Same process coming home so not a great deal of concentration and learning is required, perfect for training a guide dog without having to learn too much! I think it’ll be good to walk up and down my street every day. So long as Troy doesn’t play in the park down the road again, he’ll be right. It wouldn’t matter if he just got slightly sick, but he gets really sick. I hope the new dog won’t be so sensitive to the environment, apparently most dogs don’t have any trouble with park environments. Hopefully the new dog will be fine. I’ll just find somewhere else where Troy won’t accidentaly harm himself. My biggest problem is I can’t see what Troy is doing so I can’t stop him from eating anything bad. He really scares me. He’s doing well though, he is on boiled chicken and rice this week and I will start reintroducing his normal diet next week. The good thing is, apparently Troy is still physically fit! He has the all-clear to work as normal and get some good exercise. He’s sleeping well tonight lol! Since Troy is retiring next year, I’ll take a quick trip to the shops with my cane tomorrow, and make sure Troy gets a good walk either before or after my shopping outing. Believe me, when the new dog comes to me, we’re gonna be raging around town! Next week I’m definitely taking Troy to the other side of town as I won’t need to stay close to home to make sure he gets four meals a day.

I interrupted writing to feed Troy and have a very quick shower. Now I’m chillin’ for the rest of the night. I have to wake up by 7:30 to give Troy his food and medicine. I hate waking up early on the weekends, I even fix Troy’s toilet routine to accommodate for the weekend sleep-in, but this weekend is out. Troy is still doing well though so I’m happy he won’t need more treatment after next week yea! Next week I don’t have a lot on, but the week after I’m going to learn how to make pies. I can’t wait to buy a pie maker! I’ll be making pies and freezing them. I won’t have to buy take-out pies again unless I’m not at home to make some if I’m hungry. The other thing I’m doing actually, is going to the doctors next Friday. I don’t feel so seriously sick that I’d need a doctor sooner, so if I’m still coughing by then, I may as well let her know. I may have to chuck a Troy and live on chicken and rice for a week so I won’t throw up all the time. I’ll even ask her if I can live with the diet that the dogs eat, which is boiled chicken breast and plain rice. Introducing the normal diet will be a gradual process, so I’m wondering if the same idea will work for me if I need to take antibiotics. That way I can eat properly without spewing or totally going off food. Hopefully my cough will go away and I won’t have to tell the doctor. Let’s just hope for the best.

Not much happening in my life

October 13, 2015

Not much is happening lately. I thought I’d write anyway because I don’t write much anymore, and I’m not willing to put my blog to death over having nothing to write about. I need to keep writing evn if it is about how bored I am. Today I went to the IGA store down the road, I got a week’s worth of groceries because I’m sick of running around all the time, and the less I can pay for taxis, the better. I’m avoiding taking a bus into town to go to Vision Australia because there’s road works being done on one intersection I have to cross, and I just don’t wanna go through the trouble of getting help to cross it. I can get a bus from the city to the other side of town easily enough though, so this is what I’m doing tomorrow! I really can’t wait. And I think I’ll do a bit of blogging when I’m travelling. That’s fun. I used to write a lot while travelling on the bus. Anyway I have to finish writing now. I’ve been talking for two hours on Facetime and have just finished dinner. So I’m gonna have a shower and go to bed. I’m really not up for staying up all night tonight. I’ll write again tomorrow, will talk about everything else then because I was interrupted earlier.

A new door opening

October 9, 2015

I’ve made a decision regarding what happens with getting a new dog. I won’t disclose it straight away, but at an appropriate time after Troy’s retirement next March, I’ll let you guys know. Time to start honouring my own expectations unless there’s a legit reason for doing otherwise. That is all. Will write again soon

My day

September 22, 2015

I haven’t done a whole lot of late. I was planning on going out but it’s too hot outside and I’m having a mental health day. I guess I can wake up and go out as soon as I finish eating breaky. I hate having to wait for buses, but I don’t have a lot of money for cabs so I don’t have other options. The prices of everything are going sky high as well, which doesn’t help much. I’d love to take Troy out each day, but while I’m at it I also need food and water. Nothing can take this away from me. Otherwise, I may as well stay home because I have nothing better to do with my life when I go out anyway. I think I need to start just living for me only, going out every single day is boring when I can’t pay for entertainment, and it’s high time I bloody well controlled how often I go out. What if I need money but don’t have it because I love partying all the time? Sometimes I think that giving myself a break from guide dog training for a few years might just be a good thing. I won’t have to use my cane if I can rely on others to help me get around most of the time. If it wasn’t for me owning a guide dog, it wouldn’t be mandatory to use my cane. Try to tell me differently and I’ll shoot anyone down in flames. It’s my choice when I will and God damn won’t use my cane. If people don’t like that, there’s the door.

I’ve been reading a heap of iBooks lately! The iBooks app is so much better than the Kindle app. To add insult to injury, I can’t use the Amazon site anymore for updating my payment details. So bugger it, Amazon is gone too. Bring on Apple! As for friendships, I dumped three friends yesterday. I’ve come to realise that in different ways, they’re all there for me when it suits their agenda, other than that I hardly hear from them. So fuck them, either be my friend all the time or get fucked. Obviously I didn’t want to be waited on by them every single day, but basically, if I have to feel bad when I don’t answer calls yet I can never call them and get respect or sympathy when I eventually worry about these friends not answering my calls, well I don’t know – I fucking can’t tolerate that shit. I can’t be friends to people who only want my friendship and won’t give me any of their friendship. What do the morons expect? I can only endure shit patiently for so long, so many years. Let’s just say I’m so glad dogs are man’s best friend. Besides how frustrating dogs can be, I still don’t get let down by them. Troy isn’t the only dog who will make me really angry very rarely, but all the guide dogs are awesome, besides when they rip into things when I’m not around. I now tether Troy to his bed if he stays home every single time I go out, I don’t trust him at all. I’ll never entrust a dog to free running my place alone anymore, not ever.

I had to interrupt this blog because I suddenly got ready to go out. I’m now at the shopping centre. I’m sitting at a cafe on a lounge suite. I’ll be getting another bus soon. I wish I could just cab it home, but this won’t work out till I have more money. All I want to do is frigging party. All this staying home all the time is fucked. It’s boring not paying for entertainment, but it’s also flaming boring at home too. At least I’m getting some jam drops and coke into me. I can say it’s better than sitting at home, but at the same time I can just as easily take snack foods home as well. But one plus is that I don’t have to pay the electricity bill for air-conditioning if I’m at the shops. I know Troy loves going out all the time, but he isn’t the only one who needs to be entertained. I didn’t go out all day for different reasons, and it just had to happen that I felt better when it was too late to plan a nice trip into town. I’ll have to go out tomorrow. As for eating, for the rest of the week I’ll be pretty much emptying out the cupboards and the fridge. I thought those vegetable bags were working for me, but every two weeks I still have a shit load of vegies to chuck out. The green bags keep vegies fresh for longer my fucking foot! That’s a load of bolox. I’m gonna let the support worker know too, when she turns up on Friday. And don’t get me started about how disgusting the so-called fresh produce is at the supermarkets. Yeah right, I’ll only be going to the fruit and vege shops and Peconnies IGA from now on. World War 2 if anyone tries to make me change. I want fresh food, not rotten crap. Talking of shops, I love this cafe! The staff knows how to have fun and they’re way helpful! I’ll be coming here every day next week. I couldn’t love it here more than I do. It’s so relaxing.

At the moment everything is fine

September 19, 2015

I haven’t written for almost a week. I should be writing here a lot more often, but I’m not. The good thing is that I’m still writing. At least I haven’t abandoned my blog altogether. I’m so glad I haven’t deleted it. Now on to what’s been happening in my world: Troy is retiring in March next year. He’s almost ready for it anyway, so it’s not the worst of my worries. Troy started on suplements last night. I’m getting conflicting opinions about what he should and shouldn’t have. At the end of the day, I have a high respect for my vets that care for Troy. But since I live with my dog in the house every day of the year, I, as well as the Guide Dogs trainers, should get the final say. I said in a serious tone to one of them that I’ll be getting into a discussion about what else to do should prescription food not help Troy. I’ll start him on it soon. I personally believe that food for humans and animals needs suplimentation because there isn’t enough nutritional value in it. I actually don’t believe anything the doctors and the vets say about food. I don’t know a whole lot about nutrition, but at the same time I wasn’t born yesterday and I know Troy needs more nutrition because of his age. So Im basically getting Troy any tasty nutritional treats that are safe for the average older dog, so he can stay on top of his health right up to his last breath. I’m actually considering taking nutritional tablets again myself, but maybe I’m eating enough nutrients after all, because I feel as fit as a button. My endurance is like a hundred-year-old woman’s, but thankfully with the right training this can be corrected. I have a funny heartbeat, but because I eat proper food most of the time, my heart has less of a chance of malfunctioning. If I find myself in any sort of trouble, bring on the pace-maker right now because it’s not worth my life whinging over issues that’re going to go away anyway. I don’t want to regret dying early and not coming back to life for a very long time. I don’t want to live a miserable existance, but if I ever need a pace-maker and I can live a happy life for a long time because of it, then bring it on! Hopefully I won’t need one for a long time, so I’m happy that I’m still healthy and fine, I eat a tonne of vegies, and life is ok.

If there’s one thing I’m not going to accept, it’s the day Troy will have to be put down. Luckily I got onto his arthritis and lethargy very early, his lethargy has been reversed thank Christ, and hopefully when his extra nutrients are built up in him, he’ll very rarely need Catrofen tablets. His ear infection is clearing up as well which I’m so relieved about! God only knows what might have happened had I not gotten Troy checked over on Wednesday. Today I’m jumping up and down over it! Troy is still lazing around, but he takes an interest in the world now, walks around and gets inquisitive about everything, and is so fucking lively! Sometimes I have to make him not go into my kitchen or hunt me down when I’m eating lol! But I’m sooooooooooo happy he’s not hurting or unwell. I love that feeling that you know you can get ready to go out and Troy is keen to join in the fun… I love the feeling that Troy is ready to take on the world again and I know Troy will get worn out but he won’t be in pain or feel too run down or sick. If Troy is comfortable and rearing to go, I feel like I don’t have a weight on my shoulders anymore. As for having to put him down one day, I’m not participating in it, or paying for it. I’m not finding out when it happens, I won’t listen or talk about it. You’d have to smash me to get me to listen to anything to do with Troy being euthanised. All I want to know is Troy’s death is a natural one. Dishonesty in this case is the best way of keeping me safe and well. Otherwise I’ll end up in an accident. Just lie about the way Troy dies and I’ll be better off for it. Any excuse like dying in sleep, ran away somewhere and was found dead, etc etc, to hide the fact of him being put down, will prevent me from having a serious accident. The best news is I’ve extended Troy’s life by at least three years, so this is something worth celebrating!

After I finish my blog, me and Troy are going to the IGA just down the road. The taxi stand is three or four feet away, so it only takes us thirty seconds to find the entrance to the grocery store. I’m going to get a tub of ice-cream, and God knows what else. Oh, before I leave I have to turn my crockpot to the warm setting so the chicken wings don’t cool down straight away, then I’m preparing some steamed vegetables and rice. Then I’ll be having ice-cream for desert. Maybe some fruit will compliment it just fine. I’ll check the prices on different ice-creams and make a decision then. I love the produce at this IGA store, I always go there. Besides having to deal with child thieves who forget that people aren’t as stupid as they may think, I’m doing all right. The same two kids on bikes who love to cause trouble have heard my alarm once, so they know what happens if they don’t leave. I only needed to warn them twice and they were out of here.

My day is going well

September 1, 2015

I’m at VA at the moment. I’ve been hanging out here for an hour. So I’ll be leaving here soon to sit down at my favourite cafe for a while. Poor Troy isn’t handling the weather too well, he was so hot earlier! I put his bowl of water in front of him and I even got some for him earlier too, but he still only drinks whenever he wants to. I want him to drink plenty of water though so on Friday I’m going to a pet pharmacy to buy a water flavour product that encourages pets to drink more water. That way on some occasions I can flavour Troy’s water when I think he’s not getting quite enough. Dogs aren’t like us, they do drink when they want as we do, but they don’t understand dehydration and how dangerous it is not to have enough water. These products don’t replace plain water, but they do help dogs get enough water on very hot days when they aren’t drinking enough on their own initiative. Other than that, he’s fine. I’m doing fine too. I try to go out for the whole day so when I go home, me and Troy aren’t in a locked-up place for too long other than for him to go outside. Four weeks ago when I was really sick and all that, going outside other than for Troy wasn’t an option. I was way too sick. But now at least I can go out for six or eight hours and stay locked up at home for six or eight hours without problems.

I’m now sitting on the bus ready to go home. The cafe I love to go to is closed for the day except for coffee and other drinks and snacks. So I’m going back home. I’ll lock myself up and have a big pig-out. I’m starving, but I don’t wanna go to the shopping centre and spend money on taxi fares. So home it is, back to the crazy neighbours. So long as there’s peace I won’t worry to much, but at this stage I have to be ready for anything. At least I went out today. I’ll be going out tomorrow. And hopefully avoiding bus accidents in the process God damn it! Hopefully World War 3 won’t happen again soon, is all I can say. I just want peace at home. The good thing is I can go out for the day, every day if I want to. I so can’t wait to pig out on sandwiches. I love salad and ham sandwiches! I can’t decide whether to turn the air-con on. It was very hot today. Imagine what it’ll be like in October! I have to keep an eye on Troy with the heat though, it really gets to him now. I’m sort of freaking out. I’m almost where I need to be to get off, will write more at home.

I got home an hour and a bit ago. I made two ham lettuce tomato sandwiches. They were yum. I didn’t want sauce or salt, they were just fine how they were. Then I took the rubbish out, cleaned up after myself and washed the dishes, then fed the dog. Now I’m set to write for a while before taking Troy out for the evening. I’m so glad I took him out today! He loves a good bus ride and sitting around at cafes and other places. And when we get home, Troy loves to just vege out. Sounds like what I’d do lol! Now I’m in my cubby house, it’s nice and peaceful and quiet. Going outside without a good reason is a no-no for the time being. Troy has to go outside, but I won’t just loiter around outside, except to leave the residence if I want some fresh air. Maybe I need to go to the park now. It’ll be lovely there at the moment! Maybe giving Troy a good brushing and just sitting there for a while would be a good idea. Spring is here now so of course it takes longer for the sun to go down. So I think it’ll be relatively safe to sit at the park for an hour, and I guess this would be the case most of the time. If I’m not at the park I’m shut away in my house for my own safety.

Be careful who you trust

August 31, 2015

Nothing much happened on Saturday. So the weekend was pretty good going. Until last night that is. All I can really say is, never say it won’t happen to you. You just never know, and you least expect some things that absolutely shock you. I was just about spewing when I called 000 over a fight that two people got into, not quite physical yet but I’ll say borderline physical. Of everyone I know who lives around me, I never dreamt in a million years that these particular neighbours would actually turn violent in any way. So when the usual outbursts which always die off as suddenly as they happen, suddenly turned into door-banging and then crying and yelling, I knew that was the last straw, and the last time I’d ever trust the said neighbours again. Now I keep my place closed up except to take Troy outside every three hours, and to do some chores. All my ideas of be friendly to everyone and the world will be friendly back, has been thrown out the window. I don’t believe any of that so-called goodness shit anymore, it’s all a load of shit. There’s good people and there’s bad people, there’s no in-between. I do know people I can trust, but believe me everyone else won’t get my trust anymore unless I’m absolutely positive that whoever they are, are truly good people. I do feel sorry for the lady in this situation, but for mine and her safety I’m avoiding these people at all costs. The reality is, the world isn’t always nice to friendly people. But nobody was seriously hurt last night, the lady was safe locked in her house while I spoke briefly to her, and basically I realised then that the world is a good place with a lot of fucked up people. At least I was able to talk her down till the police got here. Then I scurried around putting my place in some order in case a civil war broke out, thank Christ it didn’t go that way! As for today, there’s peace here. But I don’t feel safe unless I go out somewhere or I’m locked up in my place now. Domestic violence doesn’t just affect the parties involved in it, so unless you’ve experienced it or witnessed it – in my case, heard it, in front of you, you’re in no position to comment or dispute it. DV is frigging horrible and anyone who initiates it without reason of self-defence of their own life, is calous and heartless. There is absolutely no excuse for domestic violence.

I went out at lunch time for a few hours, which was the best decision I’ve ever made. I had a coffee this morning and a milk shake this afternoon. Troy is doing perfect with his training. We’re now home in one piece. I’m ready to put my feet up and have a good feed. Then I’ll take Troy out for the night and am going out again tomorrow. The only way I can get fresh air now is by leaving home for a few hours, I can’t just sit outside anymore. Besides that I’m doing fine. Hopefully this is the first and last situation I’ll have to deal with for a few decades, not just a four-year stretch. The last time I called 000 was in 2011 and you can bet my sorry arse I was half dead from terror while I waited for the cops to show up and sort Mum and B out. I’m doing all right though so I’m not worried about me. I’m scared of a certain guy but at the moment I’ve got my tricks for avoiding the neighbours. I hope life will be all good now, besides the bullshit that the neighbours need to sort out, hopefully my neck of the woods will stay peaceful. Tomorrow will give me another opportunity to have fun and get a break from the tension and craziness. This is all I can think of to say right now. I think the guide dog review will work out on Thursday, and I’m seeing relatives within the next two weeks which I haven’t seen for years, so I’ll write about this when the time comes.

Haven’t been up to much…

August 28, 2015

I’ve decided to write a blog. Haven’t written one in a long time. Me and Troy are doing fabulous! I am freaking out about things, namely when I have to use my cane for a while when Troy retires next year, because I have to be put on a waiting list for a new dog. Very frigging difficult and nothing against anyone, but not having a guide dog for six or twelve months will be so fucked. My safety is much more important than my ability to use my cane, so I’ll do all the cane practice in front of O and M instructors so I don’t forget cane techniques. But when my support worker or O and M trainer isn’t with me, there ain’t no way I’ll be using my cane too often. If I fear going to anywhere else other than the local shopping centre for absolutely any reason, I’ll either wait for someone to accompany me to other places, or that’s it I won’t go anywhere except the shopping centre. No disputing it, I’m living within my safety limits and won’t change it for anyone.
Besides all this panic and whatnot, life is fine. I’ve just been partying and stuffing around with the laptop and dole-bludging. The work force isn’t made for completely blind people and my life doesn’t have a higher purpose, so I seriously enjoy wasting it on having fun as often as I can. There is better employment opportunities in other countries, but Australian employment for blind people is crap at the moment. I don’t know what I’ll do to keep the new dog from getting bored and all that. I guess partying seven days a week will be my new lifestyle, and of course I’ll make sure the dog has a wonderful time as well! My orientation training has been fine most of the time, but man when I stuff things up and get myself lost, I fucking freak out! Anyone who wants to push their feelings onto me about these situations can be eaten alive because unless they’ve been blind every day and not just blindfolded for a few hours each day for a month, wouldn’t have a clue what it’s like to get lost. Basically if you’re not blind, don’t tell me how to feel about getting disoriented or we aren’t friends. End of story. But yeah, when O and M training goes well and I don’t accidentally get lost, I’m all sweet. I’m still getting used to the travel route to Vision Australia because of my shit orientation, but at least I’m a lot better now. I need a lot of training to get good at something so you can’t say my mobility skills are that good. If I was such a good traveller I’d still need training but not as much training to learn something. I hate it when people over-exaggerate my abilities. Just accept that I can’t get around for shit and I can only do very limited travel according to what I’ve been taught to do. Getting disoriented as a sighted person is extremely different from being blind and disoriented. Sighted people don’t need training to get them back on track, blind people do need to be trained. I’d also like to say that my problems aren’t everyone else’s problems, so technically I don’t deal with life the same as everyone else does. I do deal with life in general like everyone else, but the way I deal with it isn’t the same. Oh well at least I don’t have major problems to deal with. Besides girl issues which I’ll be sorting out in the near future, I’m soooooooooo happy that the rest of my health is fine! After sorting out a system for my orientation training to work out way better, I should be fine I think. Troy is still working perfectly for me so that’s the most important thing! I thought Troy’s health was chucking it in this week, but with much relief his stomach issues were short-lived and he’s bouncing around as normal again, and I go out and about smiling. I also got a new slow cooker last week for my birthday so I’m going perfectly fine with the way I do my cooking! Sometimes I get depressed over shit, but then I just keep telling myself that I’m only accountable to myself, not to everyone else except to trusted people, the EMS people, and Guide Dogs. If anyone else has a problem with that, that’s no bother to me. My life is all about me. I say so long as I can live my life however I like and still take good care of a dog, then no one can say anything. As for what I eat and drink, I’ll shred anyone to pieces who tries to forcefully change my dietary habits. I’ve gone over this before so this is it. I’m done with this blog now, will write again soon.

June 29, 2015

I just found this site on how to make money from the Internet. I think most tips are spot on! I’m just so glad blogging is one of the tips – I really like blogging! Tomorrow I’m staying home again, so I guesss I can sspend the whole day cleaning up my site because I haven’t done any serious editing for at least a year. Knowing that it’s raining constantly and has been doing so for most of the day, I think I’ll feed myself, take Troy outside, then I’ll come back and edit my blog for a while. I don’t sleep good at night, so if I can stay up and sleep through the morning really well, then playing with a web site isn’t gonna do any harm before I finally go to bed in the early morning. It’s not as though I’ll be going out much this week anyway, so I have all the time on earth to do a bit of overhalling on my blog. time to get off this computer so I can eat I suppose!

My blog post disappeared

June 29, 2015

Short entry. I stuffed up m blog while I was writing so here’s a summary of my entry. Ordered two packs of Nexgard instead of one pack, explaining why my pension money disappeared so suddenly. Will make sure to keep it in stock for future guide dogs no matter who I go through to get a dog. That way no one has to help me pay for the tic and worm medicines. Other than that my life is fine, my day is going well. The laptop is about to die so I’ll write later.

Not much happening…

June 28, 2015

It’s getting late in the evening but since I’m using my somewhat now working laptop, I’ve decided to write a lovely blog anyway. Facebook always plays up, but that’s no surprise really. Apple and FB are in love with each other, Windows PCs and screen-readers hate Facebook but what can I do? I need to live my life no matter what, so I just use FB anyway, whether my computer likes it or not lol. It has been a pretty drizzly day with the rain going on and off. Tonight I’ve got my doors open with screens locked, letting fresh breezes run through my house. The way the unit is situated is awesome! My chest is playing up on me and has been for almost two months, but at least it’s coughing all the time which is the worst of it. When I’m not coughing I’m not too bad really. So hopefully my bad cough will just go away gradually. Ok, right now I can hear funny noises outside, I might do a bit of eavesdropping. I love eavesdropping! At night I can hear traffic because the street I’m on is busy pretty much all day and all night. Then there’s he quirks of the neighbours. Then the crickets… And the peace and quiet with the occasional siren. Oh, and maybe sometimes a dog fight! Other than being as poor as an old dog, I’m doing fine. I’ve got Troy’s stuff on track so now I don’t need to worry about his tic medication until next year. He just needs one chewable tablet each month. Same with the new worming medication I’ll be giving him starting from May next year. Two hundred dollars just for one heart-worm needle is absolutely ridiculous! If it’s fifty percent cheaper to give him something each month that will work just as well, then I’ll take that. Not only is Troy a top priority for me, but so is my own life, and nobody has the entitlement to tell me how to live my life if I’m not harming anybody. Troy is retiring next year, so I’m getting the ball rolling for getting matched to a new dog as soon as I possibly can. The cane is a mobility aide, but I prefer a dog over the cane and would prefer to use the cane as back-up material only. So when I’ve got all the logistics sorted I’ll let you all know what I’m doing. Until then I’m carrying on with my life as usual. I love how people help me, but I also have the right to decision-making, and I also have the final say as to what happens in my life. I’ll get all the support that I need, training instruction etc, but when it comes to my lifestyle, I have the right to over-ride what everyone in the whole wide world says. So long as my lifestyle isn’t harming kids and animals, I shall do as I like whenever I wish.

I’m happy to have kept this blog. Last year I considered deleting it. But I thought better of it. I’m just so happy I can write as usual now. I’m glad because just imagine if I’d lost my blog! And my Wi-fi network has enabled me to use the computer as I used to do, only this time it’s a new laptop and the Internet has a huge data upload thing. I have a huge bill to pay next week but only because it’s the first bill, and first bills are always the worst haha! I have to buy a good lot of groceries next week too, not this one but the one after that. Yeah, so much for I can save money! I will do, what it means is no going out for three months. Very very disappointing because there’s a family event I really really want to go to! Anyway I have until the 25th of July to sort out my money, otherwise that’s it I’m missing out. I really wantd to do Christmas too, but maybe the only way I can manage that is by not going out for ages and ages. At least I have the computer to keep me entertained all day. At least most people who say they’re my friends, are really not my friends… Onlly one or two of them actually takes the time to think of me. That’s ok, I won’t be wasting time on any of my other friends anymore. I’m not putting effort into my friendships no moe, I have a friend who lives upstairs, we don’t live in each other’s back pocket but we’re considerate enough to say a quick hi and help each other out once in a while and have afternoon tea once a month. I don’t need friendship to be fancy. It just needs to be good and reasonable. Once in a while to chitchat and have a feed is fair to me. Everyone else who only wants to know me when I’m in front of their face can go and live their lives, don’t expect me to put effort into visiting everyone. Of all the people I ever visit, there’s only one or two of them who have enough respect to return the favour. Goodbye everyone else.

As for me nd Troy, we are fine. Troy has got no complaints whatsoever. I have absolutely nothing to complain about which is sooooooo cool! At least I know the new dog will love it here! I’m going to try to make sure I can get a new dog next year. It’s not guaranteed but the way I plan my future now will affect when and how long it’ll take to get my next dog. As it stands I’m pretty much doing whatever suits my lifestyle now, I don’t need advice from everyone except when it comes to cane and dog mobility training. As for everything else in my life, trust me I’m old enough to do as I like and make my own choices now! I have been that way for a very long time. I’m happy with who I am and where my life is at the moment so nobody can take that away from me. I think I’m in a better place where a new dog is concerned, I’m not living with Mum for a start, she tells me to stand up for myself then tries to run my life. Go figure! Well she’s not living with me and nobody else is running my life so when it comes to training with a new dog and getting him/her used to how I live, it should be a whole lot easier.

Another day

June 22, 2015

I’m using the laptop to write. I guess now that I’ve got the phone working properly with WordPress, I can just write without having to specify which device I’m using for my blogs. That’s awesome! So now I can just write as usual. I haven’t done much for a while. Just sat around the house, kept it clean and tidy to a large degree, and made sure all my washing is done. Troy is doing fine, his new tic medication is working to a tee so far. He hasn’t had any health issues due to ingesting rubbish, he hasn’t had any major problems so I hope I never have to move again for a long time. I’m having a major conflict with a certain person but that’s because I’m not standing up for myself good enough. I need to stop letting people boss me around because they aren’t living my life, I am. I know people care and only want to help, but I’m afraid most people always cross that line so I need to be more clear with everyone. If that means saying that I don’t want as much assistance in some areas of my life, so be it. If it means accepting that maybe I need to choose a different mobility training path, so be it. Nobody has the right to dictate what happens in my life or what I should or shouldn’t do unless a doctor or other health professional approves of this. I shouldn’t need to be forced to accept any situation whatsoever, not any situation. I don’t have to like travelling, I don’t have to accept certain types of assistance or training, I do not have to do anything. I’m actually here to do whatever pleases me, not what pleases everyone else around me. End of story.

The other thing I’m sorting out is an app on my phone. It’s called Audioboom, and it’s very unstable. I’m stuffing around with it for a while to see what it will and won’t do properly. I hate the layout of the app, I hate everything about the app actually. But when the recording feature works, I can be very entertaining. So I’ll try and fix it because the creators of this app certainly aren’t doing anything about it. What I’m trying to do is put a few short audio files in the uploading queue to see if it freezes or not. Long files causes the uploads to freeze so that I have to reinstall the app, but maybe short files won’t freeze it if I put a few in the queue. Let’s see what happens. I have noticed that files that are ten minutes in length or less, have no issues uploading at all. I’ve tried reporting this to Audioboom Support, but they delete my emails and use robots to reply to my emails. They’re all in it for the money. Anyway I’ve written as much as I can think to write for now, I’ll make another blog soon!

No subject

June 21, 2015

I’m having heaps of fun with the laptop! I’ve been stuffing around all arvo, I had a lot of trouble downloading the Shockwave plug-in, but now that I got help from my computer technician, I can use the Audio games Play Centre. Amazing! And the guy told me I had to adjust the speech rate for NVDA, because apparently I was using the computer way too fast for the program to keep up with me. So I did that, and now I’m fine. I’m having a bit of trouble typing because I don’t want to bump the touch pad by accident, but at least I’m able to use my WordPress site now. On that note I’ll make another entry soon, I just wanted to check in to let everyone know how I’m going and how the computer is working for me and all that.

Having a ball!

June 15, 2015

I’m having a tonne of fun with this laptop! I’m using my external keyboard to write, sooooooooooo much easier! I’m having a ball now that NVDA is back on the computer. I’ve played games and surfed the Internet and everything. A computer tech also made sure I can use my Google account properly because Windows Live Mail (aca Windows Live Trash), doesn’t support it. Mind you, I’m not using Bigpond anymore, so maybe WLM should work heaps better. Anyway I have to go, the laptop is about to die so I’ll write more later.

I’ve finally got NVDA on this laptop!

June 14, 2015

I’m lying down using my laptop to write this blog! I’ve decided to piss Window Eyes off because it’s really shit with the Internet, causing me to get so frustrated, and it lagged all the time. I’m so fucking stoked that I’ve got my favourite screen-reader back! I guess like everyone says, you can’t make comparisons without trialling new programs. So I decided to piss Window Eyes off because NVDA is so much easier to work with. I’m so fucking happy man! I hate the laptop keyboard how it’s set out, but at least with NVDA, I can use this laptop just fine. I’m having a tonne of trouble using this laptop keyboard because of the mouse pad being so sensitive when I bump it, but the keys aren’t as sensitive as the last laptop keyboard so I find it a million times easier to write on. I just can’t get the six-pack keys to work on it, they use mouse tracking but I can’t get these keys to work as normal home/end, page-up/page-down etc. Very frigging bullshit but I’ll figure things out somehow. I’m just so glad I can type while lying down, I can use the damn computer and I’m not having trouble typing. I’m going to play with YouTube and all that as well, I also need to see how I go posting this into my blog site. I bet it won’t take long to publish the blog because NVDA has fixed the lagging issue! Then I’ll just surf the network with my really good Wi-fi network.

June 12, 2015

I didn’t write yesterday. The days are flying by way too fast! Yesterday I went out for the afternoon. I had to go to Vision Australia to talk to the occupational therapist, so before I went to VA I had a coffee from a really good cafe. Then I went into the arcade and upstairs and discussed a few things about trialling the Trekker Breeze GPS. Then I went back to the bus terminal to hang around till a bus turned up for home. Troy did really well! A group of people walked past me and made horrible remarks about Troy when I had to pick up some shit. Um, maybe they should have tried teaching a dog about a new toilet area and when it has a shit somewhere else, someone else should laugh at the idiots! People are so fucken thoughtless! Trying to teach Troy is hard enough, but when some moron adds insult to injury into the mix, I just about to want to murder someone. At least some other decent humans stepped in to help me, they were actually considerate of the fact that dogs don’t know how to cope with new environments and situations, so they effectively need training all over again. Anyway, these helpful people were nice and we turned the comments from the other group of arseholes into a funny joke so my day wasn’t totally ruined.

Overall me and Troy went well. Me and Troy are doing the rounds of Cairns next week which should be pretty fun. I went to Nan and Pop’s for dinner, the whole lot of the family likes drama and misery, but because I don’t, I was glad to get back home. If anyone thinks they can run my life, they have some sad news! And it’s not about to change. Oh, the other thing: Since I sent an email to my real estate agent the other day, the ugly mongrel dog upstairs hasn’t made a whole lot of noise. I’m so bloody happy, at least I can choose to sleep or stay awake now unlike last weekend when I and a couple of other neighbours, got extremely cranky for lack of sleep and constant frigging noise! And Mum, oh my God she hasn’t fucking changed!!!!!!!!!!! She wouldn’t let me finish explaining something about how the phone works with voice-over, and I pretty much put her in her place because when she asks a question, she needs to shut up and let me bloody answer the fucking questions. She’s not someone I can put up with for long.

Mum’s coming to visit me tomorrow arvo. I’m kinda regretting it, but I’m definitely not letting her get to me that’s for sure. She needs to get off her high horse and accept that she isn’t paying my bills anymore. She needs to get over it. Nan and Pop need to stop being so selfish too, it’s perfectly ok for them to expect sympathy whenever they see fit, but they couldn’t be more tightfisted if they tried, when it comes to giving other people the same curtesy. Anyway my family can be good in some ways but in other ways they’re painful to hang around. I actually didn’t wanna go to the granparents for dinner but I knew Mum would show up so I thought, oh well, it’s only three hours of hypochondriac shit and drama attension, I’ll just deal with it! Yeah right lol! Too difficult but I managed anyway. I just kept reminding myself that the family isn’t all bad, they just do and say a lot of things. I’m glad to be home writing this blog, I’m chilled out and relaxed now. While I’m lying here, I’m going to see if there’s a better update for WordPress. If there is, I’ll be posting this blog there. At least I can copy and paste notes into the app rather than relying on using it. I’ve got the app downloading into the iPad as I write just now. In a minute I’ll check it and when it’s ready to open I’ll sign into it and will try copying this entry into the app! I find that Safari works way too slow with my blog site and sometimes freezes. It’s bloody bullshit. I’ve got the app working so now I’m gonna try and post this. Wish me luck!

June 8, 2015

I’m using Safari to write this blog. Hopefully this works out! I can write in the Notes app, but with the advent of Braille screen input on Apple devices, I figure that using Safari to write would be easy enough. That way I can just publish this entry straight away! Last night’s blog post was a success, so hopefully I’ll post another blog without too many problems. Safari isn’t being a bitch to me at the moment so I guess it’s time to really get rolling! Today was pretty dull. Besides doing a few audio recordings for Audioboom, I didn’t really do much besides sit around. So I don’t have a great deal to discuss here. I’ve been coughing with a vengeance today, but I’ll be sorting this out tomorrow I think… I don’t want any trouble from coughing way too much an leaving it go for too long. And that stupid dog, holy moly it has been sooooooo annoying!!!!!!! I don’t know how people can honestly allow their dog to bark incessantly even while they’re at home! I sent an email to my real estate agent so I should get a reply from her tomorrow. I’ll update everyone on what happens, I really need to get a good sleep tonight! I’ll be relaxing with a Youtube video as soon as I’ve done this blog, and I’ll be crashing out as well. Movies and documentaries have that effect on me lol! Anyway I’ll post this entry and I’ll be bringing my iPad with me when I go out tomorrow, so I’llwrite while I’m on the bus! I’d use my phone, but my iPad is a lot easier for me to type on, and I can write for ages and ages. See you all tomorrow!

Finally getting back on track with blogging again!

June 7, 2015

I’m using my iPad to write this blog. I find it way easier to type on this device rather than the phone. It’ll be a lot easier for me to edit this post too because I won’t make so many spelling mistakes or typos. I don’t regret going to Vision Australia the other day! I found the training workshop to be very helpful. As a result, I’ll be bringing the laptop in on Tuesday to learn how to use iTunes properly. It is really shitting me right off!!! I tried a few times to retrieve files from iTunes so I could read them on the PC, but I had no luck with it. I have to be honest and say that using a Braille Note will make file conversion a lot easier, all I have to do is put a flash drive into the BN and simply send whatever info I want to that, then put the drive into the laptop and there you have it! So even if I do learn how to successfully convert files through iTunes, I’d still like to get the BN. So yeah, training workshops are worthwhile. I went in expecting to know everything only to come away knowing almost everything but discovered that I needed further training. So I’m happy that I went. The other thing I did was turn my talking barcode scanner on and connect it to my home network. Currently it’s plugged into a wall socket while the database updates itself. I found out from what somebody told me, that the software build is up-to-date even though it still says to press Enter to download an update. I did find out that the database has a new update, so I downloaded it. Let’s hope it works with my Wi-fi network! My mobile hotspot wasn’t strong enough to support downloading stuff onto the device so it kept timing out and stuff like that. The scanner hasn’t timed out so far so touch wood this new update installs properly! I hate how the current software update has a glitch in it where the speech cuts out suddenly and then you have to muck around to get it working normal again……… But what the hell can I do other than that? Anyway the update is still installing so we’ll see how it goes.

I’m really glad I can type in Braille on here! I can type a million times faster now. I guess I type a bit slower than on a computer, but I don’t think it’s that much slower to be honest. I’ve already typed way heaps and I’ve got it so I hear every character I type in, so I know if I’ve made a mistake straight away. And I’m not typing at a snail’s pace with just one finger! So I guess making a blog entry in a note and pasting it in to Safari when I go to the WordPress site isn’t so bad. I’m glad I’ve made life that little bit easier by getting a home network, I don’t have to worry about using all my data anymore, I can make blogs whenever I like now. I can’t believe it! When I first got an iPhone, Braille screen input didn’t even exist. It wasn’t even a consideration although a lot of us in the VI community were thinking how easy it’d be if we could write in Braille somehow, at least we could use wireless keyboards. I bought a wireless keyboard, and now that these new-fangled writing features are available, I haven’t needed to use it! And here I am lying in bed with my iPad on my lap writing a bloody blog!!!!!!!!😄 This is so seriously fucking awesome!!!!!!! So at least I have no excuse not to write entries very often anymore. This is fucking crazy, I don’t even know where to start from here because I have so many thoughts on my mind that i need to jot down now that I can actually write fluently now! Seriously man!!!!!!! Ok……. Ok let’s start with my health. It’s fine at the moment. My right eye is still perfect, not regretting the surgery at all. The rest of my physical health is good, a skin check two weeks ago revealed healthy skin for the most part, although I needed to scrub up a lot more in the shower than I’d been doing. So I’ve started using body washes instead of soap bars, and believe me I feel a hundred percent! I’m gonna get rid of the bars of soap now, I’ll have a lot more room in my bathroom vanity! I’m still keeping my other female problems under control with Panamax and anything containing Ibuprofin in the safe strongest doses. A few days of painkiller useage won’t harm me anyway, I eat and drink all the time and when I’m not having issues, I almost never take pain pills. So I’m still fine. I’m coughing way heaps of late, but I had a cold almost three weeks ago, and believe me it takes weeks for my dry cough to go away! I needed cough lollies on and off for almost five months last year, so hopefully I won’t repeat the same process this year. Speaking of repeating the process, there’s a stinkin’ mongrel dog upstairs which is extremely neglected the poor mutt!!!!!!! Anyway the friggen thing hasn’t stopped its incessant fucking barking all day! The dickhead who brought it here needs a bullet through the eyeballs, that mob in one of the units upstairs is soooooooooo bloody inconsiderate! It’s so upsetting that killing nuisance animals is outlawed, I couldnt give a stupid flying fuck what sort of dog it is or who owns it. Control the bastard or get rid of it.

Besides that life is all good. I learnt how to get around the city fairly quickly and me and Troy only needed two hours to get acquainted with the travel route to Vision Australia, so I’m going out tomorrow. I’ll be going to the food court in the arcade for a while! Then back home whenever I like knowing I won’t need a taxi! It’ll be sooooooooooo good to save money for other things now and only catch taxis when I really need to! So much for everyone telling me I’ll have it hard where I’m living now. Yeah right! Now that I can catch the buses, I can pretty much go anywhere now, and if I wanna go back home, a trip into the city for a coffee before catching the next bus home will do the trick for me. Unless I stop breathing, I have no worries at the moment. That stupid flaming dog upstairs is a worry, but luckily Troy isn’t bothered by it. So he’s all good. He’s honestly doing much better since I bought him a new bed almost six weeks ago. No playing up when I leave him home very very occasionally, no wondering around the house of a night etc. He’s a lot more perfect here than he was last year I can assure you! No more complaining to the vet, no more complaints to anyone else, and no frustration being vented on here. Right! Now that I know I can edit my blog entries on this iPad and write properly, I’m going to copy and paste this into my blog site and hope it uploads all right. Will definitely write more in the morning!

Testing this site with my new laptop

June 1, 2015

I’m stuffing around with my new laptop to see how I go with my site. I have to sy, NVDA had coped with WordPress a lot better! I bought a Linnobo laptop a few weeks ago, but only because JB-HiFi didn’t have the Del computer that I wanted. Oh well, next time I’ll get a better laptop than this one. The one I’ve got works better than the Acer, but it’s also shit in other ways too. I’m using my Microsoft keyboard to write the blog because I’ve failed with using the laptop keyboard three times because I kept knocking the mouse pad. Also, I lost what I was typing a few times by buggerising around with the key commands and all that. I think I’m on track now. Oh, the other thing I really hate about the laptop keyboard is that the Home/End and Pageup/Pagedown keys don’t work properly. They’re mouse simulato keys, and I fucking hate that so much! At least all the keys on the external keyboard work properly. I think I’ll just keep using this keyboard from now on, until I find a way to fix the stupid laptop keyboard.

I haven’t written in such a long time that I don’t even know where to start! Ok……… So I moved into my new place in December and have thrived ever since. I’m so gald I moved, I’ve been doing so well here. In the meantime I went to Brisbane and did a refresher course for a week. I didn’t want to go, but when I was in Brisbane I didn’t want to leave, and when I packed up at the end of the week to go home, I couldn’t wait to bloody get back home! There’s a camp that may or may not be happening in November, I kinda want to go and I kinda don’t. I feel that I’ll be learning what I already know, I don’t think I need more independent living skills because I already live on my own. I also think I know how to live safey, but I don’t accept or appreciate people being over-protective of me either. If I wanted to be protected, I would have asked for security of some sort. But I know how to look after my own life, I don’t need anyone else stepping in with their unwanted two bob. I’m actually not interested in hearing anyone else’s opinions about safe mobility travel, all I want to know is how to get from point A to point B, I’m not interested in all the other bullshit. Plus I won’t get any social benefit anyway, I’ just be going there solely for my own satisfaction really. Which means I’d only be going for the fun of it without actually learning anything. I’m not a child anymore, I’ll live how I like and so long as I’m not harming anyone, I won’t tak advice or change my lifestyle unless the advice is really important. Teaching me how to be a safely independent adult isn’t wanted advice, I’m almost thirty years old now and have learnt all I need to know. Mobility training is good enouh, I won’t learn any othr mobility skills where independence is concerned. Travel training is all I want to know about.

Other tan the trip to Brisbane, I haven’t done a whole lot with my life. I could be fucked if I wanna deal with wankers who don’t wat to employ blind people, so I’m not even trying to fin a job. I’m just living off government payments and shovelling food down my face whenever I can afford to buy it. I guess there’s one thing about going to Brisbane, I don’t have to feed myself! Meals are dolled out to us. Now I love that! And I did learn a few little things which I couldn’t work out, one being picking up all the dog crap without leaving any behind, and putting the dog under a chair so my life is now a hundred times easier!!!!! And I use the cane as an extended hand when I’m holding Troy’s harness so as far as I’m concerned, sighted guide isn’t necessary except in some situations where time is short or the crowds are so bad that me and Troy have a hard time keeping up with my friends. I didn’t learn mobility skills only to never use them at home. If this is how things are going to turn out, I will never go to another travel/mobility camp again. I don’t believe in doing a training course and then never applying those sills. I think that’s another reason I don’t do many training courses they’re a waste of time for me. I either take something out of these training camps or I don’t go at all. I’m not about to waste money on air fare tickets if all I’m doing is going to these mobility courses purely for a holiday. Apart from my fussiness about how I treat training camps, going to Brisbane once in a while is fine with me so long as I take travel tablets to stop my head and stomach from spinning and getting soooooooooooo painful todeal with. My motto for air travel is if traveling isn’t necessary for my survival, then I’m entitled to refuse to get on a plane. If I wanted to enjoy getting sick, I’d have Maunchousm Syndrome. And that’s something I don’t want in my life. If I wanted to get sick for attention, then I’d be doing everything I cdould to harm myself. This isn’t my lifestyle, s I either take medicine to help me travel on planes better or I don’t get on one. My life isn’t about getting out of my comfort zone or making everyone else happy so long as I can be happy to be miserable. Good luck to people who live like that, I don’t live like that. Maybe this is also why I’m getting nowhere in my life! but I’m happy with who I am so I’m not about to cange that unless my life literally depended on it.

I’m going to a workshop at Vision Australia on Wednesday. I can’t wait to blog about it! I also use Audioboom so I’ll be yapin awa on there as well. But I haven’t gotten over my writing phase, I don’t think that’ll ever happen. I like my bog too much!!!!! I was just prevented from writing in it because my phone was being a bitch! That’s fine, what I’ll do is try using my iPad to write blogs using Braille screen input and if that works, I may simply bring my iPad with me on Wednesday. The thing is, the iPad is basically glass so if it falls, it’s totally wrecked. And it’s a thin piece of equipment so it can fall from my lap so easily. But if I get a Braille Note, I can simply save my blog to a USB stick, plus the device is thicker yet a bit more compact, so I’ll be able to carry it around a lot easier. I won’t waste battery power on the phone either, and I won’t risk stuffing up the iPad if it slips out of my hands when I’m out and about. Anyway I’ll see what happens on Wednesday. Now that I’ve got my blog site sorted, I really want to keep writing in it. Ok, I have to finish writing fr now, it’s getting late and I have to feed the d and take him outside and all that. I also need to check my mailbox to see if Troy’s new tic and flea medication is here. It’s apparently better than the spot-on stuff! I’ll put the new medication aside till I use the last spot-on vial in a couple of weeks, then two weeks after that Troy will switch to his new medicine which is a chew tablet, and it only needs to be given once a month! I hope it works for him. He’s going onta new a worming medicine next year too, those heartworm injections are far to expensive! Anyway I’ll write more later.

Blogging using Notepad

April 13, 2015

I think I’ll write while I have the time. I spent forever trying to find a good notes app, and now that I found the right one, I figure I’d make use of it. Hang on… I want to test Braille input. Using the Braille mode isn’t working. Nor is text prediction. It has no idea what words I’m trying to type, so it’s a bloody waste of time using it. I’m gonna check something on YouTube. I’ll be right back!

I’ve worked out how to use Braille screen input. I can write fairly fast now. It’s a bit fiddly but much better than using the print keyboard.

I’m back with this blog again. I’m still getting used to Braille screen input but at least I can write more fluently now. I haven’t done much this weekend besides get over a tummy ailment which very rarely affects me. Too many bugs doing the rounds I think. Nothing an anti-nausea tab couldn’t take care of. Next time I take them will be when I get on the plane, and after that I may as well throw the rest of them away. I ain’t gonna need them for a very long time! I’m back to normal now so not to worry. The person who was on holidays is now back in her place next to me. She got back three days ago. As much as the other bloke was Nice and helpful, God he could be frigging annoying! He’s gone now, and now the original occupant is back all should be well again. No burglar would wanna come around now, her brood are lovely but they seem the type you wouldn’t want to mess with. That’s good for me, I happen to want to be friendly to them so to me they’re excellent neighbours! Apparently the family staying with this lady will be leaving in a few weeks. So basically she had her holiday and now some of her family are holidaying with her. What a life to have! But that would be better than doing nothing and getting nowhere.

I was going to go out today, but seeing how I have to go to the vet tomorrow and I’ll need a taxi home anyway, I’d rather stay home today and go out in the morning and just get a cab from the shops later. It just means spending less money on taxis. I’m hoping to go to Brisbane next week so I need all the money I can get.. Besides that I’m doing fine. I’m drinking a cuppa as I write. I’ve got my air-conditioner set just right so all is good with me. Life is peaceful so I don’t have any complaints. This braille keyboard is a bit fiddly but I can write better so It’s not too bad. I’ve been able to write a good entry in not too long a time frame, so i’m glad about that. On that note I’ll post this blog now and write again soon.

Wow, finally im in my blog site! And braille screen input doesn’t even work in it. How stupid is that! Oh well… Im using the qwerty screen for now. I got a phone call from my O and M instructor saying im definitely going to Brisbane next week! They’re covering the plane fare this time only because i didn’t have enough time to put money aside. I stressed the importance of me needing more time for all these things that i need money for, and the implications that personal care measures would have on my health long term. At least I wouldn’t need to medicate myself heavily all the time so I’ll let my travel arrangements go for now. If anything changes I’m getting my doctor to intervene because my well-being is number one on my list. I don’t accept the status quo, I need to be relatively comfortable at all times whenever possible. I won’t do anything to my expense for absolutely anyone. Let’s just hope I don’t stay drowsy for too long after I get off the plane or there’s no way in the world I’ll be doing anything on Monday. Maybe a cuppa will be in order, a cuppa always helps me! Can I be totally honest and say that if it weren’t for Troy I’d never travel anywhere except by train or car! No person or dog can give me enough consolation on the plane, I get so sick I have no option except to take pills. Oh well, I guess it can’t be any different from taking most medicines on rare occasions every twelve months or less. If this plane trip works out and I realise that I’m coping well, I’ll want excuses to prepare for travelling all the time lol! I’m just freaking out because I don’t know how I’ll go this time. I don’t know how sleepy I’ll be and for how long. The other night I needed to sleep through a really bad tummy ache which almost made me spew but I took something for that, according to the guidelines given for most of these non-prescription things. But the only other time I need nausea stuff is for plane travel, so when I’m done with this trip, I’m chucking the nausea medicine in the bin. I don’t vomit every day much less need that shit each month when Panadol and nurofen works just fine for that issue. So unless I catch a vomiting bug or get on a plane, I don’t need nausea tablets in the cupboard. I’m back in Notepad because Notes and Safari are playing up on me. So after all this time and stuffing around I can post my blog. I’ll be putting my phone on flight mode when I’m seated in the plane so if I’m not passed out I’ll write in here. Fancy an Apple app not working as well as a different app! Oh well I’ve sorted it out. Let’s see how this goes.

Happy Easter

April 5, 2015

I’m waiting for my phone to recharge. So I thought I’d use the laptop to write a good entry to save time having to stuff around with Safari. It’s good I can write blogs on the phone still though! WordPress is shit, I’ll only use Safari or the laptop from now on. I hate using google Chrome because it doesn’t let me write in edit fields properly, and voice-over keeps repeating what I write all the time. So Safari works best with my blog site and I’m extremely happy about this because I thought my blogging from phone days were doomed. But luckily it’s working out all right so I’m not too worried now. I can create links so even better. I’ll be writing blogs from my phone while I’m in Brisbane. If I could get Microsoft Word on the phone I’d be able to spell-check my posts and quickly do what I have to do, but since I can’t do that I guess I’ll have to work around it somehow.

I’m having a good day! Easter is just another day to me. Troy is doing fine as well. I have absolutely no complaints about his health ever since we moved. I’m never leaving this place for any reason. I’m happy to be in my new place, every day is a new day and my home never gets boring or old. I love to get away from home just to have a good time, but every time I come back here I feel like I’ve come back to a cosy place. It’s not as though I’d leave and not want to come back again. As much as I won’t wanna leave Brisbane when I go there, I’ll want my lovely place again so when I get back on the plane to go home I’ll be soooooooo glad to get back to familiar surroundings. The only reason I’m going to the guide dogs centre is to do this refresher course and get out of there. I don’t want to socialise or anything. I just want to have a fun time re-training me and Troy, revising what I already know and getting anything out of it that I can benefit from. But I’m not planning on chitchatting all day etc. I just want to go to the centre, do what I have to do, and go back home. Meeting new people is wonderful, but since I’m almost thirty years old now, I’ll do things only on my own terms. I’ll meet people whenever I’m ready to meet them, I won’t put myself out of my comfort zone for anyone. Life is all about me and what I want to do now. I do care about other people. But I’m not here to live up to anybody’s expectations or do things on other people’s terms. If I’m not comfortable or if I’m not ready, no amount of cajoling will change my thinking. Making me leave my comfort zone is a sure way of pushing me away from wanting to be happy and wanting to have a good time. Just let me decide when I will do anything and I’ll be fine to smile and have as much fun as anyone else. I don’t learn when I’m pressured or stressed, I don’t benefit from anything that is forced upon me. I need to feel positive and motivated otherwise it’s a waste of time trying to teach me anything. All right, I need to post this blog before my laptop dies on me. My computer isn’t plugged in so the battery won’t last long. I’ll do another blog soon.

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